


Beyond the Sea (Maybe Someday)

by jimkirkk



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alcoholism, M/M, Mentions of Sexual Assault, Mentions of alcohol, Physical Abuse, Sexual Assault, Thirteenth Year AU, domestic abuse, mermaid au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-28
Updated: 2014-07-23
Packaged: 2018-01-17 06:26:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 41
Words: 84,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1377244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jimkirkk/pseuds/jimkirkk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim Kirk was born a mermaid. Well, half-mermaid. Merman, actually. It was the way of things that he would live on land. Until he turned thirteen, he would live upon the land, only to return to the sea after the pre-determined thirteen years had passed. Somewhere beyond the sea, he'd be, waiting out the days until he'd return.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Land, Ahoy (Prologue)

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo, if you're actually reading this, wow, this is my first-ish long fic, so bear with me. The ratings will go up after the first few chapters. There will be triggering content, which are in the tags. I'll put more thorough warnings at the beginnings of those chapters. Now, if you haven't seen the movie which this is loosely based off of, I suggest you watch it. I changed the plot a fair amount. Anyway, thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy it!

The sea was blue. There were fish in the sea. Those were facts. Oh, and apparently there were also mermaids. George was having a hard time wrapping his head around that one.  


“Uh… Hi?”  
“Hyehrede.”  
“Do you understand me?” He asked. He thought the word she had spoken sounded like Greek, but he wasn’t sure. If it had been, she had said hello. If not, he had no clue what she meant. She watched his mouth as it moved, listened as he spoke. She had heard it before. She didn’t know what it was called, but she could speak it.  
“Yes.”  
“So you speak English?”  
“English?”  
“The language I’m speaking.”  
“I know. I just didn’t know what it was called.”  
“Oh. So, mermaids exist?”  
“Yes. The correct general term is merfolk.”  
“Okay. So Merfolk exist. I’m guessing they don’t all speak English.”  
“You’d be right.” She had a slight accent, the kind of soft barely-there lilt in her voice.  
“This is… cool.”  
“I’m glad you think so. What’s your name?”  
“George. George Kirk.”  
“Winona.”  
“Nice to meet you, Winona.”  
“You too.”  
“Why did you show yourself to me? Aren’t you supposed to keep it a secret?”  
“Because I wanted to. And yes, it is supposed to be kept a secret. So, you willing to help me?”  
“What do you need help with?”  
“I need legs.”  
“Uh, you have a tail.”  
“I know that. There’s an enchantment you can speak that will give me legs. But, I’ll need clothes, too.”  
“You can borrow some of mine, if you want.”  
“That’s great! Got anything to write with?”  


That’s how it started. They met on a pier in San Francisco in 2003, while George was on leave. They got to know each other, and each other’s cultures. Each other’s languages. By the time four more years had passed, George was in love.  


Winona was shiny golden hair and warm brown eyes. She had a smile that rivaled the sun and an intellect that outmatched his. She was kind, beautiful, at times, raunchy, and the one and only love of George Kirk’s life. She was a mermaid. At first, he had thought that would be some kind of barrier he’d have to find a way around, but it wasn’t. It was something that brought them closer, the thing that started their relationship. And he would love everything about her until the day he died.  


Winona was in love with a human. She was head over heels, totally, completely, utterly in love with George Kirk. Bright blue eyes and dirty blond hair speckled her dreams and wrote themselves into her mind. He had accepted her, and helped her, and now he loved her. He wasn’t the first, but he was the best. He was intelligent, funny, good with strategy, and had the most amazing smile.  
  
They got married in 2010. It was a big reception, even if it was missing one of their families. The best man was a man named Christopher Pike. He had a lot of funny stories to tell about George.  


Fast forward three years and she and George had their first child, a son. George Samuel Kirk. Sam.  
  
He was all Winona. Golden hair and brown eyes paired with bright smiles and giggles. Winona had returned to the sea once a year, every year, since they had met. She had done the same for the pregnancy. George had been deployed somewhere in the Indian Ocean at the time.  
  
Ten months later, Sam was out on land. He had had to spend one month in the water as his gills faded and his tail grew into legs.  
George had Phil watch Sam while he and Winona were deployed. Phil was happy about it. He had always wanted children.  


Another four years, and everything wasn’t so perfect. A merfolk colony off the coast of Asia had been having problems with a faction of their people. They were Romulans, a species of merfolk with a somewhat militaristic society.  


Nero was the leader of the deviant faction. He and his band of followers had gone out to form their own colony, with their own views in place. The Romulans employed the Vulcans to destroy the growing colony. Nero and his followers had been whisked away in the storm, everyone had thought them dead.  


Then, on March 22, 2017, Winona was heavily pregnant, and George was out at sea. Winona was in San Francisco, while George was somewhere off the coast of Asia.  


Nero and his followers resurfaced with a storm that destroyed half the east coast of Japan. George had sailed his boat into the heart of the storm after evacuating everyone. The other ship was the enemy, and he would destroy them before they caused any more damage. He would sacrifice himself to save the others, even if it meant never seeing his second son. The needs of the many outweighed the needs of the few or the one, and that was how it would always be.  


George died saving them. On March 22, 2017, the day James Tiberius Kirk was born, George Kirk had died.


	2. Land, Ahoy (Again)

Merfolk were a tricky bunch, in terms of evolution and development. Even they didn’t exactly know how they had evolved. They did know how they developed; when a mermaid or merman was first born, they could not speak, and could not see. They could hear, and they used that as their guide. Most merfolk used a combination of echolocation and language to communicate with each other, some exclusively used one or the other. Half-merfolk were even trickier.  


For instance, if a mermaid and a human male had a child together, the child would develop just as fast, and be able to speak within the first month. However, no one was exactly sure as to what happened after the first month. Aside from Winona Kirk, that was.  
Winona Kirk had now had two half-human children with her late husband, George Kirk. The first, George Samuel Kirk, was four years older than the second, Jim, who was now nearing one month old.  


After the first month of infancy, the child’s gills would fade, and their tail would grow into legs. All their scales would fade as well, leaving them in human form. What happened after that was still a mystery. When would they change again? Would they ever change again? Those were the questions they had, the ones without answers. Eventually, they would have the answers. Eventually.  


That was what left Sam Kirk living with Christopher Pike and Philip Boyce, old family friends, in San Francisco, California. The year was 2017, the month being mid-April.  


Mid-April meant Jim would be leaving soon. He’d go live on land and be human for who knows how long. Maybe he’d be able to visit once in a while.  


Winona was giving him to Chris and Phil as well. Giving him to anyone else would be unimaginable, not to mention unreasonable. Chris and Phil were friends, they were trusted. They knew about the mermaid thing, and they had accepted it. Not everyone would be so kind.  


When Winona had met George, she had been lucky. He had accepted it right away, wanted to know everything and anything he could. Chris and Phil were the same way. Everyone she had told had accepted it wholeheartedly. With George’s father, she had not been so lucky. So she did not wish to tell anyone else, lest it get them into trouble. Get Jim into trouble.  


Jim Kirk himself was no trouble at all. At least, for the first two and a half weeks of his life he wasn’t. After that he was always swimming away from Winona, getting into trouble with other fish. He was just like George, always running, always moving.  


George had been everything to her. He had been willing to follow her anywhere. He had been willing to do anything for her. He had loved her. She would never have that again, she knew. She had been willing to follow George anywhere. One day she would follow him to wherever it was he went. For now, she would raise her children and educate them and love them. When it was time, she would follow.  
  
Speaking of raising her children, where had Jim gotten to now?  
  
Turned out he was half a mile away, doing lazy circles around a boat. Winona smiled. Jim would be loud, boisterous, fun, challenging- she could go on. She hoped Chris and Phil would be able to handle him. Of course, they’d have to, since they were getting him one way or another.  
  
So when a month had passed and Jim’s gills were almost gone, she swam him to the boat.  


“Mama, where are we going?”  
“The boat.”  
“Why?”  
“It’s time for you to leave, Jimmy. You’ll live on the land from now on.”  
“I don’t wanna leave, mama!”  
“I know, Jimmy, I know. But you have to.”  
“But they’re strange!”  
“Then you are half strange,” she said, smiling somewhat sadly, “Do not worry. I will always be here. You can visit whenever they allow.”  
“But-”  
“Jimmy, you’ll be okay. You’ll be fine. Don’t worry, it’s not so bad up there.”  
“It isn’t?”  
“No. I lived up there once. It was fun, actually.”  
“It was?”  
“It was. You’ll love it.”  
“Okay.”  


He was consoled for the meantime. But he was leaving and he wouldn’t be able to speak anymore, and it would be hell for everyone. But he had to leave to survive. And he would survive, he had to.  
  
“Goodbye, Jimmy.”  
“Bye, Mama.”  


She lifted him out of the water, and put him in a basket in the corner of the boat.


	3. Further Away From Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so pretty much the first chapters are gonna be Jim growing up. So the rating will definitely go up due to violence and such. Just be expecting possibly triggering content in the future. It's in the tags, so...

“What’s that noise?” A woman asked her husband, on board the ship.  
“What noise?”  
“It sounds like a baby crying.”  
“I don’t hear it,” he told her.  


She moved towards the noise on the other side of the boat, walking to the basket where Jim laid.  
“Frank! I was right! It’s a baby!”  


As she investigated further, she realized the baby was not only crying, but was also soaking wet. The infant, with wispy golden blond hair and bright baby blues, watched with wide eyes as she lifted him and bounced him.  


“Frank!”  
“What is it, Jenny?”  
“I told you! It was a baby.”  
“Does he got a name?”  
“Hold on, I think it’s embroidered in the blanket,” she said, lifting Jim further so she could see the pink lettering. _James Tiberius Kirk ___, it read.  
“James,” she whispered.  
“He’s soaking wet.”  
“I know.”  
“Isn’t that bad for babies?”  
“Yes. There’s a doctor on the ship, though. I’ll be right back.”  
“Okay.”  


She walked to the cabin where the Captain and the doctor were conversing in hushed tones. She knocked on the doorframe, “Excuse me?”  


“Hi! What can we do for you?”  
“Well, I found this little guy, and he’s soaking wet. I was wondering if one of you is a doctor?”  
“I am,” Phil said, immediately moving towards her and cradling Jim.  
“So you could look him over?”  
“Sure.”  
“Thank you.”  
“It’s no problem. So, his name’s Jim?”  
“I guess so.”  
“Wonder who left him here,” he said, even though he knew exactly who had left the infant on the ship.  
“I have no clue. But they must not have wanted him very much if they did.”  
 _She really wants him. She just can’t keep him ___, “I’m sure she wanted him. Maybe she just couldn’t keep him. You planning on taking him in?”  
“Yeah. I’ve always wanted a child. Not biologically, though.”  
Damn. “He’s fine. He’s just a little cold,” he told her, “Chris!”  
“Yeah, Phil?”  
“Can you bring me a towel? One of the soft ones.”  
“Yeah, be right back!”  


Chris recognized the blanket, too. He knew what it meant, and he wished Jenny weren’t so intent on keeping Jim. But how did he tell her she couldn’t keep this child? That he was meant for them instead? He couldn’t.  


“Here. Make sure he stays warm.”  
“I will, Chris.”  
“How old is he?”  
“One month.”  


He dried off the infant gently, and swaddled him again. Jenny was turned away when he whispered, “You’ll be okay with her, Jim. I’m sorry.”  
  
He handed Jim back to Jenny, who thanked him again and left.  


Jenny wasn’t worried. Not at all. So it made sense when she definitely wasn’t worrying about what Frank would say when she said they were keeping the baby. Oh, and she was so not worried about what Frank might do to her.  


“Frank.”  
“Oh good, you’re back.”  
“We’re keeping him.”  
“What?”  
“We’re keeping Jim. He has no one.”  
“Just give him to that gay couple. They’re desperate.”  
“Frank, please. Can we please keep him?”  
“I don’t want him.”  
“Please. You’ll grow to love him, I know you will. Just look at him! He’s so cute! Please, Frank!”  
“Fine. But don’t expect me to do anything for him.”  
“I’ll do all the work.”  


She wasn’t mad. Not at all. Frank was just mad because the baby wasn’t his. He had accepted Jenny for who she was, but he still wanted biological children. He just wouldn’t get them. They had Jim now, that should have been enough.  


Jim should have been enough for them to have a family. He should have been the thing that brought them closer together, not what drove them further apart.  


“He’ll need to be nursed.”  
“I’ll call Mikayla, she just had Kate.”  
“Okay.”  
She called Mikayla, who picked up on the first ring.  
“Hey? Jenny, is that you?”  
“Yeah, it’s me Mikayla.”  
“Something’s wrong. Or something happened.”  
“We have a son.”  
“What?!”  
“We found him on the boat. He was soaking wet and left in a basket.”  
“Like Moses?”  
“Something like that.”  
“Oh! Does he have a name? You should totally name him Moses.”  
“No. And his name’s Jim.”  
“Okay. So, I’m guessing you need my breasts.”  
“You’d be right.”  
“I’ll be over in 10 with everything you’ll need.”  
“Thanks!”  
“No problem. I bet Frank’s doing nothing to help.”  
“Just drinking beer.”  
“Definitely not helpful. See you in 10.”  


When Mikayla arrived she threw a hurried ‘hi Frank’ over her shoulder and ran up the stairs.  


“Oh my god that baby is gorgeous.”  
“Mikayla!”  
“Jenny! Hi! So, how old is he?”  
“Doctor said one month.”  
“Good. I’ve got a bottle ready for him.”  
“Okay. I’m gonna go see if Frank will talk to me.”  
“Sure. I’ll keep Jim company, then.”  


Jenny went downstairs and into the living room, getting more anxious with each step.  


“Frank? Can I talk to you?”  
“Sure, Jenny.”  
“Okay. I told you once before we got married that I’m asexual. Now I’m reminding you. I’m not aromantic, but I am asexual. I told you I didn’t want biological children, no matter what method we used. And now we have Jim. So I’m asking you, please do not revert back to your old habits. Jim could be good for us.”  
“Okay.”  
“That’s all I get? Frank, we need to talk. You know, have an actual conversation?”  
“I know. I just don’t care.”  
“Fine.”  


She went back upstairs, even more anxious than she had been before. Frank hadn’t been like that in long time, they hadn’t been like that in long time. Once upon a time they had been happily in love and accepting of each other, but not anymore. Not when Frank started drinking. Never when he started drinking.  


Mikayla left shortly after and Jenny was left alone with Jim. She was happy about that, but she wasn’t so happy about who else she was left alone with. Especially when she heard a beer bottle shatter against the wall as she came down the stairs.  
  
“Frank! This needs to stop before it gets bad!”  
“It won’t get bad, Jenny.”  
“You just almost hit me with a beer bottle. It’s bad.”  
“I’ll stop.”  
“You better.”  


Needless to say, he didn’t hold true to his word. How could he? He was angry. He was furious at Jenny because she wouldn’t have biological children, he was mad because he wasn’t getting what he wanted, and he was mad because she had kept Jim. So he drank. He made the feelings more intense and he got worse, he got violent. He didn’t really seem to care. He just drank and threw things at the wall.  


Jenny was always scared about Frank hitting her. Or raping her. She knew he could do both. She was scared and anxious and she was mad at herself for marrying a drunk but she loved him. She did. And she’d stay until it wasn’t safe. Hopefully it wouldn’t get to that point soon.


	4. Unfulfilled Wishes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so there's mentions of alcohol and domestic abuse in this one. It's not too bad, just a slap and some beer, whiskey too. There's mentions of the bruises the character sustains. I think that's it. Mentions of blood, too.

“Frank, can you please put that down, we have a baby in the house that you might need to take care of at some point,” she said, pleading, even though she was aware that it was pointless. She was in the middle of folding the laundry when Frank had gotten up to get yet another beer.  


“Shut up, Jenny.”  
“Frank, you know I hate it when you drink.”  
“That’s why I’m doing it,” he told her, matter-of-factly.  
“Frank, if you try anything I will not hesitate to leave with Jim and never come back.”  
“You’ll just go to Mikayla’s,” he said flippantly.  
“No, I’ll go to the police. I’ll file for domestic abuse and we’ll go to court and you’ll be found guilty and then I will buy my own house and go back to school and get a well paying job thousands of miles away from here.”  
“You have a son to take care of, you can’t go back to school or get a job.”  
“I’ll hire a nanny.”  
“Just go take care of Jim,” he sneered.  
“Fine. He’s crying, anyway. He’s probably hungry.”  


She walked up the stairs and tried not to flinch when she heard the beer bottle shattering against the wall.  


“Ssh, Jimmy, your food’s almost ready. What are those clicking noises you make? I’m not sure I care, they’re adorable just the same.”  
If the next day Frank was drinking again, she tried not to notice. She cuddled and coddled Jim, got him used to the house, fed him and tended to his every need. And if the next month passed in a similar manner, well, she ignored that too.  


“Frank, I’m taking away your beer.”  
“No, Jen you can’t do that!”  
“I can. You’re out of control. You need to stop drinking.”  
“I’m fine.”  
“No. What happened to the loving husband I had a month ago? Who let me keep a baby I found in a basket on a boat? Who was okay with the fact that I wouldn’t have sex with him and didn’t drink every day?” She asked, throwing down the towel she had been folding.  
“He’s gone.”  
“I’m starting to think that maybe he was never there,” she accused.  
Frank stood up and stormed over to Jenny, “Don’t say that. I love you and you know it.”  
“No, I don’t. I did before, but I’m seriously doubting your commitment to this relationship, and to this family right now.”  
“Jenny, you’re my wife. Wouldn’t have married you if I didn’t love you.”  
“Frank, people change. It happens. You’re not in love with me. Not anymore. You’re addicted to alcohol and it’s ruining our relationship.”  
Frank slapped her across the face and yelled, “Don’t say that! Nothing’s wrong!”  
“Something is very wrong, Frank,” she said, cradling her cheek, before going upstairs.  


She decided she wouldn’t leave. Not yet, not until Jim was a little older. Then she’d hightail it out of there, making sure to get Frank persecuted first.  


“Jimmy, we’re leaving soon. Things with Frank are going sour and you need a mother. So I can’t let him do this. Can’t let him ruin you, too. It’ll be a while but we’re leaving.”  


Of course, since Jim was only two months old there was no response, but she was venting to him all the same.  


“If, if I could get him sober things might be better. But if he hits me while he’s sober then we’re leaving that night,” she put him back in the crib, “Sleep, Jimmy. I’m going to bed too.”  
\------  


Jenny had vowed to herself to get out by the end of the month. She had, but it just never seemed to happen. Jim had gotten sick and she had had to stay so that Dr. Boyce could check him over, and Frank hadn’t been sober for almost two months. She was worried about him. He had continued to hit her, and she had continued to tell him off, and she feared it was all her fault.  


“Jim’ll be fine. He’s got a bit of a fever, but he should be able to sleep it off. If he gets too hot just stand with him under the shower spray until he cools down. Though, Jenny, I have to ask. How is Frank?”  
“He’s been drinking more but he’s fine.”  
“If you ever need anything, just call.”  
“Okay. Thank you, Dr. Boyce.”  
“No problem. But if Frank hurts you, you need to leave.”  
“I will. I told him I would if he did.”  
“Okay. Goodbye, Jenny.”  
“Bye Dr. Boyce!”  


If she had said something, maybe she and Jim could be out and living somewhere safe. Maybe they could be a family. But Jim, who was only three months old, would need a stable environment. She didn’t want to take him anywhere new when he was that young. Especially if she would be homeless for a while. Jim needed a home. Really needed one. And she needed to provide it for him.  


“Fuck you, Jenny!”  
“Frank, I’ve told you, I’m asexual, we are not having sex!”  
“C’mon, I know you want it!”  
“No, Frank, I don’t. Not with anyone.”  
“Jenny, please, it’ll feel good.”  
“No, it won’t. It’ll be one sided, and you’ll just get mad.”  
“I shouldn’t havta ask for this.”  
“Yes, you should.”  


She was surprised the neighbors couldn’t hear the slap that followed her words. She was scared, terrified. But she couldn’t leave. She couldn’t, just like she couldn’t two months ago, couldn’t one month ago.  


He had his hands around her neck, and she was just hoping he’d let go. Or that he would pass out before he could do any damage.  


“You don’t deserve my love,” he told her.  
“Frank, stop this,” she managed in a raspy, breathless voice.  
“No, Jenny. We were supposed to have a family together.”  
“We have one. We still can have one.”  
“You believe that?”  
“I’m saying it aren’t I? I love you Frank, and there are ways for us to have children that don’t involve sex. I’m willing to do it,” she lied. She would never have children with Frank, would never have children with anyone, least of all Frank.  


He let go, and stepped away.  


“You better not be lying.”  
“I’m not.”  


He stumbled back downstairs, and she fled to Jim’s room.  


“Jimmy, oh, Jimmy, we have to leave. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, Jimmy,” she lamented. She didn’t want him to be traumatized by what went on in the house. She wanted him to have the family he couldn’t have with his real parents. She wanted the best, and she knew what they had wasn’t it. But how could she do something about it? Jim was so young; it wouldn’t make sense to move him that early.  
\------  


The next week, she gave Jim a bath in the bathtub instead of the sink. Things had been going well since the week before. Since she told Frank they could have a family together.  


“What are you doing? Stop moving so I can finish getting this soap off.”  


Jim kicked around some more. The bathtub was big enough for something as small as him to swim around, which is exactly what he did.  


“Are you swimming?”  


Jim inclined his head like he was nodding.  


“You are! That’s adorable! When did you learn that? Oh, it doesn’t matter. Most of the soap is off, though, so I guess I should thank you.”  


After another ten minutes, she asked, “Do you wanna get out, Jim?”  


Jim shook his head a little.  


“Ten more minutes, Jim. Then you gotta get out. I’ll let you swim every day, though. Since you seem to like it so much.”  


Jim paddled around the bathtub happily, giggling as he went. When she lifted him out and dries him off he cried.  


“It’s okay, Jim. You can go swimming again tomorrow, I promise.”  


Jim pouted.  


“You’re adorable. But you’re not a fish, so no more swimming today.”  


Jim cuddled against her, and she carried him back to his room.  


“Who knew you’d love water so much? I’m starting to wonder if I should have renamed you Adrian. From the sea, what about that?”  


She fed him and placed him back in the crib.  


“I wonder when your birthday is,” she said absentmindedly while walking down the stairs.  


“Jenny!” Frank yelled.  
“Yeah, Frank?”  
“Can you get me another beer?”  
“No, Frank. You’ve had enough for one day. Get sober for once.”  
“Jenny!”  
“I told you no, Frank. I mean it.”  
“Fine, I’ll get it myself. Maybe it’ll be whiskey this time. God knows I could use it.”  
“You’ve been sitting around all day drinking beer. Why would you need whiskey?”  
“So I can remember why I stay here.”  
“I’m not asking you to.”  
“I know. But I stay because I love you. Guess that’s reason enough.”  


She went back upstairs. She wasn’t even sure if she loved Frank anymore, with what he had been doing for the past few months. She hated it, hated that she couldn’t leave, hated that Jim was subjected to it. But she couldn’t do anything. Not until Jim was older. So she didn’t. She stayed and she waited and she took care of Jim. She stayed out of Frank’s way and did what he said so she didn’t make him mad. She refused to have sex with him, refused to have children with him. She tried to push him to get sober, but he just got angrier. It didn’t help.  


“Frank, stop this! For Jim. Please.”  
“You think Jim is gonna stop me? I don’t even want him!”  


She cursed herself, and bent to his will, not caring what he did anymore. It didn’t matter. If he wouldn’t stop, she’d just have to leave him. But she couldn’t. She had Jim to take care of, and once he was older, maybe she’d be able to get away.  
\------  


They didn’t end up leaving, at least not that month. In fact, it took until Jim had learned to talk at eight months. Sort of.  


“He’s talking already?” Dr. Boyce asks her.  
“Yeah,” she said fondly, “He started talking a month ago.”  
“Were you teaching him?”  
“A little. It was just, the clicking noises stopped and he spoke. I didn’t recognize the word.”  
“What did it sound like?”  
“Like a different language. It reminded me of Greek.”  
“Greek?”  
“Took it in high school. But now he’s speaking English. I started teaching him early, though, so I guess that accounts for the sentences. He’s reading too! I can’t believe it.”  
“Are you going to potty train him?”  
“I will. But I think he’s still too small.”  
“Well, there are products to fix that.”  
“I know. But I haven’t really had to teach him much so far. You know, when he was around three months old he was swimming. I mean, where did he even learn to do that?”  
“Most babies know how to swim. Does he like the water?”  
“He loves it. Can’t get enough of it.”  
“Good. Now, how’s Frank? Has he stopped drinking?”  
“No,” she sighed, “He’s gotten worse. I keep being afraid that he’s gonna hit me. He’s got a temper.”  
“If he ever does, then leave.”  
“Okay. If he ever does hit me, I’ll leave.”  
“Good. You can stay with Chris and I if you need to.”  
“Oh, I couldn’t do that. I think I’d just stay with my friend Mikayla. She’s been helping so much with Jim.”  
“Is he walking yet?”  
“Ooh, yes, he is. He started crawling a few weeks ago. Stood up yesterday. He’s not very steady, but he can walk if he holds onto things.”  
“He’s developing fast. And he’s only at eight months.”  
“The only thing I’m wondering is where he came from. I mean, who were his parents?”  
“Was there a last name on the blanket?”  
“Kirk. But that doesn’t help. It’s such a common last name.”  
“Let me ask Chris. He had a friend with the last name Kirk, his wife had been about to have a child when he died. If Jim is his child, then he’s got an older brother. If not, then I’ve got no clue who his parents are.”  
“Older brother?”  
“Yeah. Have you heard of George Kirk?”  
“The soldier who was Captain for 12 minutes and saved 800 lives? Pretty hard to forget.”  
“That was Chris’ friend. His wife, Winona, would’ve given birth to Jim eight months ago.”  
“Do you know when his birthday is?”  
“No. But he knows, if he’ll tell you.”  
“He does?”  
“How much is he talking?”  
“He’s quiet. But when he talks he’s loud. Jim?”  
“What, mommy?”  
“When’s your birthday?”  
“March 22nd!”  
“How do you know that?”  
“My mom told me.”  
“And you remember your mom?”  
“Yep! I don’t look like her, though.”  
“Who are your parents? Do you know?”  
“George and Winona Kirk.”  
“Looks like you were right, Dr. Boyce. God, how does he even remember that?”  
“It seems like he’s got a good memory. Nothing more than that.”  
“Oh, okay. I meant to ask you about this when he was sick, but I forgot. Do you know what those clicking noises were?”  
“No, I don’t. Hold on. Jim?”  
“Huh?”  
“Do you remember the clicking noises you made before you started talking?”  


Jim demonstrated.  


“What is that?”  
“I don’t know. Something my mom taught me.”  
“Okay. How are you dealing with the fact that you remember your mom, but don’t have her as a mom?”  


Jim tilted his head like he didn’t understand the question. “Huh?”  


“He doesn’t understand. You should keep teaching him. Most babies don’t start speaking in sentences until twelve months.”  
“I will. He loves learning new things. Oh, I have one more question.”  
“Okay.”  
“Would it be safe to take him to the beach and let him swim in the ocean?”  
“No, not yet. I’d stick with the bathtub or a kiddie pool for now.”  
“It’s just, he’s such a good swimmer. And he can hold his breath for a really long time.”  
“How long?”  
“The last time it was almost three minutes. Would it not be safe because he doesn’t understand the dangers of it? Or because he’s not strong enough?”  
“Honestly, I’d be afraid that he’d swim out far enough to get stuck in a riptide and then dive down as far as he could and not come up for an extended length of time.”  
“Why?”  
“Sam, his brother, he did that the first time we took him to the beach.”  
“How old is Sam?”  
“He’s five years old.”  
“Why couldn’t Winona keep them?”  
“There were a lot of reasons. She’s in the navy, too, so she’s not always around for the boys. Always out at sea. She didn’t think she could be a parent to either of them when she was gone for so long. So George took care of Sam. But when George died, she got a new assignment and decided that she would give them up. We got custody of Sam, and you, by chance, got Jim.”  
“Yeah. Maybe we should introduce them to each other.”  
“That’d be good. I’d say wait until Jim’s one and invite us over the first birthday party.”  
“Oh, I don’t know if we’ll still be around then. Frank was talking about moving to Iowa.”  
“If you do, I can recommend doctors.”  
“That’d be great! Thank you!”  
“No problem. If you do end up deciding on moving, give me a call and we’ll have them meet up a bit earlier.”  
“Okay, I will. Bye, Dr. Boyce.”  
“Bye, Jenny.”  


Jenny wondered how she could have gotten Jim by chance. Was he supposed to have gone to Dr. Boyce and his husband? Or was that not planned? She hoped she was wrong about it. If she had taken Jim away from his family, even if it was by accident, she’d never forgive herself. Especially since she was subjecting Jim to Frank and his neverending shitstorm.  
\-----  


“Jim! Get back here!”  
“Moooommm,” Jim whines.  
“Oh, no whining mister. You can’t run off like that. I don’t want you getting hurt.”  
“Fine. Have you and Frank decided on anything?”  
“We’re moving to Iowa. At the end of this month.”  
“But I like Dr. Boyce!”  
“I know you do, Jim. But this is what’s best for us right now. The house we’re moving to even has an indoor swimming pool.”  
“It does?”  
“Yep! You can swim as much as you want.”  
“Okay.” He opened his mouth again to say something, but closed it. When he had formulated the sentence he asked, “Mommy, why does Frank always have one of those bottles?”  
“Oh, Jim. I can’t explain it well. It helps him stay calm.”  
“He never seems calm, though. He’s always yelling.”  
“I’ll explain it to you when you’re older.”  
“Which will be when?”  
“Maybe your second birthday.”  
“So in four months?”  
“Yeah, Jim. Four months.”  
“What about Sam? Will I ever see him again?”  
“You will. We’ll take vacations here in the summer.”  
“Okay.”  
“So you okay with this?”  
“Yeah, mom.”  
“Thank you. I know this’ll be hard for you. You’ve gotten so used to this house and this place, and now you’re being uprooted and placed in a totally different place.”  
“It’s fine, mom. Can I help with anything?”  
“Wanna help me pack up the rest of the bedding?”  
“Yeah!”  


They headed inside, and Jim learned how to fold. He was too tiny to do the big sheets so he did the pillowcases. They were about as long as he was.  


“Jenny, stop making our son do the housework.”  
“Why don’t you do it for a change?” She teased.  
“Because it’s not my job.”  
“Oh, and what is? You can do anything around this house, and all you do is sit and drink.”  
“Fine. Give me some a those, I’ll help.”  
“Thank you.”  


For the first time in a long time they almost seemed like a family. It was nice, behaving calmly and happily for once. But it’d all go sour, Jenny knew that. Things always went sour with Frank around. So she told Jim to go upstairs and take a bath, get all the dirt off of himself.  
He reached the stairs when the first slap came. He didn’t understand it. Did people hit each other because they loved each other? Was it normal? He had seen it before, when Frank stormed into his room looking for Jenny. Did they have some kind of agreement that they’d hit each other? Was it for fun? From the pained sound that his mom made, he didn’t think so.  


He decided to forget about it and went upstairs. He ran the bath; when he got in he submerged himself in the water, pretending he was back in the ocean with the deep blue surrounding him once again, the current washing over him, moving him. It wasn’t the same. There was no current, it was light green, and it wasn’t salty. He missed the sea. The feel of the water surrounding him on every side, fluttering through his gills and sliding over his scales. Oh, how he longed to have his tail back. If only he wasn’t half-human.  


He scrubbed off the dirt, went to the bathroom, and put on clean clothes. When he went back downstairs, his mom had a bloody nose and split lip. Bruises were forming on her face and upper chest, and Frank was sitting in his chair, drinking.  


“Mom, are you okay?”  
“I’m fine, Jimmy.”  
“You should call Dr. Boyce.”  
“Honey, I’m fine. These’ll be gone in a few days. And I don’t need to call anyone.”  
“But what if something’s broken? Mom, you need to take care of yourself.”  
“Jimmy, I’m fine. Nothing’s broken.”  
“Okay.”  
“You need a haircut.”  
“It’s not that long!”  
“It is too. When we move, you’re getting a haircut.”  
“Okay, mom,” he said. He didn’t think it would be right to protest any more, not with what had happened. He was sure the hitting wasn’t something good. If his mom was getting hurt, he wanted her to be safe. And she wasn’t with Frank.  
“Go upstairs and pack up anything you won’t need in the next two weeks. We’re going over to Dr. Boyce’s for dinner.”  
“Is it a goodbye dinner?”  
“Yes, Jim, it is.”  
“Okay. Is Frank coming?”  
“No.”  
“Good.”  


He went to his room and packed up his books and stuffed animals. When he came down, Jenny was putting makeup on her face and chest, covering the bruises.  


“You ready to go, Jimmy?”  
“Yep!” Three minutes later, an impatient, “Can we go?”, sounded from behind her.  
“Yeah. Just let me get my purse.”  
“Okay.”  


She and Jim headed out the door, and she drove to Phil and Chris’ house.  


“Jenny! How are you?”Phil asked, embracing her.  
“I’m fine, thank you. How are you?”  
“Great! And Jim, how are you?”  
“Good.”  
“Do you wanna go play with Sam?”  
“Yeah!”  
“He’s in the backyard with Chris.”  
“Okay!”  


Jim ran as fast as his stubby legs could carry him.  


“Sam!”  
“Jim! I heard you were moving!”  
“Yeah.”  
“I got you something.”  
“You did?”  
“I’ll give it to you when we go back in. Wanna learn how to swing?”  
“Yes!”  
“You’ll have to go in the little one. You’ll fall off the others ones.”  
“Okay.”  
“Be careful, boys,” Chris told them.  
“We will be.”  


Sam lifted Jim into the baby swing, and began to push him. Jim giggled as he went up, and soon Sam was instructing him on how to move his legs to push himself.  


“It’s fun, isn’t it?”  
“Yep! I think it’s dinner time.”  
“It is. Hold on, I’ll help you out.”  
Sam lifted Jim and asked, “Want a piggy back ride?”  
“Shoulders?”  
“Sure.”  


He picked Jim up and placed him on top of his shoulders, holding his ankles. They walked into the house and Sam deposited Jim at the table.  


“Wanna give Jim the present you got him, Sam?”  
“Sure.”  


He retrieved the bundle, and handed it to Jim. It was a stuffed lion.  


“I thought you could use something for the move. Since we’ll only see each other over the summer.”  


Sam didn’t want Jim to go. Jim was his brother, his family. And family don’t abandon each other. But Jim was leaving with his family, and Sam had a separate family. They were supposed to grow up together. They were supposed to be brothers. Now they seemed more like distant friends. But he had gotten Jim a gift. If Jim had to leave, at least he’d have something that once was his brother’s. A reminder that Sam existed.  


“Thanks, Sam!”  
“You’re welcome.”  
“So, who wants dinner?” Chris asked as he walked into the kitchen, Phil following to grab the rest of the food.  
“For the boys, we’ve got chicken nuggets, for the adults, steak. There’s mashed potatoes and broccoli, too.”  


Sam made a face at the mention of broccoli, but Jim looked excited.  


“Oh, and we have seaweed and kale, too.”  


Both Sam and Jim looked excited when Chris mentioned those.  


“What is it with you two and seaweed?”  
“It’s good,” they said simultaneously  
“I’ll never understand.”  
“It is very good,” Jenny agrees.  
“Sea creatures, the lot of ya,” Phil joked.  


Dinner passed quickly, and they moved on to dessert; fruit and chocolate cake. When it was time to leave, Jim and Sam hugged, and told each other see you next summer.  


“Do we have to move?” Jim asked in the car on the way home.  
“Yes, Jim. We have to.”  
“Why does Frank hit you?”  
“I don’t know, Jim. We can have that conversation when you’re older, too.”  
“Okay.”  
“The bottles are full of a liquid called beer. It’s an alcoholic drink. Alcohol is a drug. When it reacts with the human body, it lowers inhibitions and reaction times. It makes you drunk. Frank’s been drunk since we adopted you.”  
“That’s a long time to be drunk.”  
“It is. He’s what you’d call an alcoholic. It’s someone who’s addicted to alcohol. He’s got a temper. A bad one. It gets worse when he’s drunk, and he becomes violent.”  
“Why don’t you leave then?”  
“Because I have you. You need to grow up in loving and caring home, and be happy.”  
“But Frank isn’t loving and caring.”  
“I told you when you were younger that we would leave. It hasn’t happened yet. You were always too young, we were always too low on funds. Now, we’re moving to Iowa. Frank won’t hurt you, he promised that. If he breaks that promise, then we leave.”  
“Okay.”  
“Don’t worry about me, okay? I’ll be fine.”  
“Mom, I want you to be safe.”  
“I’m as safe as I can be.”  
“Okay.”  


They arrived back at home, and Jenny told him, “Go get ready for bed. I’ll be up in a few minutes.”  


“Sure, mom.”  


He was in bed in less than five minutes, and Jenny was up in seven.  


“Sleep, Jimmy. It’s late.”  
“Is Frank asleep?”  
“Passed out. I’m about to go to bed.”  
“Okay. Night, mom.”  
“Goodnight, Jim.”  


Jenny hoped for the best. If what she got was less than that, and she knew it would be, she didn’t particularly care. She had hope, and that was that. It was the one thing Frank hoped to crush out of her.


	5. In a Predicament

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so there's a little abuse scene in this one, it's not described very much, i think like two sentences. there's mentions of alcohol and other drugs. also mentions of abuse. that's it! enjoy the chapter!

Frank didn’t hurt her in the rest of the time leading up to the move. It was like the eye of a hurricane, eerily calm until the other side whipped through. She hoped he wasn’t planning anything.  


Frank even got sober for the move. He had to drive the U-Haul truck, and he couldn’t do that drunk. Jenny and Jim were flying instead; they’d wait for Frank and their things when they got there.  


They moved to Riverside, Iowa. It was a little out-of-the-way town in the middle of nowhere. It was the kind of town where everyone knew everyone, and news traveled fast.  


Frank stopped the abuse, and the drinking. He got a job, too. He was out of the house most of the time.  


The first summer, Jenny and Jim flew out to San Francisco, as she had promised they would.  


“Sam!”  
“Jim!”  


Jenny left them to get caught up, and headed inside with Phil and Chris.  


“Jim, what have you been doing?”  
“Not much. I still have your lion.”  
“You like it?”  
“Yep. I named him Leo.”  
“That’s lion in latin.”  
“Yep! What have you been doing?”  
“I started first grade.”  
“Oh, cool! Is it easy?”  
“It’s really easy! When you’re in school you’ll have no trouble at all.”  
“Okay!”  
“Want to go in the pool?” Sam asked, growing excited at the thought of swimming.  
“Yes!”  


They swam until Jenny told Jim it was time to leave.  


“Can I sleep over?”  


She looked over at Phil and Chris, and they nodded yes.  


“Sure, Jim. I’ll be back tomorrow to get you.”  
“Okay.”  


Jenny gave him the overnight bag with his stuff in it, and drove away.  


“So, how’s Iowa?” Chris asks him.  
“There’s a lot of corn.”  
“And the house?”  
“It’s nice.”  
“What about Frank?”  
“He has a job! And he hasn’t been drunk since the move!”  
“That’s good. Why don’t we get you two dried off and in a delightfully air conditioned room?”  
“Sure!”  


Boyce and Pike watched Jim run on his still chubby legs and remembered what he looked like before the transformation. What Sam looked like before. They smiled fondly and gazed at the brothers, resenting the separation of the two.  


“Both of you go shower! We don’t need everything smelling like chlorine!”  
“Fine.”  


They both sulked to the showers, and when they came back out Jim was struggling with his little button down shirt.  


“Want some help, Jim?”  
“Yes.”  


Chris came over and fixed all the buttons, laughing when Jim giggled because it tickled his little tummy.  


“There. Now, wanna catch us all up on what you’ve been doing for the past five months?”  
“Sure!”  


Jim ran over to the couch and crawled up onto it, and began to weave his tale. He talked about the Iowan winters and snow and all the corn, and how Frank was sober and they were all happy. He even talked about what he had been learning.  


“You teach yourself that?”  
“Uh huh!”  
“Impressive. So, how was your birthday?”  
“Jenny forgot and I didn’t remind her.”  
“Oh. Why didn’t you remind her?”  
“My dad died the day I was born.”  
“Yeah, he did. So why aren’t you celebrating?”  
“To my mom that’s not a birthday. It’s an _imera penthous _.”__  
“Huh?”  
“Day of mourning.”  
“Oh.”  
“It doesn’t seem right to celebrate that.”  
“How many new words do you know?”  
“A lot! Jenny’s been teaching me Latin!”  
“Has she now?”  
“Yep! She was talking about something else too, I think it was called Elvish.”  
“Of course she was. Have you read The Hobbit?”  
“No, but Jenny’s been reading it to me.”  
“Can you read?”  
“Yeah! I can almost read chapter books now!”  
“Are you gonna be in school soon?”  
“Mom said two more years.”  
“Probably for the best. You’re still too tiny to be with the bigger kids.”  
“You’re a giant.”  
Chris laughed, “One day you’ll be a giant too.”  
Jim’s eyes went wide and he gasped up at Chris, “Really?”  
“Really.”  
“Can we go swimming tomorrow?”  
“Of course. Wouldn’t deny our two little sea creatures of water, now would we?”  
“Better not.”  
“We won’t. We know how much you both love the water. We have vegetable sushi if you want some.”  
“What about fish sushi?”  
“We have that too. You really like fish sushi?”  
“It’s fish. I’m not an herbivore.”  
“No, you’re not,” Pike agrees.  
“Your husband lied to my mom,” Jim says after a while.  
“What do you mean?”  
“He knows what those clicking sounds were. I mean, I lied to her too, but that’s not my point.”  
“Not everyone knows that merfolk are real, Jim. We have to keep it a secret.”  
“Will I ever be back in the ocean?”  
“I don’t know, Jim. Do you miss it?”  
“Yeah. Pools aren’t the same.”  
“How about we go to the beach tomorrow? But no funny business.” Sam gave him a look and he continued, “Sam you know what I mean.”  
“Okay.”  
“Can you still communicate with echolocation?”  
“Yep,” they said together.  
“Maybe you’ll see your mom.”  
“Not at the beach. Too many people.”  
“We’ll go out in the boat. You can dive off the edge and see if your mom comes by.”  
“You mean it?”  
“Of course, Jim.”  
“Thank you!” Jim attacked Chris’ legs, clinging to them like he was a monkey. Chris had to lug him around until dinner.  


The next day, they did end up going out in the boat. Sam and Jim jumped over the edge, and began using their echolocation to show their mom where they were. After twenty minutes, a blonde head rose out of the water and smiled at the two boys.  


“How are you two?” She said, grinning at her sons.  
“Mom!”  
“You two look so healthy!” She looked up at Chris and Phil, who smiled at her, “Thank you for bringing them.”  
“It was Jim who asked. He misses the ocean.”  
“Of course he does. He still remembers what it felt like.”  
“Swimming pools don’t feel the same.”  
“No, they don’t. You’ll get used to it, Jimmy. Maybe one day you’ll be back here.”  
“Maybe?”  
“Just wait, Jimmy. You’ll return, I’m sure of it.”  
“Okay, mama.”  
“We have a lot to catch up on, boys.” She turned to Chris and asked, “I believe you know the drill?”  
“I do. C’mon, boys,” he said, dropping a ladder down, “Help your mom aboard.”  
He said a verse under his breath, _“Once merfolk, now human, possessing tail in water, but legs on land. Forever merfolk, forever belonging to the sea.” _  
__

The boys clambered up the ladder, and Winona pulled herself up with her arms, until she was completely out of the water. Slowly, her tail faded into legs and Chris dropped down a towel.  


“Thanks.”  
“No problem, Win.”  


She finished the climb up the ladder, and Chris handed her bikini bottoms and shorts.  


“You remember where the bathroom is?”  
“Down the stairs to the right.”  
“Yep. Go on, hurry. Your boys miss you.”  
“I know.”  
When she got back, she was attacked by Jim and Sam, hanging onto her legs.  
“C’mon guys, I haven’t walked in two years! Let me get used it.”  
“Fine,” they said, separating.  
“So, how’s San Francisco? It’s been a while since I visited.”  
“It’s really hot.”  
“Yes, it is. Have either of you been anywhere besides San Francisco?”  
“We went to Iowa!”  
“Oh did you?”  
“It was winter. There was snow and it was really cold!”  
“Did you like it?”  
Jim nodded emphatically.  
“Good. Your dad was from Iowa. He took me one winter.”  
“Why can you grow legs mama?”  
“There’s a kind of spell that allows merfolk to grow legs. It’s a well kept secret. It’s mostly used by sirens to lure men and women into the sea, but I used it multiple times to see George. I even joined the navy with him.”  
“Can you use it for as long as you want?” Jim asked her.  
“Yes, and no. If you stay on land too long you can never go back to sea.”  
“How long?” Sam butted in.  
“One year. When George and I were deployed I would dive into the ocean every night and change. He would say the spell and I’d grow legs again. If you stay on land one year, but continue to change, you can stay as long as you want.”  
“But what about us? We’re only half- merfolk,” Jim asked.  
“These kinds of things have a way of working themselves out, Jimmy. You’ll both return to the sea one day. That’s all you need to know.”  
“What if we’re not near an ocean when it starts?”  
“Then you’ll have to get to one. You two are the first, for lack of a better term, half-breeds. This has not been studied in depth. We know as much as we know, and that’s it. I’m sorry, boys, but we don’t know a lot about it.”  
“That’s okay. We’ll learn.”  
“I guess you will. Are you going back to Iowa any time soon?”  
“After the summer.”  
“Fall is beautiful there. You’ll love it.”  
“Mom, what if we never return to the sea?”  
“That won’t happen, Jimmy. The merfolk blood is not dominant at birth. As you grow, it will become dominant.”  
“Okay. I miss my tail, mommy.”  
“I know you do. You’ll have it back one day, Jim. Sam, what’s been going on in school? Didn’t you start this year?”  


Sam nodded and launched into a story about the friends he had made and what he was learning. Jim sat there and played with his toes as he watched the sea. He almost resented his legs. He was merfolk, he was supposed to have a tail and gills and live in the sea. He longed to feel it once more, but the promise of one day returning was enough for now.  


Jim was jealous of Sam. Sam got to go to school and have friends and live in a house where there was never any fighting. Jim got woken up most nights by Frank screaming at Jenny for something he didn’t understand. He knew it was his fault. He had overheard Frank saying he had never wanted Jim.  


Why did he have to worry about that? Why did he have to deal with it? Why wouldn’t Jenny just leave? She had told him enough times that they would. They never did.  


Chris picked Jim up from behind and flipped him. Jim giggled and smiled at Chris.  


“Why’d you do that?”  
“You looked like you weren’t having fun.”  
“I was thinking.”  
“About what?”  
“The sea.”  
“How much do you remember? Do you remember the color of your tail?”  
“It was gold.”  
“Is that common?”  
“No. It's unheard of.”  
“What about big blue eyes?”  
“Most merfolk have green or brown eyes, sometimes red or yellow eyes. It is said that you should not trust the ones with eyes the color of the sea.”  
“What did you do for the first month? You were in the sea?”  
“Yep. Mom watched you guys. Took me with her when she would come. She wanted to make sure you’d be suitable parents for me, as well as Sam.” Jim told him.  
“She doesn’t know that we didn’t get you.”  
“Don’t tell her, please,” he pleaded with Chris.  
“I won’t. You can tell her in your own time.”  
“Okay. Chris?”  
“Yeah, Jim?”  
“Why do people drink?”  


Chris dreaded that question. He had known something was up when he saw the purplish tint under Jenny’s eye, he had just hoped it wouldn’t be that. If Jim was in danger because he had gone to the wrong family, well, Chris didn’t know what he’d do. There’d probably be nothing he _could _do. He was as helpless in this situation as Jim was.  
__

“Does Frank drink?”  
“Yep. Jenny said he started the day they brought me home. Why does he?”  
“I don’t know. Some people do it forget, others do it so they don’t have to feel what they’re feeling, and others do it for no reason at all.”  
“Jenny said that alcohol is a drug. Are there other drugs?”  


Chris didn’t want Jim worrying about something like that. He wasn’t supposed to know about drugs yet. Someone was supposed to give him that talk when he was old enough to start learning it in school. He shouldn’t have been asking when he was two. It was just wrong. Jim was _two years old _for pete’s sake. He shouldn’t have had to worry about whether or not someone was gonna hurt him.  
__

“There are.”  
“Are they dangerous?”  
“Yes.”  
“Then why do people use them?”  
“I can’t answer that, Jim. Everyone has their reasons.”  
“Are all drugs dangerous?”  
“It depends. Some are, some aren’t. Most are in large amounts.”  
“Okay.”  
“C’mon, Sam and Win are waiting for you.”  
“I want to go back,” he said distractedly, beating his fist against Chris’s shoulder.  
“Go back where?” Chris asked, fairly sure Jim wasn't talking about where his mother and brother were sitting.  
“To the sea.”  
“One day, Jim. One day.”  


Chris carried him back to his mom and brother, who were still engaged in a conversation about Sam’s school. Jim didn’t let go of Chris when he tried to put him down. He latched on with all his might.  


“Jim, I gotta put you down.”  
“Or you could not do that and just sit down.”  


Chris knew something was wrong, but he didn’t ask. He complied to Jim’s wishes and let Jim hang on his neck and climb all over him because it was what Jim needed. Chris hated to think that Frank might’ve been hitting Jim. But it was possible.  
When it was time for Winona to leave, Jim and Sam cried and asked her not to. They pleaded for her to stay with them, to raise them. They really missed her. Of course they did, she was their mother.  


“I have to. Come visit again sometime. I’ll always be here. Always.”  
“Bye, mom.”  
“Bye boys. I’ll see you soon!”  
“Okay.”  


A promise made would be a promise kept, whether it was returning to the sea, or seeing their mother again.  


Jim stayed at the hotel that night, with Jenny.  
“How was your day?”  
“It was fun! We went out on the boat!”  
“Did you? And how was that?”  
“It was really fun! We got to watch the fish!”  
“Have you had dinner yet?”  
“No.”  
“I’ll get you something to eat. Anything you want?”  
“Pasta.”  
“Okay. I’ll make some. You have your lion?”  
“Yep.”  
“Go get into pajamas, it’s late.”  
“Okay, mom!”  
\------  


For two more years, everything was okay, sort of. Frank stayed sober, he didn’t hit Jenny, and he even tried to bond with Jim. At least Jenny thought he did. Each summer Jenny and Jim go to San Francisco to visit Jim’s brother and his family. Jenny was beginning to think that maybe the move was good for all of them.  


The third year, when Jim was four, things went sour again. Frank lost the job he fought so hard to get, and he started drinking again. Jenny swore this time she’d leave. She’d hightail it back to San Francisco. She could leave Jim, if she had to, she knew it. She didn’t want to, but if something happened, she wouldn’t hesitate. Not this time.  


When Frank hit her again, she yelled at him for it. He was surprised, but he just hit her again.  


“Next time you yell like that, I’ll kill you.”  


She didn’t leave. Whether it was personal defiance or the fact that she was unprepared for a threat like that, she didn’t know.  


She put up with another two fucking years of skirting around him and wanting to yell at him before she finally cracked.  


“Dammit! You promised, Frank! You promised you wouldn’t do it again! You were sober and you were bonding with Jim and now you’re back to being a fucking asshole! Stop this! You’re out of control! Take your temper out on something else, someone else!”  


Jenny didn’t know he already had been.  


“I told you the last time that I’d kill you if you yelled at me again. I’ll follow through.”  
“I don’t care. This behavior needs to stop. You’re out of line.”  
“No, Jenny, you’re out of line. And you should be punished for it.”  


He had a belt and he was whipping her with it, landing blow after painful blow. In the end, she managed to knock him out. She would pack a bag and leave. She would hop in the car and speed away, first to the hospital, and then to San Francisco. And it was exactly what she did. She left Frank, left Jim. And she realized it was the best thing she’d ever done. She never found out that Jim saw what Frank did that day.  
\------  


When Jim got up, his mother was nowhere to be found. He got dressed, and went downstairs for breakfast. He was gonna have to make it himself, but he’d been doing that for two years. Frank was passed out on the couch, and Jim left before he woke up, taking the money on the counter with him. He walked to the grocery store, bought what they needed, and walked back. He put everything away, and went up to room to teach himself different subjects with his computer. The same thing he’d done for two years. He was at the second grade level. He was due to take entry exams for the local elementary school in a month, and he was determined to blow them out of the park. He was smart, he knew that. And he’d learn as much as he could himself before he went to school.  


Frank had begun hitting him whenever Jenny wasn’t home. He hated it, but he didn’t feel he had a reason to. Others had it worse. Others had parents who almost killed them. Others had parents who were more than alcoholics. Jim just had an abusive alcoholic asshole who wanted him dead. Nothing more than that.  


That didn’t stop Jenny’s words from coursing through his head on a loop. _“Take your temper out on something else, someone else!” _  
__

If only she had known.


	6. On My Way Home (Sort of)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so as I said in that post. Descriptions of violence, and of injuries. Mentions of alcohol and allusions to other kinds o abuse, not specifically mentioned. This is mostly a kind of angsty, emotional chapter. There's a bit of slapping and mentions of other weapons being used. If you do read it, I hope you enjoy it! I tried to make the abuse scenes as short as I could. Also, sorry if there are any tense changes or typos, i might have missed them. The abuse scene is kind of right at the beginning of the chapter.

He stayed out of Frank’s way, and stayed quiet.  


_“Like that ever helped mom,” _he thought.  
__

Still, he carried on with the routine. Until the week before he was due to take the exams.  


“Frank! I need you to get sober so you can drive me somewhere! It’s too far to walk!” He called.  
“Shut up, Jim! Or do I need to shut you up?”  
“No. But I need this. I have to take those school exams next week.”  
“Walk. I couldn’t care less.”  
“Frank, it’s five miles into town.”  
Frank got up, and walked over to Jim.  
“Do I have to shut you up?”  
Jim shrank back and said, “No, Frank.”  
“Then stay silent. You’ll walk. I’m not getting sober for something like you.”  
“Something?”  
“You’re not my kid. You know it. Hell, I never even wanted you. But your mom did, so I obliged her. Now she’s gone and I’m stuck with you.”  
“I’m not something. I’m someone.”  
“Not to me you’re not. Shut up.”  
“No. Frank, you’re my dad, you’re supposed to care about me, or at least pretend to. Why is that to much to ask?”  
“Because I wish you were dead. Now shut up.”  
“No!”  


Frank slapped him. Jim could tell that it was gonna bruise.  


“I thought I told you to shut up.”  
“Nope.”  


Frank all but punched him. He grabbed him by the wrist and half threw him to the wall by the stairs. Jim’s torso hit the railing, and he went down. Frank picked him up by the back of his shirt, and got way too close for comfort.  


“Go to your room. Unless you want to be punished more.”  
“No.”  
“You want to be punished?”  
“No.”  
“Too bad.”  


Frank threw him down again and this time it was Jim’s face that hit something. He got up and ran up the stairs, shutting his door. Frank didn’t follow him.  


He sighed and went back to studying. He’d be starting at the second grade level, probably.  
\-------  


The next week he walked the five miles into town, bruised and tired. He entered the school, and got in line with the rest of the kids waiting.  


“Name?”  
“James T. Kirk.”  
“Do you have a parent with you?”  
“No, he couldn’t make it.”  
“Okay. We’ll just have you go over there, by the door. A woman will be around to take you to the exam room.”  
“Okay.”  


He waited and finally, the woman led him to the room and handed him a pencil and the exam. It was a pretty easy test, there were some things he didn’t know, but he expected those were higher grade levels than he’d studied. The woman told him that he’d get a call within a week telling him the results and what grade he’d be placed in. He said okay and turned to leave.  


“James?”  
“Yeah?”  
“Your mom gave us all the paperwork you would need last month. Why isn’t she here?”  
“She left.”  
“Why?”  
“I don’t know,” he lied.  
“What are those bruises from?”  
“I’m clumsy.”  
“Okay. You’re free to go.”  
 _“Thank god,” _he thought.  
\------  
__

“Frank, I’m home! No thanks to you, of course,” Jim called, aware it would only make Frank angrier.  
“Go get the groceries.”  
“Sure.”  


He took the money on the counter and left. When he got back, Frank caught him sneaking food into his room and he got slapped for it. He gave the food back and headed up to his room.  


His mom once told him that if Frank ever hurt him, they’d leave. Well, seemed like she got tired of living like she was and left him. Promises made were promises kept, but not when it came to Frank and Jenny.  


His real mother once told him that she’d always be watching. She’d always be there. How could she be watching if he was halfway across the country? He couldn’t remember what it felt like to be surrounded by the ocean, and he knew the pool didn’t come close. He missed the memories, but not the ocean. Not anymore.  


He went for a swim, hoping it’d alleviate the stress and anxiety he shouldn’t have been feeling. He hated being young sometimes.  


The next week he was told he’d be in the second grade. He was right. He stopped teaching himself, for the meantime, but he’d start back up again depending on how much he was learning at school. He was already two grades ahead, so it wouldn’t be a problem, teaching himself a little more on the side.  


School started the next month. He had no friends. Everyone was too afraid to approach the bruised and battered kid who was two grades ahead. He didn’t care. He liked it better that way.  


The first month was pretty much review for him. Same with the second, and the third, and the fourth. Finally, in the fifth month, they started learning. The work was easy. He mentally thanked himself for going back to teaching himself after the first two weeks.  


Frank continued to be an abusive drunk asshole, and Jim continued to get hurt. The teachers didn’t ask. Neither did the nurse, when he had to patch Jim up once again. He had learned the first day that Jim wouldn’t talk.  


“What are those bruises from?”  
“Nothing. I’m just clumsy.”  
“Have any more that aren’t readily visible?”  
“Why do you care?”  
“Because I’m supposed to keep you kids safe at school. So do you?”  
“No.”  
“Okay.”  


Jim had lied, but he found he didn’t care very much. It wasn’t the school nurse’s job to make sure he wasn’t being abused at home. He wouldn’t know, either way. If Jim were scrawny and bruised, he passed it off as general clumsiness and the inability to not walk into things. Like he cared if anyone gave a crap. He had learned the hard way that no attention was good attention.  


The nurse spoke again, and brought him out of his mind with a slight jolt, “You can go back to class. If you have any of these in the future, or something worse, don’t be afraid to come down here.”  
“Okay.”  


If that man thought he’d ever see Jim for anything other than scraped knees and bloody noses he was wrong.  


Towards the end of the year, Jim proved himself wrong. Frank had used a belt and it hurt like a bitch.  
“For the record, I don’t like this. I don’t particularly like you, either, but I need help.”  
“Okay?”  
“Don’t ask any questions. I won’t answer them.”  
“Okay.”  


Jim tugged off his shirt and ignored the small intake of breath that followed.  


“Let me get the antiseptic.”  
The nurse cleaned the cuts, and told him to lie down.  
“Why?”  
“Because you look like you’re running on empty. Rest.”  
“I don’t need to.”  
“Yes, you do. I know you’re not stupid, so what is it? Do you care about your personal health? What even happened?”  
“Doesn’t matter. You said come if I was injured. I am, and I did what you told me to do. I said I didn’t want to talk about it and I meant it.”  
“You don’t act your age.”  
“I’m smart. You already said you knew that.”  
“I do. The faculty was warned about you. Kid genius. Going places, apparently. Hey, kid, who do you live with?”  
“Stepfather.”  
“No mother?”  
“She left.”  
“Why?”  
“That’s prying. And it’s none of your business anyway.”  
“Got any siblings?”  
“A brother.”  
“Were you adopted?”  
“Yes.”  
“Mom still alive?”  
“Yep.”  
“Know where she is?”  
“San Francisco bay area.”  
“Okay. Go back to class.”  


Jim did. He had mouthed off a little, but he thought it was needed. Anything to get that nurse off his case.  
\------  


That summer, he didn’t go to San Francisco. However, Pike did call to find out why.  


“Jim!”  
“Hi, Chris!”  
“Are you guys coming this summer?”  
“No, I’m not.”  
“Why?”  
“Uh, mom left.”  
“She did what?”  
“She left. Frank had been abusing her for years and she didn’t want to leave because I was still too young.”  
“So what happened?”  
“He tried to kill her and she packed a bag and left.”  
“Are you safe?”  
“Yeah, Frank doesn’t hurt me,” Jim lied, betrayal coiling hot in his gut. He feared it would burn him up.  
“Okay. We could fly out there and then fly you back, if you want.”  
“No, it’s fine, Chris.”  
“Not even for a week?”  
“Maybe. I’ll call you if I want to.”  
“Okay. We’d be happy to do it.”  
“I know.”  


He never called. He wished he could go, he did, but he didn’t want to have to explain the bruises or the cuts or the scars. He wanted to be left alone. It was the only way he’d ever survive.  
\-------  


Third grade seemed just as easy as second. He took the tests before everyone else, did more advanced work than everyone else. He was isolated. And he loved it. Or he would, if he could focus on his work instead of the constant throbbing in his back and the sharp hunger pains in his belly.  


“Can I go to the nurse?”  
“Why, Jim?”  
“I don’t feel good.”  
“Okay.”  


He left the room, walking briskly to the nurse’s office.  


“First time this year, isn’t it?”  
“Nice to see you again, Dr. Puri.”  
“And you, Jim. What can I do for you?”  


Jim did what he had done all those months ago, and tugged his shirt over his head  


“No questions.”  
“Sure.”  
“Last time you slept?”  
“Why do you care?”  
“Sleep deprivation at this age won’t do you any good.”  
“Sleep deprivation at any age doesn’t do anyone any good.”  
“Last time you slept?” Puri repeated.  
“Last night.”  
“Okay. Last time you ate?”  
“Yesterday,” he lied.  
“Jim.”  
“I promise.”  


He shouldn’t have lied on that one. He was so close to malnourished and the hunger pains were torture. But he had to. No one could know about the things Frank did in the relative solitude of their home. If you could call it a home.  


“Okay. What grade level work are you doing?”  
“Fourth.”  
“You’ll be in junior high, soon, then.”  
“I’m seven.”  
“Yes, you are. You’re officially a second grader.”  
“I guess.”  


He went back to class and suffered through the rest of the day. He found it almost comic, how no one could see it. Did they simply ignore the bruises? And the way his bones protruded just a little too much? He supposed they saw what they wanted to. And that was a healthy seven year old boy who didn’t have a care in the world.  


At the end of the day he headed back home to Frank and his books and computer. Like he always did. And for the next few years, it was exactly what he did. Some nights he’d get beat up by Frank, sometimes Frank tried something else. Jim got more terrified by the day. In fifth grade, he was diagnosed with PTSD, and he carried the weight with an air of shame. He felt weak, helpless. There was nothing he could do about his situation without the promise of death. Frank had drilled that lesson into him.  


He kept swimming. Joined a swim team and wore a swim shirt to cover whatever was on his back. When he didn’t have cuts, or welts, or even bruises, he didn’t wear the shirt.  


“Jim, can I talk to you?” The coach asked him after practice.  
“Sure,” he responded, stepping into the coach’s office.  
“A few of the other kids have asked me if I could ask you to wear a shirt all the time.”  
“Why?”  
“They don’t like seeing those scars. Or your ribs.”  
“I’m scrawny, that’s not my fault. And I don’t care about the scars. If I don’t want to wear the shirt, I won’t. Anyone who wants me to just because of those scars- I don’t care. They’ll just have to deal with it.”  
“Okay. I can live with that choice.”  
“Then tell them. Tell them I can’t do anything about the scars and that they shouldn’t look if they don’t like the sight of ‘em.”  
“I will.”  
“Thanks.”  
“You can go,” he said to Jim’s retreating form, “By the way, Jim,” he began, “You could be captain of this swim team easily. We all know you’re the best swimmer.”  
“Oh, thanks. But the other kids don’t really like me.”  
“No, but they respect you.”  
“I guess.”  
“The captain’s quitting next week. We’ll need a new one. Care to step up?”  
“Sure.”  
“Okay. All you’ll have to do is give occasional pep talks. Just tell them they can do it.”  
“Okay.”  
“How long you been swimming?”  
“Since I was three months old. Guess that’s why I’m so good.”  
“That’s a long time. Your parents must have wanted you to be a swimmer.”  
“Maybe. I don’t know. I never knew my dad or my mom. I’m adopted.”  
“Oh. Well, I bet your parents are proud, anyway.”  
“Something like that. Bye, Coach.”  
“Bye, Jim.”  


He headed home and stayed out of Frank’s way, as always. It didn’t stop him, though. It never did. When he was in seventh grade, the teachers began to ask more questions about the bruises. They’d send him to the nurse and to guidance and they’d never find out what they were from. He just wouldn’t tell. He’d lie and occasionally manipulate his way out of whatever situation they put him in. He’d let the nurse look him over and he’d get sent on his way. Seventh grade was somewhat awkward for him, since he was the youngest there. Everyone else was a year or two older, and he was just the scrawny bruised kid genius. It didn’t get him many friends.  


“Jim, may I speak with you?” His english teacher asked him.  
“Sure.”  
“Do you have any friends?”  
“A few.”  
“Do you trust them?”  
“Yes.”  
“Can you confide in them?”  
“They’re not exactly trustworthy, but yeah, I could.”  
“Okay. Good. And about those bruises…”  
“General clumsiness and fights with my brother.”  
“Brother?”  
“He’s in high school. He’s been teaching me to box.”  
“Oh, okay.”  


She never found out that Jim lied. No one did.  
\-------  


In eighth grade he was in the hospital for half the year. Malnutrition and severe blood loss. He didn’t like it any better than Frank’s house. It was sterile, and white, and the fluorescent lighting hurt his eyes. He came close to loathing it while he was there. Damn Frank, and damn the rest of it all. He didn’t want it, if it meant hospital stays and constant questions.  


“Jim, where’ve you been?” The coach asked him when he came back to swim team.  
“I was in San Francisco, visiting my brother.”  
“Oh. Well, good to have you back. We’ve got a meet next week. You gonna be ready?”  
“Yes.”  


They ended up winning the meet. Jim had the fastest times in all three of his categories. He wasn’t surprised.  


“Guess you were right when you said you were ready.”  
“Uh huh.”  
“Good job, Jim. Keep it up.”  
“Okay, Coach.”  
\------  


That summer, he did go to San Francisco. He was happy to finally go back, to see his brother and Pike and Boyce. To possibly see his mother. He had missed San Francisco and he wished that he had been able to go sooner.  


The whole flight he’d been fidgeting in his seat. There was glass embedded in his back and it was far from comfortable. He kept telling himself that he’d had worse, but it didn’t seem to help.  


“Jim! You’ve gotten so tall! Tell me, how has Iowa treated you? What grade are you in now?” Chris greeted him at the door.  
“Iowa’s okay. How’s Sam?”  
“Back in the sea.”  
“Really? For how long?”  
“A year now. That’s why we wanted you to come out here.”  
“Oh, I was, uh, in the hospital.”  
“For what?”  
“Severe malnutrition.”  
“Frank?”  
“Yeah.”  
“You can stay here, you know.”  
“I can’t. He threatened to come after me if I didn’t come back.”  
“You sure he would?”  
“No, but I don’t want to take the chance.”  
“Okay. Anyway, what grade are you in?”  
“I’m gonna be a freshman.”  
“Have they done an IQ test?”  
“Yeah. Sixth grade.”  
“What’d you get?”  
“154.”  
“Wow.”  
“Yep. Is Sam always in the sea?”  
“No. He’s in high school. Attends classes and stuff.”  
“Does he change whenever he gets wet?”  
“No, thankfully. Only when he’s completely submerged in water.”  
“There goes my swimming career.”  
“Saltwater, specifically.”  
“Then I don’t have to stop swimming. What age?”  
“Thirteen.”  
“So that’s what I have to look forward to.”  
“Helluva a birthday present, huh?”  
“Better than the rest of ‘em. How’s mom?”  
“Win’s good. She’s back in the navy.”  
“For how long?”  
“Two more months. She left seven months ago.”  
“Okay.”  
“How have you been?”  
“As good as I can be in that house. I’ve been able to get food on a pretty steady schedule, so I shouldn’t be going to the hospital again. At least, not soon.”  
“Can I have Phil check you over? Please?”  
“Sure. I kind of need it anyway.”  
“Jim, please, stay here. Oh at least report it.”  
“I can’t, Chris. I can’t do that.”  
“God, you remind me of your father. Always stubborn as a donkey. Doesn’t help that you look so much like him.”  
“Remember the summer when I was nine?”  
“And Winona almost attacked you?”  
“Merfolk have a hard time with ghosts.”  
“You’re telling me. It’s a good thing Sam looks like your mother.”  
“I know. It’s why I didn’t come back until now. I was too afraid of what might happen,” that was only partially a lie.  
“Well, we’ll fix your relationship with her. S’not your fault it’s like that. Any word from Jenny?”  
“None. She left and never came back. Not even a postcard.”  
“I wonder what she’s doing.”  
“She said she’d come back to San Francisco. She was probably staying with her friend Mikayla.”  
“Would you want to see her again?”  
“No. She left me with Frank. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive her for that.”  
“When did it start?”  
“I was four.”  
“Oh, Jim. You need to get out.”  
He ignored the last comment, “Does mom know?”  
“She found out about Iowa, yeah. Riverside is where your dad’s from.”  
“Yeah, we passed the Kirk farm on the way in.”  
“Does anyone live there?”  
“No. It’s on sale right now. I’ve kept it in good condition. Taught myself a few things.”  
“Of course. Winona did ask me to pass along that she was sorry for what happened, all of it, not just the attack.”  
“It’s not her fault. She had to give me away. I don’t blame her for this.”  
“Who do you blame?”  
“I don’t know. I want to blame Jenny but it doesn’t seem like the kind of thing that can be pinned on one person.”  
“Yeah. C’mon, get inside. I’ll call Phil.”  
“Thanks for this, Chris.”  
“No problem, Jim.”  


Phil was home in an hour.  


“You seem hungry,” he said, watching Jim devour the steak.  
“Haven’t eaten in a week. This is the most nutritious thing I’ve had in over a year.”  
“Frank?”  
“Who else?”  
“So, want to stop eating for a second so I can check you over?”  
“I’m almost done,” he said, finishing the last few bites of steak.  
“Okay.”  
“I don’t know the extent of the medical supplies you keep around.”  
“Enough to patch up a shark bite,” a voice replied.  
“Sam?”  
“Yep, little bro. Good to see you.”  
“You too.”  
“Go get the makeup off your face and neck.”  
“How?”  
“Kirks have certain talents, Jim. Mine is seeing through your bullshit.”  
Jim laughs and winces, “Okay.”  
“I’m sure you remember where the bathroom is.”  
“Yep.”  


Sam followed him back, and continued the conversation while Jim washed his face and neck.  


“You should stay here.”  
“Can’t.”  
“Please, Jim.”  
“It’s just till I’m thirteen, right?”  
“Jim, it might not be. You can walk out of the water anytime you like, and you’ll always be able to return. There’s no time limit for us. All you need is an ocean for one month and then you can leave it whenever you please. How do we know you’ll stay here after that month?”  
“You don’t.”  
“Exactly.”  


Jim looked up at him, makeup gone.  


“What’d Frank do to you?”  
“Beer bottle and his fists. There’s more. It’s covered by my shirt, though.”  
“Then it’s a good thing you came.”  
“I wanted to visit again.”  
“Still miss the sea?”  
“I’ve forgotten what it feels like.”  
“How long?”  
“It’s been years.”  
“C’mon, let’s get you back to Phil.”  
“Sure.”  


They walked back out, and Jim did what he did in the nurse’s office all those years ago. He shrugged his shirt off and turned around.  


“Damn. That’s impressive. How are you still standing?”  
“I don’t know.”  
“Last time you slept?”  
“Two days ago.”  
“How old are these?”  
“About a day.”  
“On a scale of one to ten how much do they hurt?”  
“About a six.”  
“Weapon used?”  
“Belt.”  
“Dear god he’s a psychopath. How the hell did he do that with a belt?”  
“He used to own a ranch. He knows how to use a whip. I’m just glad it’s not one.”  
“Me too. But this is dangerous. He’s insane.”  
“No. Just a drunk with a temper and a hatred for one Jim Kirk.”  
“Jim, please-”  
“You know I’m coming back in March. That’s not too long to wait.”  
“I guess.”  
“Brace yourself,” Boyce told him.  


He almost screamed.  


“Ow! God, what was that?”  
“Antiseptic and tweezers. There was a piece of glass.”  
“Are there any more?”  
“Two, that I can see.”  
“I got most of ‘em out before I got on the plane.”  
“I’ll need to check them over again, but for now it seems like there’s only three.”  
“Okay.”  


Once the other two were out, Phil finished cleaning them, checked them over for glass, and finding none, bandaged them.  


“Okay. Feel free to put your shirt back on.”  
“Okay.”  
“Go get some sleep. Tomorrow we can go out on the boat and fish if you want.”  
“Sure.”  


Jim headed up to the bedroom, and fell asleep fast, succumbing to his exhaustion.  


“He doesn’t have his lion,” Chris said to Phil as they checked on him.  
“I wonder if it’ll have any effect.”  


They got their answer twenty minutes later, when Jim started to kick and whimper.  


“Nightmare?”  
“Seems like it.”  
“Think it’s about Frank?”  
“It probably is.”  


Jim woke up with shaky breath and wild eyes.  


“You’re safe, Jim. You’re here with us.”  
“Frank was- and Jenny- dead…. so much blood….”  
“Ssh, Jim. You’re safe.”  


It took a bit for them to calm him down, but once they did, they gave him some space.  


“We’ll be downstairs if you need us, Jim.”  
“Okay.”  


Twenty minutes later he wandered downstairs and asked, “Where’s my lion?”  


“In your old room.”  
“Okay.”  


He sat in his old room for a while, hugging the lion to his chest, looking around.  


“You okay, little bro?” Sam asked, standing in the doorway.  
“I’m fine, Sam.”  
“Phil said you had a nightmare.”  
“Yeah.”  
“At least bring your lion home with you.”  
“I will,” he said distractedly. He was wrapped up in the memory of the nightmare. He couldn’t tell anyone the details and it sucked. He needed someone he could talk to. Being who he was, he never get that.  
“I’ve missed you, Jim. I wanted to be able to tell you when I was changing.”  
“I missed you too. Hospitals are lonely.”  
“Got any friends in Iowa?”  
“No, not really.”  
“Wait till you start high school. You’ll make some.”  
“I guess.”  
“Jim, promise me that if it gets worse you’ll leave.”  
“I can’t promise that, Sam.”  
“At least promise me you’ll try.”  
“Okay. I promise I’ll try to get out.”  
“Good. Now come downstairs, we’ve got fresh kale.”  
“Once a mermaid, always a mermaid.”  
“Till the very end.”  


They headed downstairs and after that evening, Jim considered staying. It was almost a family. They accepted him and they didn’t belittle him, they cared and didn’t hurt. He knew it wasn’t for him. He didn’t deserve happiness.  


Two months later, he was warming up to the idea of staying. That was before his mom got back.  


“Jim!”  
“Hi, mom,” he greeted her, a smile playing on his lips. It had been too long.  
“You’ve gotten so tall!”  
“Yeah, I have.”  
“Oh, Jim, I’m sorry. I found out about Jenny and Frank. But they were good to you, yes?”  
“Jenny was. Frank didn’t do much.”  
“Does he do much know?”  
“Not really, no. Just sits around.”  
“If I had never had to give you up, it never wouldn’t have happened. It was my fault wasn’t it?”  
“No, it’s wasn’t. It’s not able to be pinned on just one person. And I’m fine, mom, I promise.”  
“What’s that seeing through bullshit talent we all have? Yes, that is bullshit, I can sense it. What did he do to you?”  
“A lot. But Phil patched me up. I’m all good.”  
“That last part is still bullshit.”  
“I’m as fine as I can be.”  
“Okay. Now, let’s go swimming. In the pool. Jim might be the only one that hasn’t changed yet, but we all have legs in fresh water.”  
“I’ll set up the barbecue,” Chris said.  
“That would be great.”  
“Oh, we still have some kale if you want some. Seaweed, too.”  
“Fish?”  
“I’ll grill some.”  
“Thanks. You know us sea creatures, we love anything from home.”  
“I’m starting to think it’s just a Kirk family trait.”  
“Maybe. But George hated seaweed,” Winona remembered.  
“He did. He didn’t even try to pretend he didn’t.”  
Winona laughed and says, “No he didn’t, did he? He was always honest with me.”  
“Till the very end. Go on, go swim with the boys,” Pike told her.  


She walked back to the pool area. Jim was taking his shirt off, his back to his mom, and she saw the scars. She didn’t mention them, just finished getting her cover-up off and dove into the pool. Jim and Sam followed suit and soon enough they were racing each other up and down the pool. It was Jim who won each one. He had been training.  


“Who knew you were so fast?”  
“I don’t know. I’m the captain of the swim team.”  
“That’s great! Has anyone given you any trouble about the scars?”  
“Not for a few years. I think the last time was fifth grade.”  
“And what did you say?”  
“I told them to shut it. That they didn’t have to look at the scars if they didn’t like ‘em.”  
“Good. So tell me, what happened to Jenny?”  
“Frank tried to kill her. She left.”  
“Okay. Are you mad at her for it?”  
“No. I was, at one point, but she did what she had to for herself, and I can’t be mad at her for that.”  
“Did you see it?”  
“Yes. She never found out.”  
“If you ever need anything, I’m working an administration position in Iowa next month. Came back here to get to the ocean.”  
“Where in Iowa?”  
“Iowa City.”  
“Okay. If I need anything, I’ll call.”  
“Good. Maybe I’ll finally be able to be your mom for once.”  
“Maybe.”  
“So, high school?”  
“Uh huh.”  
“Nervous?”  
“A little. I don’t really have friends.”  
“You’ll make some. I’m sure of it.”  
“Hopefully.”  
“I’ve missed you.”  
“I’ve missed you too.”  
“You look so much like George.”  
“I know.”  
“We found a new mermaid colony.”  
“Did you?”  
“We did. They have pointy ears and slanted eyebrows. Also, their blood is green.”  
“It’s copper based? Cool. I can’t wait to meet one.”  
“You can, actually.”  
“Really?”  
“Yep. There’s a half-human one. He’s fifteen right now.”  
“Where do they live?”  
“Off the coast of Asia, but they’re visiting us right now.”  
“Can we go tomorrow?”  
“Sure, Jim.”  
“What’s their name?”  
“His name is Spock.”  
“How does their culture differ from ours?”  
“They aren’t emotive beings. Emotional, yes, but not emotive. They’re touch telepaths.”  
“I just realized that I know next to nothing about our culture.”  
“We’re emotive, mostly psi-null, and most of us talents that don’t emerge until we’re adults.”  
“Like what?”  
“Mine’s regeneration. I lose a limb, I can grow it back. Cuts heal almost instantaneously.”  
“What are others?”  
“Some of us can cause earthquakes, others can calls storms, a select few can control an element. Some are telepathic. Some don’t have talents.”  
“Will I have a talent?”  
“It’s too early to tell.”  
“Okay.”  
“Some talents run in families. The ability to cause earthquakes, that runs in families.”  
“Is siren song a talent?”  
“There’s nothing indicating it can’t be. I mean, there are actual sirens, but siren song hasn’t been a talent before.”  
“Oh.”  


Winona was about to say something when Chris yelled, “Food’s ready!”  


“Guess that’s our cue to go over there.”  
“Yep.”  


For the second time that summer they were almost a family. It just reminded Jim of what he didn’t have, what he was going back to. He knew he didn’t want to stay.  


The day he left, Sam handed him the stuffed lion and a blanket, and told him, “Keep warm, Jim.”  


“It’s summer in Iowa too, you know.”  
“I know. But still. Winter is colder there than it is here.”  
“I have blankets.”  
“Do you?”  
“Not really, no.”  
“That’s what I thought. So keep warm. Have fun in high school, little bro.”  
“You too, Sam.”  
“I will. Make some friends this year.”  
“I’ll try.”  
“Bye, Jim.”  
“Bye, Sam. See you in March.”  
“See you in March.”  
\--------

He got on the plane. 

The whole three and a half hours, he thought about what would’ve happened if he had stayed. He didn’t think he’d be happy there. He wasn’t happy where he was going back to, but he didn’t have anywhere else. Maybe once he changed he’d stay in the sea. He thought that would be nice. Merfolk were generally kind-hearted, if a bit primitive in their ways. 

To have a family would be nice, but he didn’t think he’d ever have one. Not anymore. One day, several years ago, he’d had as much of a family as he could have ever come close to. He was fated to be alone since the day he was born. The universe could not allow him to be happy. 

He knew what he was going back to. A drunk asshole who had nothing to give him except the lashes on his back and the bruises on his face. A house that got so cold in the winter that it was no different than sleeping outside, buried in the snow. 

The one place he knew he had was the Kirk farm. It was where he would go if he didn’t go to school. After a night with Frank. When he felt like he was breaking apart. It was his place. 

He departed from the plane. 

As he walked to Frank’s, he worried, and didn’t pay attention to where he was going. He knew the way by heart. 

In the last few weeks at Chris and Phil’s house, he had started losing weight. It hadn’t been a decision, it just kind of happened. He had been stressed. When he was stressed, he didn’t eat, and he had been exercising most of the time. It hadn’t been much, just five pounds, but he hadn’t had the five pounds to spare. He was lightheaded and moderately dusted in dirt by the time he made it into town. Just five more miles and he would be by the Kirk farm. Six until he’d be at his house. 

Walking was tedious when all that was around for miles and miles was corn. But he managed it. 

There was a sold sign and U-Haul truck by at the Kirk farm when he made it there. 

_“Looks like I have nowhere to go, now. Unless they aren’t using the barn. Wonder who they are.” _Jim thought.__

He had thought he would have at least one place that was his own. Guess the universe couldn’t allow him that, either.


	7. Overgrown Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, in this one there's depictions of violence, possibly triggering dialogue, allusions to other kinds of abuse besides physical. It's short and there are other mentions throughout the chapter, but the actual scene is short. Sorry for any typos or tense changes. This ends on a slightly humourous note, I guess. Blame it on the day. Oh, and he meets Leonard in this one!

He kept walking, right on past with his suitcase. He was slightly dehydrated but he only had another mile until he was home. Home of course, being about the furthest he’d ever been from something he could stand to call home. The sea was home. Frank’s house wasn’t.  


If he passed out, no one would notice, not now, not ever. If anything, he’d get run over and the driver would get out and whoop because that Kirk boy was finally dead.  


He felt like he was about to collapse. He thought he might not make it to Frank’s for a second, but he realized he didn’t care. Not making it would actually be preferable. He may have wanted to live, but he sure as hell didn’t want to live in that house.  


“Hey! You okay?” He heard from somewhere behind him.  
“I’m fine!” He yelled back. He wasn’t, but they weren’t Kirks, and they couldn’t see through his bullshit. He hoped. He kept walking. He walked the mile to his house, let himself in and let himself be attacked. It was the kind of thing he couldn’t have prevented.  


When it was over, he grabbed a water from the fridge, and drank until it was empty. Then he went upstairs and took a painful shower. Dumped antiseptic down his back and wrapped up the cuts, the bandages reddening where blood soaked through.  


He deposited his suitcase in his room, and headed back up the road to the farm. If he couldn’t have the place, he could at least help the people moving in.  
“Hey. I was wondering if you could use some help?”  
“Yeah, actually. There are some things still in the house we need help moving out of there. What’s your name?” A young man asked him; he thought it was the one from earlier.  


The person is from the South, undeniably. He thought Georgia, but he wasn’t sure. After he heard the woman shouting, he was sure.  


“Jim.”  
“Got a last name?” The stranger prodded.  
“Not one anyone wants to hear around here.”  
“You sure? We’re not from around here, so maybe you could oblige us,” the woman, he thinks the mother, asked.  
“Kirk. Jim Kirk.”  
“This your farm?”  
“It was my dad’s. Now it’s yours.”  
“Why don’t you still own it?”  
“My mom moved to San Francisco. It’s been on the market for years.”  
“Any reason it hasn’t been bought?”  
“People keep thinkin’ the Kirk family ‘ll return to it.”  
“But you don’t live in Iowa anymore.”  
“Well, yes and no. I do, at least.”  
“How old are you?”  
“Twelve.”  
“Who do you live with, then?”  
“Stepfather. We live about a mile up the road.”  
“Oh. So you’re our neighbors then. You’re welcome anytime,” she told him, walking back up the drive to finish moving boxes into the house.  
“You’re from Georgia, right?”  
“How did you know?”  
“Recognized the accent.”  
“Huh. Anyway, I’m Leonard McCoy. That was my mama, Eleanora.”  


Eleanora McCoy was by no means a small woman. She was tall and slender-framed, but bulky all the same. Not her physically, but her presence was. She had dark brunette hair, hazel eyes and full lips. And boy, wasn’t Leonard just a spitting image of her.  


“How old are you, then? Not in highschool, I’m guessing.” Jim asked, hoping to find out more about the stranger who was taking away the one and only place he had had.  
“No. Graduated two years ago.”  
“So you’re twenty?”  
“Eighteen for a few more days. I graduated early.”  
“What about college?”  
“Got early admission to Ole Miss.”  
“What’s your major?”  
“Medicine.”  
“Cool.”  
“So, you’re only twelve. Seventh grade?”  
“Ninth.”  
“Oh. So, who’s been keeping this place so neat and orderly, if you don’t own it anymore? Did the realtor hire a housekeeper?”  
“No, actually, I’ve been keeping it like this.”  
“For how long?”  
“Since I was around nine.”  
“Why?”  
“It’s the only part of my dad I have. He died before I was born.”  
“Oh. Well, I suppose we should go and help.”  
“Yeah.”  
“I saw you earlier, by the way. I’m the one who yelled.”  
“Oh,” Jim had since figured that out, but he didn’t feel like that was important information. It didn’t help that the fact that a complete stranger had yelled because he apparently cared was baffling to Jim. Any coherent thought he may have had flew right out the window.  
“Why didn’t you stop then and say you wanted to help?”  
“I was dropping off my suitcase at home.”  
“Suitcase?”  
“I got in from San Francisco this morning.”  
“Iowa City airport?”  
“Yep.”  
“Why were you walking?”  
“I walked from the airport to my house. Had no other way of getting there.”  
“That’s a pretty long way. You looked like you were about to pass out.”  
“I was a bit dehydrated,” Jim admitted, “Got some water when I got home, then came back.”  
“Okay. C’mon. We should head inside before she starts yellin’.”  
“Okay.”  


They walked into the house, and moved the furniture first. A picture fell from a high shelf as they were moving the couch that had been dangerously close to it, and Jim picked up, placing it back where it came from.  


“What’s that?” Leonard inquired, spying something that looked vaguely bandage like under Jim’s shirt.  
“What’s what?”  
“Under your shirt.”  
Jim tugged his shirt down, “Oh, uh, it’s nothing.”  
“You sure?”  
“Yes.”  
“Okay.”  


Jim skirted around Leonard for the rest of the time they were moving the furniture. They unloaded books from bookcases and packed them in boxes with other knickknacks and the like. 

Again Leonard saw a patch of white stained with a bit of red as Jim reached up to take the books down.  
“You’re hurt, aren’t you?”  
“No.”  
“Then what’s under your shirt?”  
“I told you already, it’s nothing.”  
“If it’s nothin’ then you wouldn’t mind showin’ me, now would you?”  
“I’m fine,” Jim insisted.  


They went back to moving different pieces of furniture outside. They started on the upstairs, and Jim wandered into what used to be George’s bedroom.  


Inside, he fould the medal that Winona didn’t want him buried with. The one he was awarded the day Jim was born.  


“Awarded to George Kirk, for his act of bravery on March 22, 2017,” Jim read, voice thick with some unknown emotion.  
“You okay?”  
“I’m fine. It’s just, I could’ve known him. If he had died one day later, maybe I would’ve met him.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“He died the day I was born.”  
“Oh.”  
“Sorry, it’s just, I’ve never been in this room before.”  
“It’s fine, he was your dad. You have full right to be emotional.”  


Jim took a deep breath, and placed the medal back where he found it.  


“So, what are we moving first?”  
“How about the smallest things first? You get that poster on the wall next to his bed. I’ll get the stuff on the dresser.”  
“Okay.”  


Jim reached up with both arms to take the top of the poster off the wall. His shirt rode up to his waist, and Leonard said,  
“So you are injured.”  
“No.”  
“Jim, those are bandages, and they’re stained with blood. Unless they’re fake, which I doubt they are, you’re injured. And badly, from what I can tell.”  
“Fine. I’m injured. But I’m fine. Took care of it already.”  
“When did that happen?”  
“Doesn’t matter.”  
“Yes, it does.”  
“No, it doesn’t. I’m not talking to you about this.”  
“Fine.”  


They finished moving everything, and Jim headed home. Little did he know, Leonard followed him.  


“Where’ve you been?” Frank asked.  
“Helping the people who are moving in up the street. They looked like they could use it.”  
“You have to tell me when you leave.”  
“I thought I did.”  
“No, you didn’t.”  
“Guess I forgot. Well, I’m tired. I’m going to bed.”  
“Not without dinner.”  
Jim stopped in his tracks, “I’m not hungry.”  
“You know I’m not talking about food, boy.”  
“Let me go. You had your fun earlier.”  
“Oh but you were gone for so long. Left me a bit… unsatisfied.”  
“I’m going to bed.”  
“Then I’ll join you.”  


_“Shit. Why can’t I just live with mom?” _he thought. He looked around for something he could use to at least knock Frank out, and his eyes fell upon a rolling pin.  
__

There was a knock at the door. How opportune.  


“Who’s there?”  
“Uh, your new neighbor?”  
“Damn. He followed me home, didn’t he?”  
“Hold on!”  


Frank moved towards the door, and Jim grabbed the rolling pin.  


“You came at a bad time. We were about to have dinner.”  
“Oh, sorry. It’s just, Jim forgot something when he was helping us earlier.”  
“And it couldn’t wait until tomorrow?”  
“No, my mom wanted me to bring it to him now.”  
“Well you can come and give it to him tomorrow. He’s busy right now.”  
“Okay.”  


Leonard left, not able to make up another excuse as to why he had to be there then. He walked back to the farm. Jim let out the breath he was holding, but held it again when he saw Frank’s face.  


“You’ve made me mad.”  
“I’m sorry, Frank.”  
“No, you’re not. Looks like I’ll have to use the belt again.”  


Jim’s breathing quickened, and he put the rolling pin down within reach. When Frank heard the thump, he looked over and lashed out. He hadn’t found the belt yet, so all he had was a beer bottle. Jim heard it shatter right above his head, and felt warm, sticky blood dripping down the side of his face.  


Belt forgotten, Frank charged. He punched or kicked any part of Jim he could reach, wanting to inflict as much pain as possible.  


“You’re a fuck up! A lazy, good for nothing, orphan. Always have been. You’re a mistake.”  


That was all Frank got out before he was hit with a rolling pin. Jim ran out the door, not wanting to stay in the house, but not knowing where to go. He was bloody and broken, and, not for the first time, he had nowhere to go.  
“Jim, hey!” A familiar voice called as he sped past.  


He kept running. The sun was setting now. He ram about a mile past the farm before collapsing, his legs unable to support him any further.  


Leonard caught up a little later, and stopped by Jim’s tense body. When he reached out to take Jim’s pulse, Jim flinched away, shuffling back from Leonard.  


“I’m not gonna hurt you, I promise,” he said gently.  
“Don’t touch me,” Jim spat.  
“Okay.”  
Leonard waited until Jim is calmer, and asked, “Can I touch you?”  
Jim nodded.  
“Rate the pain on a scale of one to ten.”  
“Seven.”  
“Can I take you back to the farm? My dad’s a doctor.”  
“Fine.”  


Leonard scooped him up and carried him back to the farm.  


“What did you see?” Jim asked him.  
“What do you mean?”  
“You followed me home.”  
“I wanted to give you your father’s medal.”  
“What did you see?”  
“Nothing. I left after your stepfather told me to come back tomorrow. I was only halfway back to the farm when I saw you.”  
“Okay.”  
“What happened?”  
“I fell.”  
“I don’t believe you.”  
“Down two flights of uncarpeted stairs.”  
“That’s a little more believable. But why were you running?”  
“I don’t have a good reason.”  
“Reason or excuse?”  
“Reason.”  
“Okay.”  


They reached the farm, and Leonard set Jim down.  


“Think you can stand okay?”  
“Maybe.”  
“I’ll be right back. Let me get my dad.”  
“Okay.”  


Leonard was true to his word. His dad came out, face full of concern.  


“Anything broken?”  
“I can’t tell. I think maybe a rib or two.”  
“Any other injuries?”  
“Nothing that I didn’t already take care of.”  
“Okay. Come on in. Do you have a place to stay for the night?”  
“Yes.”  


David McCoy was a nice, honest, kind-hearted man. Jim decided that after about five minutes of knowing him. He only asked about pain and injuries, not how or when or why they were there.  


“You okay getting home by yourself?”  
“Yeah, I’m fine.”  
“Okay. Feel free to come by any time.”  
“Okay.”  


He left and snuck in through his window. Hopefully he wouldn’t ever have to take Mr. McCoy up on his offer. In the morning, Frank was in his normal chair, drinking his normal beer, and Leonard came by to drop everything that was rightfully Jim’s. Which was everything that was in that house.  


“How are you?”  
“Better than I was last night when you found me.”  
“I bet. Where should all this stuff go?”  
“Unfortunately, most of it is gonna go upstairs. All the bigger furniture we can put on the lower level, but the rest of it is gonna go upstairs.”  
“Okay. So the bed frame and couches and everything are downstairs.”  
“Yep.”  
“Then we’ll move it last. Let’s get all the boxes upstairs first.”  
“Okay.”  


They made good time with it all, finishing in just under three hours.  


“So, got any food?”  
“No, I still have to do the grocery shopping. I was gone for most of the summer.”  
“Is your stepfather drunk?”  
“Not yet. Give it another hour. I can’t fathom how he got by over the summer.”  
“So your mom remarried?”  
“Oh, no. This is hard to explain. I’m kind of adopted but I was never actually put up for adoption. He’s my adoptive father but it’s easier just to call him my stepfather.”  
“Never actually put up for adoption?”  
“It’s a long story with a weird explanation.”  
“Okay. Where were you over the summer?”  
“I was in San Francisco. I was visiting my mom and brother.”  
“Oh. Why do they live out there?”  
“My brother was taken in by some family friends after my dad died. I was supposed to be taken in by them but it didn’t really happen and I got taken in by a really nice lady named Jenny and her no so nice husband Frank. When I was two we moved to Iowa. Every summer I go out there to visit.”  
“Okay. What happened to Jenny?”  
“She got tired of living here and left.”  
“There’s more to it than that, isn’t there?”  
“Yep. But I don’t trust you yet so you’re not gonna know for a while.”  


Jim wanted to trust him. And that was dangerous. He had known Leonard for about a day, and he already wanted to trust him, and he didn’t even know if he _could _yet.  
__

“I can live with that. Why are you going into ninth grade?”  
“Started school when I was six.”  
“In what grade?”  
“Second. I’ve been a grade or two ahead for a while now.”  
“So you have. Any idea of what you wanna do after high school?”  
“Move back to San Francisco. Though, my mom wanted me to move back this March.”  
“Why?”  
“That’s prying. The Kirk family has a lot of secrets. That would be one.”  
“Okay.”  
“So, you going back to school after the summer?”  
“Yeah. Though, I might stay out here. For the second year of med school we can opt to do an internship or apprenticeship and go to a local college if we want.”  
“You taking the condensed program?”  
“Yeah. Except I completed two years of college in one.”  
“Why?”  
“Don’t wanna spend all that time in school. So I worked it out with the school and they said yes. It was a helluva lot of work, but it was fun. So now I’m in my second year of med school.”  
“Got any experience dealing with patients?”  
“A bit. For one class our final taking someone’s blood and finding out their blood type from it. I did an internship at a local hospital, too.”  
“Cool. Where would you do an internship or apprenticeship here?”  
“Probably the high school. Shadowing school nurses is something some students opt to do.”  
“Oh. When would you go back, then?”  
“After March break.”  
“Second or third week?”  
“Third. For us March break is the second week.”  
“How long do you have to decide?”  
“Another week.”  
“Any preference?”  
“I want to do the internship.”  
“Cool. Maybe we’ll see more of each other.”  
“Maybe.”  
“I’m kind of hoping we don’t. Mainly because that would mean I’m either or sick or injured and I don’t want to be either.”  
“Then don’t get injured.”  
“S’not that easy. I’m really clumsy.”  
“You don’t seem like it.”  
“Well I am.”  
“What’s that room?” Leonard asked, pointing to a somewhat mysterious looking blue door.  
“It’s a pool.”  
“You have an indoor pool?”  
“Yep.”  
“Why?”  
“Because I swim.”  
“Swim team?”  
“Since fifth grade.”  
“How long you known how to swim?”  
“That depends.”  
“On what?”  
“On secrets. Since I was three months old.”  
“Long time.”  
“Yep.”  
“Mind if I come over and swim in your pool?”  
“That also depends. I don’t feel like being used for my pool.”  
“Then I’ll get to know you, too. Can’t say I’ll ever actually come over. We’ve got a lot of unpacking to do.”  
“I bet. If you need help, just ask.”  
“Sure.”  
“Just how much more do we have to move?”  
“I think just a chair or two.”  
“Okay.”  
“Why?”  
“I want to go swimming. It’s like 90 degrees out.”  
“You’re injured.”  
“Yes, and?”  
“You _want _to swim?”  
“Of course!”  
“Won’t that hurt?”  
“Who cares? The water’s the only place I feel at home,” Jim shared, aware he was toeing the line he set for how much he was going to tell Leonard.  
“Maybe you should live there then.”  
“I can’t breathe underwater.” The two words the cross his mind are _anymore _and _yet _.  
“How long can you hold your breath for?”  
“If we finish soon you’ll find out.”  
“Will I?”  
“If you want to.”  
“If you’ve been swimming since you were three months old I think I’d like to know.”  
“Then stay.”  
“Okay.”  
______

Jim stepped back and let Leonard finish putting the bed frame into place against the wall. It was only when he was done that Jim realized he had been checking out the guy’s ass.  


_Damn. Stop it, you’re twelve. He’s almost nineteen. That’s pervy. _  
__

“Let’s go get the rest of it.”  
“Sure.”  


The chairs were put into place upstairs swiftly, and Jim put on swim trunks. He unwrapped the bandages and headed down to the pool room, where Leonard was waiting.  


“No shirt?”  
“This is my own house. Not swim practice. If it were really up to me, I’d be-”  
“Don’t say naked.”  
“Wasn’t going to. But swim trunks are damn uncomfortable.”  
“Then don’t wear them. I won’t judge.”  
“Really?”  
“I think they’re uncomfortable too.”  
“I’ll be right back.”  


Jim put on a speedo and ran back.  


Leonard tried to conceal a wince as Jim turned.  


“What?”  
“Those cuts just hurt to look at.”  
“Why?”  
“I’m training to be a doctor. I don’t like seeing people hurt.”  
“Oh. Sorry, I guess.”  
“You don’t have anythin’ to apologize for.”  


Jim dove into the pool, and began to swim. He did a few laps before coming to stand in the middle.  


“You’re fast,” Leonard remarked.  
“Yeah, well.”  
“Seriously.”  
“I’m gonna sit on the bottom. This would be your time to get out your phone and time me.”  
“Okay.”  


He put his phone on the stopwatch setting and Jim began. Eight minutes later, he came back up.  


“Eight minutes?”  
“You started to look worried so I came back. My record is eleven.”  
“Really? You sure you’re not a sea creature?”  
“Pretty sure.” _I’m half of one. _  
“What’re you gonna do now?”  
“You said I was fast before but I was just warming up. Want to see how fast I actually am?”  
“Sure.”  
__

Jim all but glued his legs together and did dolphin kick down the pool and back.  


“That was unbelievable and I have proof of how long it took. You looked like a fish.”  
“It’s called dolphin kick for a reason.”  
“How fast are you using both arms and legs?”  
“Faster than that, I think.”  
“Do it.”  


He proved that he was indeed faster when using his whole body.  


“That’s amazing.”  
“I guess.”  
“Do you do that at meets?”  
“No. They’d think I was on steroids or something.”  
“Maybe.”  
“So, is medicine the only thing you major in?”  
“How’d you know I had a double major?”  
“Just seemed like the kind of person who would.”  
“Okay. Medicine and Exobiology.”  


_“He’ll be accepting of me!” _Jim thought excitedly. Exobiology was the study of the origin, evolution, distribution, and the future of the life in the universe; extraterrestrial life, and life on Earth. That meant that he would be pretty damn accepting of a merfolk.  
__

“How’s exobiology?”  


Leonard’s eyes lit up and he launched into a lecture in the different kinds of things he’d studied.  


“What about mermaids?” Jim wondered.  
“Mermaids don’t exist.”  
Jim pouted and asked, “You sure? I think they do.” _I know they do. I am one. _  
“You do?”  
“Gotta have some fantasy, now don’t you? And it’s plausible.” _More than just plausible. _  
“I agree there, it is. If we evolved from sea creatures. But there’s no proof we did.”  
“Maybe one day there will be.”  
“Maybe. And maybe one day mermaids will exist.”  
“That one might be sooner, rather than later. Who knows, maybe they already do.”  
“You think so?”  
“Yep.”  
“You’re crazy.”  
“Maybe not so much.”  
“Maybe.”  
____

Jim got out of the pool, and dried off.  


“Want me to rebandage those?”  
“Would you?” Jim asked, mildly surprised at the offer.  
“Of course.”  


When Leonard was done he headed home, and Jim did the grocery shopping. When he got home he made himself dinner, and went upstairs.  


He thought about a lot while he was alone. He thought about Leonard and the McCoys, he thought about his mother and his brother, and the colony. He thought about the impending change that would start on his birthday. He couldn’t tell if he was excited or anxious for it. He dismissed it, grabbing his lion from his pillow.  


_Leo _. How strange it had been that a Leonard had come into his life. A Leo. Jim wondered when Leonard’s birthday was. It was mid-August, and he had said a few more days. He was a Leo. His name meant lion-hearted. _Quasi Leonis, pavore _. Or _inexcussus _. How odd.  
______

He sat on his balcony, watching the stars. For once, he thought he’d miss the land. The big expanses of green and brown and the smell of grass and the wind. The bright, white stars standing out in stark contrast with the dark sky. The farm in the distance, standing warmly against a hostile background. Yes, Jim would miss it. But it was only for a month, and then he could come back.  


He knew he might not want to. He had nothing to come back to, anyway.  
\------  


Two months later, he landed himself in the nurses’ office.  
“What this time?” The nurse asked him.  
“My stomach hurts.”  
The nurse, Nurse Chapel, rolled her eyes, “On a scale of one to ten how bad is the pain?”  
“Six?”  
“Is it continuous or just random sharp pains?”  
“Random sharp pains.”  
“Last time you ate?”  
“Yesterday?”  
“Hunger pains. Go down to the cafeteria and get something to eat.”  
“Sure.”  
When he left, Leonard followed.  
“Why are you following me?”  
“When was the last time you ate?”  
“Yesterday.”  
“That doesn’t sound very convincing.”  
“Yesterday,” Jim said with a bit more conviction.  
“Jim, please. Tell me the truth.”  
“Last week,” he admitted begrudgingly.  
“What day?” Leonard asked, gripping Jim’s forearm.  
“Sunday.”  
“Dammit, Jim. You have to eat!”  
“Sorry! I didn’t mean for this to happen!” Jim told him, slipping out of his grip, only to be brought back into it.  
“Did you forget?”  
“No.”  
“Then what happened?”  
Jim shrugged out of McCoy’s grip, and turned away.  
“Nothing. I just didn’t eat.”  
“Jim, what’s going on?”  
“Nothing.”  
“Jim, please.”  
“I said it’s nothing,” he affirmed, walking away.  
“Jim!”  
Leonard chased after him.  
“Please, tell me what’s going on.”  
“No.”  
“Please,” he pleaded, “I won’t judge you for anything. Whatever it is, I’ll try my best to help.”  
“I have no money,” Jim admitted.  
“Then I’ll pay for you.”  
“You don’t need to. I can go a few more days.”  
“No, Jim. I do need to. I will pay for anything you need. It’s not a big deal.”  
“It is to me.”  
“Dammit, just let me help.”  
“No.”  
“Let me help.”  
Jim relented, “Fine.”  
“Thank you. Now let’s go to the caf. You need to eat.”  


Since Jim showed up at Leonard’s house in the middle of the night, bloody and tired, he had been helping Jim. The kid had a knack for getting himself in trouble, and Len would be damned if he didn’t at least try to help.  


And so it went on. When Jim needed money, Leonard would be there. He was just a kid dammit, he needed his basic needs taken care of. For another month, that was how it worked. Then Pike sent enough money to last a month, and Jim was set for November.  


Jim was happy about that. He didn’t want Leonard spending more money on him. He didn’t like the feeling.  
\------  


It was Thanksgiving. Leonard and his family had gone back to Georgia to celebrate with the rest of the McCoy family. Jim had nothing. He had money, but he would need it the following week. Now, he had no food. While everyone was eating huge dinners and celebrated with their family around them, Jim was getting whipped by Frank. Then, he was sitting awake with hunger pains, while he dumped antiseptic down his back.  


Contempt seeded in his heart blossomed during Thanksgiving. It had ever since Jenny had left. When he had nothing and the other kids had everything. He had lost five pounds while the rest of them would gain that much or more. Spending yet another Thanksgiving hungry was just a habit by now, but sometimes habits felt bad. With this one, it felt terrible.  


The pool room was a place he frequented on days like this. He sat on bottom for as long as he could, until he felt like his chest would burst. He looked up through the water, to the large skylight that the stars shined through.  


His eyes would go foggy and start to sting, but it wasn’t the chemicals causing it. He would cry on the bottom of the pool, where no one could see him.  


He would leave the pool, eyes bloodshot and red-rimmed, face blotchy. He would change into ratty old pajamas that were full of holes and a size too small, and he’d grab a blanket in much the same state, and he’d go out to the balcony.  


He’d gaze up at the stars, and dream. He’d fantasize about running away, about leaving and never looking back. If he were lucky, he thought he could make it to San Francisco, given enough time. If he had to, he’d do decidedly unpleasant things to get where he needed to go. He hated Iowa and Frank and the fact that he was human.  


He would look down at his feet with disdain, look at his legs, and wish they were a tail once again. March seemed too long a wait. He wished to swim through the sea and float in the saltwater and watch the stars twinkle.  


\------  


As winter neared, Jim remembered that he didn’t have anything. No jacket, no blankets, no fireplace he could use; he had nothing. And he hated it. But he wouldn’t let Len help. Not this time. He came into school on a frigid winter morning, in short sleeves and jeans. He wasn't shivering, thank god. Though that could’ve been a bad sign.  


“Jim!”  
“What, Leonard?”  
“Where’s your jacket? It’s -2º out there!”  
“I’m not cold.”  
That was true, he wasn’t. He didn’t feel it.  
“Really?”  
“Yeah. I don’t really feel the cold.”  
“How cold does it have to be for you to feel it?”  
“I don’t know. Usually around mid-winter it gets cold enough.”  
“Okay.”  


Right before Christmas, it got down to -20º, and Jim walked to school, shaking and shivering, wearing a ratty old t-shirt and jeans. He stopped shivering before he got through the door, but it was too late. Leonard had spotted him.  


“Jim!”  
“What now?”  
“Nurse’s office, now.”  
“What- why?” He asked incredulously, letting himself be dragged by a sleeve.  
“It is -20º and you are not wearing a jacket. You’re injured and didn’t come over to have my dad look at it, and you’re gonna get sick if you don’t take care of yourself. Damn, you’re probably hypothermic.”  
“I take care of myself!”  
“Then where’s your damn jacket?”  
“At home.”  
“You were shivering. You were cold. Don’t tell me you weren’t. I need to take your temperature,” he finished.  
“Okay, I was cold.”  
They entered the nurse’s office, and McCoy asked again, “Then where was your damn jacket?”  
“I don’t have one,” Jim admitted.  
“How do you not have one?”  
“Can’t afford it.”  
“And Frank won’t buy you one?”  
“No! He doesn’t care about me!”  
Len grabbed Jim’s arm, “Is that true?”  
“Why wouldn’t it be? He didn’t even want me!”  
“Is he the guy who does this to you?” Leonard asked, tugging Jim’s shirt off.  
“No.”  
“Okay. If you need to talk, just come down. Sit down, I need to make sure you’re not hypothermic.”  
“Okay.”  


Jim sat and waited till Bones was done. Thankfully, his temperature was at 94º, which was only mild hypothermia.  


“I need to get you warmed up. Chris!” he called, waiting for the nurse to get in.  
“Yeah, what?”  
“He’s mildly hypothermic. You know the drill.”  
“I’ll head to the cafeteria. You start warming him up.”  
“Booones!” Jim whined as Chris walked briskly out of the office.  
“What?”  
“I’m gonna miss roll call!”  
“Room number?”  
“227.”  
“I’ll have Chris call when she gets back. Right now, we need to get you warmed up. Don’t fall asleep.”  
‘Wasn’t planning on it.”  
Bones shrugged off his sweatshirt, and handed it to Jim, “Are your clothes damp or wet?”  
“A little. They weren’t dry when I took them out of the dryer this morning and it’s snowing out.”  
“Get them off, and put the sweatshirt on. I’ll get you some warmer clothes.”  


Jim inwardly groaned but began to strip. Leonard turned around before he got distracted by the way Jim’s ribs were so visible through the skin. He wished the kid had enough food. He didn’t know where all the food Jim bought went, but it definitely didn’t go to him.  


Leonard grabbed sweatpants and a t-shirt from his bag, and put them on the bench, before turning and grabbing blankets from one of the lower cabinets.  


“If you start shivering or shaking, that’ll be good.”  
“Okay.”  


Chris returned with hot cocoa, and looked Jim over as he finished putting on the clothes that Leonard had given him.  


“You’re injured?”  
“Yeah. It’s nothing too bad.”  
“Okay. Here’s your hot cocoa. It’s still a little too hot to drink, so be careful.”  


Jim nodded and took the cup from her. She called his room, and left to take care of other business she had to attend to.  


“I’m sorry,” Jim began.  
“For what?”  
“I keep lying to you. I know I can trust you, and I do trust you, it’s just… it’s hard. Admitting it all.”  
“I won’t force you.”  
“I know. But I need to tell someone. And you’re all I have.”  
“Okay.”  
“Frank is the one doing this. I told you he doesn’t give a shit about me. The only reason I’m not dead is because he likes to keep me around as his personal toy to play with.”  
“How long?”  
“Started when I was four.”  
“God, that’s a long time.”  
“Sorry.”  
“S’not your fault. Don’t apologize.”  
“Okay?”  
“Can you get out?”  
“Not yet.”  
“Okay.”  
“I’m leaving in three months.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Well, I guess it’s four right now. But after my thirteenth birthday I’m leaving.”  
“Why?”  
“Only for a month. Going to San Francisco.”  
“Doesn’t answer my question.”  
“Cause I can’t answer it.”  
“Why?”  
“Because it’s a secret.”  
“Okay.”  
“Sorry, Bones.”  
“For what?” _Bones? _  
“Not telling you sooner. Not letting you help. You’re just trying to help and I’ve kind of been a dick.”  
“No, don’t apologize for that. I put you in a bad position and I didn’t give you much room to budge. You didn’t want to accept my help.”  
“I don’t know what I wanted, Bones. You’ve become somewhat of a friend, if I can call you that.”  
“You can. We’re friends, Jim.”  
“I’ve never had a friend before.”  
“Really?”  
“I’ve always been kind of isolated. Kid geniuses don’t tend to mix with older kids.”  
“Well, I guess the depends on how old the older kids are, doesn’t it?”  
“Yeah.”  
“You know something?”  
“What?”  
“I’ve never been to California.”  
“Really?”  
“Yep. Georgia born and raised. This the farthest north I’ve been.”  
“You should come with me then.”  
“Can’t. I’ve got school.”  
“I know. I’m gonna be lonely out there. Seriously, my mom is in Iowa City and she can’t get off her job, my brother’s in high school and doesn’t have time to visit.”  
“Who are you staying with then?”  
“Uh….”  
“Are you staying with anyone?”  
“Umm, yes and no?”  
“Jim!”  
“I told you, the reason why I’m going is a secret. And I’m not even sure I’m actually going in March.”  
“Is that so?”  
“Yep. I’ve gotta call my brother to find out exactly when.”  
“Oh.”  
“One day I’m gonna take you to California.”  
“Okay, Jim.”  
__

They were quiet for a while, until Jim asked quietly, “Hey, Bones?”  


“What?”  
“Do you know anything about sexuality?”


	8. The Beginning of a Change of the Mind and Body

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. There's triggering material in this one too. Sorry. There's a sexual abuse scene, not very much in detail, towards the very end. Physical and verbal, too. Again, sorry. I really do apologize if you want to read it but can't because of this. It's about 300 words, 200 from the end of the chapter. This whole chapter is kind of sad.

“Oh, god,” Leonard groaned. Anything he knew had flown out the window as soon as the word _sexuality _had been said. What the hell did he know? Could he even help? _“Yes. I can.” _he thought. He had gone through much the same thing when trying to figure out what the hell he was feeling. He hadn’t had anyone to help him, either.____  
“What?”  
“Nevermind. What’s your question? Specifically?”  
“How would you know if you were gay?”  
“If you find yourself sexually attracted to guys,” Leonard said, not very helpfully.  
“That doesn’t really help.”  
“Explain a little further?”  
“Well, I remember having crushes on girls for a few years, but now, it’s kind of like I’ve got crushes on both genders but I feel like I’m gay? I don’t know. This is confusing.”  
“You’re probably bisexual.”  
“So I like both genders? But, what about other genders?”  
“Do you fall for someone based on gender or personality? Or is gender a deciding factor for you?”  
“Hell, I don’t even care about _species _. If their personality fits with mine and they can deal with my secrets, then that’s all I need.”__  
“So, if aliens existed, you could find yourself attracted to one?”  
“Yep. You?”  
“I could see it happening, sure.”  


_“What about a fish?” _Jim thought. He wanted to ask, but for now alien would have to be good enough for him.  
__

“So, what other sexualities are there besides bi, gay, and heterosexual? I haven’t been taught that yet.”  
“There’s pansexual, demisexual, and asexual. If you google it, you may find androsexual, gynosexual, polysexual, omnisexual, autosexual, and pomosexual.”  
“What are the last two?”  
“Autosexual is preferring masturbation or being sexually attracted to yourself, and pomosexual is someone who doesn’t identify with conventional sexualities.”  
“Okay.”  
“There’s also romantic attraction.”  
“Huh?”  
“Someone who identifies as asexual might still experience romantic attraction. So you could be asexual but heteroromantic. Or bisexual but panromantic.”  
“Oh. Okay. Yeah, I’m gonna need more of an explanation.”  


Jim was seriously lost. He had gotten all the sexualities, and he thought he understood romantic attraction, but how was he supposed to figure out what term fit him? He had never had any sexual experiences, and he sure as hell wasn’t ready for any. Not for several more years. How the hell was he supposed to know?  


“Just tell me what you’re confused on.”  
“I just- how am I supposed to know which label fits? Or if any fit?”  
“Are you romantically and or sexually attracted to females?”  
“Yes.”  
“Males?”  
“Yes.”  
“Non-binary genders?”  
“Haven’t met anyone who’s out publicly yet. I think I could be.”  
“Okay. I’d suggest you do some research on it. You can call me if you need to talk about it. Don’t hesitate.”  
“Okay. Thanks.”  
“No problem. I’m just glad you asked. When I was figuring all that shit out, I didn’t have anyone to go to.”  
“So how did you figure it out?”  
“Internet.”  
“Well, must’ve been helpful.”  
“A bit. Helped me with labels and definitions for sure.”  
“Thanks, anyway.”  
“I need to take your temperature again. Drink your cocoa.”  


Jim had almost forgotten it was there. When he took a sip, it was delightfully warm. He felt a shiver overtake his body, and he yawned through it.  


“Good, you shivered. Feeling tired?”  
“A little.”  
“Okay. Your temperature is up to 96º.”  
“Okay.”  
“Want another blanket?” Bones asked as he saw Jim shiver again.  
“Please.”  
As Bones wrapped the blanket around Jim, Jim asked, “You going anywhere for Christmas break?”  
“Yeah. Back down to Georgia. I take it you’re not going anywhere?”  
“You’d be right.”  
“How was thanksgiving, by the way? I never asked.”  
“Uh….”  
“Not that good?”  
“Not good at all.”  
“Sorry for asking,” he apologized.  
“It’s fine.”  
“What happened?”  
“Frank attacked me and I was starving. Like always,” Jim said bitterly.  
“How did you deal with that?”  
“I swam.”  
“Anything else?”  
“Nothing else I can do.”  
“What about singing or something?”  
“Never tried.”  
“Do you listen to music?”  
“Sometimes.”  
“What kind of music do you like?”  
“Punk pop, alternative, indie, rock, classic rock.”  
“Looks like we have similar music tastes. Any guilty pleasures when it comes to music?”  
“Country?”  
“That makes sense. Me too.”  
“Do you sing?”  
“A little. Got any weird skills?”  
“There’s one I’ve had since I was born. Not sure it’s really that interesting.”  
“What is it?”  


Jim demonstrated the clicking noises.  


“Echolocation? But you’re human. Humans don’t do that.”  
“I know. That’s why it’s weird.” _I’m not human. Not only, anyway. ___  
“That is weird. God, if scientists got hold of you-”  
“They’d be worse than Frank, wouldn’t they?”  
“I don’t think so. They’d poke and prod but they wouldn’t cut you open or anything. They’d just take scans of your vocal cords and do recordings. Stuff like that.”  
“Oh. I still don’t really want that. Please never bring up what scientists would do to me again.”  
“Okay, Jim. Also, what’s with the new nickname?”  
“Bones? You’re a doctor.”  
“That the only reason?”  
“Yes.” _No._ “It is.” _I sometimes wish it was._

Jim drained his cocoa and Len took his temperature again.  


“Why not Leo?” he asked Jim.  
“Not good enough. I like Bones.”  
“Okay,” Len grinned, “You’re okay to go. Want to keep my sweatshirt?”  
“Sure.”  
“Come back if you feel like something’s wrong. Too cold or too hot or exhausted.”  
“Okay.”  


Leonard pulled Jim into a hug, and let him go.  


“Go. I’ll meet up with you during your lunch.”  
“Okay.”  


And so it went. Christmas came and Jim almost ruined Bones’ sweatshirt when Frank gave him his present. But Frank made him take it off, thank god.  


He did research on sexual and romantic orientation, and sat around curled up in Bones’ warm, comfy sweatshirt. He didn’t come to a conclusion. He felt like pansexual fit pretty well, but he hadn’t ever done anything, so he couldn’t be sure. He thought it fit.  


As the new year neared, he knew it fit. Whether his preference was for males or females or non-binary genders, or if he didn’t have a preference, he didn’t know.  


The new year was ushered in and Jim found that his only resolution was to come out to Bones. Possibly tell him that he was merfolk, too.  


It was only the merfolk thing weighing him down. The coming out was important, but he trusted Leonard with that. Knew Leonard would accept it. He wasn’t so sure about the merfolk thing. He also wasn’t sure if he cared about the distinction of mermaid and merman. He was a merman, or merboy, he guessed. But mermaid was used among humans as a general term. He’d used mermaid as a general term before.  


January came and went quickly, with little to no interesting events. Jim put off telling Leonard about his sexuality, growing nervous that maybe Leonard wasn’t as accepting as he thought.  


Soon enough it was Valentines day and a ninth grade girl asked Jim to the dance. He turned her down. It just wasn’t his thing. Leonard laughed when Jim told him, but later two more girls asked Jim and he had to turn them down too. Len asked why Jim didn’t just say yes.  


“Because I don’t want to go.”  
“Why?”  
“I don’t like them. I don’t like dances either. I’m younger than them, too.”  
“Doesn’t make it wrong. What’s wrong with dances?”  
“I just don’t want to go. I don’t feel like it.”  
“Okay.”  


Jim played with the hem of his shirt and decided to take a chance. He trusted Leonard.  


“I figured out my sexuality.”  
“You did?” Leonard asked, conveying slight surprise, “Good for you.”  
“Yeah. I’ve been meaning to tell you, but I have a fear of rejection.”  
“That’s a valid fear, since some people are still very bigoted.”  
“Are you?”  
“No. I may have grown up in the south, but my parents taught me that everything is okay. My dad’s a neurosurgeon, so I guess he puts science before the bible. It’s completely natural.”  
“Are you straight? You don’t have to answer that, if you don’t want to.”  
“No, I’ll answer. I’m not straight. I’m bi.”  
“Any gender preference?”  
“Males.”  


Jim would’ve grinned but it didn’t seem like the time. He just nodded and waited for Leonard to return the question.  


“So, Jim, what about you?”  
“Pan. Preference for males, I think.”  
“Thanks for telling me.”  
“You’re welcome. Thanks for helping me.”  
“No problem. So, Valentine’s Day?”  


Jim went quiet. It was already February 14th. It’d be March soon and he’d be turning thirteen and turning into a mermaid. It was catching up to him.  


“What are you thinking about?” Bones prodded.  
“Turning thirteen.”  
“Any reason?”  
“It’s just gonna be a weird birthday.”  
“Okay. You sure you’re not gonna stay in San Francisco?”  
“Pretty sure. I’m leaving a week after my birthday.”  
“And I’m leaving a week before your birthday.”  
“I know.”  
“You gonna be okay without me?”  
“I’ll be as okay as I have to be. That’s how it’s always been.”  
“Okay. I’m gonna worry about you.”  
“My mom lives in Iowa City. She’s not too far.”  
“Yeah, I guess so.”  


Jim wasn’t sure he wanted to leave anymore. He knew he didn’t want Len to leave. Valentine’s day seemed to be making him all mushy, goddammit.  


He assumed the rest of the month would be normal. He thought he’d go through it and then spend all of March being scared of changing, and then he’d finally leave and change and spend the month in the sea. He was only slightly wrong.  
\-----  


Jim wished he could drive. If he could, he’d drive to the cliffs. Since he couldn’t, he’d just have to walk.  


  
They were about a mile and half from the farm. Two and a half miles from Jim’s house. He walked slowly, not caring how much time it took. If he died along the way, or was abducted, or passed out, so be it. He was gonna die anyway if he didn’t get to the cliffs.

He had to get to the cliffs. All he knew was that he felt like he might burst if he didn’t scream. And he couldn’t scream in his house. So he went to the cliffs.

It was a school day. A Monday, to be exact. Bones would worry.

Jim reached the cliffs.

He screamed until his throat was raw and his voice was hoarse. Until he was dusted with fine reddish-orange sand. Until he felt somewhat whole again.

Screaming usually signified breaking. Not now. Now, he was being put back together by his screams. It felt good.

He headed to the barn. The McCoys didn’t use it. They kept the hay stocked, but never actually used the barn.

Jim climbed to the loft and buried himself among the hay. He needed to be alone, and this was the only place knew.

Whether it had been minutes or hours that he stayed there, he didn’t know.

He wasn’t checking the time. He laid himself down among the hay and he cried for all he was worth. Which wasn’t much.

He hoped no one would come into the barn. He was wrong to hope. Hope never got him what he wanted.

Leonard came in, and sat down on a hay bale. He had his computer and some textbooks and several notebooks. He was doing work.

He put on music and Jim plugged his ears so he didn’t have to listen. It was good music, he just couldn’t bear to listen to anything. He felt like he needed to scream again.

He didn’t need to scream. That feeling rising in his throat and threatening to break out was a sob. He bit his knuckles to keep quiet, but somehow Leonard still heard.  


“Who’s there?”  


Jim curled further into himself and muffled his sobs in the hay.  


“Who’s there?” Again, followed by, “Are you okay?”  


Sometimes Jim thought that he would fall in love with someone like Bones, when he got older. Would be able to fall in love with someone like that. He cast it off as a foolish thought, and told himself he would never love because he wasn’t deserving of it.  


  
It brought out another sob.

Leonard was able to hear the noise better. It was coming from the hay in the loft. He muttered a goddammit and climbed the ladder to the loft. Jim tried to bury himself further in the hay.  


“Jim? Is that you?”  


He didn’t trust his voice to convey a convincing lie at that moment.  


“Oh, Jim, what’s wrong?” Bones said, gently, moving closer.  
“N-nothing,” he said hoarsely.  
“What is it, Jim? You can tell me.”  
“I don’t think I can explain it.”  
“Try.”  
“Everyone I’ve ever loved has left me. Or I’ve had to leave them.”  
He was quiet for a few more minutes, and then continued, “Jenny left because Frank was abusing her. He tried to kill her and I saw it happen. She packed a bag and left. My mom had to give me up because she couldn’t take care of me. I had to move to Iowa which meant leaving my brother. Now I’m gonna have to leave a friend. The only friend I’ve ever had. It doesn’t feel that good.”  


Jim knew Bones was leaving him first, but he couldn’t bring himself to admit that. He was leaving Bones, not the other way around. Bones was always there. It was Jim who was leaving.  


“I don’t expect it does. What are you leaving for?”  
“I’m staying with my brother and his family.”  
“Then you’re going back to people you love. That feels good, doesn’t it?”  
“Yes.”  
“What else?”  
“I skipped school because I felt like I was breaking,” Jim admitted in an equally broken voice. It was hoarse, rough.  
 _“Like he’s been screaming,” _Bones thought. That assumption was confirmed when Jim continued.__  
“I had to go somewhere and scream until my throat was raw. All I could think about was how much better my life could’ve been. I could’ve had a family and a dad and friends. I could’ve had more. How come the universe dumped all this shit on me?”  
“I don’t know, Jim. I think the universe is a bully,” Bones began softly, rubbing circles on Jim’s back, “It needs someone to take all it’s shit out on. And it chose you. I have no clue why. I’m not sure the universe even had a reason. Maybe it’s because you were struck with tragedy the day you were born. An easy target. But you’ve made it this far. And you’ll go further.”  
“I will?” Jim asked, baffled. Why did someone think he’d even make it past 13?  
“You will. I’m sure of it. Now sit up and get all that hay off of ya. We have one week left and I’m determined to make it a good week for you.”  
“Why?”  
“Because you need a good week once in a while. I care about you, Jim, you’re my friend.”  
“But why?”  
“Because I want to be your friend. I care because I want to.”  
“Why would you want to care about something like me?”  
“You’re someone. Not something.”  
“I’m not so sure.”  
“Come on, out of the hay.”  


He sat up tiredly and Bones brushed the hay off of him, being careful when he began to brush off Jim’s back. He wasn’t sure if Jim had any injuries.  


“Now what?”  
“Now we go inside and I give you a piece of Georgia peach cobbler.”  
“How is that gonna make me feel better?”  
“It just will. Food can be a wondrous thing.”  
“When you’re starving.”  
“No matter what. Food is food, you need it to survive.”  
\------  


That week was good. Great, actually. Bones had had Jim stay with him for a few days. They watched movies and ate popcorn and peach cobbler and Eleanora treated him like a son. 

When he went back home, Leonard came over every night and coddled him. They sat on the balcony and talked until the sun set, and then Bones rubbed Jim’s back as he fell asleep. Jim was happy, for the first time in a while. He was grateful for Bones, and he managed to tell him that.  


“Thank you.”  
“For what?”  
“Being here. Making my week the most fantastic one I’ve ever had. I’m grateful.”  
“Oh. It’s no problem, Jim.”  
“But it is. You’re taking your time to visit me and help me and be friends with me. And I’m lucky that I have you. I’d be long gone if I didn’t have you.”  
“You believe that?”  
“Think I have to. I don’t know where I’d be. Easier to just assume Frank would’ve offed me already.”  
“Don’t say that. Don’t think like that.”  
“Why? It’s the only way I have to think.”  


Jim knew they were both on the verge of crying but he didn’t care. He needed to know.  


“Because you’re strong. You’re amazing, Jim. You’ve survived this long and you’ll survive for longer. You will. I’m gonna miss you,” Bones told him, running his hands down Jim's arms.  
“I’m gonna miss you too, Bones. I’ll have no one to heal the wounds.”  
“I don’t heal them. I bandage them. You do the healing yourself.”  
“And you help me along. So thank you. Come back soon.”  
“I will.”  


Bones left the next week. He had to finalize things for a school transfer. Jim left soon after. He had started to change on March 22nd, and had had to spend a week at home, since his scales had started coming back. He was able to hide them from Frank, thankfully, until the second to last day.  


“What are those?”  
“Nothing.”  
“No, show me.”  
“It’s nothing, Frank!”  
Frank tore his shirt the rest of the way off, “You freak! I should kill you now!”  


Frank began to beat him harder, and Jim didn’t know if he’d survive. Maybe Bones was wrong. If he didn’t, maybe it was for the better.  


“You’re not even human! You’re- you’re a thing! A disgusting thing! Now I know why your parents didn’t want you!”  


_They did want me. _  
__

“You’re a fucking freakshow!”  


Jim hated everything.  


“I hope you die tonight. I can’t even touch you anymore.”  


_Good. _  
__

“Maybe I will, though. Torture you a bit more. Who knows? Could be fun.”  


_No. _  
__

“I think freaks like you deserve to die. What are those? Scales? You’re not a fish. What the hell even are you? Are those even real? I should take samples. Studied biology in school. I could cut you open, play around. Maybe dissect you, see how long it takes you to die. I would. Maybe I should.”  


_Nonononono _  
__

Jim was panicky and hurting and terrified. Frank was talking about _dissecting _him!  
__

“Taking you apart bit by bit, painfully. Keeping you alive until you’re begging for me to put you out of your misery.”  


_Crack. _  
__

“Maybe I’ll take you around, showcase you.”  


_Crack. _  
__

“Or maybe I’ll just kill you now.”  


_Crack. _  
__

“Get up. We’re gonna have some fun before you leave.”  
“Thought you couldn’t touch me anymore.”  
“We’ll see.”  


_Shitshitshitfuckhecan’thecan’tthisisn’tgoodpleasepleasenononono _  
__

“On your hands and knees. Pants down.”  


_OhnoIwassupposedtogetoutIshould’veaskedBonesBonesisgonehe’snevercomingback. _  
__

“That’s right. You’re being a good little boy for me today. Usually it takes a bit longer to get you in that position.”  


_Ican’tlethim _  
__

“Maybe I should have you work yourself open.”  
“No.”  
“Fine. We’ll do this my way, then.”  


_OwowowwhycanhedothiswhydoIlethimwhy _  
__

It took too long to be over. Jim knew that Bones had left almost two weeks ago, he wouldn’t be back for months. He wouldn’t go to the McCoy’s unless Bones was there. It was too awkward otherwise. So he put on clothes and the sweatshirt Bones gave him _(I can wash it later) _and he headed out the door. Bloody, beaten, and way too tired, he started on his way.__

Maybe he could make it to his mother’s by morning. He was still panicky; his stress levels were strung through the clouds and he didn’t think they’d ever come down.  


He didn’t make it. He collapsed on the side of the road three miles past the farm. When he woke up, he wasn’t sure if he was still there or if someone had moved him. All he knew was that he was somehow alive.  


He groaned in pain, feeling beginning to come back into his body. The voice he heard right by his ear was too damn familiar and he couldn’t figure out why. He racked his brain for any memory of the voice and it came flooding back.  


“Jim? Don’t worry, you’re gonna be fine.”  
“Bones?”


	9. Changing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. Only thing in this one that i think would be triggering is that there are mentions of rape and sexual assault. very sparse, thank god. chapters should be devoid of triggering material for a while.

_“Bones? Why would he be here?” _Jim thought groggily as he tried to stay awake.  
“Bones?”  
“Yeah, Jim. It’s me,” Leonard spoke, close to Jim’s ear.  
“Why?”  
“I was goin’ back to finalize my transfer. I’m transferring to U of I. Forgot to tell you.”  
 _“Oh," was all Jim could think, _“Bastard.”  
“They’re still on break, so I was comin’ back.”  
“And you found me.”  
“Yep. You look terrible, Jim. I almost thought you were dead when I saw you there.”  
“Almos’ was,” he slurred tiredly.  
“What happened?”  
____

Jim ran through the possible responses in his head: Frank raped me. No, he couldn’t share that. He attacked me and you weren’t there to help. But Bones was there. Bones had come back. I’m turning into a mermaid and I can never go back to Frank’s. No, that wasn’t right. Too much to talk about. That was closer to the truth. He finally decided on a response, “A lot. What time is it?”  


“It’s around six am.”  
“I have to get home.”  
“I’ll take you, then.”  
Leonard lifted Jim into the passenger seat of his pick up and buckled him in. The drive took all of ten minutes.  
“You gonna be okay?”  
 _No, not really. _“Yeah. I just need something to eat,” Jim lied. He knew very well he shouldn’t have been alive. He didn’t know how Bones hadn’t noticed the blood. Maybe he was distracted.  
“Okay. You’re leaving tomorrow, right?”  
“Yeah.”  
“I’ll drive you to the airport.”  
“I can walk.”  
“No. You’re not walking.”  
“Okay.”  
“See you later, Jim.”  
“You too, Bones.”  
As Jim left, Len thought he saw something on Jim’s hand.  
“Jim?” He asked, an eyebrow raised in confusion.  
“What?”  
“What is that on your hand?”  
 _“Shit.” _  
“It’s nothing.”  
“Okay.”  
____

Jim went inside, and Leonard drove back to the farm. He couldn’t get the image of how he found Jim out of his head, but he didn’t care. Jim was alive, that was all that mattered. He didn’t even know if Jim had tended to any injuries he had had. Leonard kicked himself for not taking Jim back to the farm, but he couldn’t very well do much about it now.  


“Mama, I’m home!”  
“Leonard? You got the transfer finalized?”  
“Yeah, Mama.”  
“Good for you.”  
“I don’t have to go in until next semester starts, though.”  
“Really?”  
“Yep. I go back in a month.”  
“What are you gonna do for a month, Len?”  
“Maybe I’ll travel. Always wanted to go to San Francisco.”  
“Then you should. We’ve got more than enough money.”  
“I know. Think maybe I’ll start tomorrow.”  
“Do what you want to, Leonard,” she says, walking away, she turns before she exits the room, “Oh! How’s that Jim boy?”  
“He’s okay, Mama,” he lied, voice guarded.  
“What happened?” She demanded, knowing Len was lying to her. If he said it wasn’t his right to share, she’d lay off, but not before then.  
“It’s not my secret to share, Mama.”  
“Okay, Leonard. You should book something now if you’re gonna leave tomorrow. Start packing, too.”  
“Sure, Mama.”  


He headed up the stairs to his room, and booked a flight and hotel. Then he started packing.  


In the morning, he drove to Jim’s house.  


“Who is it?” An aggravated voice sounded from inside.  
“Leonard. Your neighbor?”  
“Whaddya want?”  
“I’m driving Jim to the airport.”  
“He’s not coming.”  


Leonard looked up to Jim’s window, and saw Jim, shaking his head and pointing to the car.  


“Okay. Bye, then.”  


He got back into his car, and began to slowly drive away. Five minutes later and half a mile down the road, Jim joined him.  


“Where’s your suitcase?”  
“Don’t have one.”  
“Why?”  
“Don’t need one.”  
Leonard didn’t ask questions, he figured it was a secret, “Okay.”  
When Jim didn’t speak again, Leonard continued, “Got any injuries that need tending to?”  
“I took care of ‘em.”  
“Want me to look them over?”  


Jim nodded. He really did want Leonard to look at them. But he’d be around another doctor later. He figured the sooner the better.  


“Okay. I’ll stop at the farm. You hungry?”  
“Yep.”  
“When’s the last time you ate?”  
“Umm…”  
“You don’t know, do you?”  
“Depends. Full meal or small snack?  
“Full meal.”  
“Like a month ago?”  
“Jim!”  
“We have like an hour and a half until my flight.”  
“I know. When you get to San Francisco you better eat enough to feed an elephant.”  
“I’m gonna have to.”  
“How much weight have you lost?”  
“Ten pounds?”  
“Dammit, Jim!” Bones said exasperatedly, barely raising his voice.  
“Sorry.”  
“You don’t have to apologize. Just-” Leonard gripped Jim’s hand for a second and Jim pulled away like his touch burned.  
“Sorry. Shoulda asked before I-”  
“No, no, it’s not that.”  
“Then what?”  
“That hurt,” Jim lied.  
“It did?”  
“Yeah. My skin’s kinda weird right now.”  
“Weird how?”  
“Uh.”  
“Jim, if this is something medical you have to-”  
“It’s not. I know what it is.”  
“Skin condition?”  
“It’s not a condition, really, it’s- I can’t explain it.”  
“Another secret?”  


Jim nodded.  


“How many secrets do you have, kid?”  
“A lot.”  
“Seems like it. You been swimming?”  
“Yeah. I can hold my breath for a really long time now.”  
“How long?”  
“Almost half an hour.”  
“You got big lungs.”  
“Something like that,” Jim said, his hand going to the side of his neck. His gills had started appearing again and he was wearing a scarf to cover them.  
“He hurt you again?” Leonard asked, even though he knew the answer.  
Jim didn’t speak.  
“Jim, hey,” Bones tried.  


Jim turned to him and Leonard’s heart broke a little when he saw the tears running down Jim’s face.  


“He tried to kill me because of what I am. He threatened to dissect me. Told me he should bring me around and show me off as a freakshow.”  


Leonard knew Jim didn’t want to be told it was okay or that he could trust Leonard. He already knew he could trust Leonard. He knew it wouldn’t be okay. He didn’t need to be lied to.  


“He said I was disgusting, that this is the reason that my parents didn’t want me. He told me that he couldn’t touch me anymore because of it but-”  
“C’mere,” Leonard pulled over and and scooted across the bench so he could comfort Jim better.  
“I can’t go back.”  
“No, it wouldn’t be safe.”  
“It never has been safe.”  
“I know. Where will you go?” He asked quietly.  
“I don’t know.”  
“Anything else?”  
“When I was six, my mom left. I think I’ve told you that before. I saw him try to kill her. Whip her within an inch of her life. He had a knife, he was gonna slit her throat. He missed the left carotid though, and she was bleeding. A lot. Not enough to kill her but it was a lot. Her shirt was soaked through with it. She ran upstairs and packed a bag, left a wad of cash on the table, and hightailed it to the hospital. After that she was out and gone and I never saw her again. Real mom, I’ve seen her since then. She’s more of a mom than she knows.”  


Leonard wrapped him in a hug and stayed silent. He didn’t know what to say, but Jim seemed to think that was fine.  


“The first time he ever hit her I was only two months old. He became an alcoholic because of me. Jenny convinced him I would be a good addition to the family, and later that night he was drunk. Stayed like that until I was two. Got sober for the move, and stayed like that till I was four. Then he lost his job, started drinking again, and started hurting me.”  
“I’m sorry, Jim.”  
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. You couldn’t have prevented it. Guess I couldn’t have, either.”  
“Will you report it?” Leonard asked as he pulled back onto the road.  
“I don’t know. My mom lives in Iowa City. Could stay with her.”  
“Okay.”  
“Sorry.”  
“For what?”  
“Getting all emotional all of a sudden. Just, no one’s ever quite cared about me.”  
“It’s fine, Jim.”  


Leonard doesn’t mention the gold scales on Jim’s hand. He’s confused as to _what _Jim is exactly, but whatever he is, it’s probably cool.  
__

“Okay.”  
“So, you’re thirteen now?”  
“Yep.”  
“How’s that so far?”  
“Weird.”  
“You did tell me it was gonna be a weird birthday.”  
“I did. For my family thirteen is kind of an awkward age.”  
“What happens when you turn thirteen?”  
“Another secret.”  
“You and your secrets. Hopefully I’ll know some of ‘em one day.”  
“You already know some.”  
“Maybe I want to know more.”  
“That’s dangerous territory, McCoy,” Jim warned as they reached the farm and exited the car.  
“I like danger, Kirk. And you’ll all danger, now aren’t you?”  
“Could be. When do you go back to school?”  
“A month from now.”  
“Really?”  
“Gotta wait for the next semester. U of I gets out later than some of the other universities.”  
“Oh.”  
“What does your mom do?”  
“She works an administration position in the Navy.”  
“Cool. Has she ever served?” Bones asked, opening the door for Jim.  
“Yeah. Before I was born. And then last year.”  
“Was she living in San Francisco before?”  
“Yep.”  
“Where?”  
“Bay area.” _More of the bay than the bay area. _  
“Is it nice there?”  
“Really nice. My brother’s dads have a boat. They do tours around the bay and a lot of the fishing for the markets.”  
“What’s the name of the boat?”  
“Enterprise.”  
“Why?”  
__

They reached Leonard’s bathroom and Jim started shucking layers. He hadn’t wanted Bones to see the scales at first, but now he wanted to tell him. Wanted to say everything he hadn’t, wanted to get rid of the secrets.  


“It’s a bit of a joke between them. They were fishing partners before they started dating. Someone called them ‘Enterprising young men’ and they decided to name her Enterprise.”  
“So they’ve always been fishermen?”  
“Well, no. One of them was a navy captain with my dad, and the other is a doctor.”  
“Why don’t you live with them?”  
“I was supposed to. Just didn’t work out that way. It’s a long and complicated explanation with a lot of secrets.”  


Bones kept talking to try and distract Jim from the impending pain.  


“I bet. Does your whole family swim or is it just you?”  
“It’s all of us. I’m the fastest, though.”  
“Have you been swimming the longest?”  
“No,” Jim began, arching his back as the antiseptic seeped into the cuts, “My mom has. I’ve been swimming for the least amount of time. My brother was on the junior olympic team.”  
“Why didn’t you try to qualify?”  
“People wanted me to. I didn't know if I'd be injured then. Plus, I don’t really care. I swim to swim. No other reason.”  
“Oh. Guess that’s as good a reason as any. I’m almost done.”  
“Thanks.”  
“Any other injuries?”  
“None that require immediate attention.”  
“Jim.”  
“They’re just scratches. I cleaned them earlier.”  
“Okay.”  
Leonard was about to say something else when his mama’s voice cut him off, “Leonard!”  
“Yeah, Mama?” He called back down to her.  
“You bring Jim down here this instant and let me see him!”  


That was his mama all right. She treated Jim like he was her own son. Leonard caught Jim’s eye roll and knew Jim secretly like it.  


“We’ll be right down, Mama!”  


Leonard finished with the bandages and lent Jim a change of clothes.  


“I can wear my own.”  
“Not gonna let you. Ya really wanna go through airport security later wearing clothes stained with blood?”  
“At this point I could not care less.”  
“You want government officials seein’ your skin?”  
“No,” Jim said, shifting slightly on his feet.  
“So will you take the clothes?”  
“Yeah.”  


Leonard helped Jim into the shirt despite Jim’s grumbling that he didn’t need the help. They headed downstairs and had a quick lunch with Eleanora before leaving again.  


“So, what’s on your mind? You’ve been kinda quiet,” Leonard asked after about half an hour of Jim staring out the window.  
“Nothing, really.”  
“Not thinking about anything?”  
“Nothing I’m quite ready to tell you.”  
“Okay. Any specific people on your mind?”  
“You insinuating that I have a crush on someone?”  
“Maybe.”  
“I might have a crush on someone. But they’re too old for me.”  
“By how much?”  
“Six or seven years?”  
“Who do you know who’s six or seven years older than you?”  
“A few people.”  
“And you have a crush on one of them?”  
“You worried?”  
“A little. Not about the crush part.”  
“Then about what?”  
“If they return these feelings, what’d stop them from pursuing you?”  
“The fact that it’d be illegal?”  
“That doesn’t stop everyone.”  
“I know,” Jim said, getting a guarded look in his eyes. Leonard had a feeling he knew more than he needed to about that. What he didn’t know is that Jim was considering whether or not he had a crush on Bones.  


“You gonna be okay out there?” Leonard asked, changing topics.  
“In San Francisco? Yeah. I’ve got my brother and his family. Don’t worry, Bones. I’ll be fine.”  
“Are you fine now?”  
“I guess.”  
“Jim.”  
“No. I’m not. But I already knew that.”  
“Just call if you need to talk.”  
“Sure.”  
After another five minutes, Jim asked, “What brought that on?”  
“You just seemed kinda distant. Like there was something that you couldn’t get off your mind. And it was unpleasant.”  
 _Of course he’s the only one that gets it. _“It was something unpleasant, yeah.”  
“Maybe soon you’ll have something pleasant to think about instead.”  
“Maybe,” he paused, “I wish you were coming with me, Bones.”  
“Me too.”  
Leonard parked and turned to Jim, “I’m gonna miss you.”  
“Gonna miss you too,” Jim returned, giving Leonard a quick hug before exiting the car, “Thanks for the ride.”  
“No problem. Remember to eat.”  
“I will. Bye, Bones.”  
__

Leonard still had two hours until his flight, unless he could get it changed. Which he didn’t really want to do. So he’d just have to wait. There was something he had wanted to give Jim, maybe he’d do it now, before Jim left. He looked over at the seat next to him.  


_Did Jim leave that here? _  
__

It was a slightly stained stuffed lion. Probably a comfort animal. He picked it up, and looked it over. There were a few little blood smears, a few tears and fraying threads, but it was in pretty good condition. On the tag, there were two things written. For Jim, and Leo.  


He locked the doors and went inside, lion in hand. It didn’t take long to find Jim, packed among the people. His golden hair was pretty recognizable.  


“Jim!”  
“Bones?”  
“Yeah. You forgot something,” Leonard held out the animal.  
“Oh. Thanks.”  
“No problem. Oh, and this,” it was a coiled up necklace with a whale tail pendant. Jim grinned at it, and then turned his sun-bright grin on Leonard.  
“Thanks.”  
“I kind of forgot tell you, I have a flight to San Francisco two hours from now.”  
“You forgot?”  
“Was too busy talking to you. Are you getting picked up at the airport?”  
“No, I’m not.”  
“Then will you wait?”  
“Of course.”  
“Thanks.”  


Leonard took the necklace and put it around Jim’s neck.  


“See you soon, kid.”  
“You too, Bones.”  


Jim realized that it was hard to breathe as he watched Leonard walk away. He told himself it was the gills.  


He boarded the plane a half hour later, and worried that he wouldn’t make it to San Francisco before the gills formed fully.  


He was worried that he wouldn’t be able to wait for Len. He just clutched the little lion harder and tried not to think about what might happen.  


He was happy to be changing again. Happy to be going back to the sea. He just wasn’t sure if he wanted to go just yet.  


Two hours later, he shoved his hands into his sweatshirt pockets and pulled the hood up to hide the scales as he got off the plane. Thankfully, he could still breathe pretty well through his nose. He could feel webbing growing between his fingers and toes, the dorsal fins beginning to poke out of his back. It was kind of painful.  


He sat down in a blessedly empty corner, and waited. He knew he shouldn’t, he should’ve been calling Pike and telling him that he’d arrived and that he needed to be picked up because soon enough his legs were gonna merge together and he wouldn’t be able to walk, but he promised that he’d wait, and a promise made was a promise kept.  


He survived the next hour and a half pretty well. It was only just getting hard to breathe, and his legs hadn’t started to form back into a tail yet. The scale patterns on his arms and torso were almost fully formed, and he could feel the fins on his back beginning to grow out more. The bones and muscles in his upper back were being warped, and it hurt. It hurt a whole fucking lot more than Jim would ever admit.  


When he’s saw Leonard, he signaled where he was, and waited as Len walked over. He smiled at Jim before looking a little worried.  


“Are you cold?”  
“No.”  
“Then why do you still have that sweatshirt on?”  
“That secret we were talking about in the car.”  
“Okay. There’s a car waiting.”  
“Good. I need to get to my brother’s house or he’ll start worrying.”  
“How far is it?”  
“About half an hour.”  
“Want to use my phone?”  


For once Jim was thankful that merfolk scales weren’t sticky.  


“Sure.”  


He called Pike and told him he’d be arriving soon and that a friend was driving him and that yes, he was turning, and yes he could still walk, and, yes he was injured but no it wasn’t that bad.  


“He wants you to come over.”  
“Your brother?”  
“No, Captain Pike. Said if I have a friend he wants to meet them.”  
“Will he care that I’m six years older than you?”  
“Only if you try anything. Which you won’t.”  
“I won’t.”  


They walked out to the car together.  


“Seriously, kid, you need to take off that sweatshirt. You’re gonna overheat.”  
“I’m fine, Bones.”  
“No, you’re not.”  
“Seriously. I’m good.”  
“Okay.”  


Leonard frowned at him the whole way there.  


Pike was waiting outside for them, and Jim got wrapped into a bear hug when he was close enough.  


“Sorry if that hurt. It’s been a while.”  
“It’s fine.”  
“How’s the breathing?”  
“Getting worse. How much longer?”  
“At the most, two days. Come on in, I’ll have Phil take a look at you. Sam’s been helping with the research.”  
“Okay. Oh, I should introduce my friend.”  
“You should.”  
Len stepped forward and Jim stated, “Leonard McCoy. Medicine and Exobiology major.”  
“Gonna be a doctor?”  
“Planning on it.”  
“How many more years?”  
“One.”  
“So you’re how old?”  
“I’m nineteen.” Pike raised an eyebrow. “It’s a long story. Short version is that I graduated early and did a slightly more condensed version of the condensed program.”  
“Exobiology?”  
“Call it a hobby. It’s always been interesting to me.”  
“Come on in. Jim, go for a swim after Phil looks at you. Sam is out in the pool.”  
“Okay.”  


They entered the house, and Leonard deposited his suitcase in the anteroom.  


“Nice house.”  
“Thanks. Designed it myself.”  
“Cool.”  
“So, how did you meet Jim?”  
“We moved into the Kirk farm. He came over to help us move all the old furniture out.”  
“Oh. And do you know about his home situation?”  
“I know that he’s adopted and that his mom is living in Iowa City. Also that the guy he lives with is abusive. Is that all?”  
“All that we know,” Pike told him, “He must trust you an awful lot for him to have told you that.”  
“I think he does.”  
“Have you been helping him?”  
“Yeah. He was kind of reluctant at first.”  
“He always is. S’got nothing to do with pride, though.”  
“His family has a lot of secrets.”  
“It’s more like one, big secret.”  
“Will I ever found out what it is?”  
“If you stick around, you just might. It’s Jim’s choice, though.”  
“Okay.”  
“I’m guessing you’ve seen it.”  
“Seen what, exactly?”  
“The golden scale-like quality of some of his skin?”  
“Yeah.”  
“I can clear that up. They are definitely scales.”  
“What is he, exactly?”  
“It’s his secret, not mine. Though, there is something I have to ask you.”  
“Okay?”  
“Did Frank do anything to him before he left?”  
“Two days before.”  
“What happened?”  
“Why don’t you ask him?”  
“Because he’s not always that eager to tell us.”  
“Frank tried to kill him, I guess. He saw the scales and decided that Jim was too much of a freak to live.”  
“God. He’s got nowhere to go, now.”  
“His mom lives in Iowa City. Couldn’t he live with her?”  
“Maybe. But she wouldn’t be able to take very good care of him.”  
“I go to U of I, I could help out if he needed it.”  
“Would you, though?”  
“When I had the time, yes.”  
“I see why he likes you. Would you be able to join us for dinner tonight?”  
“Sure.”  
“Okay. If you want to swim with them, you can.”  
“Okay.”  
“Bathrooms are down the hall to the right, should you need one.”  
“Thanks.”  


Leonard was already wearing a swimsuit, so he headed out to the pool area.  


“Who’re you?” The question came from a teen that Leonard supposed was Jim’s brother.  
“My name’s Leonard. I’m Jim’s friend.”  
“The almost doctor?”  
“Yep.”  
“Nice to meet you. I’m Sam.”  


Len shook the outstretched hand.  


“So, you swimming?”  
“Probably.”  
“Ask no questions about what Jim looks like. I have a feeling he told you thirteen is an awkward age in the Kirk family.”  
“He did say that.”  
“I’m four years older than him. Already went through it. If he screams, try to ignore it. What he’s going through it gonna be painful until it’s over.”  
“When is it over?”  
“Two days, at the most.”  
“Okay.”  


Sam dove back into the pool and Leonard stripped to his swimsuit. Jim came out half an hour later.  


“You never told me your scales were gold!” Sam yelled at him.  
“You never asked. I don’t even know what color yours are.”  
“They’re green. Like mom’s. Seriously dude, why couldn’t I have gotten the gold scales?”  


_“What?” _Leonard thought, a confused eyebrow rising higher on his forehead with each word out of Sam’s mouth.  
__

“I think we’re confusing Leonard a little bit.”  
“You are.”  
“Jim, care to spill the details of our little secret?”  
“Uh.”  
“I’ll do it, then. Leonard, we’re mermaids.”  


Jim thought Bones’ eyes were gonna pop out of his head.


	10. Continuous Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so.... short chapter! yeah, it's one in the morning and i'm sorry it's short but i figure i'd rather draw this out and i've been updating every day because i don't wanna procrastinate but whatever i guess? this chapter is all about merfolk and it delves into some of the culture aspects, more of what they may look like. i'll go further into what jim looks like in another chapter.

_“You’re what?!” _Leonard asked incredulously.__  
“Mermaids,” Jim repeated, “Well, we’re only half-mermaid.”  
“But you have legs!” Leonard blurted.  
“So does our mom. Who’s a full mermaid.”  
“Okay, you’re gonna have to explain this to me.”  
Jim launched into a relatively short version of the story, “Our dad met our mom while he was on leave in San Francisco. They kind of fell in love. See, there’s this sort of spell you can speak to give merfolk legs. She told him, he repeated it, she grew legs and joined the navy with him. They were deployed in the Indian ocean. A few years went by, they got married, she got pregnant with Sam, went on maternity leave and went back to the sea. When I was a month old she gave me to George, and he took care of me. Until they were called back out a few years later. She got pregnant again, eight and half months later he died and she gave birth to me. After a month, I was supposed to be given to Chris and Phil, too. That’s not what happened, and I got stuck with Frank and Jenny. We’re both half-human. We’re born merfolk, go human at one month, change back at thirteen.”  
“You still have legs. Do you use the spell?”  
“No. We have the ability to walk on land without that hindrance,” Sam informed him.  
“This is-”  
“Weird?” Sam suggested.  
“Repulsive?” Jim supplied.  
“Disgusting?” Sam returned.  
“Really cool,” Leonard said, clearly stunned.  
“Oh.”  
“Why would this be gross? This is amazing!”  
“Jim?” Sam asked, a skeptical eyebrow raised.  
“He’s an exobiology major,” Jim stated simply, as if that explained everything.  
“You’re fish! And humans! That like, completely rewrites the rules of genetics!”  


Leonard’s mind was running a mile a minute as he tried to process the fact that mermaids- merfolk- existed. How the hell did that happen? How did they evolve? How did they survive? What made half-merfolk go human at one month? How much did they know about it? Leonard had too many questions and he knew more than half of them wouldn’t have answers.  


“Jim, are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Sam asked casually.  
“That depends,” he replied with a smirk.  
“I think we are. Get in the water.”  
“What are you about to-” Leonard began, growing worried.  


He was cut off by two giant splashes, one from the front, and one from the back.  


He spat out pool water and scowled.  


“You just had to,” he grumbled.  
“Picture that if we had had tails.”  
“Not sure I want to. So, are there more of you?”  
“Yep. Tons of colonies all around the world.”  
“Do sirens exist?”  
“They do.”  
“Scary.”  
“They’re nicer than you think.”  
“Really?”  
“Yep. They don’t lure just anyone to their death. They assess who you are. Think of them as the justice force of the ocean.”  
“Cool. So, can you like, only change partly? Like make yourself grow gills but not the tail?”  
“You’d have to ask our mom. We haven’t experimented that much.”  
“Okay. What does going from having legs to a tail or vice versa feel like?”  
“It feels like squeezing both your legs into one leg of your skinniest jeans.”  
“Does it cause any kind of dysphoria?”  
“Not really. I mean, we were born mermaids and we were told that we’d grow legs-”  
“So there are more of you? More like you?”  
“Well, no. There’s one more. That we know of.”  
“What if a half-mermaid had a child with a human? What then?”  
“They’d be the same. I mean they’d be a quarter mermaid, but they’d still be born as a mermaid and then change into a human and change back.”  
“This is kind of amazing.” Of course by that Bones meant it was really _fucking ___awesome and he wished he could convey that in words.  
“Kind of?”  
“It’s really really amazing. Too mind blowing to convey with words.”  
Jim smiled brightly, basking in the acceptance, “Anything else you wanna know?”  
“What’s the most common scale color?”  
“Blue and green are the most common.”  
“Least common?”  
“Pink and red. Black and purple are kind of in the middle.”  
“Yours are gold.”  
“I know.”  
“Where are those in the list?”  
“They’re unheard of. No one but me has ‘em.”  
“You sure?”  
“Well, no. But no one else from our colony does. Have you visited Sam?”  
“You’re still the only one. We can’t figure out why.”  
“Recessive gene?”  
“More of us would have them if that was the reason.”  
“Chemical in the water?”  
“I don’t think so.”  
“We’d have to do tests to find out. What about sirens?”  
“Usually they’re black and green.”  
“Okay.”  
“Anything else you wanna know?”  
“What about eye color? Are there more colors?”  
“There are more colors. Brown and green are most common. Red after that.”  
“And blue?”  
“Mermaids with blue eyes are usually killed. They can’t be trusted.”  
“Why?”  
“You never trust something with eyes the color of the sea.”  
“Why?”  
“The legend of Calypso. She would capture sailors and lure them into her bed. In our legend, it's _‘with eyes blue as the sea and hair golden as the sun, she was most commonly found. She could appear in any form, but the blue eyes followed. One look, and you would be under her spell, for her eyes held her power.” ___  
“Oh. So you weren’t killed.”  
“Nope. My mom wasn’t living with the colony when she had me.”  
“What if you go back?”  
“They won’t kill me. Hopefully.”  
“They’ve changed,” Sam told him. He seemed sure of it, too.  
“So they wouldn’t?”  
“Not unless you had the power. And you don’t.”  
“Does anyone?”  
“Not that we know of.”  
“What if I do have it? And it doesn’t show until the transformation is done?”  
“I don’t know. You’ll wear sunglasses or something. You probably don’t have it. The legend says you have to be born with it.”  
“Okay.”  
“Stop worrying. You’ll be fine.”  
“Do you have your talent yet?”  
“No. Mom said adulthood.”  
“I know, but we’re not normal merfolk.”  
“No, we’re not. But it’s also possible that I have it and haven’t figured it out yet.”  
“How would you know what it is?”  
“Mom said that how she figured out her’s was when she got a finger shot off and it grew back within an hour.”  
“Do you think you have regeneration?”  
“I think I’ll wait until I get a cut or something to find that out.”  
“Yeah. It’s probably better that you don’t cut a toe off or something. But aren’t you almost an adult?”  
“For mermaids it’s twenty, Jim. I’m seventeen.”  
“I have to wait seven more years?”  
“Maybe. Have fun with that, little bro. I’m gonna go back inside, I’ve been swimming for a few hours,” Sam told them, getting out of the pool and drying off.  
“Okay,” Jim said distractedly.  


After Sam left, Jim lazily swam the length of the pool, trying to get used to the feel of his muscles and bones as the fins grew in.  


“What’s that on your back?” Leonard asked, catching sight of the three rows of fins, just poking through the skin.  
“Fins?”  
“Do they hurt?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Rate the pain?”  
“Off the scale. But I can deal with it.”  
“Okay. How long are they?”  
“They’re dorsal fins, so kinda short.”  
“Oh. Why six of them?”  
“No idea.”  


They were quiet for a time, simply enjoying spending time with each other, before Jim admitted, “You were never really supposed to find out about this.”  


“I know. But I did.”  
“And how do you feel about it?”  
“I think it’s the coolest thing in the world.”  
“Really?”  
“Yep. It’s amazing.”  
Jim smiled, but it faded fast, “Frank didn’t seem to think so.”  
“Well he isn’t a nice person, anyway. You don’t have to care about his opinion.”  
“You sure?”  
“Yes. You can’t change your DNA, Jim.”  
“I know.”  
“Would you? If you could?”  
“No.”  
“Good. Now, how about we swim?”  
“Sure.”  


The smile didn’t come back. Jim was too caught up in thought of what had happened with Frank and what Leonard had just found out and if the other merfolk would kill him when he returned. Leonard didn’t ask any more questions out of courtesy, but he kept his eye on Jim, wishing that he’d stop worrying about it. He’d cause unnecessary stress to himself and his body, which was already going through a helluva lot of stress.  
\------  


Two days later, Len went back to the Kirk family house, per request of Captain Pike.  


“Hi, Leonard, come in.”  
“What’s this about?” He asked quietly.  
“Jim.”  
“Why?”  
“You’re not in any kind of trouble. We just wanted to thank you. He really needed a friend. We never wanted this to happen to him, and since we can’t change it, we at least wanted to thank the person who made it suck a little less for him.”  
“Oh. You’re welcome, I guess.”  
“Oh, also, why does he call you Bones?”  
“He said it was because I’m gonna be a doctor.”  
“Ah. Don’t hurt him. Ever.”  
“I’ll try not to.”  
“Good. Now, come outside. We’re gonna watch him grow a tail.”  
“Won’t it be painful for him?”  
“Yes. But he’ll be fine.”  
“Okay,” Leonard said, slightly amused.  
\-----  


Leonard didn’t see Jim again. He had gotten worried and called Pike, but all he got was a ‘he’s fine, he’s just busy’. There was something going on, Leonard was sure, but he didn’t think it was any of his business. The Kirks were a secretive family, and they had a lot to be secretive about. Leonard knew full well that Jim was probably just dealing with the change as best he could and didn’t want anyone seeing him in case they would worry too much. It would make sense with him. He just hoped that Jim was okay. That was all he asked. 


	11. The Not so End of a Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo, nothing really triggering in this one. there's talk about a nightmare and mentions of abuse but that's pretty much it.

He went to the docks towards the end of his vacation to get around the city some. He hadn’t done much exploring yet, except for going to see the usual tourist attractions, the Golden Gate and such. For some reason, the pier beckoned him. It was like a magnetic force, attracting him and pulling him in. He walked around a bit before coming to sit on the edge, feet dangling in the water. There was no one around but him, it was peaceful, almost serene. Until he got splashed by some unseen object, flitting past in the water.  


“What the-” he began to shout.  
Brown-gold hair appeared above the surface of the water, followed by bright eyes and a grinning face.  
“Jim?” He asked, surprised.  
“Hi, Bones!”  
“What are you doing?”  
“We have to live in the water for a month after we change-” he paused, a skeptical look on his face- “No one told you that, did they?”  
“No.”  
“Sorry. It slipped my mind.”  
“So, is your month almost up?”  
“One more week.”  
“Are you having fun?”  
“Yeah. I visited another colony. One that’s less superstitious.”  
“Oh?”  
“Yeah. There’s another migás there. His name’s Spock.”  
“Cool. Do they live in this area?”  
“No. Off the coast of Asia. They were visiting, though. Migration paths and all.”  
“I wish I could see the colonies.”  
“I can take a camera down, if you want.”  
“Would you?”  
“Sure. I mean, it’s not a completely well kept secret that we exist.”  
“No, it’s not.”  


Jim rested his elbows on the dock and flicked his tail up and out of the water, so it flopped in the air behind him.  


“I’ve missed the land. What’s been going on?”  
“Not much. Honestly, I’ve been doing work. From what I know your brother has been too.”  
“Yeah, he’s got college stuff to do.”  
“Can you control the change?”  
“Like after this? I think. I’d have to ask Sam. I think if we’re in salt water we change. Other than that, I don’t know.”  
“Could I ask your mom about it?”  
“If she had time, she’d probably agree to it.”  
“Okay. I want to learn as much as I can about this.”  
“Why?”  
“Because it’s amazing!”  
“So you like me because of science and otherwise you find it disgusting.”  
“Jim, I never said that. The science behind this isn’t the only reason I think this is cool. You know how long I wanted mermaids to exist when I was little? Now that I know they do. You’re pretty amazing without the tail too. I don’t think I could find this disgusting if I tried.”  
“Really?”  
“Really, Jim.”  
“Thanks,” Jim told him with a fond and slightly surprised smile.  
“No problem.”  
“I’ve missed you, Bones. I’m glad you came down here.”  
“Missed you too, Jim.”  
Jim ducked under the water and it prompted McCoy to ask, “Does it hurt not to breathe through your gills?”  
“Not really. It’s easier to breathe through my gills though.”  
“I bet. You’re gonna have to transfer schools.”  
“That’s only if I move in with my mom. Which I might not. I can’t go back to Frank, but I could report him.”  
“You could. I think you should.”  
“It’s not an easy decision.”  
“I bet. You’ve lived with it for so long that you’re used to it, haven’t you?”  
“Yeah. I mean, some of it I’ll never be used to. But other parts, the hitting and punching and yelling. The whipping. I’m used to that.”  
“Whatever you decide, even if it is going back to Frank, I won’t push you to do anything you don’t want to.”  
“Thank you.”  
“So, what have you been eating down there?”  
“Kale. Seaweed. Fish.”  
“Raw?”  
“Yes and no.”  
“Okay, that might be a bit gross.”  
“Mermaids can’t tolerate cooked fish forever. We’re sea creatures. We do cook some of it, though.”  
“I bet you know a lot of good fish recipes, then.”  
“Definitely.”  
“You’ll have to make one for me sometime.”  
“You know what food I miss the most?”  
“Sure.”  
“It’s between hamburgers and peach cobbler.”  
“Once you’re out we’ll get you some. Have you visited your colony?”  
“Yeah. They didn’t kill me.”  
“I can see that.”  
“They still looked at me like I was something the cat dragged in, though. It’s the golden scales.”  
“I think your gold scales are pretty,” Bones told him in a joking tone.  
“But they don’t. Green or blue like the sea is preferred by everyone. Not golden like the sun. Water and fire don’t mix.”  
“Who cares what they think? It’s your opinion that matters.”  
“I like them.”  
“Then don’t let them tell you otherwise.”  
“Okay. Shit.”  
“What?” Leonard said a little too late. Another couple were looking over at where Jim had just been, confused looks on their faces. They shook their heads like they were clearing them, and walked away.  
“That was close,” Jim said, reappearing.  
“It’s sad that you have to worry about that.”  
“It’s life. I don’t care that much.”  
“Can I see your tail?”  
“Why?”  
“I just wanna look at it.”  


Jim nodded and went upside down in the water, making sure that his tail was all the way out. He came back up after about a minute.  


“The scale patterns are really intricate.”  
“I know.”  
“Do they have weapons down there?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Do they ever fight?”  
“More than they should.”  
“Have you ever been in one of those fights?”  
“Not yet. They’re really dangerous. We’ve got obsidian knives.”  
“Those don’t sound like much fun.”  
“They’re not.”  
“There anythin’ you’re not tellin’ me?”  
“Don’t think so.”  
“Are you injured?”  
“No,” Jim lied.  
“Jim.”  
“Fiiiine,” Jim whined, “A little bit.”  
“Show me?”  
“Sure.”  


Jim pushed himself up on the dock, and turned his forearm upwards to show Bones the thin cut.  


“That from one of the knives?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Why?”  
“Breach of conduct. I accidentally knocked something over.”  
“Merfolk are cruel, aren’t they?”  
“They can be. We don’t come from a particularly nice colony.”  
“I can’t do anything about it here.”  
“I know.”  
“When did it happen?”  
“Yesterday.”  
“The salt should have cleaned it out. It’ll be fine.”  
“Okay. Come again tomorrow?”  
“Definitely. Could you meet me at a beach or something? I kind of want to swim with you.”  
“Sure. Pirate’s beach?”  
“Definitely. I was there last week. It’s pretty secluded.”  
“Yep.”  
“I’ll see you then.”  
“See you tomorrow, Bones,” Jim said, his excited grin catching and forcing Len to smile back. Hopefully they wouldn’t have to worry about people tomorrow.  
\-----  


Pirate’s beach was a small strip of sand with a large bit of water next to it. Not many people went there. Jim was glad he had chosen this beach.  


“Jim?”  
“Over here, Bones!” he called.  
“You really do look at home here.”  
“It’s not my only home.”  
“Let’s keep it that way, shall we?”  
“We shall.”  
“Did you ever get homesick as a kid?”  
“Until I was four.”  
“How was that?”  
“Not fun. I could remember what the sea felt like. I longed to have the feeling back. Didn’t get it till now.”  
“Do you get homesick now?”  
“Yeah. I miss the land. Miss my feet, my legs. But I love my tail.”  
“You’ll be back soon.”  
“I know. Chris said you offered to help take care of me when my mom couldn’t.”  
“I did. Even if you stay with Frank. I’m not gonna stop helping you.”  
“Thanks. I thought you would’ve left by now.”  
“Never.”  
“That a promise?”  
“As much of one as it can be.”  
“Just don’t leave me alone,” Jim requested.  
“I won’t, Jim.”  
“Come on, let’s swim.”  
“Don’t get me stuck in a riptide.”  
“I won’t.”  


Jim swam Bones to shore after around an hour, when they were both tired and in need of food.  


“I wish I could come ashore with you.”  
“Six days, Jim.”  
“Too long. I want feet again.”  
“Of course you do,” Bones huffed a laugh, “Don’t you want to stay in the sea a little longer?”  
“The other mermaids are mean to me,” Jim whined.  
“You’re fine, Jim. You’ve got six more days and then you’ll be missing the ocean.”  
“Fine. But you’re taking me to lunch after.”  
“Sure, Jim.”  


As Jim let Bones go, Leonard caught sight of something worrisome.  


“Let me see your arm?” He asked, giving Jim a chance to turn him down.  
“Why?”  
“Just let me see it.”  
“Tell me why?”  
“I just wanna make sure you’re not bleeding.”  
“I’m not. I’m fine.”  
“Then show me your arm.”  


Jim relented, and lifted his arm out of the water.  


“What happened? This was fine yesterday.”  
“When you do something bad again, they cut the same spot, regardless if it’s healed or not.”  
“It looks infected.”  
“Poison, I think.”  
“What did they use?”  
“I don’t know. They give the antidote after a day, provided you don’t do anything bad again.”  
“Damn. What kind of colony do you come from?”  
“An primitive one.”  
“I wish there was something I could do.”  
“Just keep coming back.”  
“Okay, Jim.”  
“I’m sorry for worrying you,” Jim said, looking down.  
“It’s fine, Jim. Just, make sure you get that antidote.”  
“I will. I’m leaving the colony after I get it.”  
“Okay. Meet me at the docks tomorrow?”  
“Definitely.”  
“Go get some rest, Jim.”  
“Bye, Bones.”  
“See you tomorrow, Jim.”  
\------  


Jim got the antidote and left the colony without any trouble. When he got to the docks, they were slightly crowded. He’d just have to keep hidden until Bones got there. Roughly two hours later, the docks were slightly less crowded and Bones arrived with a picnic basket.  
He gave Jim fresh kale, and took a sandwich out for himself.  


“You don’t know how much I love you right now.” Jim said, before devouring the aforementioned kale.  
“I brought sushi, too.”  
“Ooh, gimme!” Jim crooned, making grabby hands.  
“You seem hungry,” Bones observed.  
“That antidote kinda took its toll.”  
“I’m glad you left, Jim.”  
“Me too. I was scared they’d keep me there as a hostage but it seemed like they wanted me to leave.”  
“Five more days.”  
“I know. I’m gonna stay by the docks for the rest of it.”  
“Have you decided what you’re gonna do when you go back to Iowa?”  
“Yeah. Pike came by earlier. Told me my mom was being deployed in Japan to help out with some things going on over there. I have no choice but to go back to Frank’s.”  
“I’ll come by once or twice a week to help out, okay?”  
“Okay. If you can’t make it some weeks that’s okay.”  
“I’ll try to make it every week. If I can’t, I’ll call you.”  
“Okay.”  
“So, any hot mermaids you’d like to tell me about?”  
“Nope. They all avoided me. Looked at me like I was trash.”  
“Oh. Sorry.”  
“No, it’s fine. I hung out with Spock a little more. He seems to like me.”  
“Good. Is he gonna come up on land?”  
“Not anytime soon, I don’t think. He said maybe for college. So like, two more years for him.”  
“Maybe I’ll meet him.”  
“Maybe. He’s cool. Serious, but has a sense of humour if you can get it out of him.”  
“Okay. Are there any differences between his biology and physiology and your’s?”  
“He’s got pointy ears and slanted eyebrows. Green blood.”  
“That’s really cool. They’ve got copper based blood.”  
“Yep. Their hearts are where their livers should be, too.”  
“Where are their livers?”  
“Never asked. I think below the heart.”  
“Okay. How’s your day been?”  
“Kind of boring. I’ve spent my day hiding from passersby. What about your’s?”  
“I talked to Sam about what to expect for college.”  
“Where did he get in? What’s his major?”  
“He’s gonna be a film production major.”  
“Cool. What school?”  
“University of Southern California.”  
“Oh, that’s a good school.”  
“Yeah, it is.”  
“I’m happy for him. He’ll do great.”  
“You’ve still got a while before you even have to think about that.”  
“Sort of.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I never really told you. I’m graduating high school next year.”  
“Why?”  
“Did I never tell you what classes I was taking?”  
“No, you didn’t.”  
“Oh. Juniors AP classes. They did diagnostic tests at the beginning of the year and placed me where they thought best.”  
“God, Jim. What’s your IQ?”  
“154.”  
“Wow. Knew you were a genius, but damn, that’s high.”  
“What’s yours?”  
“140.”  
“That’s good.”  
“Not as good as 154.”  
“Don’t be jealous. You’re smart.”  
“I’m not jealous.”  
“You were for a second.”  
“Maybe. But not anymore.”  
“Good. You shouldn’t be jealous of me.”  
“I won’t be.”  
“Good. Now, tell me what you’ve been doing. Not with my family, but when you’re alone in your hotel room being lonely because I’m not there.”  
“You hold yourself in too high regard,” Bones teased.  
“Maybe.”  
“Have to admit, I like seein’ that smile, kid. Never did see it very often.”  
“You’re the one who put it there, of course you like it,” Jim threw back, “And things are different now. I’ve got a friend who knows all my secrets.”  
“I doubt this is all of ‘em.”  
“You’d be right. But the others ones have to do with Frank and I’m not ready to tell you those.”  
“That’s okay.”  
“You know, platonically, I do kind of love you.”  
“Right back at ya, Jim. How’s that cut?”  
“It’s getting better. Do you wanna see?”  
“May I?”  
“Sure.”  
Jim bore his forearm and Leonard looked it over, “It does seem to be getting better. Does it hurt?”  
“A little.”  
“Okay,” Len nodded, “I still can’t believe they’d do that. They’re no better than most of us.”  
“You expected they’d be different? There are always gonna be bad things about a society. Our’s is more primal than your’s. That’s all.”  
“I guess I expected they wouldn’t hurt ya.”  
“It could’ve been worse. You could’ve never come to the docks.”  
“Why would that have made it worse?”  
“Because. I was scared. I ran away from the colony after it. I hadn’t known they’d do that. Then I saw you. It was comforting, I guess.”  
“Oh. I should probably thank you for coming to the docks, since I had only come to think about where you might be.”  
“I’ll try not to worry you in the future.”  
“Thanks.”  
“You know, Sam told me something about merfolk.”  
“What?”  
“No one knows why we have human torsos.”  
“Really?”  
“Yep. No one. Of course, research has been done and myths have been read for any possible truths, but the best thing we’ve come up with is that nymphs existed.”  
“Did they?”  
“As far as we can tell.”  
“Cool.”  
After a bit, Leonard looked around and said, “There’s no one around anymore.”  
“I know. Help me up on the dock?”  
“Sure.”  


They sat together, Jim’s tail next to Leonard’s legs, and they talked. Like normal. There was no change in their relationship, no bump in the road because someone had to get over the fact that he wasn’t solely human. Leonard had just accepted it. It was nice.  


At the end of the week, Leonard came with clothes.  


“We’ve got a few hours till we have to get to the airport. Wanna do something?”  
“Just go to Pike’s and get your sweatshirt. He was finishing cleaning it.”  
“You can keep it, you know.”  
“I know. It’s the only one I have.”  
“Well I’ll buy more and give you my old ones.”  
“The old ones are the most comfortable.”  
“I know.”  
“Can we go get burgers?” Jim asked hopefully.  
“Sure, Jim.”  


After a trip to the local burger place, they drove over to Pike’s.  


“Jim! Nice to see those legs again.”  
“Yeah, it is.”  
“Back from your month of water breathing, little bro?” Sam asked, entering the room.  
“Yep!”  
“Did you have fun?”  
“Yeah. I saw Spock again.”  
“How is he? Last time I saw him he was going back to Japan to save whales.”  
“He saved three whole pods. He was studying the human culture and college curriculum. Wants to go to college next year.”  
“Good for him. Anything he was thinking of doing?”  
“Not really. I think his two choices were philosophy and physics.”  
“Huh. Didn’t seem much like a guy for philosophy to me.”  
“He seems to like it. What have you been doing?”  
“College stuff. Kinda boring. How’d the colony treat you?”  
“Like trash. They seemed to hate me.”  
“Mom said that might happen. I didn’t want to believe they would.”  
“Coulda warned me.”  
“Sorry. How’s the seaweed down there?”  
“Running low, apparently. But it was good. Better, actually. Same with the fish.”  
“Of course it was. Come on, wanna try controlling the change?”  
“Yes!”  
“Then let’s head down to the beach.”  
“Is it really only in saltwater?”  
“We can’t breathe anything else.”  
“I wanna test that theory.”  
“Okay.”  
“Have you been able to grow just gills?”  
“I’ve tried.”  
“How do you make yourself change? Do you just think it?”  
“That’s how I did it.”  
“Okay.”  


They headed back to the pool, and Jim stripped to the swimsuit he had asked Leonard to bring.  


“Guess I’ll find out what I can do.”  
“Guess you will.”  


Jim dove into the pool, and sat under the water. He thought gills for about five minutes continuously. He felt something fluttering on the sides of his neck, and broke the surface of the water.  


“So?” Sam asked.  
“Yep. It works.” Jim affirmed, looking pleased.  
“Awesome.”  
“Can I touch them?” Leo asked, a bit bashfully.  
“Why do you want to?”  
“I want to know what they feel like.”  
“Fine. Go ahead.”  
“Thanks.”  


Leonard ran his fingers lightly over the ridges on Jim’s neck, keeping in mind the science behind it and how it shouldn’t have even been possible.  


“That is so cool,” he said in awe.  
“Glad you think so.”  
“Can you breathe this water, though?”  
“Let me check.”  


He submerged himself and relaxed as his gills started to flutter. His lungs didn’t sting or burn, which he took as a good sign.  


“Yep.”  
“Okay. I’m a bit worried about what chlorine might do to your lungs.”  
“It didn’t hurt, so I don’t think it’s a problem.”  
“Okay. But if it starts to hurt-”  
“I know. Stop doing it.”  


Jim let his gills fade away, and hopped out of the pool.  


“I miss my scales,” he remarked.  
“Already?” Sam asked him.  
“They’re easy to miss.”  
“Why don’t you see if you can make them appear too?”  
“Good idea.”  


Jim began to wish for his scales. Not long after, they began to appear.  


“They’re so swirly.”  
“Yep.”  


Len ran his fingers gently over them, almost reverently.  


“God, Bones, you love them as much as I do,” Jim teased.  
“Isn’t that a good thing?”  
“Sure.”  
“They’re just so amazing. And intricate. And-”  
“I get it, Bones, and I’d love to listen to you go on about it, but I’m really hungry. So I wanna get something to eat. And then you can continue.”  
“Okay.”  


Jim got up and walked into the house.  


“Whoa. You figured out how to do it?” Pike asked.  
“Watch this.”  


Jim made his gills appear almost immediately. Once he had done it once, his body seemed more willing to do it.  


“That’s great, Jim. Bit weird without the tail, though.”  
“I bet. I just missed the scales. Now that I know I can get them back whenever I want, I don’t miss them as much.”  
“Good. Now, what do you want to eat?”  
“Do we have any salmon?”  
“Yeah, we do. I’ll cook it for you.”  
“Thanks. I’ll be upstairs.”  
“Okay, Jim,” Pike acknowledged.  


Jim headed up the stairs and went into the room that’d been dubbed his, shutting the door behind him. He put on actual clothes, and headed back downstairs to find Bones.  


“Hey, Bones? Do you have my lion?”  
“Yeah, it’s in that sweatshirt.”  
“Where is it?”  
“By the front door.”  
“Thanks.”  


Jim didn’t mention that he didn’t sleep when he was down in the sea. Merfolk could stay awake for longer than humans without ill effects. He thought he slept about twice. After the first time, he didn’t want to try again. After the second time, he couldn’t.  


“I’m gonna take a nap. Wake me up when the salmon is done.”  
“Sure, Jim.”  


Twenty minutes later, he was called downstairs. He are quickly, and went right back up the stairs.  


Three hours later, muffled noises that sounded suspiciously like screams were coming from Jim’s room.  


“Uh… should someone go check on him?” Bones asked worriedly.  
“He’s having a nightmare. He’s got his lion, though, so…” Pike paused, “Maybe it’s gotten worse. Better to just wait until the screams stop. After that, he’ll wake up pretty soon. Or not at all. Sometimes he doesn’t, other times he does.”  
“What exactly is ‘it’?”  
“His secret.”  
“Okay.”  


Twenty minutes later the screams finally stopped. Jim came out of his room,sleep tousled, shaken, and looking absolutely exhausted.  


“Bones?” Jim said quietly.  
“Yeah?”  
“Could you come up here?”  


Chris gave Phil a look, and Phil shook his head, wondering the same thing.  


“What is it Jim?”  
“Pretty sure you know I had a nightmare.”  
“Yep.”  
“Then I guess I should tell you.”  
“If you don’t want to, you don’t have to, Jim. It’s okay.”  
“No. It’s better I get it out now.”  
“Okay.”  
“I’ve had PTSD since 5th grade. Usually the lion stops the nightmares. It didn’t this time.”  
“Any idea why?”  
“Because it’s a stuffed lion. It can’t protect me from my mind.”  
“Okay.”  
“Just, I didn’t sleep while I was down there. The first time I tried it was kind of nerve wracking. Second time is was worse. So I didn’t really sleep. But, you’re gonna be a doctor and I figured you might know something about this kind of thing.”  
“I don’t know how to get rid of nightmares, Jim.”  
“I know. But you know something about PTSD, right? Probably more than I do?”  
“I might, yeah.”  
“Then help. If you can.”  
“Okay.”  
“Can you?”  
“Yeah, Jim, I can. Gonna need more information, though.”  
“How much?”  
“You don’t want to talk about it, do ya?”  
“Not at all.”  
“Is there any part you’re willing to talk about?”  
“Of the nightmare?”  
“If that’s what you’re willing to talk about, then sure.”  
“I don’t know. You might not wanna hear it.”  
“Does talking about it help you?”  
“Getting it out there? Not really. Just serves to make it worse, usually.”  
“Why does it make is worse?”  
“Because people usually don’t like finding out. Think I’m too much of a burden after.”  
“Really?”  
“They get stressed and worried because of it and I become baggage. Not like it matters.”  
“It does matter. People take the easy way out. Instead of helping they leave.”  
“Yeah, I guess so.”  
“I haven’t left yet, Jim. What was the nightmare about?”  
“Frank.”  
“What did he do?”  
“Hurt me, like always. Sometime it’s different. Sometimes he kills me. Other times, it’s a memory.”  
“Was this one a memory?”  
“Yep.”  
“How old were you?”  
“Six.”  
“How did he hurt you?”  
“I don’t want to talk about that.”  
“Okay, Jim.”  
Jim was quiet for a time, fidgeting with whatever his hands could find before admitting, “I’m afraid that he’ll rape me, Bones.”  
“If he ever tries anything-”  
“I’ll leave. I’ll knock him out before he can do anything and I’ll leave.”  
“Where will you go?”  
“The barn. Always the barn.”  
“What if you’re hurt?”  
“I’ll call someone.”  
“Who? What if it’s life threatening?”  
“Maybe I’ll ask your dad for help. I don’t know.”  
“You can call me, if it’s not life threatening. If it is, I want you to call 911 right away.”  
“But they always ask what happened.”  
“Make something up. Or tell them you don’t remember.”  
“Okay.”  
“Is your lion’s name Leo?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Really? You named your lion lion?”  
“I know what I named him. I was like two.”  
“And knew the latin word for lion,” Bones said flatly.  
“I had an interest.”  
“Okay.”  
“You’re Leo, too, though.”  
“Thought I was Bones.”  
“You are. But you’re also Leonard and Len and Leo.”  
“Ya know, I’ve never liked the nickname Leo.”  
“Why?”  
“Girlfriend calls me that.”  
“And you don’t like your girlfriend?”  
“I like her just fine. But she calls me Leo when we fight. Knows I don’t like it much.”  
“You fight often?”  
“No. When I’m done with med school we’re gonna get married.”  
“Good for you.”  
“I hope so.”  
“Having second thoughts?”  
“More like I’m wonderin’ who’s gonna take care a you when I’m on my honeymoon.”  
“How about my mother, for a change?”  
“Sure.”  
“We got kind of sidetracked.”  
“I know. Do you wanna keep talking about it?”  
“No.”  
“You okay?”  
“Fine. Just sleep deprived.”  
“Then sleep.”  
“I don’t want to disturb you with my screams.”  
“So you know about those.”  
“Frank told me once.”  
“Oh. Guess he didn’t like ‘em, did he?”  
“Not at all. He hated them. Still does, when it happens.”  
“What would happen if you didn’t have your lion?”  
“Nightmares would come back.”  
“Anything else?”  
“Nothing I’m willing to share.”  
“Okay.”  
“Thanks Bones.”  
“No problem, Jim.”  
\-------  


“Jim, can we ask you something?” Phil requested, beckoning Jim into the living room after Leonard left.  
“Sure.”  
“Are you and Leonard…. involved?”  
“No. One, that’s illegal, and two, I don’t wanna date.”  
“Okay. If you did want to date though, who would you date?”  
“I don’t know. Do you mean what’s my sexuality?”  
“I think that’s what Phil is trying to ask you, yes.”  
“You’re a doctor. You’re not supposed to be squeamish around those topics.”  
“I’m not. I needed a way to lead into the question but didn’t have a good one.”  
“Okay.”  
“So what is it? If you’re willing to tell us.”  
“I’m fine with telling you. Pan with a preference for human males.”  
“Pay up, Chris,” Phil said with a smug smirk.  
“You guys bet on my sexuality? How did you even guess that?”  
“Oh, well we both thought it’d be pan. He just thought it would be women.”  
“Doesn’t that say something about him?”  
“It better not.”  
“It doesn’t, I promise.”  
“Why did you want to know, anyway? Couldn’t that have waited a few years?”  
“Probably. But we were getting curious. Especially since you asked for him after a nightmare.”  
“He’s gonna be a doctor.”  
“And Phil is a doctor.”  
“Bones is closer to my age.”  
“You feel more comfortable around him?”  
“Something like that,” Jim said, wondering _why _he had wanted Bones over Phil.  
“Okay.”  
“When are you leaving, again?”  
“Friday. So, two days.”  
“Okay. You got something worked out for when you get back?”  
“Yep. Call Bones if it’s not life threatening. Call 911 if it is.”  
“Good. And you’ll keep up on all your work?”  
“Definitely.”  
“And continue to swim?”  
“Yeah, I will. I’m not gonna quit now.”  
“Good.”  
“Maybe I’ll go out for the junior olympics.”  
“Do whatever you want, Jim. Just stay as safe as possible.”  
“I will.”  
“Now, go outside and play. Be a kid.”  
“I was a kid, once,” Jim remarked somewhat darkly.  
“You still are.”  
“I guess.”__


	12. Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I kind of lied. There's a triggering abuse scene in this one, and then triggering dialogue. I know, I know, I said there'd be no triggering material for a while but I didn't realize where I was in the fic. Whoops. Should be fairly sparse, though, throughout the rest of it.

A month could pass quickly when you had a butt ton of work to do. Or it could pass agonizingly slowly because you had so much work but all you wanted to do was put it off.  


That’s how the next two months were. The first one, the latter, the second one, the former. Jim and Bones both had enough work that it kept them from seeing each other most of the time. By the time finals rolled around for Jim in June, he was about ready to drop dead.  


“Bones,” Jim whined into the phone.  
“I’ll be right there.”  
“Bring food. And movies.”  
“Sure. Is Chinese good?”  
“Perfect.”  
“Okay.”  


Bones was there in half an hour, take out bags and movies in his arms.  


“You injured?”  
“Yes. But you better take care of it quickly. And you better have brought good movies. Finals are finally over and I need to actually spend time with my one human friend.”  
“Oh please, you have others.”  
“I do. But they’re not as fun as you.”  
“Aren’t they?”  
“Well Uhura is pretty awesome, and Sulu, well, him and his plants.”  
“What about that little kid you were telling me about?”  
“The Russian exchange student?”  
“Yeah that one.”  
“Chekov. He’s got an IQ that rivals mine and a knowledge of astrophysics that you totally wouldn’t expect.”  
“Okay. Now sit down so I can help with those.”  
“Okay.”  


Leonard was often surprised with how readily Jim agreed to his helping these days, but he didn’t mention it. He knew that Jim had become comfortable with accepting help, even if it was only from him. He was just glad that Jim would accept the help he offered, instead of turning him away like he so often had.  
\-------  


Leonard rarely saw Jim. It was a fact. He simply had no time, and it wasn’t like Jim did either. They were both nearly overwhelmed with the workload they had, it was hard to find any time other than every second saturday to see each other. Leonard missed Jim, worried about him. He wished that Jim was safe and well, but he knew that was most likely never the case. He loathed the fact that someone like Frank was even in Jim’s life; he didn’t understand why the universe had dumped all that shit on Jim. It wasn’t fair. But like his Mama said, life wasn’t fair.  


Soon enough several months passed with a meager few visits and it was well into summer. Jim headed off to San Francisco, and Leonard stayed in Iowa to figure out more med school stuff. That’s how it went those days, rarely seeing each other except for when Jim was injured. It got to the point where Jim almost considered getting hurt on purpose. Almost.  


In mid-november, right around Thanksgiving, Jim and Bones were talking, “We never see each other anymore, Bones,” he said over the phone while puttering around his room, cleaning up the clothes that were strewn across the floor. God, he really had to do the laundry.  
“I know. I’m sorry, Jim,” Bones voice came across the speaker, sounding regretful.  
“It’s okay. I just miss you,” Jim told him, fiddling with the hem of the top sheet on his bed.  
“I miss you too. But med school is a lot of work.”  
“I know that.”  
“Have you gotten hurt recently or are you still in San Francisco?”  
He was pacing around his room, having run out of things to do, “No, I’m back at Frank’s. He’s been in the hospital.”  
“Oh, why?”  
“Liver problems,” Jim paused, “What a surprise,” he added sarcastically.  
“He gonna be out or no?”  
“Comes home in two days.”  
“You gonna stay?”  
“I don’t know.”  
“I’ll come by if I can, Jim.”  
“Okay.”  
“We can swim together, all right?”  
“Sure,” he said in a slightly bored tone.  
“Hey, where’s that excited teenager that I knew all those months ago?” Bones asked, half joking.  
“Frank killed him.”  
“You sure?”  
“No,” Jim admitted.  
“We’ll have a Lord of the Rings marathon. Extended editions.”  
“Really?” A smile spread across his face at the thought of spending over sixteen hours with Bones. Bones was his best friend, and he missed being around him.  
“Really, Jim. Just don’t get hurt too bad.”  
“I’ll try not to get hurt at all.”  
“Good.”  
“Hope to see you soon, Bones.”  
“You too, Jim.”  
Before he hung up, and before he let Bones he quietly said, “Wait.”  
“What is it Jim?”  
Jim didn’t want to admit it, but he had to, “I’m scared.”  
“I know. I know you’re scared, Jim. You have every right to be.”  
“I hate being afraid of him,” he told Bones, curling his free hand into a fist.  
“It’s a natural bodily reaction. You can’t accept your situation. That’s a good thing, Jim.”  
“I’m not so sure.”  
“Just wait the two days. I promise I’ll come. I can’t take the fear away, Jim.”  
“I know,” he paused, “Dammit, Bones, I know that. I just don’t like it being there. It’s like a man lurking in the corner, ready to attack at any moment. And I know that feeling all too well, Bones.”  
Bones sighed, not knowing what to say.  
“Can I just rant at you for a bit?” Jim asked him.  
“Of course.”  
“It’s just- I don’t really know how to explain this. When I was little and I saw Frank hitting Jenny, I questioned it. I wondered if it was normal, or if he did it because he loved her. I didn’t understand why if he loved her he would cause her pain. It didn’t make sense to me. But he said he loved her. I learned pretty quickly that it wasn’t normal, but I still can’t fathom why he insisted that he loved her if he was so easily able to cause her pain. Then he started hitting me. I knew he didn’t love me, so it always made sense to me. I knew he hated me, _wanted_ to cause me pain. He wanted me to be dead. He still does. And it’s not the fear that I hate. It’s the fact that after all these years I’m _still afraid_. I’ve faced the fear so many times, and it never goes away. It’s like that man in the corner comes out every chance he gets. He attacks and then retreats back to that corner instead of leaving. For that man, the job is never done. It won’t be done until I’m dead. That’s another thing I’m afraid of. Not death, but the fact that Frank might kill me. I don’t want to die, no matter how much shit I go through. No matter what I feel like, I know I don’t _want_ to die. But I don’t know why I’m still afraid of him. Why, after nine years, does he still make my heart race in a really unpleasant way? Why does he make me feel like death would be a good thing? Why does he have that power over me?”  


Leonard didn’t think he had any answers.  
“It’s okay that you can’t answer those questions. I know I have to find my own answers. I just don’t understand it, I guess.”  
“Remember that day in the barn?”  
“The first one?”  
“Yeah, the first one.”  
“Yep.”  
“What did you feel like that day?”  
“I felt like I was tearing apart at the seams. There was this feeling in my chest that made me need to scream until my throat was raw.”  
“Did Frank do that?”  
“I don’t know. It was more my displeasure with everything. There are just days when I need to get away. Days when I need to leave everything and go to the middle of nowhere and just scream till I feel whole again. With so many days where I feel like I’m breaking, I never get any to feel like a whole person.”  
“Hopefully you’ll have more in the future.”  
“Hopefully. Thanks for listening, Bones.”  
“No problem, Jim.”  
“See you it two days.”  
“Definitely.”  


He hung up, trying not to feel too hopeful lest what they talked about never happened. He went for a swim to relieve some of the tension in his body. It didn’t help.  


Two days later, the tension was still there. Like someone was pulling on the ends of a rope wrapped tight around his midsection, moving him in two directions while he stayed planted on the ground.  


“Oh, you’re home,” Franks grunted as he walked in the door.  
“And so are you. Unfortunately.”  
“Hey. I almos’ died. Ya don’t get ta tell me it’s unfortunate that I’m home.”  
“Can’t I? And you didn’t almost die, stop being melodramatic.”  
“You shut your mouth, boy.”  
“Are you sober?”  
“Not happily.”  
“No, you’re never happily sober. How silly of me to think so,” Jim griped sarcastically.  
“I tol’ you to shut your mouth!”  
“What are you gonna do about it? Hit me? You wouldn’t dare while sober.”  
“Maybe I will. Or maybe I’ll do worse. While sober.”  
“I doubt it. You never hit Jenny while you were sober.”  
“She wasn’t you. I actually liked her.”  
“Really? I thought she was just your punching bag.”  
“Shut up or I might just hit you.”  
“Weren’t you going to anyway?”  
“Haven’t decided yet.”  
“Better decide quickly or I might leave.”  
“Oh? And go where?”  
“Who cares? Just so long as you don’t know.”  
“Hmmph. Whatever.”  


Jim walked towards the door, hoping that he could escape. He thought Frank hadn’t noticed the slightly hurried pace, but then he was grabbed by the back of the shirt and hauled backwards. Frank kicked his right ankle and his knees buckled at the sudden painful contact.  


“Forgot how much I missed that ass a yours.”  


Jim froze.  


_Not that again. No. _  
“Oh, but you must’ve known, shakin’ that delectable little thing for me. What a shame it would be for you to leave now.”  
“Let go of me.”  
“Maybe I’ll handcuff you. Never done that before. Or chain you up. How does that sound?”  
“I told you to let go of me.”  
“And I ignored you. Now answer the question. How does that sound?”  
“Why are you doing this?”  
“Because I deserve a welcome home present, now don’t I?”  
“No.”  
__

Frank slapped him.  


“Yes I do. I always do. That’s something you’ll have to learn.”  
“I don’t want to.”  
“But aren’t you the one who _always _loved learning? Well, boy, looks I’m the teacher now.”  
“Please, let me go.”  
“No.”  
“Why can’t you just hit me like normal?”  
“Because this is your gift to me.”  
__

_Is he gonna make me do something? Please God no don’t let him do this no. _  
__

“I’d rather you just hit me.”  
“Is that so? Maybe I’ll get you bloody before you give me my gift.”  


The belt came down two minutes later. Jim was grateful for it. When Frank put the belt away, Jim was ready with a weapon of his own. He hit Frank in the head with the thousand-some page hardcover book he had found near him on the floor. Frank was out like a light.  


“Bones?” He asked once he heard the first inhale over the receiver.  
“Jim?”  
“Yeah, where are you?”  
“On my way over, why?”  
“My house?”  
“What about the barn?”  
“The barn. Okay.”  
“Thanks.”  
“No problem. You injured?”  
“A little.”  
“Okay. See you in ten minutes, Jim.”  


_Ten minutes. I can wait that long. _  
__

“Okay, Bones. Ten minutes.”  


It took Jim a little longer than ten minutes to get there.  


“Jim! I was worried, you’re late.”  
“Limping a mile takes longer than just walking it.”  
“Get that shirt off. Roll up the pants leg, too. Ankle, right?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Which one?”  
“Right.”  
“Want help?”  
“Please?”  
“Of course.”  


Jim sank down onto a bale of hay and let Leonard help him, grateful to be with his friend again, even if it was the normal circumstance.  
“This looks bad, Jim.”  
“Not any worse than what I’ve had before.”  
“No, I don’t think so. But I wouldn’t know.”  
“He wanted something, Bones.”  
“You didn’t let him get it.”  
“No. But he’ll get it eventually.”  
“Will he?”  
“Probably.”  
“Do you know what it was?”  
“No.”  
“Did he say anything?”  
“How much of the conversation do you want?”  
“All of it, if that’s okay.”  
“It’s fine. But I’m gonna stop if I feel anxious.”  
“I wouldn’t expect you to continue if you did.”  
Jim took a deep breath and recited it: _“Forgot how much I missed that ass a yours. Oh, but you must’ve known, shakin’ that delectable little thing for me. What a shame it would be for you to leave now. Maybe I’ll handcuff you. Never done that before. Or chain you up. How does that sound? And I ignored you. Now answer the question. How does that sound? Because I deserve a welcome home present, now don’t I?”_  
What did you say?”  
“I told him to let go of me twice. Then I asked him why he was doing it,” Jim said it again, this time with his responses, _“It would be a shame for you to leave now.” “Let go of me.” “Maybe I’ll handcuff you. Never done that before. Or chain you up. How does that sound?” “I told you to let go of me.” “And I ignored you. Now answer the question. How does that sound?” “Why are you doing this?” “Because I deserve a welcome home present, now don’t I?”_  
“Anything else?”  
“Hold on.”  
Jim took a few more deep breaths to calm himself, and then continued, _“Because I deserve a welcome home present, now don’t I?” “No.” “Yes I do. I always do. That’s something you’ll have to learn.” “I don’t want to.” “But aren’t you the one who always loved learning? Well boy, looks I’m the teacher now.” “Please, let me go.” “No.” “Why can’t you just hit me like normal?” “Because this is your gift to me.”_  
“Do you think you could guess what he wanted?” Bones asked, hoping that Frank had never gotten it, past or present.  
“A blowjob? For me to fuck him? I don’t know. Maybe he just wanted me to sit there and take it. Maybe call him daddy while he did it,” Jim said bitterly. He hated thinking about it, just the notion of it made him anxious.  
“Stop thinking about it. You’ll trigger yourself.”  
“You’re the one who wanted to know.”  
“I know. And I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”  
“It’s okay. Guess someone needs to know, right?”  
“Only if you’re okay with telling me. And I’m sorry if it triggered you. Even just a bit. Talking about something like that, reciting a conversation, I understand the effect that could have.”  
“You don’t have to apologize. You gave me a choice. I chose to do it, and you still gave me a way out. I have to say, I’m not good at taking that way out. Too stubborn.”  
“Maybe one day you’ll be okay with doing it.”  
“I don’t like giving in to my emotions.”  
“I’m sure you don’t. C’mon, I have fresh peach cobbler.”  
“You do?”  
“Yep. Let me finish with the bandages and then we can get some.”  
“I don’t have a shirt,” Jim said when he finished.  
“Take my sweatshirt,” Bones told him, shrugging it off.  
“Thanks.”  
“No problem, Jim.”  
“Why are all your sweatshirts so comfy?”  
“Because they’re mine.”  
“That doesn’t make a sweatshirt comfortable, though.”  
“Fine. They’re worn out. They’re old and big. And warm.”  
“Okay.”  
“C’mon, let’s go get peach cobbler.”  
“Is there any blood on my face?”  
“Why?”  
“Because it feels like there is, and you haven’t looked at my face yet.”  
“I have.”  
“But you haven’t looked at it.”  
“Did he hit you?”  
“A few times.”  


Bones checked him over, cleaned off the little bit of blood that was there, and grabbed the sleeve of the sweatshirt, dragging Jim inside.  


“Mama! We’ve got a guest!”  
“Is it Jim?”  
“It is!”  
“Oh, goody! We haven’t seen him in ages. I’ll get the peach cobbler!”  


They were alone the table, thankfully, after a hair ruffling and a hug from Leonard’s mother, and a hug from his father too. Over the cobbler, Jim asked, “So, what’s going on with you and your girlfriend? What’s her name?”  
“Her name is Jocelyn.”  
“Let me guess, blonde hair, blue-green eyes, completely human, totally in love with you.”  
“That’s accurate. How did you know about the hair and eyes?”  
“Blonde and blue eyed seemed like your type. I took a guess.”  
“It was a good guess.”  
“I bet she’s not as pretty as-”  
“Don’t bad mouth my girlfriend.”  
“You should’ve let me finish.”  
“Why?”  
“Because I bet she’s not as pretty as me,” Jim said with a goofy smile.  
“You’re incorrigible.”  
“But it’s true, isn’t it?”  
“I’m not gonna answer that.”  
“Please, Bones.”  
“No.”  
“Please?”  
“Maybe.”  
“What about when I’m a mermaid?”  
“Dammit.”  
“I am. I knew it. I’m a pretty pretty-”  
“Don’t you dare say it.”  
“I’m a pretty pretty pri-”  
“No, Jim.”  
“Why not?”  
“Because you are not a _princess _.”  
“God, way to kill my dreams, Bones,” Jim told him, with mock disappointment.  
“Shut up and eat your cobbler.”  
“Can I stay over?”  
“Of course. I don’t want you goin’ back.”  
“I have to eventually.”  
“I know. Just not tonight.”  
“Where are we watching the movies?”  
“The den. Downstairs.”  
“Okay.”  
“You done?”  
“Almost.”  
__

They headed downstairs after putting their dishes in the sink. Leonard started the first movie while Jim turned the lights down and got popcorn.  


About halfway through Jim began to shiver. It wasn’t really that cold, for Iowa, but Jim was injured. He hid it well enough, moving away from Bones and consciously relaxing his muscles. At the beginning of the second movie, Jim curled up in the sweatshirt. He put his arms inside, and brought his knees up to his chest.  


When Bones looked over, Jim’s arms were back in the sleeves.  


A quarter of the way through the second movie Jim was shivering like crazy. He scooted closer to Bones (the man was pretty much a furnace), and nestled against him.  


“You cold?”  
“No.”  
“Liar. You’re shivering. Hold on, I’ll get a blanket.”  
“Don’t get up.”  
“Jim, I have to get a blanket.”  
“But you’re warm,” he whined.  
“There’s one on that chair over there. Let me get it.”  
“Fine.”  


When Bones sat back down Jim all but crawled into his lap.  


“Do you mind?” Bones asked.  
“Not at all,” Jim replied with a grin.  


Len just shook his head and wrapped them both in the blanket, a smile spreading across his face as well.  


“You’re touchy today.”  
“I’m cold. You’re warm.”  
“You’re adorable.”  


Jim turned back to the movie instead of replying, a slightly indignant look on his face. It only served to make him more adorable.  


Jim stayed there for the rest of the movie. When it was over, Mama McCoy told them they should get to bed, but Jim didn’t show signs of moving.  


“Jim, c’mon, get up. We’ve gotta go to bed.”  
“I don’t wanna.”  
“Any reason?”  
“Don’t have my lion.”  
“I don’t want you goin’ out an’ gettin’ it. Where is it?”  
“In my room.”  
“Up the ladder and in through the balcony?”  
“Yeah.”  
“I’ll be back in ten minutes.”  
“Okay.”  
“You can stay here, if you want.”  
“Okay.”  


Jim heard a truck start, and speed away. He smiled to himself, glad to have a friend like Bones.  


Bones came back with the lion, like he said he would.  


“Thanks.”  
“No problem, darlin’.”  
“Carry me?” Jim requested.  
“Jim-”  
“Please?”  


No one was immune to Kirk puppy dog eyes, and Jim had known that for years.  


“If you weren’t injured and tired I wouldn’t do this,” Bones said, hefting Jim into his arms.  
“You keep thinking that.”  
“If you’re gonna be a smart ass I’m gonna put you down.”  
“Please don’t.”  
“Do you just crave physical contact at night?”  
“I’m generally a physical person.”  
“Okay.”  


They reached the bedroom and Leonard put Jim in the guest bed.  


“If you have a nightmare, feel free to wake me up.”  
“Do your parents know about the nightmares?”  
“The walls are soundproof. They won’t hear.”  
“Okay.”  


Jim took off his shoes, socks, jeans, and the sweatshirt, then headed to the bathroom. Bones followed suit several minutes later.  


“You gonna be cold?”  
“No. I tend to overheat at night.”  
“Okay.”  


Jim clambered into the bed, and clutched the lion to his chest. When Leonard came back into the room, he was struck by how young Jim looked with the stuffed lion tucked under his chin.  


Before leaving and heading to his own room, Leonard muttered, “Night, Jim,” before drifting slowly to sleep.  


As they both fell asleep, they were thinking of the same things. How damn grateful they were to have each other. If they didn’t have one another, well, they wouldn’t be the same. Jim had shown Bones a side to life that he never thought he’d see, and Leonard had returned the gesture. Leonard had given Jim a modicum of family, and Jim had shown Leonard how to survive in the midst of a kind of suffering he’d never seen. They were lucky, plain and simple.


	13. Part of Your World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah, this isn't devoid of triggering scenes either. There's a triggering abuse scene, it's fairly short, and then there's a little bit of really low-level angst. I doubt you could even call it that. Per usual, excuse typos and such.

“Morning, Bones!” Is what Jim yelled all too cheerily the next morning.  


Bones grumbled something unintelligible, and sat down heavily on the stool by the kitchen island.  


“What, I couldn’t hear you? Wait- here.”  


Jim handed him a coffee, still smiling.  


“What’s got you all cheery this morning?” Bones asked, moving back to the guest room.  
“It’s the morning!”  
“That shouldn’t be a reason to be cheery.”  
“Yes it should. Means I’m still alive. So I’m happy.”  
“Okay.”  
“You’re not a morning person.”  
“Not at all.”  
“Thanksgiving is coming up.”  
“You goin’ to San Francisco?” Bones asked, hoping Jim wasn’t.  
“No. Not going anywhere.”  
“Come here, then. For Christmas, too, if you don’t go anywhere.”  
“Really?”  
“My parents ‘ll be fine with it. God knows we make more than enough food.”  
“Okay.”  
“Put some clothes on.”  
“Fine.” Jim picked up his jeans, and looked them over. He wrinkled his nose at a bloodstain down the back of them, sighing in disdain as he dropped them on the floor again.  
“Wanna borrow something?”  
“Can I?”  
“Sure,” Bones tossed him some sweatpants from the set of drawers by the wall.  
“Thanks.”  


They went downstairs for breakfast, and there were plates of pancakes already waiting on the table for them.  


“This looks fantastic,” Jim breathed, trying not to bounce with excitement.  
“They will be.”  
“I never eat breakfast,” Jim told him, seeing the eyebrow raised in his direction.  
“Why?”  
“Well, I do, but not when I’m at home. Spend too much time loitering in the morning and I’ll get hit.”  
“Oh.”  
“Yeah, well. Not everything can be perfect.”  
“And what exactly is perfect?”  
“Right now? This.”  
“Glad you think so, Jim,” Eleanora McCoy said, entering the room, “Old family recipe. Hopefully you’ll like them.”  
“I’m sure I will.”  


She served them, and left to do the shopping for dinner that night. She knew she wouldn’t be the one making it, but she loved doing the food shopping.  


“Damn, Bones, your mom is a good cook.”  
“She is. But she rarely cooks meals. Thanksgiving, Christmas, family dinners-”  
“Don’t you have family dinners a lot?” Jim asked, slightly confused.  
“I mean family dinners in Georgia.”  
“Oh. Continue with your list.”  
“When we have guests.”  
“Who cooks the rest of the time?”  
“Sometimes it’s her, sometimes it’s my dad, other times it’s me,” Leonard told him, knowing Jim would pick up the last part.  
“You can cook?”  
“I never said that.”  
“Fine. But I bet you’re a good cook.”  
“I don’t know, Jim.”  
“Eat your breakfast.”  
“I was,” Leonard grumbled, obviously exasperated.  
\------  


“You staying again tonight?” Bones asked when they finish the last movie.  
“I don’t know. I think I should go back.”  


Jim didn’t exactly think he _should _, he just knew that Frank would get what he wanted eventually, and it would be easier to do it sooner. If he got it over with, he wouldn’t have to deal with it later. On the other hand, if he stayed, it wouldn’t happen at all. What if Frank decided today was the day to kill him? What then? Or what if Frank chained him to a wall in the basement? Letting him get what he wanted was probably easier.  
__

“If he tries anything, come back here, okay?” Leonard asked, looking at Jim expectantly, and with a fair amount of concern.  
“Sure.”  
“You gonna go now?”  
“It’d probably be best. That way, if he tries anything, it’s not three in the morning when I get here.”  
“Yeah. Want me to drive you?”  
“No, I need the exercise. Walking helps me clear my head.”  
“Okay. See you later, Jim.”  
“Yeah.”  


Jim left, his steps slightly wobbly and hurried. Bones was pretty sure he was anxious.  


When Jim arrived back at Frank’s, he was breathing hard and thinking about all the things Frank might make him do.  


“Good. You’re home. We never got to finish what we started,” Frank grunted.  
“What do you want, Frank?”  
“You’ll find out.”  
“No. You’re gonna have to tell me.”  


Jim looked around the room, and his eyes fell on another hardcover book. He moved towards the table.  


“Why don’t you do it, instead? I’ve been aching for you all day.”  
“You just want to control me.”  
“That’s true. And I’ll get what I want. I always do.”  
“Then tell me.”  
“Hmm…. so many things I could make you do. Could make you give me a blowjob. Or maybe I could fuck your throat. Make you choke. Or fuck you until you’re begging for me to stop. Which I won’t. How about you pick?”  
“I’d rather not.”  
“Then we’ll go with the fucking. Minimal lube, of course, this isn’t supposed to be comfortable for you. Maybe I’ll have you work yourself open for me.”  
“No. I’m not doing that.”  
“Then I’ll just fuck you.”  
“I’m not letting you do that, either.”  
“Who cares? You don’t have to let me. I can do it to you. Or would you rather I kill you?”  
“I’d rather you have died in that hospital.”  
“Now, Jimmy, what do we say about mean things like that?”  
“Shut up, Frank.”  
“No. Get your pants off. I could care less about the shirt.”  
“No.”  
“What did I tell you about the protesting? I should cut out your tongue.”  


Jim moved closer to the table.  


“Now, I told you to get those pants off. And you better do it.”  
“No.”  


Jim was beside the table, close enough to grab the book.  


“I’ll go get the knife, then. When I’m back, those pants better be off.”  


Panic ignited up Jim’s spine. He hurried to get his pants off, and grabbed the book when he was done. He deposited the book on top of his pants, hopefully within reach when he was gonna need it.  


“Good. You listened. Underwear, too. Now.”  


Jim did what he was told, albeit begrudgingly. He really didn’t want that knife near him.  


Frank put the knife down on the counter, and began to undo his belt.  


Jim grabbed the book, holding it behind his back.  
“On the ground. Hands and knees for now.”  
“No.”  
“Do I have to push you, boy? You’ll do what you’re told.”  
“No.”  


Jim had just enough time to get his chest out of the way of the knife that was flying towards him. It hit him in the shoulder.  


“Hands and knees or I use that knife again.”  


Jim threw the book. Frank didn’t react at the right time, and it hit him in the face.  


“You little-”  
“Sorry, gotta go, Frank. Let’s continue this never.”  
“I’ll get you yet.”  
“You don’t control me.”  
“Yes, I do. And you’ll learn that.”  


Jim pulled his underwear on, and the pants followed soon after.  


“You come back here!”  
“No.”  


He ran out the door, and grabbed a rock from the porch. He hit Frank in the head, and he went down. Jim could feel the blood seeping through his shirt and dripping down his arm and chest. It was uncomfortable, sticky, and Jim thought Frank might have hit something he needed.  


He made it to Bones’ house, shaky and bloody, but not dying. Yet.  


He entered through the basement door, finding Len in the den.  


“Jim! What happened?”  
“Hospital,” he gritted out, trying not to collapse.  
“I’ll call. Knife wound?”  
“Uh huh.”  


Bones got out his phone and dialed 911.  


_“9-1-1 Please state your emergency.” _  
“My friend has a knife wound in his upper arm, near the shoulder. The knife is still in his arm. My name is Leonard McCoy, my address is 2890 135th street, Riverside, Iowa. My phone number is 319-292-4261.”  
__

_“A unit is being dispatched. Stay calm and do not try to pull the knife out. What happened?”_  


Bones looked at Jim, who shook his head, letting the pain flicker across his face.  


“Some guy threw a knife at him. I don’t know anything other than that.”  


_“We will call back if we need more information.” _  
__

“Okay,” he said, and hung up.  
“How are you? Are you cold?” He asked Jim.  


Jim nodded.  


“I’ll get you a blanket. Can you walk without falling?”  
“I think.”  
“Here, I’ll help you. Lie on the floor, with your feet up on the couch. Lie on your side. I don’t want you choking on anything. Are you nauseous?”  
“Not really.”  
“Good. You’re in shock.”  


Bones grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped Jim loosely in it.  


“Not the worst it’s been.”  
“Keep talking, Jim. You’re gonna need to stay awake.”  
“Okay. He was gonna fuck me. I kept telling him no, he threatened to cut my tongue out, but I kept talking and instead he threw the knife at me. I tried to dodge it, but… I hit him with a book but it didn’t knock him out, so when I went outside I got a rock and hit him the head.”  
“Okay. Jim, I’m not gonna be able to ride in the ambulance with you.”  
“That’s okay. You can follow behind in your car.”  
“I just don’t wanna leave you alone.”  
“It’s fine, Bones. As long as you’re there.”  
“Okay. Do you need anything?”  
“I can’t have water or food. This shirt is soaked in blood and it’s really uncomfortable.”  
“It’s pinned, Jim.”  
“I know. But you could cut it off and not do any damage. It’d help the paramedics.”  
“I don’t wanna bring a knife, or scissors, near you. Personal preference.”  
“It’s ripped where the knife pierced it. You can move it from the under the hilt if you rip it enough.”  
“Jim-”  
“I’m okay with it, Bones. I trust you. Paramedics won’t be here for another five to ten minutes. ‘M tired, Bones.”  
“I know, I know, darlin’. But you’re gonna be okay.”  
“What if he hit an artery?”  
“You’ll be okay. They can fix it.”  
“Can you get the shirt off?”  
“I’ll try, Jim. But I don’t know if it’ll cause any further injury.”  
“I don’t think it will.”  
“Where’s the rip?”  
“Right around the hilt.”  
“Okay.”  


Len found the rip, and tugged at it until the shirt was completely out from under the knife.  


“I can get if off, now. I’m gonna have to rip it, though.”  
“That’s fine. Didn’t need it.”  


Leonard continued to rip the worn out shirt, wishing that Jim would just get out. The situation was infuriating, worrying, stressful, but he wouldn’t leave Jim. It wasn’t a burden; Jim was letting him help and that was a gift, no matter how many emotions he felt towards the whole debacle. Jim would always worry him, Leonard knew that, but he’d never become a burden. Ever.  


“You know, usually when you picture someone ripping off your clothes it’s not in this situation,” Jim told him, a slight smile on his face.  


Leo smiled and laughed a little, before finishing the job.  


“Rate the pain on a scale of one to ten.”  
“Seven.”  
“Jim,” Leonard said sternly.  
“Nine.”  
“Thanks. Want another blanket?”  
“No. ‘M not that cold. Wouldn’t wanna ruin another one of your blankets, either.”  
“Stains can be removed.”  
“Blood stains are harder.”  
“I know.”  


He fell silent for a time.  


“It hurts, Bones,” he admitted quietly.  
“I know, darlin’. But the paramedics will be here soon.”  
“What if they’re not?”  
“They will be.”  


Two minutes later there was a knock at the front door and Leonard went upstairs to answer it before Eleanora did. He didn’t make it that fast.  


“Leonard, go back to Jim. You two can follow him.”  
“Thank you, ma’am,” one of the paramedics said, following Leonard as he moved back towards the stairs.  
Leonard looked at his mama gratefully, and retreated back down to the den.  
“Jim?”  
“Still awake.”  
“Good.”  


The paramedics lifted him onto the stretcher, and carried him back up the stairs. They then loaded him into the ambulance, and one of them stayed behind to talk to Leonard.  


“Name’s Hikaru Sulu. Are you family?”  


_Sulu. Plants Sulu? _  
__

“No. Just a friend.”  
“Gonna follow behind in the car?”  
“Yeah. He’s your friend, right?”  
“How’d you know?”  
“May have mentioned you once or twice. Something about plants too?”  
“Yeah. Honestly, I just drive the thing.”  
“Of course. I’m Leonard.”  
“So you’re Bones.”  
“Yep.”  
“Well, the least I can say right now is that he’ll be fine.”  


When they arrived at the hospital, Jim was mostly stable. He had an IV in his arm and he was too pale, but he was stable.  


“He’ll be okay. It was a lucky wound, about a millimeter away from any arteries. He lost a lot of blood, but he’ll be okay,” Sulu appeared beside him.  
“Thanks.”  
“No problem. You should be able to see him in an hour or two.”  
“Okay.”  
“You look pretty shaken up.”  
“He’s got other injuries. I cleaned ‘em and bandaged ‘em, but he lost a lot of blood from those too. Just worried he wasn’t gonna make it.”  
“You two really are best friends aren’t you? He told me you were friends, but-”  
“We’re friends, yeah.”  
“We didn’t touch the bandages. The doctors are gonna finish all the work that has to be done. Thankfully we’ve got technology that’ll help him heal a bit faster. Won’t be out of swimming for too long.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Do you know what happened?”  
“Other than some bastard threw a knife at him? Not really.”  
“Okay. Does he talk to you?”  
“That depends on what exactly you expect him to talk about to me.”  
“Just, more personal things than he’d get into with me.”  
“Yeah, I guess he does.”  
“Good. He needs someone he can talk to.”  
“So you drive the ambulance?”  
“Part-time. I’m a botanist. This is extra money, which, I could really use. What do you do?”  
“I’m finishing up med school. On my last year.”  
“How old are you?”  
“Twenty. Graduated high school two years early, did two years of college in one year, and then three years of med school.”  
“Cool. Any specific field you’re going into?”  
“Neurosurgery.”  
“Awesome! Well, I gotta get back to work. Nice meeting you!”  
“You too.”  


Bones headed to the waiting area until a doctor told him he could see Jim. The whole time he paced and sat and paced some more, unable to be still for very long. He didn’t like that Jim was in the hospital, especially since it was Frank’s fault. He knew he couldn’t tell anyone, that it was Jim’s secret to share, but he desperately wished for Jim to be safe from harm. It seemed he never was.  


“Jim?” He asked, entering the room.  
“Yeah, Bones. I’m awake. You look shaken up. Worried about me?”  
“Not so much anymore. But yeah, I was.”  
“Have I ever told you just how much I hate Frank?”  
“You have.”  
“They want me to stay for a week.”  
“It’d be best.”  
“Haven’t stayed in a hospital since 5th grade.”  
“How long were you there?”  
“Six months and three days. Malnutrition’s a bitch.”  
“I’m guessing there was more?”  
“There was. It wasn’t good.”  
“You really think so?”  
“I don’t know. It was bad when I got home. Frank tried to come visit, though.”  
“How did that go?”  
“I was in the hall and he came into the wing. It was really hard to control my anxiety back then and I ended up having a panic attack. They wouldn’t let him in the room.”  
“Good. Did they question you about it?”  
“Yep. Had another panic attack, they tried to medicate me, to which I told them that I wouldn’t have panic attacks if they wouldn’t trigger me, and then I went to sleep.”  
“Of course you did. Get panic attacks often?”  
“No. Well, sometimes. Depends on the day, I guess.”  
“Ever at school?”  
“You know the answer to that.”  
“Yeah,” Leonard sighed, “I do.”  
“Remember that time those guys from the museum came and they had that bullwhip? And they were demonstrating it breaking the sound barrier?”  
“I do.”  
“And they asked a few students to come up and stand by it, so they could feel the effect of it. And I was the closest to it. Every time he moved it I flinched. It was embarrassing.”  
“But you came to me right after. Which was a good way of dealing with it. You know, instead of going to the bathroom and never coming out,” Bones remarked.  
“I would’ve come out eventually.”  
“I know. But instead you trusted me to help you. Which was good.”  
“I guess. That just wasn’t a good day in general.”  
“No, it wasn’t,” Leonard agreed.  
“Thanks for staying, Bones.”  
“No problem, darlin’.”  
“I’m gonna be out of swimming for a while,” Jim complained.  
“Yeah. But you’ll be okay. That’s all that matters.”  
“Yeah.”  
“You tired?”  
“Exhausted.”  
“Think you can sleep without the lion?”  
“Would you be able to bring it? I mean, that’s kind of outrageous request. If you can, bring it tomorrow. I can go one night without it.”  
“Okay.”  
“Go home, Bones. Sleep. You can come back tomorrow.”  
“Okay. Night, Jim.”  
“Night, Bones. See you tomorrow.”  
“Definitely.”  
\------  


Leonard stayed up until four A.M. that night. He was worried about Jim and concerned about what Frank might do to Jim when he got back. What if Frank did kill him? Leonard didn’t want Jim to die. He really didn’t want Jim to die. If Jim died, where would that put Leonard? He didn’t have many friends in Iowa; he didn’t know how he’d function. Jim was part of his world now, he had planted himself firmly in the ground next to Leonard the day they’d met and he hadn’t left. Leonard was attached to the kid, and didn’t want to let him go. He wouldn’t let Jim go. Jim had so much of his life ahead of him, he would be able to do so much, and it could all end because of Frank. His insomniac nights were always present when he was worried about Jim. If he was awake, Jim was awake. Jim would be.  
Jim was usually awake around this time. He would rarely get over an hour of sleep during the school week. Leonard could remember all the times Jim had stumbled into the nurse’s office, half asleep and barely standing. He remembered the time that he had been sitting on the cot and and Jim came and curled himself around him. He still wasn’t sure if Jim had ever registered that Leonard was there.  
\------  


Jim couldn’t sleep. He was sure that Leonard was awake, and he was worried because of it. Now he and Leonard were both worried about each other. It was a circle of worry and concern and stress and that wasn’t healthy, but then again Jim wasn’t healthy, and that’s why this whole thing started. Jim’s mind was going around in circles, chasing repeating thoughts around and around, like a race car on a track. Nights in the hospital were always like that. He couldn’t get his mind to turn off and that usually resulted in him being sedated.  
He thought about Bones.  
Bones, who was always there to help.  
Bones, who was part of Jim’s life, part of his world.  
Bones, who Jim had instigated a friendship with, and it had grown into more of a companionship.  
Bones, the man that was so often the subject of Jim’s thoughts.  
Bones, the helper.  
Bones, the lion-hearted.  
Bones, the soon-to-be doctor with the bleeding heart. 

And Jim, the supplanter, the replacement. For who or what, he didn’t know. All he knew is that for once he was happy to be the replacement, even if he had replaced the what or who by force.


	14. Not so Alone After All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, nothing really triggering in this one. Mentions of rape and abuse, but that's about it. Hope you enjoy! This one is all fluff. Also, this is [Bones' hat](http://needyl.com/sites/default/files/img_thumbnails/166_511.jpeg)  
> Sorry this one is shorter. There's a big scene coming up and I wanted to space it out.

The week that Jim stayed in the hospital was harder than Leonard had thought it would be. He was lonely, without Jim to spend time with. Jim was recovering quickly, but his arm would be in a sling for another week after he was released. Leonard thought about how Jim must have felt, trapped in the white, sterile room, with nothing to do.  


But a week later, Jim was out of the hospital and staying with Len again. They both enjoyed it; it was good. It was good enough to make Jim resent it. He resented that he didn’t have a family, that he never _really _had one. He resented the fact that Bones had a family, that he was loved and cherished. He was jealous, plain and simple. Still, he stayed, and tried to get used to it. Maybe he could get used to having an almost- family. Like the one he had when he was little.  
__

He and Leonard were thick as thieves and growing closer still. Jim was almost comfortable talking about Frank around him.  


They were sitting on the couch in the den, “Frank is gonna kill me,” Jim rushed the words, anxiety coursing through his gut.  
“No, Jim, he won’t.”  
“He will. I’ve knocked him out twice, I won’t let him get what he wants, and I was gone for a week. He’s gonna kill me,” Jim worried.  
“Not on my watch.”  
“Bones, I don’t want him to rape me.”  
“Then knock him out if he tries.”  
“What if I can’t? What if there’s nothing within reach and he has me pinned? Or he breaks my legs so I can’t run away?”  
“Report him,” Bones said, even though he knew how Jim felt about that option.  
“Takes too long.”  
“Jim-”  
“You know it does. I’ll go back. But I won’t let him sexually abuse me. He won’t get that. Ever.”  
“Always keep something heavy in sight.”  
“I’ll try.”  
“Is there anything you could do to make it so he can’t?” Len asked, hoping Jim had found something.  
“There is. But I can’t afford it.”  
“I’ll buy it for you, then. Could you stay at home during the night, if you had it? And actually sleep?”  
“Yeah, I could,” Jim confirmed, a smile spreading across his face with the thought of one worry gone.  
“Okay. We can order it now.”  
“Thanks, Bones!”  
“No problem, Jim.”  
“I kind of really like you. Platonically,” Jim told him, grinning and cuddling closer under the blanket.  
“I kind of really like you too, kid. Platonically.”  


That night, Jim fell asleep like that, leaning against Leonard on the couch. When Leonard’s mama came down, she saw them curled up next to each other and smiled fondly, thankful that the abandoned twelve year old she had first met finally had a friend.  


Thanksgiving rolled around a few days later, and Jim wasn’t alone. He wasn’t starving, there were no hunger pains this year.  
“Thank you so much, Mrs. McCoy.”  
“Oh, just call me Eleanora.”  
“Eleanora,” Jim amended, before taking the turkey platter from Bones and taking the smallest portion.  
“Jim, you can take more than that. We’ve got more than enough turkey.”  
“Oh, okay. Thanks.”  


Eleanora looked at him sadly for a second, only just grasping the extent of what he had been through. She wanted to wrap him up and keep him safe from the cruelness of the world, but she knew she couldn’t. Jim had a mother, and a brother, and his brother had loving fathers. Those fathers loved Jim as well. She wasn’t Jim’s parent. But she could at least give him one good Thanksgiving. Once she thought he had a satisfying amount of food on his plate, she took the platter back and placed it in the middle of the table.  


By the end of the night, Jim had eaten more than what he usually ate in a month. Or at least he thought he had.  


He and Leonard went to the den to watch a movie and let their food digest before bed, and fell asleep about halfway through it, curled next to each other on the reclining couch.  


Before Jim fell asleep, he thought he was happy, for the first time in a long time.  
\-------  


Bones went back to school for the beginning of December, and Jim got what he had needed to stay fairly safe at Frank’s. It was a kind of special underwear that could only be taken off by the wearer; it was anti-rape wear. It was comfortable, and it couldn’t be cut. After the first time Frank tried to get it off, and couldn’t, he hadn’t even tried again. Sure, Frank made everything else worse, but Jim was safer than he had been before, and he felt safer, too.  


Christmas came soon enough, and Bones came back.  


“How’ve you been, Jim?”  
“Better.”  
“Good. I brought a gift for you.”  
“Really?”  
“Yep. Thought you might need it,” Bones told him, handing him an extra large, slightly worn UIOWA sweatshirt.  
“Thanks! I didn’t get you anything.”  
“You’re welcome. And you didn’t have to get me anything.”  
“Well, I didn’t _get _something, but I did make something.”__  
“Really?”  
“I was bored. Thought I might as well,” Jim pulled out a knitted hat. It was a dark forest green, cable knit and semi-stretchy; it fit well.  
“Thanks, Jim,” Leonard told him, smiling.  
“You’re welcome, Bonesy.”  
“So you can knit?”  
“Yeah. When I visited San Francisco one year my mom taught me. She thought I’d need something to pass the time.”  
“Cool. It’s really nice.”  
“It’ll be warm, too. I know you kind of hate Winter.”  
“I do kind of hate Winter. It’s cold.”  
“Winter is fun, Bonesy.”  
“Don’t call me Bonesy.”  
“But Bonesy!”  
“Jim.”  
“Fine. Just Bones.”  


Christmas dinner was even better than the Christmas presents. Jim thought the only thing that might have trumped it was the week he spent at Bones’ house after. They watched movies and lounged around, Jim in the giant sweatshirt, and Bones in the hat. He still curled up in Len’s lap when he was cold, despite the many times Leonard had told him that he wasn’t a dog.  


“You know, you’re not a dog.”  
“I know. But you’re warm and I’m cold and injured.”  
“Injured?”  
“Oops,” Jim blanched. He hadn’t meant to let that slip.  
“Don’t tell me you went back.”  
“My mom sent me a gift and I had to get it. Frank caught me before I could leave.”  
“So did you get the gift?”  
“Yeah.”  
“What was it?”  
“A postcard and my dad’s old leather jacket. I didn’t even know she had it.”  
“Can I look at them?”  
“Sure, they’re in my bag.”  


Bones was worried about Jim, but he knew that if it had been bad, Jim would have told him. He trusted Jim to tell him when it was bad, and let him at least look at it, even if it wasn’t.  


He and Jim couldn’t stay separated long, they were always touching in some way. Leonard’s arm around Jim’s shoulders, Jim curled up against Len. It was adorable and a display of how close they had gotten. Before, Jim would barely let anyone touch him, but now he was a physical person, always touching some part of the person he was standing near. It was usually Bones. It seemed that Jim and Bones were joined at the hip these days.  


Leonard’s mama watched them, watched how they acted, how whenever Jim curled up next to Len, Len would accept it immediately, putting an arm around Jim’s shoulders, rubbing his back until he was asleep. Sometimes the hand would card through Jim’s hair as he slept, calming him when he began to thrash.  


It was obvious that they cared for each other, wished the best for each other. Eleanora McCoy had seen it once before, and she knew it was important. She wouldn’t change it. Jim needed someone he could trust, needed someone who could be there for him. Leonard was perfect for him.  


No matter how many times Leonard told Jim he wasn’t a dog, Jim was very dog-like. He craved attention, he longed to live up to expectations, and he wished to please. He could sense when you weren’t feeling well, and he wouldn’t leave you alone until you smiled at least twice.  


Jim was good for Leonard in that way, too. They were good for each other, and Eleanora McCoy could only hope it would stay that way.


	15. Anticipation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY NO ANGST OR ABUSE OR TRIGGERS!!! it won't last :(. Also a little sidenote: if you'd like to know how I came up with those dreams, I've had each one of them.

Jim woke with Bones curled protectively around him. It was a nice change, Jim thought. He liked having someone that cared about him. Though he also hated it. He hated making people worry, making people stress over him. It would’ve been better to not have anyone at all. No one to worry about you, no one to stress over you so much that you become a burden to them. But Jim hadn’t become a burden to Leonard yet. Yet.  


Jim was back in school, but it felt kinda weird. Not having Bones there to go to was a real let down. If he was injured he couldn’t do shit about it because he didn’t know if he could trust the others. What the hell was he supposed to do? Bring hydrogen peroxide and bandages to school?  


He got used to it, he had had to. But it was good. It was fine. He just dealt with it in the morning and spent the whole day in discomfort. It was fine.Totally fine.  


Bones was back in Georgia, preparing for his wedding. Jim called for updates on the whole shebang, blatantly more excited than either parties actually involved. Weddings were fun, Jim couldn’t help it. And Bones in love was absolutely adorable.  
His eyes would light up and he’d get a dopey grin on his face and there’d be little tiny crinkles around his eyes. There’d be a warmth to his voice and Jim could only imagine the warmth that no doubt spread throughout Bones’ body as he ranted about Jocelyn. Then his nose would crinkle a little and he’d smile wider and laugh at something he’d remembered. Bones was infatuated, totally head over heels completely in love.  


On a different note of things to be excited about, Jim’s fourteenth birthday was coming up. And he wasn’t excited about it. There were too many things to worry about around that time of year. College acceptance letters, Frank, grades, SATs, shit like that. He just needed time to not be worried about anything and be carefree for once.  


March, as always, came all too quickly. He got gifts from Sam, Pike, Phil, Bones, Winona, and Frank. Frank’s gift was the worst, of course, but this year, Bones’ gift was the best. It was a picture of Jim, in merman form, smiling and swimming in the ocean, with Bones next to him, smiling just as much. He hadn’t even known it had been taken.  


The rest of the year went by just as blissfully quickly, and soon enough it was summer. Jim had gotten accepted to his two top choices, and was ecstatic to learn they were both on full scholarship. He wouldn’t be able to afford it otherwise.  


“Bones!” Jim yelled, answering the phone. It had been way too long since they had last talked. Bones had been too busy with all the wedding shit and Jim had been too busy with the college shit.  
“Jim! It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”  
“Yep. And I have good news.”  
“Okay. What is it?”  
“I got into Princeton. Full scholarship,” Jim admitted. Bones could hear the blush and slight grin.  
“That’s great, Jim! I’m really happy for you. You deserved that.”  
“I got into California Tech, too.”  
“Which one are you going to?”  
“Princeton. It was my top choice. Better physics department.”  
“Okay. I’m proud of you, Jim.”  
“So what’s going on with the wedding?” Jim asked, avoiding the comment.  
“Happening in August. Got a venue and everythin’.”  
“Awesome! Congrats, Bones. Who’re you gonna have be your best man?”  
“I don’t know. I was thinking you.”  
“I wouldn’t be a good choice, though,” Jim said, knowing all the complications that could arise, “I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it, either.”  
“That the only reason?”  
“Yeah,” Jim lied, “There are too many things going on for me to know what my schedule will be in August.”  
“Then, I think I’m gonna choose Nick. Though I’d rather it be you.”  
“He’ll be thrilled. He’s a good choice, too. Better than me.”  
“Will you try and make it?”  
“Of course! I wouldn’t miss my best friend’s wedding! Though it might happen.”  
“What if you do?”  
“Then I do. But, hopefully I don’t. I do want to go. Just, Princeton is kind of a loaded school. There’s a lot of stuff I have to do.”  
“I know.”  
“But I promise I’ll try and make it. I’ll stay with my mom. If she’s home.”  
“Thanks.”  
“If I don’t, just expect a really apologetic phone call sometime after it ends.”  
“Okay, Jim.”  
“Any ideas for the honeymoon?”  
“Jocelyn wants to go to Hawaii, but I kind of want to go to Japan.”  
“Why Japan?”  
“It’s a cool place. Visited Tokyo once, but I’d really love to see more.”  
“Eh, whatever you two decide on it’ll be great.”  
“I don’t doubt that.”  
“Tell me about her.”  
“What do you want to know?”  
“Is she older than you?”  
“By two years.”  
“What color is her hair in the sunlight?”  
“Jim-”  
“Tell me.”  
“It’s a whitish blonde.”  
Jim was surprised at the lack of actual description, like Bones never really thought about it. Maybe he just didn’t think Jim would be interested in a rant about Jocelyn’s hair, “What did she major in?”  
“Psychology.”  
“She got a Phd?”  
“No, but she’s working on it.”  
“When did you meet her?”  
“High School.”  
“Been dating since then?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Worst fight.”  
“When I told her I wanted to be a neurosurgeon. She told me I’d be better of as some kind of nurse practitioner in the ER. I told her I’d study what I wanted to and that was that.”  
“What did she do?”  
“She called my dad. Wanted him to talk some sense into me. Didn’t work out that way, though. He just congratulated me on figuring out what I wanted to do.”  
“Why are you marrying her?”  
“Because I love her. She’s everything to me. I can’t imagine a life where I wouldn’t.”  
“Then I hope you’ll be happy. You deserve it. See you in August, Bones.”  
“See you in August.”  


\------  


August and the wedding came swiftly, surprising everyone when suddenly there was one more week to go. It had snuck up on them, and every person involved was a bundle of nerves.  


Bones was freaking out because he was _about to get married _, and Jocelyn was freaking out because she wasn’t sure if she was ready. They were high school sweethearts, was it really love? She was convinced it was.  
__

“Bones,” Jim all but groaned over the phone about five days before, “I don’t think I’m gonna be able to make it.”  
“Jim? You don’t sound good.”  
“Don’t worry, I’m just stressed about college. But yeah, I don’t think I’m gonna be able to make it to the wedding,” Jim ran a hand over his face, “I’m so sorry, Bones.”  
“It’s okay, Jim.”  
“No. I’m your best friend I should be there. And I can’t be. I don’t think.”  
“Well if you can make it, you know where it is.”  
“I do. And I’ll try to make it. It’s just it’s so near to when I have to leave, and then I’m not gonna see you again for months…. I don’t wanna miss it.”  
“It’s okay if you do.”  
“No, Bones, it’s not. I’ll make it up to you somehow.”  
“Jim, you don’t have to. Just stay in touch.”  
“I’ll try.”  
“And don’t get hurt.”  
Too late. “That’s easier said than done, Bones.”  
“I know.”  
“Hopefully I’ll see you soon, Bones.”  
“Hopefully.”  


The truth was that Jim was in the ICU. It wasn’t the first time, of course, but he thought it was probably the worst. He didn’t have Bones to help him get through it this time. And he’d probably miss Bones’ wedding.  


“When am I being released?” He asked after being moved to a normal room later that day.  
“Four more days.”  
“Good.”  


Four days. There were five until the wedding and that was enough time for Jim to get his ass down to Georgia. Hopefully.  


“Bones!” He said over the phone, as he stood next to baggage claim. He thought it was fitting. He was baggage after all, wasn’t he?  
“Jim?”  
“Turns out I can make it to your wedding.”  
“You in Georgia?”  
“Just got off the plane.”  
“Want me to come get you?”  
“Nah, my hotel isn’t far.”  
“Jim.”  
“Fine, do it if you want. How many times have I told you I enjoy walking?”  
“A lot. But we haven’t seen each other for months. So I’m picking you up.”  
“Okay. See you soon, Bones. I’ll be by baggage claim.”  
“You too, Jim. I’ll be there in a few.”  
They got back to Bones’ place around 3:00, and Bones immediately bombarded him with questions.  
“So, where’ve you been? You said you probably wouldn’t be able to make it.”  
“Circumstances changed. And you wouldn’t want to know.”  
“Really?”  
“Do you really want to?”  
“Depends.”  
“You’re not gonna like it.”  
“Then yeah, I want to know,” Bones told him, aware that Jim’s answer would probably have something to do with a certain medical facility.  
“ICU.”  
“Dammit, Jim, how long were you there?”  
“About a week and half.”  
“God, what did he do?”  
“A lot. Nothing sexual.”  
“Have you done anything about it yet?”  
“Well, I figure I’ll be eighteen when I graduate college, right? So I can just do it then.”  
“Jim, you shouldn’t put this off.”  
“No, I shouldn’t. But I might.”  
“I wish you’d just report him.”  
“I do too. But I’m a stubborn idiot. My mom visited, though.”  
“She did?”  
“Yep. Came on the second day. Hell, I didn’t even know she was on the continent, much less that she was in Iowa.”  
“What did she say?”  
“That she was glad I hadn’t been too stubborn to call 911.”  
“What about your brother? Did he know?”  
“No, he’s been busy with more college stuff. Getting a job and all that.”  
“Oh. So how did you get away? Since usually you would run to my house if you needed help.”  
“He kinda collapsed and I just ran to the nearest phone.”  
“He collapsed?”  
“Liver problems again. He’ll be fine,” Jim said with a scowl.  
“Okay. Do you want him to be fine?”  
“I don’t wish that he were dead, no. But I wish he’d stay in the hospital. Or admit to what he’s done and go to prison. Neither of those are quite likely to happen, though.”  
“No, I guess they’re not.”  
“So, when do I get to meet your fiancee?”  
“When she’s finally home. She’s been working all week.”  
“What about you? Gotten a residency yet?”  
“Applied for a few, yeah.”  
“All in Georgia?”  
“Most of ‘em. And you? What’s going on with Princeton?”  
“I’ve been trying to work out holiday travel schedules. I don’t really have enough money to fly anywhere, and I’m still a little young to get a job that’d get me enough money, so I don’t really know what I’m gonna do.”  
“Any ideas?”  
“Well, I briefly considered prostitution, but that’s really not safe and I wouldn’t want to do it. Then I considered lying about my age and getting hired at a strip club, but with the scars that isn’t an option. Clinical test trials are out of the question. I’ve got no clue. I need something that’ll get me money. Maybe I’ll ask my mom.”  
“You should. I’m sure she’d be happy to help.”  
“Yeah, after the wedding I was gonna go visit her.”  
“Good. So, since you’re here and I haven’t made an actual decision about who’s gonna be my best man yet, which is bad, would you do it?”  
“Will I have to give a speech?”  
“Please?”  
“Fine.”  
“Rehearsal is in an hour.”  
“Good, I have no clue what I’m supposed to be doing.”  
“You’ll be wearing a suit.”  
“I know that much. Gonna be damn itchy with these bandages.”  
“How bad was it?”  
“I lost a bit more than two liters of my blood.”  
“God, that’s… that’s a lot.”  
“Yeah, but what kept me in a relatively good mood around it was the fact that I imagined all that blood in a soda bottle and a Vampire bought it and drank it. Think I might’ve actually had a dream about that.”  
“You’re ridiculous.”  
“I was slightly overloaded with pain meds that I didn’t want. So yeah, I dreamed about someone drinking my blood. That wasn’t the weirdest one.”  
“What was the weirdest one?”  
“I was in this shopping cart being chased by a giant strawberry frosting donut.”  
“With sprinkles?”  
“With sprinkles. And then aliens came and I had to bake them pies.”  
“Okay, that’s definitely a bit strange.”  
“There were kinda violent ones too.”  
“Like what?”  
“I was in this French school in a bad part of town and people kept getting murdered. I was trying to solve the murders.”  
“And what happened?”  
“I came in one morning and there was a room flooded with blood. Literally, there was nowhere you could walk without stepping in it.”  
“That sounds graphic.”  
“It was.”  
“You hungry?”  
“A bit.”  
“C’mon, I’ll take you out.”  
“Are you gonna have a bachelor party?”  
“If I do, you aren’t allowed to come.”  
“Why?”  
“Because you’re fourteen. I’m not subjecting you to whatever my friends think up.”  
“I’m a friend,” Jim whined, pouting.  
“You are, but you’re fourteen. Which means you’re not allowed in strip clubs or bars. Which also means if there are strippers and alcohol you’re not allowed.”  
“Meanie.”  
“Would you really want to come?”  
“Not really, no. Not my kind of thing.”  
“Exactly. So, you’re going through the full four years of college?”  
“Sort of. Two years for my bachelor’s and one more for master’s. Fourth year is optional.”  
“You gonna do the fourth year?”  
“I don’t know. I could get a Phd with another two. But I don’t know if I want to do that.”  
“Would your job require it?”  
“Depends on what I choose. Though, it’d be cool if I could put doctor before my name. ”  
“Maybe you should try it.”  
“I don’t know. I wanna be out of school as fast as possible. Then I wanna deal with Frank, and then I want to go back to San Francisco.”  
“Gonna stay in the ocean for a while?”  
“Probably. Spock’s at Princeton, too, though. Maybe I’ll run into him.”  
“Maybe you will.”  
“Do you know how weird this is?”  
“What?”  
“I’m seeing my best friend get married. You know I don’t have a lot of friends. You were the first and now it’s like we’re watching each other grow up, even though it’s you watching me. I’m just watching you live.”  
“Wait until you get married. Then it'll be me watching you.”  


Jim didn’t think he’d ever get married. No one would love him enough. No one would love him like Bones loved Jocelyn. Or how Winona had loved- still loved- George. Or how Pike loved Boyce. No one could love someone so broken. No one could love a freak. He’d spend his life alone, like he had all those years ago. Before Bones.  


Leonard saw the look in Jim’s eyes and hugged Jim, wrapping his arms as tight as he could without hurting him. He knew what Jim was thinking, and he wished Jim knew just how much someone would love him one day. One day Jim would meet someone who would fall in love with him. Who he was destined to be with. Leonard could only hope it’d be soon.  


Neither of them knew it had already happened.


	16. A Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah... so this one is probably sub par. i'm in a bit of a funk with this one since i'm switching between writing styles in two different fics. next one will be better.

It was the wedding day. Everyone was rushing around, hustling and bustling with a mix of joy and anxiety. Jim was going to have to give a speech, but he knew what he was gonna say. And he wasn’t nervous. At least, not as nervous as Bones, who was currently puking in the bathroom. Shirtless, of course. Couldn’t get vomit on his suit, now could he?  


“Well, never thought I’d see you half naked and bent over a toilet,” Jim said with a huff of laughter.  
“Now is not the time, Jim.”  
“You’ll do fine. In fact, you’ve got the least amount of work. You just stand up there and look pretty, say your vows when the time comes.”  
“I know. But if I’m puking I won’t really be able to look pretty.”  
“That’s why you’re doing it now. But calm down, seriously. You’ll do great.”  
Leonard could hear the amusement in Jim’s voice, “So will you.”  
“I’m not that nervous about the speech.”  
“Good.”  
“Now, wash out your mouth and put your shirt on. Look pretty for Jocelyn.”  
“Isn’t she technically the one looking pretty for me?”  
“No. You’re both dressing up and looking pretty for each other. Put some deodorant on, too.”  
“I was going to.”  


Leonard finished with the suit, gurgled some mouthwash, and attempted to tie his tie with shaking hands.  


“What happened to those steady hands of yours?” Jim asked, pushing Bones’ hands away so he could tie it for him.  
“No clue. They’re still there, somewhere.”  
“I bet.”  


They walked out of the bathroom, Len feeling better and Jim feeling like he was losing something. He didn’t know what it was.  


The actually ceremony happened faster than Jim thought it would, and then came the reception. People were seated and served, and Jim was next to Bones at the table, elbowing him in the side whenever he frowned.  
“Stop frowning. It’s your wedding day.”  
“I’m happy, I promise.”  
“Then why are you scowling?”  
“Because I really don’t like pictures.”  
“Well, the pictures are about to end, so you can start smiling. I’m gonna give my speech soon.”  
“What’s it about?”  
“You’ll see.”  
“No embarrassing stories?”  
“Only details that would potentially embarrass me.”  
“Okay. Let me fix your collar.”  
“It doesn’t need to be fixed,” Jim protested, shoving Bones’ hands away.  
“Yes, it does. Lemme fix it.”  
“Fussy fussy.”  
“You are not giving a speech at my wedding with your collar messed up.”  
“I should mess it up when you can’t reach it.”  
“How’re the bandages?”  
“Not as itchy as I thought. But I’ll be squirming in a few hours.”  
“Okay. Should be over by then, anyhow.”  
“Maybe.”  


When everyone quieted down, Jim began.  


“Hi, I don’t think I’ve met most of you, so, for those of you I haven’t, I’m Jim. Bones and I met when I was twelve, and he was eighteen. That was only about two years ago, but since then we’ve gotten more than fairly close. At least, he seemed to think so, since I’m standing here giving this speech. Anyway, on Tuesday, August 26, 2029, I had just walked about twenty miles from the airport back to my town, Riverside, Iowa. Usually a quiet town, not much happens, and yet, as I walked by a house previously owned by my father, someone yelled at me. But it wasn’t angry yelling. Whoever that stranger was, they asked me if I was okay. Which was….. really weird. See, no one’s ever really cared about me, but he cared the moment he saw me. I was a stranger to him, and he was still worried. It was surprising to me. Anyway, somewhere down the line he introduced himself as Leonard McCoy.  
“I forget exactly when he was christened Bones, but I do remember why. And I think it describes him pretty well. I called him Bones ‘cause he was always there. Like a skeleton, he supported me. From what I’ve seen of Leonard, he’s caring, kind to everyone that deserves it and sometimes the people who don’t, he’s supportive. And yeah, he’s charming. A true southern gentleman, if I ever did meet one.  
“I guess the point of the nickname was that if he were my skeleton, he’d have to stick around. I’m sure I stress him enough to make his hair go grey, and yet he stays. Loyalty, that’s another one of his traits.  
“Going back to my story- or rather ours, he’s in school to become a doctor. A noble profession, sure. Thing about Bones is that he’s got a bleeding heart. He cares about everyone he meets. As a doctor, it’d be his job to care. But it’s never been his job to care about me, or anyone, really. But he does it anyway. I remember shortly after I turned 13, I went to San Francisco to visit my family there. He didn’t tell me he was coming too, not until I was at the airport. He ended up being invited to dinner at my brother’s dad’s house. Later that night, my brother’s dads asked him if we were dating. It wouldn’t have been the first time someone thought that, or even asked it. I’ve always found it kind of funny. But then I began to think about why someone _would _think that. Bones is caring, supportive, helpful, loving. He’s one of the best people I know. Sure, he looks a bit grumpy, but he’s like a big snuggly teddy bear when you really get to know him. So, it isn’t hard to see why someone would think that. Not if you’ve met us, met him. And now he’s married to a wonderful woman, that I’ll hopefully get to know. I mean, it’s still unfortunate it wasn’t me, but I do want to say is congratulations, Bones. I hope this works out well, because I don’t think I’ve ever seen you happier. We’ve only known each other for two and a half years, and you’ve been with me through the worst of it. So for the love of god, enjoy today, and for that matter, every one after it, because you have got one amazing wife. Congratulations.”  
__

Sure it wasn’t long, but Jim thought it was pretty good. Leonard was looking at him, tears in his eyes and a fond smile on his face. Jim returned it with his signature grin. They sit through the rest of the speeches and the toasts, the cutting of the cake, and then comes the dancing.  


Bones and Jocelyn’s dance was simple but loving. They waltzed around the floor before settling close to each other in the middle of the floor. Jim was sure he’d never seen Bones happier.  


Nick came up to him after the dance was over.  


“Why do you call him Bones again?”  
“As I said, he’s been there with me through the worst of it. He’s been supportive, strong. He’s been my skeleton. Hence the Bones.”  
“What exactly is the worst of it?”  
“My life’s been kinda rough. I almost didn’t make it to the wedding.”  
“Why?”  
“I was in the ICU for about a week and half.”  
“God, that’s rough. First time?”  
“No. And definitely not the longest stay.”  
“What was the longest stay?”  
“Three and half months.”  


Nick whistled lowly.  


“Yep.”  
“I’m guessing he wasn’t there for that.”  
“No. He came into my life when I started high school. So, around four years after that.”  
“How old are you?”  
“Fourteen.”  
“You were only ten?”  
“Nine, I think.”  
“What were you in there for?”  
“Severe malnutrition, severe blood loss, lots of severe stuff.”  
“I bet. But you made it to the wedding.”  
“That I did.”  
“So, you still in high school?”  
“Nah. I graduated back in June.”  
“Going to college?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Where?”  
“Princeton. Full scholarship.”  
“Wow. What’s your major?”  
“Double major. Astrophysics and Linguistics.”  
“Damn. Got a minor?”  
“Nope.”  
“You got your work cut out for you.”  
“I know,” Jim smiled, and they returned their eyes to the dancefloor.  
Bones made a come hither motion at them, “I think we’re being summoned,” Nick said out of the corner of his mouth.  
“Ah, so we are.”  


They walked over to Leonard, who was smiling and looking way too damn attractive for Jim’s taste.  


“What, Bones?”  
“You two should dance.”  
“I can’t. No strenuous activity until I’m healed.”  
“Would it really be that strenuous?”  
“It could be. And you’re not one to take medical risks.”  
“I’ll gladly dance, if I can find someone who’ll dance with me,” Nick told them, looking around the floor.  
“I was going to take a break, so Jocelyn doesn’t have anyone right now. And isn’t it a tradition that the best men dance with the bride?”  
“I don’t know, I don’t do weddings. But I will dance with Jocelyn. Give her the bro talk.”  
“Don’t scare her.”  
“Do you know how hard it is to scare that woman? God, Len, she’s in criminal psych. If anything, she’ll scare me.”  
“Just go dance.”  
“Sure.”  


Nick walked away and Len was left with a mildly uncomfortable looking Jim.  
“You okay?”  
“Yeah. Just don’t feel that great.”  
“Why?”  
“Probably has something to do with the injuries. I’ll be fine.”  
“Want me to look at them?”  
“Bones, it’s your wedding day. And I’m fine. Go spend time with your wife.”  
“I’ve been spending time with her. She’s the one who told me to take a break. But now I’d like to spend time with my best friend, and my best man, who I haven’t seen in months.”  
Jim grinned, “Okay, Bones.”  
“So you’ll let me look them over?”  
“Sure. Most of them are almost healed.”  
“Any pain?”  
“A little.”  
“Scale of one to ten.”  
“Four.”  


Leonard knew that meant seven in Jim’s mind. He grabbed Jim’s jacket sleeve and led him to one of the bathrooms, making sure no one saw him leave.  


“Need help?”  
“I might. But not yet.”  
“Okay.”  


Jim got the jacket, tie, and shirt off fairly quickly, and sat down on the counter.  


“You’re bleeding.”  
“Well, I didn’t stain the shirt, at least.”  
“Would one of them have split back open?”  
“Maybe? I’m not sure.”  
“Done anything that could’ve done it?” Len asked, unwrapping the bandages.  
“Probably.”  
“How bad was it when you went to the hospital?”  
“My skin was pretty much in tatters.”  
“Was that the worst it’s been?”  
“So far. It’ll get worse.”  
“Don’t let it.”  
“Can’t promise anything, Bones,” Jim grimaced at the truth of that statement.  
“I know.”  
“I kind of really like you right now.”  
“Okay.”  
“You’ve always been there for me. Thanks.”  
“No problem. That’s really sweet, Jim.”  
“I know. Now finish. Someone could come in here and see this.”  
“Would that be a bad thing?”  
“Only if they ask about it. Or if they’re squeamish around blood or gore.”  
“Yeah. How much of you is scar tissue?”  
“A lot. I don’t know the exact number.”  


Len finished and set the soiled bandages aside. He went into the cabinet under the sink, and got out a med kit.  


“Do they keep those everywhere?”  
“Pretty much. At least here they do. Lots of people with allergies at weddings.”  
“Yeah.”  
“This is gonna hurt.”  
“Thanks for the warning.”  


Jim bit his fist to keep from screaming. He still wasn’t used to what it felt like having antiseptic all but dumped on him.  


Two minutes later someone came in.  


“Whoa, sorry!” They left, letting the door close with the thump.  
“Who was that?”  
“My cousin.”  
“What does he do?”  
“I don’t remember.”  
“He doesn’t seem squeamish, at least.”  


The person came back with more medical supplies.  


“I brought these,” he said, setting them down within Leonard's reach.  
“Thanks, Mike.”  
“No problem, Len,” he looked at Jim’s back, “That looks like shit,” he remarked.  
“Thank you for that important piece of information,” Jim said sarcastically.  
“How’d it happen?”  
“Rather not talk about it.”  
“I’m cool with that.”  
“So, how are you not squeamish at all?”  
“Ah, I work in a forensics department. I’ve seen worse.”  
“I bet.”  
“Where did you get this, Mike?” Len asked his cousin, looking over the supplies.  
“I always have medical supplies on me. Never know when you might need it.”  
“No, I guess you don’t.”  
“Did you go to the hospital for this?”  
“ICU for a week and half, why?”  
“Just wondering. You gave a great speech, by the way.”  
“Thanks.”  
“How old are you? You don’t seem much older than eighteen.”  
“I’m fourteen.”  
“That makes me slightly worried. How the hell are you still standing?”  
“Sheer determination not to miss my best friend’s wedding.”  
“Mike, can you help me with this?” Leonard asked, gesturing to the antiseptic and cloths.  
“Sure, Len.”  


It was done twice as quickly, and Jim didn’t so much as whimper during it.  


He put the shirt and jacket of his suit back on, and they all left the bathroom.  
“Thanks for letting me look at it, Jim.”  
“No, problem, Bones.”  
“But it was. For you, it was.”  
“When I called you saying I wasn’t gonna be able to make it I didn’t want you knowing the real reason. And the reason for that was that I didn’t want you worrying. Not the week of your wedding.”  
“Allow me to worry about you. It’s not that bad.”  
“It is. Because you never see me and you know what goes on in that house. You know what he can do. And I don’t want you to worry.”  
“Jim, you’re right. I do know what goes on. But I worried before I knew. You can’t prevent that. So let me.”  
“If I can’t prevent it I guess I have to let you.”  
“Thank you. I like worrying about you.”  
“Can’t see why.”  
“Because you’re worth the worry, Jim,” he assured him, grabbing Jim’s sleeve to make him stop and look at him, “You’re my best friend, and I wouldn’t change that. Ever. Every relationship comes with worry. And as long as you call and tell me the truth, I’ll be okay.”  
“Okay.”  
“You good?”  
“Yep. I’m gonna miss you, Bones,” Jim admitted.  
“Come visit sometime, if you can.”  
“I will. I’ll hitchhike if I have to, which I probably will.”  
“Jim.”  
“Fine, I’ll call my mom and ask her for money.”  
“Good.”  
“Now, you go spend time with your wife.”  
“You sure?”  
“Bones, I’m fine. It’s your wedding day. I told you to enjoy it.”  
Leonard smiled, “Okay, Jim.”  


One of Jocelyn’s sister’s daughters asked Jim to dance, and he had to oblige her, the little cutie. By the end of the party, Jim was exhausted. Too many little kids to dance with. Jim ran his hand over his face and through his hair.  


“You okay?”  
“Yeah, just tired.”  
“Want me to drive you back to your hotel?”  


Jim was too tired to protest, “Yeah, that’d be great.”  


Before they left, the photographer snapped a photo of them together, smiling and laughing at something the other said.  


They didn’t know it would become one of their favorites.  
\--------  


Jim fell asleep in the car.  


“He’s adorable,” Jocelyn told Len when they arrived at the hotel.  


Leonard frowned at the furrow in Jim’s brow and got out of the car.  


“Jim,” he said, trying to wake Jim without shaking him.  


There was no response, and Leonard didn’t really have the heart to wake the kid, so he lifted Jim into his arms, and carried him into the hotel. Jim woke up while they were on the stairs.  


“Never expected to wake up in your arms like this,” he told Bones, a sleepy smile playing at his lips.  
“Shut up, Jim,” Bones grunted, trying and failing to conceal a smile.  
“Room 370.”  
“Thanks.”  


When he got to Jim’s room, Jim handed him the keycard. He sat Jim on the bed, helped him out of his shoes and pants, and then jacket, vest, tie, and shirt.  


“You got pajamas?”  
“No.”  
“Okay.”  


Jim got under the covers and Len tucked him in.  


“Congrats, Bones. Have fun on your honeymoon.”  
“I will, Jim.”  
“Good. And don’t worry ‘bout me, I’m leavin’ for Princeton when I get back to Iowa.”  
“Which is when?”  
“Two days.”  
“Did you bring the lion?”  
“I did.”  
“Where is it?”  
“I think it’s under the bed,” Jim yawned.  


Len handed it to Jim, who curled his arms around it like a kid with a teddy bear.  


“Sleep, Jim.”  
“Tell me a story.”  
“Jim-”  
“I know it’s late. Tell me a story.”  
“Okay.”  
Leonard sat down on the side of the bed, and Jim’s hand clutched his sleeve.  
“Jim?”  
“What?”  
“You in pain?”  
“A little,” he admitted.  
Len sighed, “What story do you want?”  
“Myth of Leo.”  
He rolled his eyes but complied, “Okay.”  


Leonard began the story, _“The hero, Hercules, had been ordered by the king to do 12 labors. The first was to kill the Nemean lion….” _  
__

Jim was asleep before the end, snoring softly and clutching his lion. Bones ran his hand through Jim’s hair, and left.  


“That took longer than I thought it would,” Jocelyn told him when he got back to the car.  
“I know, Joce.”  
“Why?”  
“He wanted me to tell him a story.”  
“Why didn’t you say no? It’s late, Len.”  
“Joce, he was in the hospital until three days ago. He’s been in pretty severe pain for the whole day. I wasn’t gonna tell him no.”  
“Oh. Why was he in the hospital?”  
“It’s not my secret to share. He was in the ICU until a week ago. He told me he wouldn’t be able to make it, but he got released and packed a bag and got a plane ticket.”  
“Damn. He must’ve been pretty bad.”  
“Lost over two liters of blood. Probably had a mild case of starvation, too.”  
“Is he safe?”  
“For now. He’s staying in Georgia for two more days. Then goin’ back to Iowa and packin’ for college.”  
“How old is he?”  
“Fourteen.”  
“That makes it worse. Where’s he going for college?”  
“Princeton. Full scholarship.”  
Joce whistled, “He’s smart. Hopefully whoever’s doin’ that to him, stepfather, I’m guessing, won’t do it again.”  
“Only Jim knows. He’s scared, I could tell that much,” Leonard had a sad light in his eyes. It was the one he got when he couldn’t protect someone he cared about.  
“Well, we’re not leaving till the end of the week. We can see him off at the airport and tell him he can come visit anytime. Did you see the injuries?”  
“Yeah. They’re almost healed but they were bad. He said it was the worst it had been.”  
“We need to get him out, then.”  
“He said he’d report it, Joce. I don’t know when he’s gonna do it, but he will.”  
“Okay. We’ll just have to make sure he calls us after he does.”  
“He will. Or, he call me.”  
“Good enough. What’s he majoring in?”  
“Double major in astrophysics and linguistics.”  
“What the hell is that kid’s IQ?”  
“154.”  
“He’s just all kinds of surprising.”  
“He is.”  


Leonard had yet to find out just how surprising Jim could be. He had been surprised when Jim told him about Frank. He had been even more surprised when he had found out that Jim was a merman. Neither of them knew how surprised he’d be four years from his wedding day, when Jim would kiss him for the first time.


	17. Life Sucks.... Really Really Sucks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like this one is sub par too. sorry. i guess it's just switching between writing styles with different fics, especially when one is preferred makes it harder to write in the other one. grrrr. but hey, we're getting close to stopping with the triggering material. and when i say close i mean it'll be in the next chapter and probably the one after that and then hopefully no more.

Jim went back to Iowa after bidding Bones and Jocelyn goodbye, and as always was greeted with the belt. A knife, too.  
He missed orientation as a result. Thank god it was optional.  


When he arrived at his dorm room, he was thankful that his roommate was already there. That way he had someone to help him move stuff, and someone to talk to. At least he wouldn’t be bored out of his mind before classes started.  


“Hi, I’m Jim,” he introduced himself, holding out his hand.  
The stranger shook his hand energetically and spoke in a thick scottish accent, “Montgomery Scott. Call me Scotty. You got a last name?”  
“Kirk.”  
“Well, I hope you aren’t adverse to alcohol. Though, you’re a freshman, right?”  
“Just don’t drink when I’m here. And yeah, I’m a freshman.”  
“Sure. You got a major?”  
“Astrophysics and linguistics. Your’s?”  
“Astrophysics.”  
“Looks like we got something in common, then,” he grinned. Scotty could become a friend. And if he was as smart as Jim was apt to assume, he would be.  
“Yep.  
Scotty noticed the bandages on his arms and asked, “Those tattoos?”  
“No. Wish they were, though.”  
“Oh. Sorry for asking.”  
“Nah, it’s fine,” Jim said with a smile, and explained, “They’re knife wounds.”  
“How did you get knife wounds?”  
“I’d rather not talk about it. But it wasn’t fun.”  
“Okay. Whatever it was, probably won’t happen again, right?”  
“That’s what I’m hoping.”  
“Well, good luck with that, I guess.”  


Later that night, Jim was stripping for bed, and couldn’t stand to keep his shirt on any longer. It was itchy and uncomfortable with the bandages under it and he needed it off his body.  


“How injured are you?” Scotty exclaimed, surprised by the bandages that covered his roommate’s torso.  
“Only slightly.”  
“Doesn’t look like it’s slightly.”  
“Yeah, well. Not like I can do much about it.”  
“Guess not.”  


In the morning, Jim changed the bandages, while Scotty watched, strangely fascinated with the cuts.  


“That looks like shit,” Scotty remarked casually, gesturing to Jim’s back.  
“I know,” Jim replied, before pausing and saying, “You don’t have to look, you know.”  
“I know. It’s one of those things that you just can’t look away from.”  
“Just get ready, Scotty,” Jim rolled his eyes.  
“Sure thing. You gonna need help?”  
“No. I’ve done this before.”  
“How old are you, Jim?”  
“Uh, fourteen,” he admitted.  
Scotty whistled lowly, “Damn.”  
“Why is that everyone’s reaction?”  
“Because you’re fourteen. That’s insane.”  
“Bones says it makes the injuries worse.”  
“Who’s Bones?”  
“A friend.”  
“Bones their name?”  
“Nope. His name’s Leonard. Bones is just a nickname.”  
“Why?”  
“He’s a doctor,” Jim answered, not really paying attention.  
“Well, I’m gonna head out. You have fun dealing with that.”  
Jim laughed, “It loses it’s funness after about the tenth time.”  


Scotty gave him a look and left, which left Jim alone and bored within the hour. Classes started the next week. Maybe he’d make friends.  
\------  


“When’s your first class?” Scotty asked over breakfast. It was the first day of classes, and Jim was trying to expect anything.  
“An hour from now.”  
“Lucky. I have to be across campus in 12 minutes.”  
“Then you better get going.”  
“That I should,” Scotty pointed his piece of toast at Jim, “See you after classes.”  
“Yeah, sure.”  
\-----  


Jim’s first class was linguistics related, and he knew he’d have at least one friend in it, provided they had decided to go to Princeton.  
He arrived a few minutes early to make sure he had a choice of a seat, and saw someone familiar sitting at the edge of one of the middle rows, 

“Nyota?” He called.  
“Jim!”  
“Uh, what are you doing here? You’re like two years ahead of me.”  
“I’m a TA,” she paused, “So, decided to go into linguistics?”  
“And astrophysics.”  
She looked him over, appraising his health, “You’re injured,” she stated flatly, a disapproving look in her eyes.  
“Not badly.”  
“That’s a lie and you know it. C’mon, spill, how long?”  
“There was a week and half before I went to Georgia, and then another week when I came back.”  
“ICU?”  
“Yep. Though not the second time.”  
“Did you take painkillers?”  
“No. I’ve had enough for a lifetime in the last few weeks.”  
“Just pay attention.”  
“I don’t think I’ll have a problem with that. Hey, what’s Spock majoring in?”  
“How’d you know I met him? Also how do you know him?”  
“He told me. We met a couple years ago in California.”  
“Figures.”  
“So, are you two dating yet?”  
“What?”  
“C’mon, it’s obvious you like each other. Okay, maybe it’s not that obvious with Spock, but he likes you. And you like him,” Jim told her, aware she could probably read Spock like a book by now.  
“He’s being secretive about something. And he always wears a hat.”  
“Get to know him. He’ll tell you soon enough.”  
“Okay.”  
“So, coffee later?” He asked, hoping she’d have time.  
“Sure, Jim. I’ll text you the details.”  
“Sure.”  


The class was insanely interesting. Jim couldn’t help but pay attention. He loved learning, especially when it was something he was interested in. He adored it. And his teacher is engaging, loud, and absolutely wonderful.  


He asked smart questions and had fun in the class, even if it was the first day. No one suspected that he was actually fourteen, instead of eighteen.  


And that was how the months passed until break. Jim was happy, his classes were amazing, and he made friends. A few girls tried to come onto him, a few guys too, but he turned them all down. They didn’t know he was fourteen. He still didn’t think it was possible for them not to know, but for some reason no one did.  


He went to Pike’s for thanksgiving, called Bones to wish him and Jocelyn well, and gained more weight than he had planned to.  
“Jim! How’s school?” Pike asked him when he stepped through the door.  
“Really fun. No one knows that I’m fourteen, though,” Jim admitted with a shrug.  
“Isn’t it better that way?”  
“Not when freshmen try to come onto you.”  
“You look older than you are.”  
“I know. Hey, do you have the Ole Miss sweatshirt?” He asked, hoping they still did.  
“We do. You want it?”  
“Yeah. I’ve got the U of I one, but I’ve been missing this one. It’s more comfortable.”  
“It’s upstairs it your room. In the closet. That’s probably why you haven’t found it.”  
“Thanks,” he grinned, before bounding up the stairs to his room to find it.  


Thanksgiving dinner was absolutely amazing. He hadn’t remembered that Chris and Phil could cook.  
\-----  


Until December he was still at school. They had finals, and Jim aced every one.  
“Good job, Kirk. You might be able to graduate early with grades like this if you keep it up,” his academic advisor told him before break. He wondered if that was true. He was already graduating pretty damn early by most people’s standards. He wondered how much earlier she had meant.  
“Thanks.”  


He went back to San Francisco for Christmas, too. He sent a gift out to Bones and Jocelyn, he may have heard from an undisclosed source that Jocelyn was pregnant. So, he knitted a hat and booties for the baby. He knitted them in a light orange, wanting to stay away from the stereotypical colors. The hat was a gradient from dark orange to a yellow orange. He was proud of it.  


“Jim!”  
“Bones, hi!”  
“We got your gift,” Bones told him. Jim could hear the smile.  
“You did? Do you like it?”  
“It’s really nice. How did you know?”  
“Your mother may have told me,” he admitted.  
“Damn that woman. You can’t tell her a secret,” he paused before adding, “How’s school going?”  
“Really great. Perfect grades across the board.”  
“Wouldn’t expect anything less. Are they challenging?”  
“Beyond belief. But they’re fun. Really, really fun.”  
“Good. When you gonna report Frank?”  
“When I get back to Iowa before the new year. I think.”  
“Okay. Do it when you’re ready.”  
“I will.”  
“You gonna try to come down for March break?” Bones asked, voice hopeful.  
“Yeah. I’ll definitely try.”  
“Good. If you can’t come, call.”  
“I will, Bones.”  
\-------  


He was back in the hospital in the last stretch of Winter break.  


“What happened, Jim?” Sulu asked him, clearly worried.  
“I’ll tell you later. Right now, I need to call someone.”  
“Okay.”  


He got in touch with the Iowa DHS, and reported the abuse. Finally. He had more than enough.  


He called Bones after, knowing Bones would be happy about it. Or at least pleased. Jim was a bit disappointed in himself because he hadn’t done it sooner. But hey, at least he did it before he turned eighteen.  


“I reported it,” he said bluntly but happily.  
“Good. Anything bad happen?”  
“In the hospital again. Sorry.”  
“Don’t apologize. It wasn’t your fault.”  
“I don’t know the whole process for this.”  


Someone from the DHS came later that day. Sulu told him that she had some questions for him. He just wondered how exhausting it would be.  


“Jim Kirk?” She asked, stepping into the room.  
“Yeah?”  
“You reported a case of child abuse.”  
“I did.”  
“Who’s the subject?”  
“Myself.”  
“And who’s the abuser?”  
“My stepdad.”  
“Any substance abuse?”  
“He’s an alcoholic, but that’s not the cause.”  
“Okay. Did he do this to you?”  
“Yes.”  
“How long have you been living in an abusive environment?”  
“Depends. Only abusive to me?”  
“Sure.”  
“About eleven years.”  
“Okay. How many times have you ended up in the ICU from it?”  
“Four.”  
“Longest stay?”  
“In the ICU, three and a half months. In the hospital, half a year.”  
“Weapons used?”  
“Belt, knife- uh, it wasn’t purely physical, so….”  
“Sexual?”  
“Yeah,” he sighed.  
“For how long?”  
“Seven or eight years?”  
“When did it start and stop?”  
“Started when I was six, ended when I was fourteen.”  
“Was it only you?”  
“Nope. Stepmom left when I was four and a half. He had been abusing her for years.”  
“Abuser’s name?”  
“Frank Mahler.”  
“Address?”  
“2891 135th street, Riverside, Iowa.”  
“Can anyone vouch for this situation?”  
“Yes.”  
“Name?”  
“Leonard McCoy.”  
“Address?”  
“410 East 60th Street, Savannah, Georgia.”  
“Any family in Iowa that can vouch for the situation as well?”  
“David and Eleanora McCoy. 2890 135th street.”  
“Okay.”  
“Do you have any family?”  
“My mom lives in Iowa City. Pentacrest Garden Apartments, 414 E Market St, Iowa City. Apartment 402. She can vouch for it, too.”  
“Okay. We’ll be in touch. Are you in high school?”  
“No. I go to Princeton.”  
“And you are how old?”  
“Fourteen.”  
“Must be smart, then. You will most likely be removed from the home and put in the custody of your mother. My name is Dr. Pulaski, by the way.”  
“Nice to meet you.”  
\------  


“Mom’s gonna get custody of me. Finally,” Jim told Bones over the phone in mid- February.  
“Oh, thank god, Jim. That’s great.”  
“I know. I didn’t realize how miserable I was until I reported it. God, Bones, you should have forced me to do it when I told you.”  
“Jim, I wouldn’t do that.”  
“But you should have.”  
“You did what you did and you did it when you were ready. This is on your own terms. That’s how it should be.”  
“Okay.”  
“So I’ll see you for March break?”  
“Hopefully.”  
“Okay, Jim.”  
“Oh! I almost forgot! When’s the baby due?”  
“In May.”  
“Do you know what it is yet?”  
“A girl. She’s a girl.”  
“You’re gonna have a daughter! I wanna see her when she’s finally born!”  
“You will, Jim.”  
“Good. Any name ideas?”  
“Not yet.”  
“What about Joanna?” He suggested.  
“Lemme ask Joce.”  
“Okay.”  
“She says she’ll consider it. She was thinking Amanda. Maybe we’ll just name her when we see her.”  
“Sure. Hopefully I’ll see you soon, Bones.”  
“You too, Jim. Stay safe.”  
“I will.”  


Jim was happy for the first time in a long time, and from what Jim heard in Bones’ voice, he was too. It hit him that if Bones was happy, he was happy, and when he was happy, Bones was happy. It was a circle of happiness and Jim couldn’t find it in himself to care that their individual happiness was dependent on the other’s happiness.  
\-------  


Come March, Jim was excited to see Bones. Only thing was, he got assigned a project that took up all his time so he didn’t have any to visit Bones in Georgia. He called Bones the first day of break to tell him.  


“I can’t make it, Bones. Sorry.”  
“Why?”  
“Gigantic astrophysics project,” he groaned, “I’m disappointed, I wanted to see you.”  
“I wanted to see you, too.”  
“Oh, something bad happened that I should probably tell you about.”  
“What?”  
“Frank got sober, booked a flight, and attacked me on campus. I mean, it’s good for the whole getting him arrested thing, but not so much for my health.”  
“When was this?”  
“Two… maybe three days ago?” he admitted, wincing at the sound of his voice, still a bit raspy from the attack.  
“Did you go to the hospital?”  
“No. He broke my phone and there was no one around. Just got the new one today.”  
“Shit. You okay?”  
“Not in the slightest. But I’ll be fine in a few weeks. Which reminds me, my birthday is coming up.”  
“I know, Jim. Still haven’t figured out what to get you.”  
“Well figure it out. Whatever it is, I’m sure I’ll like it.”  
“Okay.”  
Two and a half weeks later Jim got pulled into an alleyway and attacked. By Frank. He didn’t even know Frank was still around. Still sober, too, from the smell of him.  
“So I heard you reported me, and I’d like to make a complaint. I’ve been nothing but nice, I’ve allowed you to live for this long, what else do you need?”  
“A stable environment.”  
“It was stable.”  
“No-” Jim was cut off by Frank’s hands closing tighter around his throat. He thought he passed out, but he wasn’t sure. He realizes he did when he wakes up, bloody, bruised, and cold, in the alley. Thank god he wasn’t wearing one of Bones’ sweatshirts. Also, thank god he was wearing that underwear that Bones got him a year ago. If Frank had… he shivered just thinking about it.  


He stumbled back to campus, barely making it into the dorm before he passed out again.  


“Jim?” Scotty asked, voice somewhere between cautious and worried.  
“What?”  
“Did you pass out?”  
“I should be dead,” Jim told him, “Why am I not dead?”  
“No clue. What happened?”  
“Someone attacked me in an alley.”  
“God, that’s rough. Need a hospital?”  
“Yeah. But not today.”  
“Why?”  
“It’s the 22nd.”  
“And what’s significant about that?”  
“My birthday. Also the anniversary of my dad’s death.”  
“Happy birthday, I think.”  
“Eh, it depends on what happens.”  
“Guess it does. Well, I’m gonna finish my paper that’s due tomorrow. Feel free to finish your homework.”  
“Already did.”  
“I wish I had your brain.”  
“Your’s is pretty damn good too.”  
“I know.”  


Twenty minutes later, after Jim had stripped and put on normal boxers, there was a knock at the door. He didn’t bother putting clothes on. Who cared if anyone saw the cuts and bruises and scars? He was too lightheaded to bend over.  


“Coming!” he called in response to the more insistent knock that followed the first.  


He opened the door and was immediately greeted with a frown and a ‘dammit, Jim’, as the person in front of him took in the sight of his bruised body.  
“Bones!”  
“What happened?”  
“Frank’s still here and sober, he attacked me in an alley.”  
“Did you need a hospital?”  
“Yeah, but I passed out before I could get to one. Then I passed out again when I got here. And I am so not going to one today. It’s my birthday.”  
“Would you object to me at least taking you to the ER?”  
“If it’s you, then no, I guess not.”  
“Thank you.”  
“No problem. I’m way too lightheaded to do much of anything right now.”  
Bones ran his hand down Jim’s arm, both a comforting gesture and one to appraise Jim’s physical state, “You’re in shock. How are you even alive right now?”  
“No clue.”  
“C’mon, lets go,” Bones tightened his grip on Jim’s arm, waiting for an answer to the unasked question of permission.  
“Okay,” Jim nodded, eyes unfocusing.  


Len dragged Jim to his car after getting sweats, a loose t-shirt, and shoes on him, and drove to the hospital, which thankfully wasn’t too far away.  


They were escorted to the ER moments after arriving. Doctors were good at telling when someone was in danger of dying.  
“What happened?”  
“He got attacked in an alley last night. He’s passed out twice since.”  
“Age?”  
“15.”  
“Name?”  
“Jim Kirk.”  
“High School?”  
“College. Princeton.”  
“Do you know if he remembers what happened?”  
“He does.”  
“Okay. And you are?”  
“Leonard McCoy.”  
“You seem to know what’s going on. Any experience with medical stuff?”  
“I’m a neurosurgeon. Finishing up my residency.”  
“Then you know the drill.”  


They escorted him to a room, and got him on the table there, belly down. He was unconscious when they started the transfusion. Thankfully he didn’t need stitches anywhere, and didn’t need to stay longer than a night.  


“Bones?” Jim asked weakly. It was barely a word, more of a breath.  
“I’m here, darlin’.”  
“Thank you.”  
“For what?”  
“The best birthday present I’ve ever gotten.”  
“Which was?”  
“Seeing you.”  
“Oh.”  
“I’ve missed you, Bones,” Jim smiled. It made the bruises on his face contort into weird shapes, like they’d been painted on. Bones wished they had been.  
“I’ve missed you too.”  
\-------  


Half a week later, the worst of the bruises were gone, and Jim was back in class.  


“Need anything?” his professor asked, knowing what the answer would be.  
“Nope. I got all the work.”  
“Where were you? You’re never absent.”  
“I was sick.”  
“Oh, okay. So, you have the assignments the were due a few days ago?”  
“Yep.”  
“Good.”  


Later that day, he was asked by another professor if he could get something from a high shelf. Normally, that wouldn’t be too bad, but now he had a chance of reopening something, or worse, someone asking what happened when his shirt rode up and they saw the bandages. He didn’t have a believable lie.  


His shirt rode up, like always, and he could the whispers behind him.  


“Oh my god, what are those?” “I think they’re bandages.” “Why would he have bandages?” “Maybe he got a tattoo.” “I’m pretty sure he’s not old enough.” “What do you mean?” “He only just turned 15. Did no one else know that?” “No.” “He’s injured??” “Looks like it.”  


He brought the object to the professor and sat back down. He didn’t shift uncomfortably under the scrutiny, and definitely didn’t flinch when he heard a voice near his head.  


“What happened?” Someone, definitely male, whispered in his ear. He looked over, and saw Gary Mitchell, royal douchebag.  
“Nothing.”  
“Those were bandages.”  
“Go away, Gary.”  
“No, you’re injured.”  
“Who cares?”  
“I do.”  
“I’m not injured. It’s just a few scrapes.”  
“You were out for half the week.”  
“So? Attendance is optional.”  
“You’re never absent.”  
“No, I’m never sick. Doesn’t mean I’m never absent.”  
“You’d come even if you were sick. You were in the hospital.”  
“No, I wasn’t.”  
“Then what were you doing?”  
“Celebrating my birthday. Went to San Francisco for a few days to visit family.”  
“Okay. Then explain the bandages.”  
“I already told you, it’s a few scrapes. They were bad when I got them. Now they’re almost gone.”  
“Then why the bandages?”  
“Because I don’t want my shirt to rub the scabs off. That’d hurt.”  
“Okay. I’m not done talking to you about this,” Gary insisted.  
“Yes, you are,” Jim told him firmly. He definitely didn’t notice Gary’s hand on his upper thigh.  


Gary moved back to his seat.  


After that, Jim tried to avoid Gary.


	18. Change of Mind (And Probably Heart)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so there's a sexual assault scene in this one, and then a panic attack following it. i think this chapter is better than the last two. i spent more time on it as well. less dialogue and more narrative thank god. hope you like it

Gary Mitchell was not someone Jim wanted to be around. Gary was sleazy, rude, and had no respect for what people actually wanted. Well, he had some respect, but not enough.  


He disliked Gary.  


Maybe if Gary hadn’t been pursuing him it would have been different. Or if he were older. Scratch that, he didn’t think he’d ever have wanted to get involved with someone like Gary.  


Other people had pursued him before, but he felt this was different. He had turned those people down and explained why and they had accepted it and moved on. He knew that Gary didn’t know about his age, but Gary should have known that he wasn’t interested. He had made that clear. Or he had thought he did.  


“Hey, Jim,” Gary whispered, too close to Jim’s ear.  
“What, Gary?”  
“Wanna come back to my place after class?”  
“No.”  
“What about later?”  
“Answer’s still no. I’m not interested in you, Gary.”  
“Aw, but why not?”  
“Because I don’t like you. Just,” Jim paused, wondering if he should apologize for the last statement or not, “Leave me alone.”  
“You don’t mean that, do ya?”  
“I do mean it. Leave me alone. I’m not interested.”  
“Sure thing, Iowa,” Gary told him with a grin.  
\-----  


“Bones,” Jim began while they were eating dinner, “I have a problem.”  
Bones raised an eyebrow, “What kind of problem?”  
“This guy won’t leave me alone.”  
“Elaborate?”  
Jim looked down, contemplating if it actually mattered. He had dealt with this kind of thing before, “He keeps pursuing me and I’ve told him that I’m not interested and that I don’t like him, but he won’t stop.”  
“Report it.”  
“Tried that already. They said I should make it clearer that I’m not interested.”  
“And?”  
“I told him I didn’t like him.”  
“In those words?”  
“He asked why I wasn’t interested in him and I told him it was because I didn’t like him. So yeah, in those words.”  
“Okay. Has he tried anything physical?”  
“Other than grabbing my ass in greeting? No.”  
“Try reporting him again. If that doesn’t work out and he keeps pursuing you, then we’ll figure something out. Try talking to the professors or something. They’ll probably be more understanding.”  
“Okay. What if he does try something?”  
“What’s your definition of ‘try something’?”  
“Like what if he tries to rape me? I know he’s a bit more than capable of it.”  
“Has he ever done it to anyone else?”  
“Only things I’ve heard are rumors. But I’d bet they’re true from the way he acts.”  
“Don’t assume. In a scenario where someone could hear you if you were to scream, that’s what you should do. Have you taken the self defense class?”  
“Yeah. But I don’t know if that’ll help.”  
“If you go out alone, there’s an app that’ll send an emergency message.”  
“I have that already. They made us all download it as a precaution a few months ago.”  
“Good. You got more than one contact?”  
“Yep. You, Nyota, Spock, Scotty, and Carol.”  
“Why me? I’m in Georgia most of the time.”  
“Because you should know if something happens.”  
“Oh.”  
“I’ll try reporting him and talking to the professors first. If that doesn’t work….” Jim trailed off, thinking about all the things Frank had done and the things Gary could do, if given the chance.  


Gary was a shitty human being in general, Jim had seen that up close. But it didn’t change the fact that verbal harassment didn’t seem to qualify as actual harassment to most people. Sure it was disappointing, but it was the truth. He hadn’t told Nyota yet, but he knew she had noticed. He’d tell her all the same. Spock and Scotty too, if he could find the time.  
\-----  


Jim had worked himself into an anxiety attack over Gary the next day. What if Gary didn’t stop after Jim reported him? What if it got worse? What if Gary drugged him? Raped him?  


He didn’t want to think it would happen, but he knew it was a viable option. Gary didn’t stop after he was told to. He didn’t seem to stop until he got what he wanted. Maybe Jim should just give him what he wanted. That would be easier, right? It would stop the harassment. But it wasn’t a good idea, and Jim knew that. Doing that made it possible for him to get stuck in a relationship that was not only illegal, but was something he didn’t want. On the other hand, if he did do it, he could go to the police about the relationship before it got too bad. Though, if Gary tried anything physical, he could file a restraining order.  


There were too many options and not enough time between breakfast and his first class for him to do anything. Great.  


He got to class early so he could talk to Nyota about it. She’d watch Gary and call him out if he moved. Or tell him to move if he sat next to Jim.  


“Morning, Ny.”  
“Morning. Any reason you’re here early?”  
“Yeah. I need to talk to you about something. Well, someone.”  
“Okay,” she nodded, moving over to a seat, “What is it?”  
“Gary Mitchell is pursuing me and I’ve told him I’m not interested and I’ve told him to leave me alone but he hasn’t stopped.”  
“Is that why he moves so he can talk to you every class?”  
“Yep.”  
“I’ll watch him. He’s a sleazy bastard, but he’ll stop eventually.”  
“That’s not comforting.”  
“Then here’s what we’ll do. I’m guessing you’ve had an anxiety attack over this,” she said, her brow furrowing a bit at Jim’s nod of confirmation, “Scotty, Spock, and I will take turns walking you to your classes. I can tell your other teachers, or you can. They’ll keep an eye out for him and make sure he doesn’t come near you.”  
“Okay. Thanks.”  
“And if he tries anything, or attempts to, you tell one of us as fast as you possibly can.”  
“I will.”  
“Go on, go sit. I’ll tell him to move if he sits near you.”  
“Thanks, Ny.”  
“No problem, Jim. I’ve dealt with guys like him before.”  


Jim nodded and sat further towards the front than usual. As people started to filter in he noticed Nyota scanning the students for Gary. When her eyes landed on him, she beckoned him over.  


“Gary Mitchell. I need to talk to you for a minute.”  
“Sure thing,” he stepped out of the crowd and crossed the rest of the room to meet her in front of the board.  
“I’ve heard you’ve been bothering some of the students in this class.”  
“Well, I wouldn’t call it bothering.”  
“How about pursuing? Harassing, maybe?” She paused, thinking over what she was about to say, “They’ve also told you, _repeatedly_ , to stop and to leave them alone. So, you’ll no longer be allowed to sit near Jim.”  
“You’re punishing me for liking him?”  
“No. I’m punishing you for harassing him. He’s told to you to stop, and you haven’t. So you’ll have to sit on the other side of the room. And stop harassing him.”  
“It’s not harassing.”  
“It is. And you _will_ stop. Now go take your seat. If I see you move from your seat before the end of class you won’t be in this class anymore.”  
“Can you even do that?”  
“I can’t. But the professor can report you for harassing his students, and then you will be out of this class.”  
“Fine.”  
“Thank you. Now go take your seat,” she told him, loving how he looked so ruffled from the accusation.  


Sadly, it wasn’t over. Sure, Gary was taken care of in one class, but there were still two others, not to mention after classes and weekends. Jim could take care of Gary in the other classes, that he knew, but what about his free time? What if he wanted to go out alone? Or with a friend and they left him alone for a few minutes and Gary showed up? What then? God, he hated this whole thing. It left him anxious and fumbling over how to go about dealing with it. He was fed up with the whole thing to the point where he just didn’t want to care anymore.  


He still cared, though. How could he not when Gary had a reputation for things like sexual assault? He was worried. He had to be. It didn’t help that Gary was beginning to remind him of Frank.  
\------  


He and Bones were hanging out the next day, talking about nothing in particular, just passing the time in each other’s company.  


“You never really got a present.”  
“Yeah I did. And I think I remember telling you that before passing out.”  
“You did. But I figure I should get you something else, to make up for the shitty birthday.”  
“My birthdays are always shitty, and it wasn’t your fault. However, I’ll allow you to get me something else,” Jim told him, hoping that Bones would suggest something that would keep them both away from Gary.  
“Okay. So, what do you want to do?”  
“I was hoping you’d suggest something.”  
“Jim, I’m not really a native. I barely know this area.”  
“Yeah,” Jim sighed, “I’ll think of something,” he drummed his fingers on the headboard while brainstorming things they could do. The drumming got faster as he thought about Gary and how to keep him out of their plans.  


Leonard picked up on the signals well enough. He knew something was wrong, but he didn’t know exactly what it was. He thought back to what Jim had told him and knew that was probably it. Had things gotten worse? Had Gary tried something?  


“What’s wrong?” Leonard asked.  
“Nothing.”  
“Jim,” he prodded.  
“It’s just, Gary’s been stopped in class, but I can’t get him to stop outside of class.”  
“So you’re thinking about him?”  
“Pretty much. I’m trying to figure out what we could do to make sure he doesn’t find us. Or, well, me. Problem is, he’s probably taken to stalking me.”  
“You could file a restraining order for that.”  
“But my mom would have to file it. I’m still a minor.”  
“Then get her out here. You need a restraining order against this guy.”  
“I don’t know if she’s in the country, Bones.”  
“Will you call her?”  
“Yeah. Just, let’s wait till we get back. I’d rather stay fairly happy throughout this.”  
“Okay,” Leonard nodded, “So, come up with anything?”  
“Yeah. There’s this amazing thai place downtown. But we’re gonna get takeout and drive down to the pier to eat.”  
Leonard smiled, “Sounds great. Need anything before we go?”  
“I feel like I should take extra precaution just in case Gary does find us.”  
“Okay.”  
“I mean, another way to get him off my case could be to pretend that I’m already taken, though, I don’t know if you’d be okay with that.”  
“You want me to pretend that I’m your boyfriend?”  
“I don’t know if it’d stop him either.”  
“Try the extra precaution first. If that doesn’t work, that’ll be our plan two.”  
“Okay.”  
\-----

They got take out and then drove the hour to the pier, hoping their food wouldn’t get cold. They sat down on the stone wall by the dock and took out all the food. At first they only ate, occasionally sharing with each other, before setting the food down and starting up a conversation.  
“So. Two more months.”  
“What do you mean, Jim?”  
“You’ll have a daughter in like a month and a half.”  
Bones smiled at the thought, and at Jim remembering, “I know.”  
“And you’re gonna be a father. That’ll be interesting.”  
“It’ll probably be difficult.”  
“What are you gonna name her?”  
“We think we’re gonna name her Joanna.”  
Jim grinned, “Awesome.”  
“Have you been swimming?” Bones asked, changing the subject.  
“Not really. I’m injured too often.”  
“That’s a damn shame.”  
“It is. I miss the water.”  
“You must.”  
Jim looked away for a second. Turning back, he said, “Shit.”  
“What?”  


All he saw next was Jim retreating into the sweatshirt he was wearing.  
“That’s Gary,” he mouthed.  
“Oh.”  
“Hey, Jim,” Gary smiled.  
“Hi, Gary,” Jim all but moaned, already slightly annoyed.  
“Who’s this?”  
“A friend.”  
“Would you care to introduce me to this friend?”  
“Gary, Leonard. Leonard, Gary.”  
“Nice to meet you.”  
“You too,” Leonard said, not really meaning it.  
“So, I’ve never seen you around here before.”  
“Nah, I’m from Georgia. Came up here a few days ago.”  
“Why?”  
“To visit Jim.”  
Gary’s brow furrowed slightly, “How long you guys been friends?”  
“A few years.”  
“Cool. So, are you in college?”  
“No. I graduated last year. Been starting my residency this year.”  
“You’re a doctor?”  
“Neurosurgeon. Or training to be one, at least.”  
“You don’t look that old. How old are you?”  
“Twenty one.”  
“And doing a residency?”  
“Yep.”  
“Neurosurgery?”  
“Uh huh. I graduated high school two years early.”  
“Okay. You’re like, seriously attractive.”  
“And married.”  
“Oh,” Gary said, before perking up and asking, “Jim, can I talk to you alone?”  
“Uh, why?”  
“There’s something I want to tell you.”  


Jim gave Bones a ‘god help me’ look, and reluctantly went with Gary. They headed to a narrow, secluded gap between two buildings.  


“Jim, I really like you.”  
“Okay.”  
“And I want to date you.”  
“I, uh, I’m not really ready for a relationship right now.”  
“We can make it work,” Gary insisted.  
“Gary-”  


And Gary was pushing him up against the wall, crashing their lips together. Jim was launched into a flashback of the first time Frank did that, but, and he’d have to say thankfully, he was pulled out of it by Gary’s voice in his ear, and hand on the fly of his jeans.  


“You heard me. We can make it work.”  


His lips were back on Jim’s, and his hand was working its way into Jim’s pants. Jim managed to push him away before he could do anything, and backed out of the alley.  


“Gary! I said I wasn’t ready for a relationship. That doesn’t mean that we can make it work, it means I would not be comfortable in a relationship with you, or anyone for that matter, and I don’t want to make it work, I want to not be in a relationship. I have too much going on right now. Not to mention that I’m not nineteen, or eighteen. I’m fifteen, Gary. _Fifteen _. So please for the love of god, never assault me like that again.”  
“You’re fifteen?” Gary asked with disbelief.  
“Yes! There have been rumors about it at school for months! Some of the teachers have even pointed it out! I tried to tell you before, but you wouldn’t let me talk.”  
__

Jim did up his fly and ran back to the wall where he and Bones had been sitting, breathing hard.  


“Bones, we need to go,” he rushed out, trying to calm down.  
“Okay, Jim.”  


They walked back to the car, Jim getting more panicked by the second.  


“You okay?”  
“No. No I’m not and I have no clue what to do.”  
“Okay. Is it hard to breathe?”  
“Yeah. And, I, uh, had a flashback. Haven’t had one of those in years.”  
“Focus on my voice.”  
“Okay.”  
“Slow your breathing,” Leonard said as he pulls out of the space and began to drive, “Try counting to ten each time you exhale.”  


_One. _  
__

“Try and relax your muscles, it’ll help with blood flow and circulation, as well as return your heart rate to normal.”  


_Four. Five. Six. _  
__

“Try naming things around you, staying in the situation.”  


_Nine. Ten. _  
__

“Here, I’ll start. There’s you, the car, the road, and the trees.”  
“There’s you, the fence, and the buildings.”  
They continued with that until Jim was calm again.  
“You okay enough to tell me what happened?”  
“He assaulted me. Pushed me up against the wall and kissed me, got his hand down my pants. I was terrified, Bones.”  
“You had the right to be. And the flashback?”  
“Not ready.”  
“Okay. Are you gonna report the assault?”  
“No. It’s not worth it.”  
“You could get a restraining order. Make sure he doesn’t do that again.”  
“We have a class together.”  
“Are you sure you don’t want to report it?”  
“No.”  
“Think about it, at least. He shouldn’t have done that.”  
“I know. Just, I don’t know what to do now.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I want to be alone, but at the same time I just need someone else there.”  
“I can stay tonight, if you want.”  
“Can I stay with you? Don’t feel much like going back to the dorm tonight.”  
“Of course you can, Jim. Want to go back and get what you need for tomorrow?”  
“Sure. Come in with me?”  
“Of course.”  
\------  


When they got to the hotel, Jim collapsed onto the couch and waited till he stopped shaking. He had still been breathing hard, but his heart rate was returning to normal. It hadn’t been a particularly bad attack, but it had left him breathless and unable to stand without shaking like a leaf in the wind.  


God, he really hated Gary.  


“You okay?” Bones asked. It was an honest question, full of concern and not just a ‘hey, you good?’ type thing like Jim was used to.  
“No,” It was an honest answer, too.  
“Want the rest of the thai for dinner? Or do you wanna come shopping with me?”  
“Just the rest of the thai. I’m exhausted.”  
“Okay.”  


Leonard left to go put the food in the fridge.  


Jim hated being alone. His mind always ran without distraction and he couldn’t derail it from it’s train of thought once it got going. If he was anxious he couldn’t stop thinking about whatever it was that made him anxious. He needed the distraction of another person or a book or something that would take his mind off of whatever it was that had made him anxious.  


He was breathing hard again and he could hear the blood rushing in his ears; his heart was pounding in his chest.  


When Bones entered the room again he took one look at Jim and told him, “C’mon, I have something that’ll help.”  
“Like what?” Jim managed.  
“There’s an indoor pool. No one uses it cause it’s still too cold for them so it’ll be empty.”  
“And that’s supposed to help?”  
“Well I figure since the water is your home, it’d help calm you. I can help you with your breathing until you’re calm enough to change and walk down with me to work out all the remaining anxiety and stress.”  
“Please?”  
“You don’t have to ask. Anytime you’re anxious like this, I’ll help if you want me to.”  
“I wouldn’t say _any_ time since you could be in surgery or something.”  
“Yeah. Are you counting?”  
“Not right now.”  
“Count. It’ll help.”  


_Inhale. One. Two. Three. Exhale. One. Two. Three. Inhale. One. Two. Three. Four. Exhale. _  
__

“I’m gonna have a nightmare tonight,” he told Bones.  
“How do you know?”  
“Because I had a flashback. Nightmares are always worse after that.”  
“Okay. So if you wake up after it….” Bones trailed off.  
“I won’t wake you.”  
“I was gonna ask you to wake me. I’ll help you calm down, if you want. Just don’t be afraid to wake me.”  
“Okay.”  


Just talking seemed to help Jim calm down, it kept his breathing regular and his mind distracted from the events of the day. They talked a bit more before Jim decided he was calm enough to swim.  


“I’m gonna change.”  


Leonard was confused at first before he realized what Jim meant.  


In merman form, Jim was stunning. Well, more stunning than he was normally. The scale patterns swirled around his neck, turning from a lighter gold to an almost orange the further up his body they got. They spiraled up his back and chest, eddied into the dips of his hipbones. The scales of his tail reached just below his pelvic bone, shimmering in the light and catching rainbows as he turned in the water.  


The dorsal fins on his back were an almost white gold, not shiny like his scales, but they had a luster to them. They were smaller than what a dorsal fin on a shark or dolphin would be, six of them in rows of two down his back, starting at his shoulders. Leonard wondered why there were six instead of just one. Maybe it was because most merfolk were smaller than the average dolphin or shark, definitely smaller than an average whale, and they were a lot more flexible, so they needed more to help stabilize them as they turned.  


Leonard was struck with the beauty of merfolk, especially when it came to Jim and his golden tail.  


“Is gold a common color?”  
“Haven’t you asked that before?”  
“Probably.”  
“No, it’s not. It’s rather uncommon.”  
“I remember. You’re still the only one?”  
“As far as we know.”  
“Good.”  
“Why is that good?”  
Leonard blushed, and decided to say it anyway, “Because you’re beautiful.”  
Jim blushed with him before laughing and asking, “Am I more beautiful than your wife?”  
Leonard chuckled but managed a stern, “Jim.”  
“C’mon, remember the first time we had this conversation?”  
“I do.”  
“So give me an answer.”  
“It’s a different kind of beauty, but yes, you are.”  
“Awww, Bones.”  
“I thought you were supposed to be calming down.”  
“This is helping.”  
“I ain’t gonna be here every time you need to calm down.”  
“I know. But you’re here now.”  
“I am. Now swim.”  


Jim did. He could cross the pool in a matter of seconds, and he wasn’t breathing the pool water. Leonard was just content to watch Jim, study how his tail moved and the muscles in his back flexed and pulled with the fins and scars and cuts that remained from Frank’s attack.  


Jim was content just to have Bones as company while he swam . He could almost forget that earlier ever happened, like it was still them before Gary showed up.  


As Jim pushed himself out of the pool he said, “I wish it could always be like this. Why does my life have to be shit?”  
“If it were always like this it wouldn’t be reality.”  
“I know, but sometimes it’s better to have a surreal reality than a tragic one.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Throw a towel over me while I change back?” Jim asked him.  
“You gonna change all the way back?”  
“Nope. Gonna keep the scale patterns. Everything else is going, though.”  
“Sure that’s a good idea?”  
“They can pass as tattoos if needed.”  
“Yeah.”  


Leonard didn’t tell him that he was actually happy about it.  
\-----  


Later that night they were watching a movie, Forrest Gump to be specific, and Jim was lying on the couch, his head in Bones’ lap. Leonard was absentmindedly tracing the scale patterns on Jim’s face and neck, fingers moving gently over the scales. His fingers found their way to Jim’s hair, twirling the strands around his fingers and then smoothing them flat again.  


“You’re petting me.”  
“Yeah,” Len said, moving his hand away.  
“Don’t stop. It’s comforting,” Jim grinned up at him, eyes squinty.  
“Sorry about the scale thing.”  
“‘S fine. Felt nice.”  
“Okay.”  


Leonard’s fingers grazed the fading scales, wanting one last touch before they disappeared completely.  


They didn’t say anything more till the movie was over and they were both in bed, well, the same bed. They had shared a bed before, it was normal to them both. If someone had come into the room and seen them, they would have assumed that Jim and Bones were a couple. That was simply how they acted around each other. They were touchy and physical and they didn’t mind sharing a bed if it meant spending time with each other. They rarely saw each other, and when they did it was usually for two or three days at a time, never a week.  


“Night, Bones,” Jim breathed out against his pillow, muffling the words a little.  
“Night, Jim.”  
“I’m gonna apologize now, I’m sorry if I kick you.”  
“I’m okay with it, if you do. You won’t really be in control of what happens.”  
“I know.”  
“Just sleep, Jim. Wake me up if you need to.”  
“Okay.”  


He had a nightmare, as he had predicted. It was weird and lucid and he woke up terrified, not sure if he’d been screaming or not, not sure of where he was until the initial fear faded. He didn’t want to wake Bones up, but he couldn’t deal with how he felt at that moment alone. He had done it before and he knew he didn’t have to now.  


“Bones?” He asked in a hushed tone.  
“I’m awake, Jim.”  
“Sorry.”  
“‘S fine. You were whimperin’ and screamin’.”  
“Sorry.”  
“You don’t have to apologize,” Leonard told him, “C’mere, Jim.”  
“I don’t know if I wanna be touched right now.”  
“Okay. Remember, focus on your breathing, on the situation around you.”  
“I am.”  
“More scared than anxious?”  
“Yeah.”  


A few minutes later, Jim moved closer to Bones, seeking physical contact now that the fear was gone.  


“C’mere,” Leonard said, gathering Jim up in his arms. He didn’t speak, didn’t really move, either. Just kept his arms wrapped tight around his friend.  
“Thanks, Bones,” Jim mumbled against Leonard’s neck.  
“No problem.”  
“Was I talking too?”  
“A little. It wasn’t understandable out of complete context.”  
“Okay. Thank you.”  


Len wrapped Jim tighter in his arms, “No problem, darlin’.”  
“Bones?”  
“Yeah, Jim?”  
“I’m gonna press charges.”  
“Okay. We’ll get it sorted out tomorrow.”  
“Thank you,” he said, curling into Bones. He would have been frightened at how easily Bones could calm him down but he didn’t have the energy. It was easier to let Bones hold him and care for him than to stress about what it might have meant.  


He pressed up against his friend and nuzzled into his chest before slowly drifting to sleep again, the mix of warmth and the sound of Bones’ heartbeat lulling him to sleep.


	19. An End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's some possibly triggering dialogue about 2/3 of the way through the chapter. emetophobia warning as well.

A little bit of peace could rarely be trusted to last, especially in Jim’s case. Peace was a strange thing to experience for someone like Jim. It was tempting in almost seductive way. It lured him up the stairs and gave him just a taste of itself before slamming the door in his face. It hurt just enough to make him want more. It was addictive and it was corruptive; it was something he needed but couldn’t want, couldn’t have. Peace wasn’t something he was used to.  


With Bones, it was different. Deep carmines faded to a rusty red and pain didn’t last as long when he was there. Sometimes it scared Jim how little it took for Bones to calm him down. Other times it made him glad. If Bones could do that, maybe one day he’d meet someone else who could too.  


Though, he didn’t really want to meet someone else. He wanted to have Bones. But Bones was married. And over twenty. Great.  
Not only was Jim dealing with the DHS and everything with Frank, but he was also dealing with an attraction to a man he couldn’t have. Sometimes being pan really sucked. Honestly, he was happy for Bones and he was glad that Bones’ marriage was going well. He had met Jocelyn a few times and he knew she was fiercely intelligent, both emotionally and academically, and she was kind. She wouldn’t hurt anyone if she could help it. She was assertive and she was wonderful, and she was right for Bones. At least from what Jim saw. And he wouldn’t wish it to end if Bones was happy.  


But with Bones there was peace and if Bones was happy then Jim was happy. And that was that.  


It didn’t stop the stress of the coming months from getting to him, though. He couldn’t stop the anxiety over seeing Frank again. Or the pressure of the questions they asked. Anxiety was something he could deal with on a normal day under normal circumstances, but now it was all lumped together and it made his stomach knot uncomfortably as he thought about it.  


But Bones was there. Somehow, that didn’t provide just as much comfort as he thought it would.  


At least Frank would finally be punished for what he had done. That provided a little more comfort than the fact that Bones was there.  


He was wrapped up in his thoughts of the things he had going on in his life and he never heard Bones as he began talking.  


“Jim? Jim, are you even listening?”  
“Huh?”  
“You weren’t listening.”  
“Sorry, I was kind of lost in thought.”  
“Thinking about the trial?”  
“Yeah.”  
“C’mon, talk.”  
“Just, what if Frank escapes before the trial? Or he’s not found guilty?”  
“The verdict will be guilty, Jim. You were tortured for years, and you’ve got the scars and nightmares to prove it.”  
“They can’t see my dreams, Bones.”  
“I know. But I treated your injuries for almost two years, maybe more. I know it happened. Plus, they have evidence against him. If they hadn’t, they wouldn’t have been able to arrest him.”  
“I’m just worried that we won’t win this. He hurt me for so long and at first I thought it was normal. He did it to my mother too. It’s why she left. And now there’s finally a chance he’ll be convicted, and I can’t get the thought out of my head that it won’t happen.”  
“Just remember that they have evidence. Would they have the belt?”  
“Most likely.”  
“And anything else?”  
Jim sighed, “There’s a video. I installed a camera one day while he was out. Eventually he found it, but I had- have- all the footage saved.  
“Where?”  
“A dvd. That I still have.”  
“You should give that to DHS.”  
“I’ve been meaning to.”  
“You scared to give it to them?”  
Jim nodded, “I just don’t know if…. it’s not something I want other people to see, but they’d need to see it. I just don’t know.”  
“I’d say think about it. In the end it really is your decision. Think about it in context of evidence and the case. See if you can get rid of some of the anxiety around it.”  
“I’ve been trying that. I want to give it to them, I mean, I know it’d definitely be helpful since it’s hard evidence that it happened, but it’s… it’s not something that’s easy to just give to someone else and trust them with it.”  
“Well if you wanna talk, I’m here. Also, do you wanna stay longer?”  
“Yeah. That okay?”  
“It’s fine, Jim.”  
\------  


Three months later and they were in an Iowan courthouse, consulting lawyers as they waited for the trial to actually begin. They needed to go over their plans and Jim’s plan if he got anxious and couldn’t calm down. Which they all knew would probably happen. They were all a little pissed that there had to be a trial, but it was happening, and they would have to go through it.  


“This trial is pretty much a formality. They have enough evidence to convict him and put him in prison as it is, but there’s that whole constitution thing that prevents them from doing it.”  


“And the press?”  
“They’re flocking like birds. This will be on the news websites in a few hours.”  
“I hate being a Kirk.”  
“I know you do, honey,” his mom said, walking into the room, “But you can’t very well change it.”  
“I know, mom. And I like being a Kirk. I just don’t like the press.”  
“Neither do I.”  
“Thanks for being here, mom.”  
“Jim, I want to see this maniac convicted as much as you do. He hurt my boy and in my eyes, that’s unforgivable. And even if that wasn’t true, I’d be here to support my son when he’s stressed beyond my understanding and in a vulnerable position. This man has hurt you, and I want to see him punished for it.”  
Jim smiled warmly at her, “Thanks, mom.”  
“No problem, little Jimmy,” she told him, ruffling his hair.  
“Mom!”  
“Sorry, couldn’t resist.”  


Jim was grinning now, the glint of something good behind his eyes. It faded as he looked around the room.  


“Can Bones sit next to me? It’d help with the anxiety.”  
“I’ll ask if it’s okay,” the lawyer responded.  
“Thanks.”  


The answer was a yes, and Jim let out a relieved breath. He leaned against Bones a bit until Len slid his arm around Jim’s shoulders and squeezed gently in a one-armed hug. He couldn’t imagine what Jim was going through, but he could imagine how bad it must have been for him. Jim had barely been sleeping the whole week, barely eating too. For Jim, those were signs of immense stress. Coupled with the rising levels of anxiety, Jim wasn’t doing well.  


“It’ll be okay,” he told Jim, knowing it probably wouldn’t help.  
“I know. I just don’t like being in the same room as him.”  
“I’ll be next to you for most of it. If you need anything.”  
“Okay. Just, stay close.”  
“I will.”  


They took their seats at the table on the left, and waited for the judge to commence the trial. The jury looked at Jim, at the bandages poking out from under his collar, the faint greenish tinge left from the bruises. Most of them saw him as a victim, rather than a survivor.  
They played the recording of Jim’s story, played Frank’s interview, and the absence of a confession. They showed pictures of the evidence, pictures of what Jim’s back had looked like, the injuries, the scars. They showed the video. By that time, Jim’s anxiety was through the roof but Bones’ hand occasionally rubbing circles on his back helped some. They called Winona up and she did her best, convinced them, as she always did, and then it was Bones turn. He told of the injuries he’d seen, of what Jim had told him, and got through the cross examination easily, until one question,  


“Have you and James Kirk ever been sexually involved?”  
He had to resist the urge to laugh at that question with how absurd it was, “No, that would be illegal,” he knew it was a logical question to ask, he just didn’t see the point of it. They knew it was illegal, and they knew Leonard was married. He wouldn’t commit a crime to be with Jim.  
“He seems to trust you quite a lot, which would suggest something more than friendship. Have you been romantically involved with James Kirk?”  
“No.”  


The cross examination finished, and they questioned Frank next.  


“Did you or did you not abuse James Kirk while he was in your custody for eleven years?”  
“I did not.”  
“Then how do you explain the blood-stained belt we found in your possession?”  
“Depends whose blood was on it.”  
“And the injuries that have come from this belt? How do you explain those?”  
“He had a tendency to get into trouble.”  
“So you’re saying someone used your belt to hurt him and frame you?”  
“Yes.”  
“Are you or are you not an alcoholic?”  
“That’s not how I would describe it.”  
“How often do you have a drink?”  
“Four or five a day, sometimes more.”  
“Have you ever hit James Kirk?”  
“Yes.”  
“Only while drunk?”  
“No.”  
“You have been sober and hit James Kirk?”  
“Yes.”  


Jim could see that Frank was tired of lying. He was proud of his work.  


“Have you ever whipped James Kirk while sober?”  
Frank grinned, “Yes. While drunk, too.”  
“Do you confess to abusing James Kirk physically for eleven years?”  
“Yes. And I’ll tell you, I enjoyed every second of it.”  


Jim was disgusted. He knew what was coming next.  


“I almost didn’t think I’d get the chance. When my wife finally left, I got the chance. And I took it. Happily. I put him in the hospital for six months, once. I whipped him, starved him, cut him. He was mine. I hated him, still do. Wish I coulda kept him a little longer. He was a _fantastic _toy.”  
__

Jim grabbed Bones’ sleeve. He didn’t know how to handle all the emotions coursing through him when they were making his stomach cramp and flop like a fish out of water.  


“Bones,” he whispered.  
“It’ll be okay, Jim,” Len told Jim in equally hushed tones.  
“I don’t wanna hear him anymore,” Jim said quietly, seeming smaller than ever.  
“Just a little longer, Jim. They’ll make him stop.”  
“He was a disappointment, honestly. I never wanted him in the first place. After I started hitting Jenny, I realized what I’d be able to do to him. He was my plaything. Sad to see him go, but at least I got to hurt him one last time. Choked him till he passed out. Kinda sad that he didn’t die, but then I wouldn’t have gotten to see him today, to make him suffer like this. Feels good, making him suffer. I remember the first time I got my hands on him-”  
“That’s enough. There will be a recess, and then we’ll hear the jury’s verdict.”  


Jim couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. He was scared and all he could hear was Frank’s voice; _feels good, making him suffer- first time I got my hands on him- sad that he didn’t die- my plaything- was a fantastic toy- _  
__

“Jim.”  
“Can’t breathe, Bones.”  
“C’mon, sit down. Listen to me, Jim. It’s over. You’re safe. Frank is guilty, you’re free. You’re safe.”  
“Can’t-”  


Leonard didn’t touch Jim, didn’t think it’d be a good idea. He talked in a normal voice, trying to calm Jim, trying to get him to breathe.  


“Focus on my voice. Direct your breathing. Inhale, and count to two.”  


Jim could do that. Just two seconds of holding that breath in.  


“Exhale, and count to two.”  


He could do that too. He thought he might have been able to do it for a little longer.  


“Inhale and count to three. Then exhale and do the same thing.”  


Jim got to five before the directions changed.  


“Count to six while inhaling, then exhale for the same amount of time.”  


When he got to ten he felt just as anxious, but he could finally breathe.  


“Thanks.”  
“No problem.”  
“No, not for that, though yeah, thanks, but for the fact that you didn’t talk to me like I was a spooked horse.”  
“Need anything?”  
“A hug?”  
“Sure, Jim.”  


Jim stood still and let the warm arms wrap around him, all but collapsing into Bones. He was shaking and unsteady and unbearably nauseous with panic and fear and anxiety, but he knew the worst of it was over.  


“I don’t feel good.”  
“Bathroom?”  
“Definitely.”  


Jim puked until he was pretty sure his intestines would come up if he continued.  


“You okay?”  
“Not at all. But I will be.”  
“How do you feel now?”  
“Tired. Anxious. Panicky and scared.”  
“C’mere.”  
“Okay.”  


Jim sagged into Bones’ chest, happy to finally have someone who cared unconditionally.  


“I’m sorry.”  
“‘Bout what?”  
“All of this. About me. You deserve someone who can actually be a friend.”  
“Jim, look at me. You are a friend, you have been a friend and you will continue to be. And you don’t have to be sorry for the situation you’re in. You’re one of the best people in my life, Jim. I care about you. So don’t be sorry. Because I am happy to be your friend. Happy to be helping you through this.”  
“Oh.”  
“You know, kid, someday I’m gonna get you to believe that.”  
“That a promise?”  
“You bet.”  


They walked back, Bones managing to make Jim laugh once or twice on the way.  


“Ready to go back in?”  
“No, but we have to.”  
“I’ll stay close. He’ll be guilty for sure.”  
“I know. Thank you, Bones.”  
“No problem, Jim.”  


They entered the courtroom, taking their seats once more. Leonard squeezed Jim’s hand reassuringly as the trial commenced once more.  


“It’ll be okay,” he repeated for the third time that day.  


The judge spoke once everyone was seated, “Has the jury reached a verdict?”  
The designated spoke, “Yes.”  
“And what is it?”  
“The jury’s verdict is that Frank Mahler is guilty of child abuse.”  
“Frank Mahler is guilty. The sentence is 10 years in prison.”  


Jim was too tired to smile. He didn’t feel like a weight was lifted, he was barely even relieved. Because Frank had ten years. Ten years and then he could find Jim and attack him. He didn’t feel free of the burden. Not yet.  


“Jim, you’re still tense.”  
“I know.”  
“Why?”  
“I’m supposed to feel relieved, aren’t I? Well I don’t. I don’t feel like I’m safe or like I’m free of him. I feel like it ten years he’ll just come after me again.”  
“He won’t. Jim, he won’t.”  
“How do you know?”  
“I don’t, but I’ll do what I can to protect you.”  
“You can’t be here all the time.”  
“I know. But maybe in ten years-”  
“I want to feel safe, Bones.”  
“You are safe.”  
“Only for now.”  
“For a long time, Jim. Until you’re 25. And we’ll make sure he never hurts you again.”  
“How?”  
“I don’t know. But we have time to figure that out.”  
“Thank you, Bones.”  
“It's no problem. If we can make sure he never gets the chance to hurt you again, we will.”  
“Thanks.”  
“Okay. Now, let's go. The press'll be difficult to get through.”  
“I almost forgot about them.”  


The rest of that day, Jim looked every bit his age. Len was brought back to that day with Jim in the loft, crying and altogether emotionally overwhelmed. Jim was not crying like that now. Leonard didn’t think he would, not again. Jim had been hardened by the hate in his life, he wouldn’t sob.  


If Leonard pulled him close when they got back to the hotel, neither of them said anything. And if Leonard pulled him close that night after he’d given permission, there were nothing but murmured thank yous and tangled limbs.


	20. Hello, I'm in Delaware

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! Brief sexual assault scene, triggering dialogue and weapons like knives and guns do appear. sorry for all the triggering content, i'm fairly sure that was the last of it. or close to the last of it.

Nyota had to admit, she was worried about the whole Jim/Gary situation. She had heard rumors, and while she knew not to trust them, she couldn’t help but wonder. Were they true? Were parts of them true? Were they complete bullshit? She just didn’t know. And it wasn’t like she could ask Jim. At least, not until he was back in Jersey.  


So she’d wait and find out from the source if those rumors were true. God, she hoped they were complete bullshit. If they weren’t, she wasn’t sure who she’d beat up. Probably Gary, he kind of deserved it.  


She picked Jim up at the airport the following day.  


“How was your week in Iowa?”  
“First part was hell. Second part was better.”  
“Then I’m sure I’ll hear all about them both. But I have a question first,” she told him, hoping she was welcome to ask.  
“Shoot.”  
“Are those rumors about you and Gary true?”  
“Rumors? What rumors?” Jim asked, looking a little scared.  
“The first is that you two are secretly together. The second is that you had sex in an alley.”  
“Oh god,” Jim moaned, “He probably started those himself. I have a restraining order against him.”  
“What? Why?”  
“Because we definitely did not have sex in that alley,” Jim paused, contemplating the lies he could tell. He decided to tell the truth, “He tried to rape me, Ny.”  
“Well I’m glad you decided to press charges. And if he so much as looks at you in the wrong way, come straight to me. We’ll do what we did last time. Except you won’t go out alone this time.”  
“I do own anti-rape wear, Ny.”  
“I know. We all do after that incident a few months ago. I’m just saying, he tried it once, he could try again. And neither of us want that happening.”  
“Yeah,” Jim sighed, “It just really sucks that it had to happen.”  
“It does. But we have a plan, and if you do go out alone, you know what to do. Stay in a public area where he couldn’t try anything no matter what, and if you see him moving towards you, get back to your dorm.”  
“I know, Ny. They had us all go through those drills.”  
“I’m just saying, I don’t want you getting hurt,” she admitted with a slight smile on her face. She knew that Jim knew that already, she just wanted to remind him. It was easy to get worried about a kid like Jim.  
“Thanks. I’d do the same for you, you know that. Right?”  
“I do. And I’m thankful for it. I’ve been hit on and groped by enough sleezy guys for a lifetime.”  
“Me too,” Jim agreed, mind flitting back to Frank and everything that happened with him over the years.  
“So how was the trial? I’m guessing that was the first part of your week,” she asked, hoping it hadn’t been too hectic. Jim deserved a bit of peace with the kind of life he led.  
“It was horrible. But we won.”  
“Good. Wanna share the charges?”  
“Child abuse and neglect,” he said with minor hesitation. He knew she wouldn’t share her opinion out loud since it was a sensitive topic, but she couldn’t disguise the anger and sadness in her expression.  
“Against?” she asked.  
“Stepfather.”  
“Ah. He the one who attacked you on campus?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Sorry. But hey, we’ll make sure Gary doesn’t do anything again.”  
“Thanks. So how was your week with Spock?”  
\-------  


They were talking over their lunch the next day when Nyota brought up the previous week again.  


“You spend the week with Leonard?” She asked with a slight smirk. Jim hoped she wouldn’t say anything that would bring up his feelings towards Bones. He really didn’t want to think about it.  
“Yep,” he said, a fond smile on his lips.  
“You two are totally in love,” she told him, laughing.  
“Ny, it’d be illegal and he’s married.”  
“Platonically, Jim.”  
“That I can agree with.”  
“Do you have a crush on him?”  
Jim blanched for a second, “I used to. Until I found out that he had a girlfriend.”  
“Oh, that reminds me. What’s your sexuality? It’s okay if you’re not okay with answering that.”  
“No, I’m perfectly okay answering that. I’ve been meaning to tell you, anyway. I’m bi. Though I usually fall more for personality than gender.”  
“Cool,” she nodded her acceptance, “Preference for any gender?”  
“Males.”  
“Of course. Coming from you, I’m not sure I expected anything different.”  
“That obvious?”  
“You just seem like you like lean, muscular forms, rather than squishy lumpy ones.”  
“I like girls just fine. But dicks….”  
“Enough said,” she laughed. She had come out as pan to Jim months ago, and he had accepted it right away, but there had been something in his eyes. A kind of longing. Since then, she had had her suspicions.  
\-------  


Jim called Bones in a panic a few weeks later, standing in a bathroom stall after having left class in a hurry.  


“Bones!”  
 _“What? Why are you whisperin’, Jim?”_  
“I’m in the bathroom, I don’t want anyone else hearing this.”  
 _“Okay. Why aren’t you in class?”_  
“Because Gary’s been staring at me all class and I feel really uncomfortable and I think he’s gonna break the restraining order.”  
 _“Can you get the teacher’s help?”_  
“Yeah, but this class is almost over and I’m gonna call Ny as soon as it is.”  
 _“Okay. If he tries anything, call me. I’ll come up.”_  
“No, I wouldn’t have you do that, Bones.”  
 _“I’m in Delaware for a convention, it wouldn’t be that far.”_  
“Oh. Okay, sure.”  
 _“Thanks, I gotta go, Jim.”_  
“Yeah, I do too.”  


He hung up, and walked around for a bit, not bothering to go back to class. He texted Nyota while he was at it,  


[10:36AM]: _Have a feeling Gary might try something. Walk me to my next class?_  


He got a reply some five minutes later.  


[10:41AM]: _Of course. When’s your last class?_  
[10:44AM]: _Last one is the next one. Other one got cancelled._  
[10:47AM]: _ >: \ Lucky. _  
[10:49AM]: _I know. What about you?_  
[10:52AM]: _Two more today. God, I hate undergrad._  
[10:54AM]: _Good thing it’s over before 5:00, though._  
[10:57AM]: _God, I know. Got a date with Spock tonight, too._  
[10:58AM]: _Have fun. I’m outside the room now, btw._  
[10:59AM]: _Good thing Gary’s at the back. I’ll be out in a minute._  
\------  


His next class was criminal psychology, and luckily, his teacher was pretty fucking awesome, and incredibly understanding, “Dr. Crusher?”  
“Yes, Jim?”  
He shifted his weight a little on the balls of his feet, nervous energy coursing through him, “A few weeks ago Gary Mitchell sexually assaulted me and I have a restraining order against him, but he was staring at me and making me really uncomfortable all of my last class, and he’s in this one, too, so I was wondering if you could do something to help?”  
“I’ll make sure he keeps his eyes to himself. And body, if it comes to that. You should feel safe here,” she nodded, and began watching the door.  
“Thank you, Dr. Crusher.”  


He felt better that class, with Gary’s eyes and body staying on the other side of the room for the whole class, and Dr. Crusher asking him to stay after to talk.  


“Ny!”  
“Has he tried anything?”  
“No. I told Dr. Crusher and she helped with it. We should hurry, though. He’ll be getting out of there soon.”  
“Okay. Your dorm?”  
“Sounds good.”  
\------  


Ny has to leave around one for her second to last class, and Jim knew that Scotty wouldn’t be back until around eleven, so he texted Bones, hoping for a reply.  


[6:20PM]: _I’m really scared. I told one of my teachers and she helped. Ny and I have a plan, too. You don’t have to come up if it’s an inconvenience. Ny’s got it covered._  
[6:22PM]: _I’ll come up after this panel. It’s the last one today. And it’s not an inconvenience. Even though I can’t hear your voice I know you want me there._  
[6:24PM]: _True. What are they talking about?_  
[6:24PM]: _Some new techniques and surgeries, medications, they’ve got some really new insights._  
[6:30PM]: _Cool. See you in a few hours, then. :)_  
[6:32PM]: _Yeah. See you then._  


Jim finished all his homework by ten, and decided to order out. He didn’t think delivery was worth it, seeing as the restaurant was only five minutes away, so he donned the anti-rape wear, tight jeans, a studded belt, a t-shirt, and a pullover sweatshirt to combat the cold. And it’d be harder for Gary to do anything to him if he had that many layers on. He knew it’d probably be better to just stay in with the door locked and wait for Scotty or Bones, but he hadn’t eaten since around 9:00 and he felt like he was about to pass out.  


[9:13PM]: _I’m going out to get food. I’ll be careful. Got extra layers on. Should I bring my knife?_  
[9:15PM]: _I’d say do it. The safer you feel, the better. I’ll be there in under an hour._  
[9:15PM]: _Okay._  


He was walking back with the food and texting Bones when he was pushed into an alleyway.  


[9:37PM]: _You there yet?_  
[9:38PM]: _Almost. Where are you?_  
[9:38PM]: _Walking back. Just head to the dorms._  
[9:39PM]: _Are you sure?_  
[9:39PM]: _Yeah._  
[9:40PM]: _At least hurry._  
[9:42PM]: _I’ll try but I don’t kn_  
[9:42PM]: _Did something happen?_  
[9:45PM]: _Jim? Please text back, I’m worried._  


“I don’t care that you’re 15, I want you.”  


“I don’t want you.”  


“Too bad. I’ll have you either way.”  


[9:48PM]: _Jim? Please text me back saying you’re okay I’m worried that something happened._  


Jim mentally kicked himself for not paying attention. At least the knife was under his sleeve, within easy reach. He grabbed it as subtly as he could, and got a good grip on it. He didn’t want to use it.  


“Let me go.”  
“No. You’re gonna want this.”  
“No, I won’t. I don’t.”  
“Eh, no means yes, right?”  
“No.”  
“Does in my book.”  


All he got next were Gary’s lips smashing against his, and Gary’s hands fumbling with his belt. The food was on the sidewalk where Jim had dropped it.  


[9:50PM]: _Jim?_  


“Gary, stop,” he said assertively, pulling the knife out a bit more.  
“No.”  
“Stop.”  
“Can’t.”  


He moved Jim’s hand down to his pants, “Feel that? I’m aching for ya, Jimmy.”  


 _“I’m aching for ya, Jimmy”_ It was something that Frank once said to him. It was bad enough just hearing it, even worse having the flashback.  
 _“I’m aching for ya, Jimmy, gotta have ya. That pretty little ass a your’s is gonna feel like hell tomorrow. You won’t enjoy this, no, but I will.” ___  
 _“Please let me go!”_  
 _“No, Jimmy, you gotta take it. You did something bad and you need to be punished. Get those pants off.”_  
 _“No!”_  
 _“Jimmy, you’re a good boy. Take them off.”_  


He came back to Gary pushing his hand under his jeans, “You’re gonna like this.”  


“No,” he pulled the knife and stabbed into Gary’s offending hand. There was a yowl of pain and Jim fixed his belt and straightened his shirt, “I told you to stop, and you didn’t. Maybe next time you’ll listen. Hopefully, there won’t be a next time.  


[9:59PM]: _Dammit, Jim. Gary got you, didn’t he? I’m sorry._  


He walked out of the alley and took out his phone, but Gary managed to grab him from behind, and he dropped it. He still had the knife in hand, and was ready to use it if he really had to. He was panicking and he couldn’t breathe, but other than that he was okay. He thought he was at least. He had the anti-rape wear on, but that wasn’t 100% successful in preventing it. Gary could get the lock undone, he owned a pair.  


[10:13PM]: _Jim? Are you okay? Did he abduct you?_  
[10:20PM]: _Jim, please answer this._  


Gary’s hand was down his pants before Jim used the knife again. He drove it roughly through Gary’s hand, immobilizing the appendage. Gary managed to punch him and use the other hand to try something more, but someone rushed into the alley just as Gary undid the lock and shoved the underwear down Jim’s thighs.  


“I’ve called the police already,” the voice sounded, “I have a gun and I’m not afraid to use it.”  


im turned his head to the side, trying to avoid looking at Gary, and saw that the woman did in fact have a gun. And it was pointed at Gary’s head.  


“Get your hands off of him and move away, or I’ll shoot.”  
“You wouldn’t,” Gary said, taking Jim’s cock in hand. Jim shivered and twisted the knife, making Gary howl in pain.  
“I would.”  


Sirens sounded from further down the street and the woman clicked the safety off. Jim could feel the tremble of fear that ran through Gary and then he was free.  


“Stay where you are. Jim, are you okay?”  
Jim recognized the voice and smiled faintly, “Yeah, mom. I’m fine.”  
“You got your _mommy_ to save you? That’s rich,” Gary told him, before promptly shutting up when Winona pointed the gun at him again.  
“I’ll have you know I’m a Navy Captain and I _will_ use this gun. Do not disrespect my son. You almost raped him, and I witnessed it. You also broke a restraining order that was placed due to a case of sexual assault. So I’m making sure you get arrested.”  


Gary blanched and Jim couldn’t help the weak smile that spread across his face. He pulled up his underwear and jeans, fastened his belt, and fixed his shirt again. He was shaking and he still couldn’t really breathe, but Gary had a knife in his right hand and a gun pointed at his head. 

Winona kept the gun pointed at Gary and handed Jim his phone. His hands were shaking too much for him to do much with it, so he just stuck it in his pocket and prayed that Bones wasn’t freaking out.  


“C-” he tried, but he couldn’t manage to speak. He cleared his throat and tried again, “Can you take me back to the dorm?”  
“Of course. Just wait till the police get here, honey.”  


Thankfully the police were pulling up right about then. Winona kept her gun trained on the offender while they handcuffed him and loaded him into the car.  


“Captain Kirk, it’s a pleasure. Sorry it had to be like this.”  
“It’s perfectly fine, Roger. You made good time.”  
“Yeah, well, you did get here before us.”  
“My son’s phone sent me a text saying that he might have been abducted and where he was. Of course I got here before you.”  
“Night, ma’am. We’ll call when we want you to come in.”  
“Thank you. Oh, and you should talk to the Princeton students. From what I’ve heard, he’s a repeat offender.”  
“We’ll be sure too, ma’am.”  
“Night, boys.”  


Winona picked Jim up as he was about to collapse and brought him to the car. She ran a hand through his hair, wishing she knew how to comfort him. She knew what he had been through with Frank, and she hated that he had had to go through it yet again.  


When Jim’s hands stopped shaking enough for him to type, he answered all the texts Bones had sent him. He vaguely registered the bag of food next to him.  


[10:23PM]: _Bones, I’m sorry. Gary got me. I’ll tell you about it when I get back to the dorm. I’m definitely having a panic attack._  
[10:23PM]: _Are you walking? I can pick you up._  
[10:23PM]: _No, I’m almost there. It’ll be another minute or two. You there already?_  
[10:23PM]: _Yeah. I’ll help you calm down when you get back. For now just count._  
[10:24PM]: _Nothing more than bruises. You can check me over when I get back. I’m still sorry._  
[10:24PM]: _It’s okay, Jim. This wasn’t your fault. Just, thank you. For being alive and fairly uninjured. Are you sure you’re okay with me checking you over?_  


Jim felt a tear roll down his cheek. He hadn’t known he’d been that close to crying. When he felt his other cheek, he realized he’d been crying for a while.  


“Forbes, right?”  
“Yeah,” he breathed shakily.  


[10:25PM]: _Yeah, I need you to. Just, Bones, I won’t say it over text, there’s something I really need to tell you._  
[10:26PM]: _Okay. See you in a few minutes. It wasn’t your fault that this happened._  
\-----  


“Thanks mom.”  
“Sure you don’t want me to walk you in?”  
“I’m fine. Bones is here,” Jim told her, hefting the bag of food up into his arms.  
“Okay. Be safe, Jim. I’ll be in town a few more days if you need me.”  
“Thanks. Night, mom.”  


And with that he rushed into the dorm building, seeking the comfort of Bones’ warm arms wrapped around him, Bones’ careful hands running through his hair.  


“Bones!” Jim collided with him, letting the food drop to the ground. He wrapped himself around Bones, needing to feel that Bones was actually there.  
“Jim.”  
“Thank you, thank you so much, Bones,” Jim whispered. He was still crying and he knew he wouldn’t stop for a while and he _still_ couldn’t breathe, but he was okay when Bones was there.  
“For what?”  
Jim had begun to calm when he saw Bones, remembering the counting, “Being here. Always being here for me.”  
“You’re welcome, darlin’. What happened?”  
“He almost did it, Bones. He was about to- my mom pointed a gun at his head.”  
“Have you reported it?”  
“No, he got arrested.”  
“Okay.”  
“I was terrified, Bones, I- I had another flashback.”  
“Wanna talk about it or no?”  
“I do.”  
“Okay. Lets go inside.”  


They entered the dorm, and, thankfully, Scotty wasn’t back yet. Jim put the bag of food down on a counter and sat cross-legged on his bed, across from Leonard, but not at a huge distance. He could still feel the heat coming off of Bones’ body.  


“Frank, he, uh, sexually abused me. For around eight years.”  
“Thank you for telling me, Jim. I’m sorry this happened. That any of it happened. It wasn’t your fault.”  
“Oh, I have food. Mom got it. It’s from that thai place.”

“You still have an appetite?”  
“Yeah, actually. Can we make a blanket fort and cuddle? Cause that’s exactly what I need right now.”  
“Sure, Jim. I’ll get the food and then I’ll help you set it up. You calm now?”  
“Yeah. I’m still a bit panicky but altogether I’m calmer than before. I can breathe now, for one thing.”  
“Good. So tell me what your mom did exactly?”  
“You know that app I have on my phone?”  
“The one that sends the emergency message?”  
“That one, yeah. Well I ended up having her as the only contact and she was in town and she got the message when my phone fell. She called the police and rushed over. Pulled a gun and pointed it at Gary’s head.”  
“Your mom is awesome.”  
“I know.”  
“Did you use the knife?”  
“Uh huh. Got it right through his hand.”  
“So he didn’t get far enough to….”  
“Well he got pretty damn far. But you’re here and I have food and a blanket fort and cuddles, and Gary’s in a holding cell so I think I’m good.”  
Bones smiled warmly, “That’s good. But I know you’re still more anxious than you’re letting on.”  
Jim sighed and banged his head against the wall, “I know. But if you cuddle me it’ll go away. Or some of it will, anyway.”  
“Anyone else you need to text?”  
“Yeah. Hold on.”  


He texted Ny about what happened and told her lunch tomorrow would be a good time for him to explain it. She told him she was glad he was okay and that it wasn’t his fault. God, he loved having friends like Bones and Nyota. They cared about him and they made sure he was safe and calm whenever they could.  


The blanket fort was set up and the food was warm and so was Bones as he wrapped around Jim like he was protecting him from a grenade blast. The hand that carded through his hair was roughly textured but it was comforting and it felt good against his scalp. The knots of anxiety in his stomach loosened and faded with the minutes that passed by and while he knew he’d be having a nightmare and it wouldn’t be good, he was content in the moment. He pushed up into the hand that pushed through the golden blond strands, and leaned against the hand that rubbed circles across his back, and smiled fondly as he looked at Bones, who smiled fondly back. They were safe, warm, and happy with each other, and for Jim, that was more than enough. He wasn’t fixed, and neither was the situation with Gary, but he was okay for the time being. He was okay with Bones and the blanket fort and the cuddles. He was okay with Bones, and that was all he needed.


	21. Concerning Family and the Inconvenience of Crushes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey this one is uploaded at a reasonable time! next one probably won't be.... oh, it's also shorter

The events of the past week had caused Jim’s life to be absolute hell, but it was steadily getting back on track. There was still Gary and legal shit to deal with, but he was okay. Bones had gone back to Georgia after Jocelyn had called, stating the baby would come any day now and he should be there for his wife. Of course Jim agreed with her, but he wanted Bones to stay a little longer.  
Still, Bones was gonna have a family and that was amazing. Jim had never really had a family. He was glad that at least someone he cared about would have one of their own creation. It gave Jim hope that maybe one day he would have one too. That he would be able to have one someday.  


Jim wanted a family. It wasn’t his mother’s fault that he never really got one. He couldn’t stay in the water without dying, and things had gone a bit wrong when she tried to give him one. She had gotten him a family that was good while it lasted, but he couldn’t remember when it was good. He could remember wondering why Frank would hit Jenny and being confused when Frank started to hit him too. He remembered the yelling and the drinking. He wasn’t sure there was anything else.  


Even just the feeling of family was foreign to him. He knew how to take care of himself and he knew how to keep himself alive. He didn’t know how to let anyone else take care of him without it feeling like they were controlling him. He understood that there were people who wanted him safe and happy, but he didn’t understand why they wanted it. Why would anyone wish for him to be happy? Usually people hated him and wished him dead. He was used to it, sometimes it even felt good.  


He had never known happiness. The warmth that spread through your bones and forced a smile onto your face had been something he had watched appear on other people, never on himself. He had figured the universe hadn’t wanted him happy.  


Bones wanted him happy. Nyota wanted him happy. Spock, no matter how unreadable he was, wanted Jim happy. Scotty especially wanted Jim happy. Sulu and Chekov, too. Christine, Carol, Janice, Sam, Winona, Pike, Phil. They all wanted him to be happy. They wanted him to feel joy from just being alive. They wanted him to feel something other than regret or depression. Sure he wasn’t actually depressed, but he felt it an awful lot. He supposed that was what not having a family had done to him. He had watched everyone else as they went home to their loving parents and siblings who pretended to hate them. He had watched as Bones had kissed Jocelyn, pure elation on his face. He had watched Pike and Phil embrace after several months apart, crying and unable to get the smiles off their faces. He had watched Sam run around while Pike and Phil looked on, laughing and grinning because they loved the little snot machine. He had watched the love on their faces and the annoyance that morphed into something warm and comfortable. He had watched the careless children who had lived in peaceful homes with occasional yelling, and no one ever hit anyone or drank excessively. They were unburdened. They had yet to learn the cruel nature of the universe. Jim had watched and longed and loathed enough for the thought of having a family to be sickening. He had watched enough to convince himself that he didn’t really want it.  


Jim wanted to have a family. He wanted to be loved and cared for, even when he did something that made everyone else mad. He wanted to have the guarantee of someone to greet when he got home. He wanted the guarantee that he wouldn’t get hit if he opened his mouth. He wanted the guarantee that his privacy would be respected, and that there’d be someone who would hold him together when he felt like he was falling apart. He wanted the guarantee of someone who would be there to help him pick up the pieces.  


He was sure he’d never have a family.  


Still, he was happy for Bones and Jocelyn. They would have a little snot machine of their very own and she’d be adorable and she’d puke on them, but they’d love her. They’d try not to spoil her and they’d press gentle kisses to her forehead as they put her to bed. They’d comfort her when she had a bad dream and they’d bundle her up so she looked like a little meatball during the winter. She’d be fed a little more than she needed and as she got older she’d get more annoyed by her parents caring, but she’d love them and they’d love her. She’d take her family for granted until it began to break apart. If it ever did.  


He was happy for Nyota too. She was finally learning more about Spock and they were together and happy. Jim didn’t think they’d ever split apart. He knew she sometimes had trouble reading him, but he could see the love written across Spock’s face clear as day. Spock was hard to read on a normal day, but with Nyota his face softened and his light brown eyes darkened a little as they lit up and filled with warmth at the same time. His brow would furrow slightly when he got confused or Nyota said something troubling, but it always faded into the warmth that he looked on her with from the day they got together.  


Nyota looked on Spock much the same. Her brow would furrow when his face turned cold and emotionless and she’d get a little smile on her face when she figured what emotion he was feeling. She would grin and laugh as she tried to take his hat, and he would grab it to keep it on his head but he’d smile as well. Nyota had a warmth in her eyes that showed through her whole body. Her face lit up, her skin glowed, there was more of a bounce in her step. She was more physical than Spock, more readable. She knew what she was feeling and she showed it in whatever way she could. She had different expressions for each emotion and she wore them all well. Jim thought it was what made it so easy for her to read Spock. She was emotionally intelligent and naturally good at reading people. Nyota could get Spock to spill a secret or talk about his feelings faster than either of Spock’s parents could. That had to say something, Spock being more open with her than his parents. Spock’s love for her was obvious and Nyota’s was the same. They were a good pair, and worked well together. They were both fiercely intelligent, they had similar goals in life. They could debate energetically about topics they disagreed on, they could argue about something without being mad at each other. In a way, Jim envied their relationship. Though, he assumed it was like the one he had with Bones, just they kissed each other and probably had sex, and, well, Jim and Bones didn’t. And they didn’t want to.  


Well, sometimes Jim wanted to kiss Bones, but there was never any longing for sex. And Jim only ever wanted to kiss him when he did things like cuddle with him in a blanket fort. It was the gestures that made Jim feel loved that made him want to kiss Bones. The hugs, the cuddles, the murmured _okay darlin’ _that always followed one of Jim’s requests after a nightmare or a panic attack or flashback. It was the hand that dragged through Jim’s hair, comforting and calming. It was the way Bones just accepted the fact that he could grow a fucking tail. It was how Bones looked at him. It was the way Bones smiled softly and shook his head sadly when Jim was in pain. It was how Bones could make him happy by just being there.  
__

So maybe Jim had feelings for Bones.  


Well, shit.  


Jim had never really had crushes through his earlier years. He was always too busy figuring out how to survive Frank to pay attention to the people around him. Bones had been his first friend, and the first person he had actually stopped to look at. Bones was young and attractive. Like seriously attractive. But no matter how young Bones was, he was still too old for Jim. Bones was turning twenty one and Jim was turning sixteen. Though, sixteen was the consent age…. Oh, and Bones was married and would have a daughter in less than a month.  


Bones was off limits. Which, of course, only made Jim want him more. Why the fuck did Bones have to exist.  


Actually, Jim liked that Bones existed. He didn’t really like that the crush existed, though. He was just starting to learn how inconvenient crushes actually were. Especially when the person was as unattainable as Bones. Fuck.  


Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.  


He was head-over-fucking-heels for Bones. Fuck.


	22. Happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh, return of the long chapter! with, like, no dialogue. Quite a change from that one a few chapters back that was almost all dialogue. Hope you enjoy!

Jim would have loved to say that his year had passed in a blissfully boring way but there was no way for it to be boring when you were sure you were in love with your best friend who was not only married, but also too old for you.  


He turned 16, which wasn’t very fun. Bones couldn’t make it up and he didn’t want a party. He mourned with the rest of the nation on the day that had been designated the memorial for George Kirk.  


His father had been a hero, and from the stories he’d been told, a wonderful man. Jim knew from the pictures that he looked a fair amount like him. He was always overshadowed by his father’s legacy. Saving over eight hundred lives in twelve minutes earned you a fair amount of recognition. Everyone had honored the young captain on March 22nd for sixteen years, and they were in no hurry to stop.  


Since the day Jim was born, his birthday had been a day of mourning. If George had lived through the attack, it still would have been. It was the U.S.S Kelvin memorial day. Kids got school off and the nation observed a moment of silence at 3:17 PM, the time the attack ended.  


Still, he observed it as well, not caring for the rest. He’d honor his father and he wouldn’t celebrate his birthday. Like always.  


After March 22nd, everything moved as it usually did. The weeks passed swiftly and soon enough he managed to complete a year of college. Finals sucked but he aced them all, and finished the year with a perfect GPA. There were always whispers around campus of that perfect Kirk boy and how he had probably only gotten in because his dad was a national hero. No one ever chalked it up to pure intelligence. Well, no one outside of his friend group.  


Nyota had been the first to figure out how smart he was. Second was Spock, and third, somewhat surprisingly to Jim, Scotty. Sulu and Chekov had known long before then. To be completely honest, Jim was still a little surprised that he actually had friends. But he was thankful he did.  


Summer passed just as quickly and he stayed in San Francisco the whole time. He was either in the bay or the bay area, at least for most of it. By the end, he was fairly sure he spent more time in the water than he did on land. It was a fair bet.  


The next fall brought brisk autumn wind and a love for singing. Jim would sing when he was alone in the dorm, his roommate, Finnegan, was usually out drinking or partying, which included drinking. Finnegan liked drinking. He and Jim weren’t really friends.  


Jim had never really given a thought to singing. He had assumed it was something he wouldn’t be very good at, but that turned out to be wrong. Still, he didn’t want to sing in front of anyone. There was still the danger of siren song and his possible talent. Sam had found out that his was regeneration, like their mother’s, and had been testing its limits in semi-dangerous ways. He had been on the set of a movie as a stunt double, after training of course, and what was supposed to be a fake gun was actually a real one. They had said his joint was shattered and that he would never use the arm again, but a few days later, he was back on set, his arm completely fixed. He had come up with a plausible excuse, saying that some equipment had malfunctioned and hadn’t given them a clear x-ray, so there had been a mistake. No one asked anything other than how much it had hurt.  


Jim was hoping for something more interesting than regeneration. Sure it was cool and if the gene that caused it could be isolated it could lead to new scientific discoveries, but Jim wanted something better. Siren song was dangerous, but the ability to cause a storm might be fun. Jim just wanted to have a cool talent. He had heard of merfolk who could create light shows and turn invisible. He had seen some who could repair machines with the slightest touch. Some could read minds, and others could shapeshift. He had seen all number of talents, and he had to say, some were better than others. If he got one of the cool ones, he’d be ecstatic.  


He was still worried about siren song.  


He had felt the effects of siren song before, but he couldn’t recognize it. His talent was supposed to emerge anywhere from when he turned seventeen to when he turned twenty. His family was more on the early side of things.  
Siren song wasn’t normally a talent. Usually you were born a siren, and you were taught the song. It was more of a low soprano undercurrent in the voice as the vocal chords vibrated. It was a form of mind control that made Jim uncomfortable. It enhanced feelings and lured the subject closer, until the siren could kiss them. Once a siren had kissed you, you were under their spell and would undoubtedly drown when you followed the siren into the water.  


Most sirens could control it. They would weigh the soul of whoever passed by, and decide their fate. If the person had several bad deeds, they would be lured. If an ex-marine had killed several people, they would not be taken. There was a code, supposedly written by Poseidon, that stated all the exceptions and rules of the siren’s duty. There were merfolk who were half-siren, but they were usually scorned by the general populace, and were then taken in by siren colonies.  


The sirens took in all who did not have a colony, or who were abandoned by their colony. The sirens, though possessing a bad reputation with humans, were the least bigoted out of all the merfolk. Jim liked the sirens.  
Still, he would have disliked having the talent. Once you were out of range of siren the effect faded, but if the siren sang again you’d be entranced again.  


Jim was afraid that if he had that talent, then if he ever told someone he loved, and they believed him, they would leave. How could they know if what they were feeling about him was true if he could make them fall in love with him by singing one bar of a melody?  
In the next few months, Jim met Carol Marcus, who found out about the mermaid thing, and accepted it. Gaila came back from her month at sea (in the sea, visiting a sister) and was catching up on everything she had missed. Nyota and Spock were engaged (Jim said it took them too long), and he was happy for them.  


People had started looking at him differently as well, since he had turned sixteen. He was over the consent age now. He was afraid of some of them. He didn’t want another Gary situation.  


Before his birthday he got a call from Bones. He sounded tired and worn out, not to mention especially hungover.  


 _“Jim, I might not be able to make it for your birthday. I’m sorry,”_ Bones sounded worse than Jim had originally thought. He was absolutely wrecked, exhausted.  
“Wait, why?”  
 _“Jocelyn wants a divorce. Truth is, we’ve been together for a long time, and we had Joanna to try and save the relationship. Worked for a bit but it’s falling apart.”_  
“Oh. It’s okay, then. I’m sorry about the divorce, though.”  
 _“It’s fine. I want to come, I do, but I don’t know what the next few weeks look like for me.”_  
“It’s really okay if you can’t, Bones. You don’t have to be here all the time. We’ll see each other when we see each other, okay?”  
Bones sighed, obviously unhappy with that but willing to accept it, _“Okay.”_  
“And if you need anything, I’m here.”  
 _“Thanks, Jim.”_  
“No problem, Bones.”  


He had expected bad news, but it wasn’t that. He knew that Jocelyn and Len had been together for a while, almost seven years. They got together when Bones graduated, and had been together since. She had proposed and they had gotten married some odd months later, had Joanna, and now the divorce. He just hoped that Bones would be okay. He knew he wouldn't be.  


Jim didn’t end up seeing Bones until late April. He was okay with that. He hadn’t wanted Bones to come up and meet him when he should be with his family figuring out how everything was gonna go for the next six months. And, all it meant was that Bones was finally free and coming to see him, which he was happy about. He hoped he could make the trip good for Bones too, since the last few months had most likely been hell for him.  


When Bones walked in the door, Jim looked up from his work and greeted him with a smile and got up to hug him. He looked a bit haggard, a little bit of scruff and his hair was a bit longer than he usually kept it, but other than that he seemed okay. He definitely seemed happy to see Jim.  


“So, I was thinking we’d just stay in and order thai?”  
“Sure, Jim,” Bones said. Jim could tell he was tired and definitely didn’t want to be around people, but he wasn’t sure if Bones was just tired, or if he didn’t really want to be there but wanted to see Jim.  
“C’mon, sit. I’m gonna set up a blanket fort.”  


Bones smiled, remembering when he and Jim had cuddled in a blanket fort all those months ago. It was one of the best nights he’d had in a long time, and hopefully this one would be the same. Being around Jim made the bad go away, at least for a little while. Hearing Jim’s voice on the phone had done more for his stress than he’d care to admit. Sometimes he wondered if he should be worried about it, but he decided it didn’t matter that much, since Jim was there and he could forget about Jocelyn and the divorce.  


He sat and watched as Jim puttered around, moving blankets and pillows until he had constructed the fort. He called the thai place and ordered for them both, then laid down in the fort and beckoned Bones towards him.  


He curled around Bones, hoping that maybe he’d see that a divorce wasn’t all that bad, and that he didn’t need to be as stressed as he was. Jim knew Bones had a tendency to work himself up more than strictly needed about things like that. A divorce was stressful and painful but it wasn’t anything Bones needed to lose sleep over. Well, a little bit of sleep. But Jim could tell Bones probably hadn’t slept very well for the past few weeks.  


He didn’t tell Bones that it wasn’t that bad, or that he should be thinking of all the good things in his life, because that would only make it worse. Because it tended to be that everything good was brought into your life by the one thing that’s leaving and that was painful to think about. It wasn’t something that helped. Thankfully, talking over thai food while cuddling in a blanket fort definitely helped, and that’s what Jim’s plan was.  


It didn’t make him stop feeling like he couldn’t do a damn thing to help Bones, though. Bones vented to him about the divorce and how he felt about everything and how he wouldn’t be getting custody of Joanna and he knew it was better that way but he hated it so much and he needed to be around his daughter, even if she didn’t need him just yet. Because she would need him. He wanted to be there for his daughter when she needed him and he didn’t know if he’d be there after the divorce. He was scared that Jocelyn would tell him he couldn’t see her anymore, or just wouldn’t let him. He didn’t care so much about property or money or his residency, he could always get accepted to another program. He just wanted to keep some of his family.  


“I’m part of your family, Bones, aren’t I?”  
“Yeah, I suppose so.”  
“Well I’m not going anywhere. And Jocelyn can’t keep you away from your daughter forever.”  
Bones smiled and rolled them over so that he was curled around Jim, “I know you’re not going anywhere. And I’m glad.”  
“Me too,” Jim told him, nudging his head against Bones’ collarbone. Bones tightened his arms around Jim, and watched as Jim’s scales appeared.  
“Why you doin’ that?”  
“It happens when I get relaxed enough to let it. It’s become a reflex.”  
“And usually you’re not this relaxed?”  
“No.”  
“Just so that it doesn’t happen?”  
“No,” Jim repeated. Bones’ brow furrowed and he wondered what the cause of Jim’s stress was. Hopefully it was just school.  
“Care to elaborate?”  
“This is supposed to be your venting session.”  
“It was. Now it’s yours.”  
“Fine. I think most of the time it’s just school. Sometimes it’s Finnegan, other times it’s just the people around campus.”  
“Why?”  
“Well Finnegan likes to drink and he generally disrespects women and he can get….” Jim fumbled for a word to describe the way Finnegan got when drinking, “Violent.”  
“Physically?”  
“More verbally, but yeah.”  
“Jim, has he ever hit you? Because you can request a transfer.”  
“I know I can. It’s just this is dorm is really good cause it’s close to all the buildings I need to get to and Finnegan usually stays out all night anyway when he goes drinking.”  
“You didn’t answer the question.”  
“Once. I yelled at him the next day. He hasn’t done it since.”  
“Doesn’t mean he won’t do it again.”  
“I’m not afraid of him Bones. He might have slapped me across the face once but he’s not so bad. I mean, he’s got a shitty personality and shitty world views, but he’s not a bad person.”  
“Fine.”  
“Sorry. He’s usually gone, anyway.”  
“Okay,” Bones’ hold got a little tighter, not uncomfortably so, and Jim felt Bones’ chin rest against the top of his head.  


They laid there for a while, not really talking, sometimes telling a joke or two to make the other laugh. They were generally pleased to be each other’s company, sharing in each other’s happiness.  


For Bones, it was a break from the craziness of the divorce process, and the horrid feeling of having everything he knew swept out from under his feet. For Jim, it was a break from people staring at him like he was prey, like he was something they could catch.  


For them both, it was a night of happiness to cherish for the coming months. Bones’ hands skimming across Jim’s scales, carding through his hair. Jim’s hands curled into Bones’ shirt as he slept.  


Bones fell asleep some time after, not wanting to stop watching Jim’s relaxed face, no worry lines in his forehead or furrowed brow, no shifting or whimpering or screaming. It was one of the first times that Bones had seen him like that. He was usually plagued by nightmares of Frank and of something even Bones didn’t know about. But for now, he was peaceful. And, unless he was imagining the small smile that graced Jim’s face, he was happy.  


They were both happy, and while Jim had realized it was something more than friendship, Bones had yet to realize it. Happiness was something they both so rarely experienced. It usually came at a price, but not this time. In each other’s company, happiness came freely.  


Maybe they both had yet to realize the extent of their feelings.  


At least they were happy.


	23. Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> brief mentions of abuse but nothing graphic. hope you enjoy!

Jim hated it when Bones left. It hurt him more than it should have. But he couldn’t help it. He was watching his best friend get hurt by his wife, and watching his best friend go back somewhere he could only cause more damage. He hated watching people suffer.  


Bones hated having to leave. He hated seeing Jim’s hurt expression, the emotional pain that would flit across his face and through his eyes. He wondered if it was him who was hurting Jim. If it was hurting Jim to see him leave. He wanted Jim to smile and wave goodbye and miss him but be okay with him being gone for a while. He didn’t want Jim to have to wonder if he was ever coming back.  


But he had to leave. He had to deal with the divorce and he had to spend time with his daughter. He had things to do, and Jim wasn’t a part of them. They had separate lives that caused them to be separate more than either of them really wanted.  


Of course, when they could snuggle in a blanket fort, why would they want to be separate? Their friendship was probably the best thing in both of their lives. The outside world was torturous and unaccepting but the blanket fort was comfortable and warm, so why leave? They had their lives together, and they had their lives apart. They had to agree, they were happiest when with each other.  


Jim suspected it had been that way for a while. They gradually spent more and more time together and he had gradually fell in love with Bones. At least, he was pretty sure it was love. What else would it be? He found himself with a dorky smile on his face each time Bones came up the hallway to his dorm. A grin spread across his face at just the thought of him. He was sure that he couldn’t hide the fondness that filled his eyes.  


Love was a dangerous thing, at least according to Jim. It gave you happiness but it had the power to take it away in a moment. It could fill to the brim with affection and turn it to hate in a matter of seconds. It could abandon you without a second thought. Love would not be kind when things began to fall apart. At least Jim knew that.  


He was scared of being in love with Bones if it meant that Bones could be ripped from his grasp at any moment. If it meant that Bones could fall out of love with him, or he with Bones. If Bones didn’t love him back. He was afraid of the way Bones could make his mind work, the way he made Jim’s heart race and his face light up. He was afraid of the way Bones made warmth spread through his chest but made every casual touch sting with cold. He was afraid of Bones dying and leaving him alone. Or leaving him for someone else. He was afraid that his love would destroy him and he couldn’t manage to feel any differently.  


He barely even registered the time that passed, the days, the months, until he got to see Bones again. He was still the same person, energetic, loud, generally enthusiastic about everything. He could only register the fear and the love and all the ways that Bones was unobtainable.  


In some ways it was a horrible thing. It was horrible that he had fallen in love with someone so unreachable. It was horrible that it had to be his best friend. It was horrible because the other emotions it caused. It was horrible because Jim wanted Bones to return the feeling.  


Jim knew a relationship with him came with baggage. Nightmares were commonplace for him, and sometimes he’d even scream. There were occasional flashbacks, panic attacks. It would be hard for someone to love him.  


In the end, he simply settled on the fact that he liked/possibly loved Bones and tried to move on.  


He moved through his days like a conscious human being usually did. It was monotonous and he began to dislike sitting through lecture after lecture, but every once in a while they’d do a hands-on activity. He tried to remain in the present and outside of his mind, out of the fantasies.  


He wondered what Bones was doing.  


Turned out, Bones was still working on the divorce. Joce was taking most of the property, custody of their daughter, her money from their joint account, custody of their daughter.  


He had known it was coming but it still hit him like a ton of bricks. He wanted to raise his daughter and he wanted to be there for her when she needed him. He doubted he’d get to do that with the other lengths Joce was going to.  


Not that he wasn’t glad about the divorce. Well, he _wasn’t _glad, but he knew it was the right thing to do. He just wished that at the end of those six months he’d still be allowed to see his daughter.  
__

What a surprise that he wasn’t able to. Joce moved in with the guy she had been having an affair with, a high school friend and one of Bones’ colleagues, Clay. She had taken Joanna with her and told him to please not come visit. He could only wonder why.  
But he was moving at the end of the month and he already had a residency program he’d been accepted to. The only troubling thing was that he hadn’t heard from Jim. At all. In six months.  


At least he was moving to New Jersey. He had decided that if he had to go anywhere, near Jim was better than anything.  
He had realized he had more than inappropriate feelings for Jim around six months ago. By now, they were probably the worst thing he had going for him. Jim was a minor. And even though he was turning twenty-three, Jim was still just turning seventeen.  


He couldn’t pinpoint when his feelings had turned from platonic to more romantic in nature, but he knew that they felt a whole lot like love now. And that was probably dangerous.  


Yes, Jim was above the consent age, and, yes, a relationship with him would be legal. But it probably wasn’t what either of them really wanted. He himself was still reeling from the divorce, and Jim had, well, an extreme amount of shit to work through.  


He doubted that Jim even returned the feeling. Jim had been through hell and had somehow survived it all, and was only now learning how to really live. A romantic relationship would be good for him, but not with a twenty-three year old divorcee neurosurgeon in training. He was a deadweight and Jim was still young, still light as a feather. Jim would never love someone like him. Joce had once, but for the past two and a half years she had been fucking someone else, so he guessed, like most things, the love had left. It had dissipated into the air with each of their shared breaths. Every middle of the night surgery and week long trip to Jersey and every night spent with a glass of bourbon instead of water had lead to it. He knew that.  


Love was a flimsy thing. It was destroyed easily. It burned, sending smoke into the sky with each puff. It dwindled and its ashes were taken and scattered among the bottles of top-shelf whiskey that were kept in the cupboard above the microwave.  


Plus, Jim didn’t return the feeling. Better he forgot about it and let things stay as they were.  


But Jim did return the feeling. And that was the exact reason he hadn’t called or texted or even emailed Bones. He hadn’t been sure he’d be able to keep his brain on a leash and his mouth under control. He was too afraid he’d say something like ‘I love you’. Those three words held pure destruction in them. One utterance and the damage was done. The blast radius expanded and expanded, leaving nothing that didn’t remind one of the other. It gave them rubble and no survivors.  


And to be perfectly honest, if you had asked, Jim would’ve denied everything. Denied the thoughts and the feelings and the words he wished he could say. What was the question? Do you like like Bones? It’s like they were in grade school, whispering to each other when their crush walked by. They were naive middle schoolers wishing they had the courage to go up to the guy or girl of their dreams and ask him out.  


They were the eighth graders smiling shyly at their crush. They were the high school freshmen walking down the hall watching as people groped at each other and wondered why they didn’t they have that. They were the aching, lonely souls wishing for someone to love. For someone to love them back.  


They were the crap that god spit out, the abused and hurt spirits with nothing to live for.


	24. In a Predicament.... Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are some brief mentions of suicide but other than that it's pretty much just about siren culture! hope you enjoy!

Seventeen was approaching quickly and Jim began to worry the increased amount of people propositioning him. Sure, he was pretty sure he wanted to have sex now. And he was pretty sure he was ready. But he didn’t think he wanted to do it with any of the people that had approached him. He wanted to do it with Bones. That was out of the question. Even if Bones returned the feelings, it was complicated. Sure, he was above the consent age and it would be legal, but they were best friends. Jim didn’t want to ruin that relationship, not when it had been his first. Bones had swooped into his life and turned it around. He knew he had considered suicide more than once. Sure, he hadn’t told anyone, but it had been there, in the back of his mind like an itch that’s under the skin. He tried to ignore it but it kept coming back, telling him it was a viable option, that death would be better for him. He had refused the first time, no matter how much he suffered, life would never be that bad. He had believed that one day his life would get better. That had been shortly after his twelfth birthday. After he had met Bones, he knew he had made the right decision. Not only did he have someone who cared about him, but he had someone who never refused to help him, in fact, more often than not, Bones _insisted _on helping him.  
__

He couldn’t take the risk of ruining that.  


Recently, he had started singing to relieve stress. In the shower, while doing homework, when he had nothing else to do. It helped more than he thought it would. Though, given the immense amount of work he had, he wasn’t surprised.  


He still worried about the siren song. He hadn’t sang around anyone to test it, and he didn’t actually know if his talent had emerged yet. Sam had sent him videos of his talent at work, and they were kind of hilarious to watch. At one point he got a finger cut off and it back in a minute. The spectators’ faces were priceless.  


Siren song would be a bit more dangerous than being able to regrow limbs. It was mind control. Some said it could even be deadly.  


Indeed it could be, but Jim wished it wasn’t. If it weren’t, he wouldn’t be worrying. And he wouldn’t be so afraid of it.  


The Sirens were the justice system of the sea. They weighed a soul and decided if that person had the right to live or die based on their prediction of the person’s future behavior. They rarely killed someone. They believed that killing was wrong, but in some cases necessary. They were benevolent. They were the descendants of Calypso, but they were not like her. Calypso had been an evil creature. She had lured men and women to her fortress and kept them there for what they thought had been days, when it had truly been years. She hypnotized them until they were willing to do anything with her. She had not been kind. The Sirens were kindred spirits. They took in the outlawed and and the unfavorable. They raised the merfolk of other colonies as their own. They paid no mind to who or what or the reason the merchild was alone. They cared for them and taught them the ways of the Sirens, taught them the beliefs of the Sirens. To the Sirens, every life form was beautiful. Life itself was an energy bestowed upon organisms by the gods, and once it was given, it should not be taken. The Sirens only killed those who had lost the chance and the will to change their ways. The ones who could not be rehabilitated. That being said, psychopaths and sociopaths were not usually killed. The Sirens believed that each person had a right to their life, and that it was theirs to do with as they pleased. If someone was, for instance, a cannibal, they would be killed unless apprehended first. If someone had fallen into the business of murder and had no wish to get out of it, or did not wonder how they had gotten there, they would be killed. Again, providing they were not apprehended first. Some Sirens would even pose as humans in order to apprehend criminals so they did not have to kill. They mourned the ones they killed and prayed to the gods that they did not place the blackened soul in Tartarus. They wished the best upon the soul as it departed and lamented over the act of killing. They knew it was their duty to protect humankind, but killing was not something they believed in. The death penalty had been abolished in 2019, and a full rehabilitation program had replaced it. Criminals no longer needed to be killed. Sadly, that wasn’t true for the Sirens. At most, they killed five a year. Each one of those was seen as sinful.  


Jim liked the Sirens. He just didn’t like siren song. As March 22nd neared, he grew more and more sure that it wouldn’t be his talent. There was still doubt in his mind.  


March 21st rolled around and Jim was suddenly dreading it. He had wished to be seventeen for so long, but when it finally came, he didn’t see it as anything but another number, another year. At least Bones was visiting. They had talked briefly on the phone a week previously, and Jim had blown off the silence as having been drowned in work.  


He realized that he was dreading seeing Bones after about an hour of trying to make sense of his feelings. He was sure that what he was feeling was love, and he wished it wasn’t. Or he wished there was no sexual attraction, anyway. Bones was, well, Bones. He was Jim’s first best friend and the best best friend he’d ever had. Even the possibility of losing Bones frightened him in a way Frank never had.  


He tried not to worry about it. They’d probably spend the night in, watch a movie or two and then talk a bit. It’d be like always. Blanket fort and cuddles and sleeping in the same bed. Jim wasn’t sure if he should smile or cry.  


On the one hand, he hadn’t seen Bones for over half a year, and this would be a chance to catch up, to hear his voice again. On the other hand, he would be wishing he could kiss Bones through the whole night and that wasn’t something he wanted to be thinking about when it was just the two of them, catching up on the year they’d spent apart.  


The next day, Jim forgot to close the door to his dorm. Once he had noticed, he was too lazy to go and close it. Instead, he tidied up a bit while he waited for Bones to arrive. He sang quietly while he worked.  


When Bones walked up to the open door, he heard someone singing. Their voice was angelic, almost ethereal. He wasn’t sure he wanted to stop listening. The longer he listened, the more he felt compelled to enter the room and find the person the voice belonged to. So he did. He walked through the door and into the bedroom area, and what, or rather who, he saw was Jim.  


It had been Jim’s voice. It called to him, beckoned him to come closer, to touch, to feel, to listen. To kiss. So he did.  


Jim pushed him away with a shout, “What the hell Bones?” Jim looked frightened and startled and Leonard was brought back to the situation with the realization that he had put it there. The fog in his mind was just beginning to clear now that singing had stopped.  


“S-sorry,” he managed, and fled the room.


	25. Separation and an Almost Resolution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some brief mentions of past sexual assault and general low-level angst

Leonard was panicking. He had kissed Jim. He hadn’t imagined it, he hadn’t dreamed it. He had done it. And Jim had pushed him away, frightened and probably panicking himself. More than that, he was angry at himself for doing it. What had come over him? What had made him want that so much that he hadn’t been able to resist? And, why, had he not asked if it were okay? To him, it wasn’t okay. At all. Jim had been sexually assaulted far too many times for something like that to be okay. Not to mention that he was still a minor. Either he asked consent or he didn’t do it at all. He had seen the hurt light in Jim’s eyes before he left. He couldn’t go back, not when he had done that to Jim.  


Which brought him to where he was now, speeding down the interstate, planning on driving back down to Georgia while he worked through his thoughts. And if he was being honest, he wasn’t sure that would help. He had no fucking clue why he had done it. It was like he had been drunk, with the way his mind had fogged over. He couldn’t pinpoint when it had happened, but he knew it was after he had walked into Jim’s dorm. Once he had seen Jim, it had been an unbearable need. And he had to admit, Jim was attractive. But he wasn’t so attractive that being around him made the urge to kiss him grow stronger and stronger until it was unendurable. It wasn’t like that. It couldn’t be.  


Jim was having a complete and utter freak-out. He had been terrified when Bones had just grabbed him and kissed him. What had happened? What had motivated it? Why had it happened? He wanted to kiss Bones, but he hadn’t wanted to then. He hadn’t wanted Bones to do it without warning, without asking first. He just wished it hadn’t happened like that. He wanted to talk to Bones, to work it out and discuss what had actually happened. He hadn’t wanted Bones to stutter an apology and rush out. He didn’t know if Bones was even still in the building. He doubted that Bones would still be in the state. He’d take it just as seriously as Jim was. But why? Why had it happened in the first place? All he had been doing was singing while folding some laundry. 

Oh. _Oh._

He had been singing. 

What a way to have all his fears confirmed. And to possibly lose his best friend. God, he hadn’t even thought about losing Bones. 

Of fucking course his talent was siren song. It made sense, really, it did. The golden hair to go with the golden tail and the sea-blue eyes. He was attractive, enticing, even. And it wasn’t like he hadn’t heard it from others around campus. Though, he wasn’t a siren. He couldn’t weigh someone’s soul, he wasn’t part of the justice system. His talent was hypnotization, and it came in the form of siren song. And Bones had been hypnotized.  


Jim guessed that made the situation a little different. Bones had done it because he had been hypnotized. Usually, hypnotization enhanced feelings that were already there. Did that mean that Bones returned the feelings? Jim could hope. Well, he couldn’t really, since he was pretty sure Bones didn’t know much about the siren song thing. Though, if he could just talk to Bones, maybe it’d be okay. Maybe they could go back to being best friends and then when Jim was over eighteen, maybe they could be something more. Surely it wouldn’t be that long.  


The only problem was that Bones probably wasn’t in the state anymore, which meant that Jim would have to chase him. And, sure, Jim had the resources, but he wished Bones had just stuck around until Jim had figured it out. But bad situations never really worked out in his favor, or anyone’s for that matter. If he could just tell Bones about it, talk to him and explain it, they could be okay. But he couldn’t. Bones was gone and he wouldn’t answer his phone. So much for that.  


Despite it all, Jim decided to text Bones. Probably a bad idea, but hey, as long as Bones didn’t check them while he was driving, Jim assumed it’d be okay.  


But first, he had to talk to Ny and Gaila. Gaila could find where Bones was and track him, and Ny could drive them. He also had to stop pacing.  


“Hey, Ny?”  
 _“Okay, what’s wrong? Something’s wrong.”_  
Jim was suddenly thankful of the fact that Ny could read him like a book, “Yeah. Bones kissed me and then left the state.”  
 _“What do you mean?”_  
“Okay, here’s a quick summary of it all. I’m a half-mermaid, well, merman, I guess, and merfolk all have talents. Some of them are things like regeneration and weather changing, others are abilities like causing earthquakes and storms and shit. So, mine is siren song and I was singing when Bones walked in and he got put under the spell, kissed me, and since I’m not actually a siren my power is really just hypnotization and it faded once I stopped singing and he realized what he did and left.”  
 _“Okay. You’re gonna give me the whole story when I get there. Want me to bring Gaila?”_  
“Yeah. There’s a little more, though.”  
 _“Umm…”_  
“Would you be okay with driving me around while we chase Bones? Because he’s probably flipping out and he knows about the whole merman thing but he doesn’t know about the siren song thing and I don’t want to lose him to something that wasn’t completely his fault.”  
 _“Yeah sure. I’ll be there in 10.”_  
“Thank you!”  
 _“No problem, Jim.”_  


He hung up and sat down heavily on the couch. He wanted the pang of anxiety to go away. It was a persistent prodding in his stomach, knotting and moving and causing a general unrest. Jim didn’t want Bones to leave him. He couldn’t leave. Not now, not when they had barely had a chance to let their relationship grow, to see where all of it went. He was scared shitless of losing Bones. And he needed to explain what had happened.  


_[11:02AM]: Bones, come back. I need to talk to you._  
As an afterthought, he sent:  
 _[11:05AM]: I have a feeling you’re driving right now, please answer these later or when you’re pulled over somewhere._  
And after that:  
 _[11:07AM]: This is serious. You need to come back. What happened was NOT YOUR FAULT_  


He knew that Bones wouldn’t check his phone while he was driving, but he decided that at least mentioning it was better than coming across as expecting Bones to answer right away, no matter what he was doing.  


When Nyota and Gaila arrived they loaded a car and began the drive, and Jim told them everything. Well, Gaila had already known, considering the fact that she herself was a mermaid, but Nyota hadn’t. Thankfully, she accepted it. The most he got were questions about the culture and language, which he was happy to answer.  


He continued to text Bones throughout the drive, praying to whatever entity existed that he hadn’t lost his best friend.  


_[11:21AM]: NOT YOUR FAULT, BONES._  
 _[12:32PM]: I need to explain to you what happened. Come back._  
 _[2:30PM]: Bones, I need to talk with you. And it needs to be in person. Please come back._  
 _[3:10PM]: I know I can’t make you come back, but I don’t want to leave our relationship like this. We need to talk Bones._  
 _[4:40PM]: I talked to Ny and she said she’d drive me down to Georgia. If you won’t come back then I’ll come to you._  


Bones pulled over around 9:00 PM, intending to get food and water and then hit the road again. He had to get as far away from Jim as possible after what he had done.  


Problem was, he didn’t want to go. He wanted to talk and fix it and apologize as many times as it took. But he wasn’t sure it could be fixed.  


He took some of his time to check his phone, which had been going off periodically throughout the drive. He had stopped in Rock Hill, South Carolina. He was staying for the night, though he wasn’t sure if he was going to leave in the morning. He was just worried that he’d lose Jim completely.  


It hurt to know that Jim was all but begging for him to come back, to discuss what had happened. But he had to go. And how was it not his fault? He had kissed Jim. It was his action. His responsibility. He had done it and he needed to apologize for it. He couldn’t face Jim so soon after what had happened. After what he had done to his best friend.  


He got one more text before he drove to a motel.  
 _[9:52PM]: Bones, what happened really wasn’t all your fault. It was kind of mine but I really can’t explain that over text. We’re in Richmond right now. You’re probably not too far. We really need to talk, Bones. There are things I really need to explain to you._  


He wanted to text Jim back. To call him, to go back and apologize to him a million times or until Jim forgave him. But he couldn’t. He had kissed Jim without asking permission and that was wrong of him. And it was bad that Jim was blaming himself for something Leonard had done. It was his fault. He should have at least made that clear.  


Jim, Nyota, and Gaila, were in Raleigh by midnight. Bones hadn’t texted Jim back.  


“So where is he now?” Jim asked Gaila, a fervent look in his eye.  
“Rock Hill. He’s been there since around 9:00 so I think it’s safe to assume that he’s staying the night.”  
“Okay.”  
“So you told us about the whole mermaid talent thing, congrats, by the way, but you never told me exactly what happened.”  
“Bones kissed me.”  
“And I’m guessing he left right after?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Did he ask if he could?”  
“No. Just grabbed me and kissed me. But he was under a spell.”  
“Doesn’t completely excuse it.”  
“I know. I’m just saying it wasn’t all his fault. Really, it wasn’t anyone’s fault that it happened. Neither of us knew about the siren song and I don’t know how to control it, and he doesn’t know how to resist it.”  
“Is it possible to resist it?”  
“With enough training, yeah. But it takes a while.”  
“And you can control it?” Gaila questioned, looking more interested in it now that merfolk were brought into it.  
“Yes. I need to learn how but…. I know I can.”  
“Okay. Wanna learn now? We’re passing this giant meadow. Most likely completely empty. We can try resisting it and you can try controlling it.”  
“I’m not so sure that’s a good idea,” Jim told her, looking skeptical.  
“It’ll be okay. We’ll be too far away to do any harm. But we’ll still be close enough to be under the spell.”  
“Okay,” Jim nodded.  
They parked and headed into the field.  
When Jim started to sing, it wasn’t a song, just a simple, slow ah on a scale. Gaila and Uhura began to move towards him, drawn by his power. He stopped singing, and they stopped moving.  
“That’s weird,” Nyota told him in response to the feeling of the hypnotizing.  
“Yeah. Think you could resist it?”  
“Maybe. You should try controlling it this time.”  
“I’ll try.”  


They all moved back to their positions, and Jim commenced the experiment once more. Again, Gaila and Nyota began walking towards him. Now, though, he paid attention to voice, to the notes and the scale, to the sound. If he listened closely, it sounded like there was more than one of him. One voice singing the tune, the other singing the siren song. He manages to stop it, but only for a time. Still, it’s a start.  


“So you can control it.”  
“Seems like it, yeah.”  
“Good. Now, lets hit the road again. We’re close enough to Rock Hill to get there before 5:00.”  
“Can we get food first?”  
“Indian?” Gaila suggested.  
“Definitely,” was the response, in unison.  
They’re back on the road by 10:30 and by 4:00 AM, they’ve finally reached Rock Hill.  
“He’s at a Motel Six,” Gaila told him, clearly amused.  
“Makes sense.”  
“What will you do if he doesn’t want to talk to you?” This time it was Nyota who spoke.  
“I don’t think he does want to. He thinks this whole thing is his fault but he doesn’t know what really happened. He’s scared of setting off a flashback- becoming another Gary. He’s scared that he did do that. But he didn’t. And I doubt he’d want to face me after it.”  
“Oh.”  
“Yeah. But, I’m gonna explain what happened, get him to listen. Reassure him that we’re okay. He went through some family shit a month or two ago; I don’t need to make him think he’s lost me too.”  
“Gonna go in the morning?”  
“I don’t know. I want to get this done as soon as possible.”  
“I’d suggest going in the morning,” Gaila spoke up again, her tone conveying that she’d rather he get it over with.  


Besides, they were already in Rock Hill. And he doubted that Bones was sleeping. He texted him again.  


_[4:19AM]: We’re in Rock Hill. Please don’t leave, Bones. You don’t need to lose me. You haven’t lost me._  
 _[4:23AM]: I know you’re probably asleep, but I have to talk to you, be close to you. I can’t lose you, Bones._  


Leonard wasn’t asleep. How could he be? So when his phone went off at 4:19, he didn’t know if he should’ve replied or not.  


_[4:25AM]: I can’t lose you._   
_[4:26AM]: Please don’t leave._   
_[4:27AM]: I really need to talk with you._   
_[4:28AM]: Don’t leave me._   


He wanted to reply, wanted to tell Jim he won’t leave. He had a million reasons why he shouldn’t have. But he did.  


_[4:30AM]: Meet me at Denny’s?_  
 _[4:35AM]: Denny’s? Really? Okay, Bones._  


He could almost hear Jim’s laugh, his slightly disbelieving tone. So he started out for Denny’s. It was only about fifteen minutes away.  
And as of 4:35 AM, they both had hope. It could be okay, they could make it through this. And maybe they’d come out of it being something more. Maybe they wouldn’t. Either way, the meeting gave them hope, and that was all they needed.


	26. A Solution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is a day late! but hey, better late than never, right? small mention of vomit at the very beginning of the chapter. hope you enjoy!

Jim wanted to run to the Denny’s on Mt. Holly Road in Rock Hill, South Carolina. He wanted to run till his lungs were burning and his heart felt like it would beat out of his chest any second and bile was all but rising in his throat. He wanted to see Bones as soon as possible. He just wanted to explain what had really happened.  


Nyota and Gaila drove him the nine miles to the Denny’s that Bones had suggested. Jim couldn’t stop fidgeting. The thought of finally telling Bones what had happened forced restless energy into his limbs and made him bounce in anticipation. He needed to tell Bones; needed him to know that what he had done hadn’t been in his control.  


Jim had grown attached to Bones. Hell, he was pretty much in love with the man. Of course, Bones didn’t know that. He wasn’t even sure that it _was _love. He hadn’t ever felt it before. He was sure he’d cut and run before anything got serious. Romantic and sexual relationships were daunting, they could be emotionally painful and Jim wasn’t sure if he wanted that. Love was supposed to feel wonderful but if it could fade so swiftly then what was the point? He wasn’t sure.  
__

_“Love was fleeting.” _He wasn’t sure who had told him that. It seemed he wasn’t sure about a lot lately.  
__

Though, did it really matter if he wasn’t sure? There was enough time before anything could or would get serious between them for him to think about it.  


Sure wasn’t a good word. He could be sure about quite a lot. The earth was round. The universe was always expanding. Mermaids existed. The list went on and on, covering more about the universe and human body and mythological creatures, but they were facts. Sure was being confident in what one thought or knew; having no doubt that one was right. Sure was not wondering if one could feel love. If someone else returned the feeling. Sure was knowing you loved someone and knowing they loved you back. No, sure was not a good word.  


He just couldn’t lose Bones. Not now, after all they had been through. After all Jim had dragged him through. First Frank, and then Gary- he couldn’t do it again. He couldn’t force Bones through something like that again, it wasn’t right. Bones didn’t have to suffer alongside him. He didn’t need Bones to fall down the deep dark hole that Jim had been down more than once. He couldn’t let Bones think he had become the same as Frank and Gary in Jim’s mind. Jim couldn’t decide if Bones was his skeleton or his guardian angel.  


Guardian angels protected you before you got into danger. They could stop the pain from ever happening. Bones hadn’t done that.  
Bones had been there when he needed him. He had supported him and helped him and stabilized him every time he had needed it.  
Bones was Jim’s skeleton. He was the only support system that Jim had ever had, and if Jim could save their relationship- if they could save their relationship- he’d continue to be. They’d fix everything and they’d be back to normal. They had to be.  


Jim hoped that Bones would still want to stick around.  


It took him a minute to realize the car had stopped.  


He took a deep breath, wiped his palms on his jeans, and stepped out of the car.  


He entered the Denny’s.  


Bones was sitting in a booth near the back of the diner. It was secluded enough that any secrets shared wouldn’t be overheard. It wasn’t like there was anyone else in the diner anyway.  


He sat down across from Bones.  


“Hi.”  
Jim looked down, “Hi,” he wondered what else there was to say. What pretense could there be for saying he could make someone fall in love with him just by singing? “You ran.”  
“I know.”  
“You didn’t have to.”  
“I didn’t know that.”  
“I know,” Jim smiled a little at the sound of Bones’ voice, “And I’m sorry you didn’t know that. I didn’t know what had happened until you were out of the building.”  
“You hadn’t known I’d kissed you?”  
“No, no. Something was going on under that. What did you feel before you kissed me?”  
“Why?”  
“Just tell me,” he was grinning and he didn’t know why. He supposed it was still Bones.  
“My mind was kinda foggy and I had the overwhelming urge to kiss you,” Bones admitted, scowling in distaste after.  
“Exactly.”  
“Whaddya mean?” Bones asked, eyebrow raising in confusion.  
“Okay. This is gonna take some explaining and probably a demonstration. First, I’ve told you before that merfolk have talents. Well, I figured out what mine is, and you helped.”  
“How?”  
“By kissing me. Now shush,” he paused, thinking over his words, “My talent is siren song. That’s generally unheard, but there have been a few cases. Siren song makes the listener fall in love with the person singing. Once the singing stops, it fades. You can tell that you’re being affected by siren song if your mind seems like it has a fog over it, like when you’re exhausted. In most cases, that’s coupled with thoughts of love and wanting to do something, romantic or sexual, to the singer.”  
“So I was being affected by siren song.”  
“Yep.”  
“Is that why you were saying it wasn’t my fault?” Bones’ eyebrow was still raised, but it was more skepticism than confusion.  
“Yeah. I didn’t want to have to explain this over the phone. Do you believe me?”  
“I do. Can you control it?” The questions would keep coming. Bones was always like that, questions first, logical explanation later or never.  
“I can,” Jim nodded, “It’s this kind of vibration under the actual notes of the song that’s not actually audible to the listener. The mind processes it and you fall under the siren’s spell.”  
“Are you saying you’re a siren?”  
“Nope. I just have the song.”  
Jim was surprised by the smile that graced Bones’ face, “You have to take me down there sometime.”  
“If I find a way to do it, I will.”  
Bones’ smile didn’t fade, “So you’re not mad about the kiss?”  
“Not at all, Bones.”  
“How? I overstepped boundaries, even if I was under a spell.”  
“First, siren song also amplifies feelings that are already there. And you were under a spell. If you had kissed me without warning and you hadn’t been under a spell I would be mad, but that wasn’t how it happened.”  
“Wait, so you’re not mad partially because it amplifies feelings that are already there?”  
Jim didn’t respond to that one.  
“Jim? C’mon, answer me. Are you saying that you’re glad I have those feelings or not?”  
“I am.”  
“You return them?”  
“I do.”  
Jim knew they were both thinking the same thing.  
“Shit,” Bones muttered.  
“Hey, one more year,” Jim said optimistically.  
“You and I both know that’s too long.”  
“Well, I am above the consent age.”  
“You know the laws. If you’re a minor it’s a maximum of a two year age difference.”  
“I know. But that just means no sex, right? I read over the laws when I had to deal with the whole Gary thing. If you’re 13 to 15 you can, in general, engage in a sexual relationship with someone up to four years older than you, and if you’re over the age of consent but you’re still a minor you can’t engage in a sexual relationship with anyone over two years older than you. They don’t say anything about romantic relationships.”  
“You’d be okay with it?”  
“Definitely.”  


Their smiles were probably dorky and too big but they didn’t care. They could hold hands and call themselves a couple and they could kiss each other whenever they wanted to. And the law prevented them from doing something Jim wasn’t ready for. Not that they’d do it if Jim wasn’t ready. They both knew that was out of the question. Bones would tread carefully and he’d go slowly with all aspects of it. He’d be respectful and he’d ask about everything even if he was sure that Jim would be okay with it.  


In a Denny’s on Mt. Holly Road in Rock Hill South Carolina, they were together again. It hadn’t exactly been simple and it hadn’t been easy but they were together.  


Together or not at all. It had been that way from the very start. They had had their rough patches and their slip ups, they had been separated by marriages and divorces, by hospital rooms and state borders. But they were together.


	27. Rethinking Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a few mentions of rape and sexual assault. this chapter is fairly short, but i think it fits. hope you enjoy!

Jim wasn’t sure about the whole thing. Of course, the thing was okay, actually, it was great. But he wasn’t sure about it. What if it went south? What if they ruined everything they had? The ‘thing’ was his relationship with Bones- new relationship. His romantic relationship. With Bones.  


God, who was he kidding? He’d rather have Bones romantically than anything. Sure, their friendship was fucking awesome, but he wanted more. It would mostly be the same, though, just with more hand holding and kissing. Jim could do that. Hell, he needed it. And if anyone asked about their relationship, it’d be the same answer, they were friends. Friends that kissed and held hands.  


Why wasn’t he sure? He honestly didn’t know.  


If Bones had asked, the answer would’ve been ‘I’m worried about ruining a good thing’. If Ny had asked, the answer would have been ‘I just don’t know about it all’. If it had been his brother, he wasn’t sure if he’d answer at all.  


He wanted a romantic relationship with Bones. He wanted Bones to kiss him and do romantic shit with him. One day, he’d be okay with sex and everything that entailed, but for now, he was mildly turned off from the idea. He assumed repeated sexual abuse was at fault for that.  


Bones didn’t seem to care that he didn’t want sex. Jim hadn’t necessarily thought he would, but if he had to choose something Bones might care about in a relationship, sexual gratification was one of them. But Bones was respectful and would respect Jim’s wishes, even if he thought otherwise, right? He had so far. There was no reason to doubt him now.  


Anyway, Bones had seen it all. He knew it all. Or most of it, anyway. Not to mention he’d accepted the whole mermaid thing without a second thought. He’d accept Jim’s wishes too. Hopefully.  


The thing was, he wasn’t asexual. That was something he knew for sure. To be honest, he was afraid. He had godawful memories associated with it, and he didn’t want to be remembering anything like that when he was supposed to be feeling pleasure.  


Those times hadn’t been sex, though. They’d been assault and rape. They’d been about power, about control. Nothing about them was pleasure.  


At seventeen, he definitely knew he wanted sex. Another thing he knew was that he wasn’t ready yet. Physically, sure, but emotionally? Not a chance. And hey? If he and Bones explored the more romantic aspects of their relationship for a year or two, did it even matter? Their relationship couldn’t be all about sex, anyway. Not like Jim thought it would be.  


The topic had kept him up for hours after they had gotten back to the motel six, and Jim still didn’t know how to broach the subject. He wanted to talk about it, to see what Bones thought about it. It was inconvenient, at the least, that he couldn’t figure out how to talk about it.  


He thought he knew what kind of person Bones was. What if he was wrong? What would happen if he were wrong?  


There were so many questions swirling around in his head and he was seconds away from blurting one out.  


“Bones?” He asked, tentatively.  
“Yeah, Jim?”  
“Can we talk?” The questions were laying heavy on his shoulders as he thought of what words to say.  
“Yeah, what about?”  
“Our relationship. I really want a romantic relationship with you, I do, but I’m worried and I can’t really find a reason why.”  
Bones looked at him a bit weirdly for a second before seeming to come to an understanding, “Are you afraid that a romantic relationship won’t be enough for me?”  
“A little,” Jim nodded.  
“It’s more than enough, Jim. When you’re ready, and not a minor, we can add a sexual part to our relationship. But for right now just being with you and knowing we’re dating is enough.”  
“Oh.”  
“That help?”  
“A little.”  
Bones moved from where he was sitting across the room to sit next to Jim on the bed, “I think I may know of something that could help a little more. If you want it, that is.”  
“That depends.”  
“Well first, I can tell you that your worries are completely valid and you don’t need a clear reason why.”  
“Okay.”  
“Second, thank you for telling me. Good communication is important, especially in these kinds of relationships.”  
“Is there a third thing?”  
“May I kiss you?”  


In that moment, everything felt like a dream. Of course, that had only ever come out of Bones’ mouth in a dream. For a second, Jim just sat there. Finally, he remembered it had been a question and Bones was waiting for an answer, and he decided.  


“Please,” he said with a coy smile.  


When their lips met for the second time, it was different. Before, Jim could feel the hurriedness, could see the trance-like state that Bones was in. Now, all he felt was the pressure of Bones’ lips against his, unhurried and pliant. They were warm, and soft where Jim’s were chapped. It was languid and gentle, so unlike anything Jim had ever had before. It surprised him in a pleasing way; it was satisfying.  


When they broke apart Jim was breathless but fondly smiling.  


“This is more than enough,” Bones affirmed, and kissed him again.


	28. Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so this one is a bit of a different tone than the others. i think the writing style is a little different to. this focuses more on the half-human stuff that jim deals with and mainly his thoughts. shorter than most or all of the others, but it fit.

Jim had never really thought about it before, but he realized he hated hiding the fact that he was half-merfolk. What was the point? They were living in 2034, for god’s sake! He could tell people about this. Couldn’t he?  


He couldn’t. No, they’d hurt him somehow. The world was cruel and unaccepting and who knows how they’d react to something inhuman. An alien of sorts. No, he couldn’t tell anyone.  


But god, did he want to. He wanted to shout it from the rooftops, to show everyone the beauty in his shape. Everyone wished that mermaids existed anyway, so why not? Why was it such a bad thing that he wasn’t completely human?  


Humans generally didn’t believe in the supernatural. They didn’t believe in the monsters under the bed or the ones that hid in the closet. They didn’t believe in the sea serpents that tore apart ships and ate the sailors travelling upon them. Ghosts, furies, sirens. They were mythical, and would stay that way.  


Jim had never understood why it was as big a deal as people made it out to be. Bones had accepted it and helped when he was needed. Would everyone else be the same? Could he trust others to keep it a secret? Though, a rumor like that would hardly be believed. Which was also why he couldn’t tell anyone else. Bones had seen it happening, he knew it was true and very much possible.  


Jim sometimes hated being half-human. He was merfolk, and he’d always be merfolk. He couldn’t change that, and honestly, he didn’t want to. Sometimes, when it got to be too much and he wished he didn’t have anything to hide, he wished it then. Other times, when the phantom feeling of the sea around him was dizzying and the pull of the water was almost too strong to resist, he wished he could stay forever.  


The sea was his home, his solace. It was his sanctuary. No one could ever take away the one place he felt like he belonged, he wouldn’t let them. And if he told them and proved it to them, who knows what they’d do? They could kill him if they chose to.  


He was scared of what they’d do, but he was not ashamed of what he was. He had been ostracized by his own colony, stabbed as well. He would not be ashamed. He was beautiful.  


The golden scales that were scarcely seen plated his tail in shimmering armor that caught the light and let it dance over them in a plethora of colors that would blend together like paint. The gradient trails that lead up his abdomen and continued onto his shoulders, neck, and face faded from gold to sunset orange. The rows of dorsal fins that protruded from his back gave him a dangerous air. The gills let him sit on the bottom of a pool for as long as he wished. He was beautiful, and no one would tell him different.  


Bones thought he was beautiful. He would trace the scales with an almost reverent touch each chance he got. He’d comment on the color of Jim’s scales, tell him how gorgeous he was. He had always meant it in a more scientific way, but now, now Jim knew it held more sentiment than that. Bones would drag his fingers over the swirls and eddies as they appeared, gently caressing the designs as he whispered the impossibilities of it. It was calming, relaxing, and Jim wished he could keep the scales visible all the time if it meant Bones would touch him like he was something worthy of the beauty that had been bestowed upon him.  


He was broken, working on a clockwork heart as he tumbled through his life. Each hour a different feeling, doing what was required of him. Time was all he had and it was all he could find. The grains of sand in the hourglass fell, one after another, telling the time until he would break again. He was beautiful in the way he worked, gears and machinery all well oiled, shining like new. His old soul never to show through the clear gloss of his varnish.  


Too many secrets and painful affairs had weighed him down till he cracked. Now, he only had one secret left and he was bursting with the need to speak. And of course, only time would tell if he could.


	29. Worrying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are some allusions to abuse and mentions of blood, but nothing too bad. hope you enjoy! this was supposed to be up earlier....

Bones worried about Jim. Generally, he worried anyway, but as of late, he had started worrying even more. Jim had been hurt in the past, forced into things, and he’d been punished for feeling. He had nightmares and yeah, occasionally flashbacks as well. This was Jim’s first romantic relationship and Bones was worried that he’d hurt him.  


He wanted Jim to feel safe around him, to feel safe even if he wasn’t there. He wanted Jim to find solace in the thought of him. He was pretty sure he loved the kid, or would love him if given the time, and he just wanted to protect Jim. More often than not, he hadn’t been able to. He hadn’t fixed anything, he had just helped in the aftermath. He hadn’t been there to guard Jim from the evils of the world, and sometimes he wondered if he ever would be. What would happen if one day Jim got hurt and Bones wasn’t even there to help when it was over? What could he do if Jim died because he hadn’t been there?  


When Jim had been in the sea a few years back, and his clan had wounded him, he had been reluctant to even tell Bones about it. However, he had offered the arm up right away for Bones to look at. Bones couldn’t be there for Jim while he was in the water as far as anyone knew, and that fact only added to the worry.  


Without the family he had built, he could easily be there for Jim, if Jim would let him. He still had his residency to finish, and with the new relationship, he wondered how that would impact everything. Jim was touch-starved. He craved physical contact even if he didn’t wish to be touched and while Bones knew it infuriated him, he was happy to oblige. Whether it was kicking each other under the table or an arm around the shoulder or a kiss on whatever part of the face, lips, forehead, cheek, nose, it didn’t matter to Bones. He had lost time to make up for and he’d do whatever he could to make it up to Jim.  


He couldn’t remember when he figured out that Jim craved physical contact. Maybe it had been the way Jim had leaned into his touch when he’d first placed a cloth-covered hand on Jim’s back. Or maybe further back, when Jim had been reluctant to let the handshake end, though he was already in the process of pulling his hand away. Or, maybe it was much later, when Jim had rushed to Bones to tackle-hug him, shaking and terrified from something that had happened less than half an hour earlier. It was the way Jim had allowed himself to be held that night, it was the way he fell asleep, encased in Bones’ arms, safe, warm, and happy after everything was finished. No, it was the night before Jim had been taken to the hospital because his drunk stepfather had thrown a knife into his shoulder. It had been just before Thanksgiving and Jim had been staying over. The basement was freezing but Bones hadn’t been cold, though Jim was. He had all but climbed into Bones’ lap and stayed there until Bones had carried him up to the guest room. All the tension that had been coursing through Jim’s body earlier had faded close to immediately after he had nestled against Bones’ side as they were watching The Two Towers: Extended Edition. Jim would’ve fallen asleep in Bones’ lap if he had been given the chance.  


In truth, he had always known. Jim was a very physical person even on the worst days, and was inseparable from whomever he was with. Usually it was 

Bones, though Gaila and Nyota were close seconds. Spock was almost never a third, his colony had viewed touch as a much more intimate gesture. Sulu and Chekov were almost never around, and Scotty was off working most of the time.  


Bones had learned to crave Jim’s touch. Everything became much more tolerable when he knew he’d be cuddling Jim at the end of the day.  


Jim seemed at ease with the romantic part of their relationship. He like kissing and touching and as long as it stayed away from anything sexual, he was happy. Bones knew all of the reasons that Jim wished to stay away from sexual activity, barring the fact that he still wasn’t eighteen. Granted he only had a few more months to go, but he had told Bones at the end of each month he still wasn’t ready.  


They had made an agreement that once Jim was ready, their relationship could be open if he’d like it to be, and at the end of each month, they’d talk it over and if Jim still wasn’t ready, then their relationship stayed the same. They’d been together for a little over seven months now, and Bones found himself not actively wishing to have sex with Jim. He never really had, but he had definitely thought about it the closer Jim got to eighteen. He wondered what adding a sexual part to their relationship would do, and if it would be a good idea or not. He still didn’t know everything about Jim, triggers or kinks or otherwise, though Jim hadn’t had much experience, so it was hard to say that he knew what kinks he had. And while Bones knew some triggers, he certainly didn’t know all of them. One day, he’d know what Jim could handle and what was too much, what set him on edge and what he was okay with. He knew certain phrases or situations could trigger someone, but even though he knew all the details (he didn’t, though Jim had told him he did), he wasn’t sure of everything Frank had done.  


He was glad that Jim wasn’t worried about Frank anymore. In the back of his mind lurked the ten year sentence, and he knew as well as Jim that Frank could come looking for them if he chose to. But that was now almost eight years away, and they had those eight years to enjoy what they had. If things were good, maybe Frank would never come looking for them.  


Worries and anxieties could never add up to the admiration he felt for Jim. Not when Jim had lived through so much and still wanted to. Jim didn’t wish to die, he didn’t hope for it. He had spent so long simply surviving, he wished to live.  


He had also spent years hiding, afraid of what others would think, and he still hid, he had to. He wasn’t human, and that would make people uneasy. But Bones didn’t want to change a thing. Jim was Jim, no matter what. He could grow a tail and he could put someone under a spell with just his voice, and he wasn’t fully human. He was beautiful. He was brave. And most of all, he had survived. For that, Bones was grateful.


	30. Love (part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's shorter than a lot of the other chapters have been but i think it's good. hope you enjoy!

They were by the sea once more when summer finally came. A twenty-three year old Leonard McCoy and an eighteen year old Jim Kirk walked down the boardwalk, hand in hand, bumping shoulders and grinning like idiots as they went. If anyone had asked, they would be surprised that there was an age gap at all. The smile on Leonard’s face made him look younger, all the stress and worry disappearing in favor of the easiness of joy. Jim’s smile rarely reached his sparkling blue eyes. They dulled when he saw others enjoying life; the universe had never planned for him to be happy.  


Around Bones, the blissful expression always made the corners of his crinkle slightly and his eyes became a shade of maya blue that bordered on majorelle. A light turned on behind them and made them shine with the luminescence of rare, joyous feeling. Jim was so rarely happy. He had an ache, a hollowness in his chest that Bones knew he’d never fill, no matter how much love went into it. The cup was always half full in Jim’s heart. It would never fill completely, only reaching the middle before it began to sink again. Sometimes Bones wondered if had the ability to heal. A life of tragedy and stress had ripped out the parts of his heart that were needed to feel euphoric, replacing them with faulty clockwork.  


But Jim was happy and they were taking a boat to a secluded island where Jim could change and his secret would kept as such. It would just be them, a pleasure they so rarely had. But Bones had had the day completely off, no emergency surgeries, no nothing. Jim had no work to worry about, no one to worry about. It’d be a good day.  


It was bright, sun glinting off metal and throwing rainbows across glass. Jim loved it.  


The sun was warmth. It cared and it loved and it was destructive if you got to close, but it was beautiful. Jim saw himself that way. He cared and loved and he wanted what he was caring for to thrive, but he could be destructive. He had the instinct to cut and run when things got too serious and he was afraid of it. Afraid of doing it. Especially to Bones.  


He was pretty sure he loved Bones.  


Bones had come into his life by chance. His parents could have decided to move to Florida, or New York, or Massachusetts. Instead, they came to Iowa. And Bones had seen Jim, and called to him in worry. It would always be one of Jim’s favorite memories. A stranger had seen him suffering and called. Though Jim had deflected him, it hadn’t stopped the stranger from caring, from questioning when he saw the bandages. Jim had never had anyone ask before. So he deflected those questions as well, but he could see that this new person was genuine in their interrogation. Some months later, he had nicknamed the man, who he now knew was called Leonard McCoy, Bones. Bones for the way he had supported and helped Jim. Bones for the way he had worried and loved and hadn’t left. Bones for the ways that he had stayed, unwavering, despite the pain. Bones, for the way he had kissed him on the forehead and whispered something that he hadn’t thought Jim had heard.  


He had survived because Bones had told him he could. That he could somehow make it through the abuse, through the hospital stays and the death wishes and the hurt. Through the attacks and the trials and the restraining orders. Through the secrecy and the worry. Jim had never truly known what living felt like until Frank was gone. When Bones left, he felt like he was just surviving again. But then Bones was back and he would fill Jim with love and compassion and adoration and Jim would suck it up and he would never have enough. The little touches and the hugs and the cuddles made warmth unfurl in his chest and curl into his limbs, spreading through his body. He wanted to give the same to Bones. To fill him with his tenderness and passion, his devotion. To make him smile coyly and blush and want. Sometimes it surprised him, the kinds of feelings a smile could bring to the forefront of his mind.  


When Bones turned to look at Jim, this time his smile was lighting up his eyes in a way so they gleamed sapphire, a warmth in his eyes that Bones had never seen before. It made him wonder what Jim had been thinking about.  


“What?”  
“Nothing,” Jim told him, the glimmer of happiness still bright on his face.  


Bones kissed him. They had been together long enough that warning or permission was no longer needed, they were used to spontaneous shows of affection. Bones could feel Jim’s smile grow before he remembered to kiss back. Now he could only guess at what Jim could have possibly been thinking.  


The kiss was sweet and languid, they were reveling in the shared joy. The sun was striking Bones’ face, his eyes whiskey in the light. The hint of red in his hair was visible as the sun danced over them, glinting off their eyes and providing a golden glow around them. It was almost as if the warmth that had curled through their chests had sprawled in spirals out of their limbs, surrounding them.  


When they broke apart, Bones rested their foreheads. The sound of their bated breath was canceled out by their young hearts beating in their chests and sounding in their ears, a musical thump to the tune of love. Their smiles were brilliant as they looked at each other, wishing they could have more moments like this.  


It was in this embrace that Jim whispered the words Bones had said to him all those years ago, in a language he had barely understood. Then, they had held a different meaning, now, they possessed two.  


_“Je t’aime.” ___


	31. Birthdays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bunch of mentions of sex. nothing actually happens but stuff's mentioned. hope you enjoy!

There was no freaking out over what had been said. It was no secret to either of them, no surprise, that they were in love. Jim had just said it first. Leonard guessed that was because all those years ago he had said it to Jim. Now, Jim was just returning the favor.  


But they loved each other.  


It was a step away from what they had been before, and a step further into the relationship they had going. But Leonard didn’t care so much about whether it was a friendship or a romantic relationship, as long as it was with Jim. He just wanted to be able to see Jim and be near him as much as possible. He didn’t want to fall asleep when he was with Jim, didn’t want to blink. He never wanted to be without Jim.  


For Jim, it was the same. There were no words to describe the ways he longed for Bones. ‘I love you’ was taken. To him, it felt a lot like deja vu. Every moment he had with Bones, he felt like he had seen before, had experienced it in some other life. It was like there was a tether that ran from him to Bones, attaching them to each other and saving them for each other, leading them to each other. An invisible pull, bringing them together time and time again. Soulmate seemed like a good term. Their souls were molded together, lives intermixed. It was destiny.  


Jim sometimes thought about the age difference between them, how it would be seen since he was still eighteen. To be honest, he didn’t care how his relationship was viewed. It was consensual and they talked through everything. They didn’t do anything without warning or asking the other party first. They had a relationship based on good communication and love and that was all that mattered. Age and sexuality, gender, species, it didn’t matter. They would only be barriers if they let them be, and they were determined to never let them. Age had never been a boundary for them before. When Jim realized his feelings, and Bones his, it was torture for the both of them. But Jim had been almost seventeen then. And then Jim was almost eighteen and they were together and they hadn’t had any problems. Soon enough, it was Jim’s nineteenth birthday and they were discussing what he might want.  


“I don’t know, Bones. I’m happy. That’s more than I ever thought I’d have. I’m just happy to be alive.”  
“But is there anything? Something potentially useless but still has meaning for you? Something to take up all your time while I’m at work.”  
“I’ve got a job, Bones. Paid internship.”  
“I know. So no game consoles, computers, nothing?” Bones asked, wondering how Jim could want absolutely nothing.  
“I just want you and cake.”  
“I can do that.”  
“Good. And if you want to take me on a date, or a vacation later in the year, I’d be willing,” Jim told him, leaving it open ended.  
“I’ll look into it. Date will probably happen. Vacation would depend on schedules.”  
“Yeah. But you’ve got vacation days.”  
“True. But I’m thinking since they pile up if I don’t use them, maybe in a year or two, when we really need a vacation, I can take you for some two week long cruise or something.”  
“I wouldn’t be adverse to waiting,” Jim told him, walking over to where Bones was sitting at the counter. He wrapped his arms around Bones’ waist and kissed his jaw, “But taking one vacation day wouldn’t hurt.”  
“Exactly what are you saying?”  
“I might be ready to try something. I’ve been thinking about it and I actually started getting really antsy about it in a really good way.”  
“James Tiberius Kirk, are you saying you want to have sex with me?”  
“That is definitely what I’m saying,” he confirmed, tugging on Bones’ arm so he’d turn around.  
“And you’re sure?”  
Jim kissed him on the lips, “As I said, I thought about. No point delaying it more when I’ve figured out I want it. Anyway, I tell you to stop and you will. I trust you.”  


Bones looked momentarily stunned before smiling and kissing Jim. He had known it would happen eventually, and he had been willing to wait as long as Jim needed. He was glad Jim had figured it out now. But that wasn’t why he had kissed him. It was because Jim had said he trusted Bones. He trusted Leonard with something like his sexual debut, not to mention his love. It made warmth curl through his chest.  
And if Jim wasn’t ready, that was just fine with him. They’d wait and they’d talk about it and eventually Jim would be ready. Sex didn’t matter a heck of a lot, anyway. They were friends and they were also in a romantic relationship. They had been in one for almost two years, and neither of them were dissatisfied just yet. If their love was enough, they never would be.  


Sex was great, but it wasn’t needed. Successful relationships weren’t always sexual and frankly, it didn’t matter. Not wanting to have sex was fine, wanting to have sex was fine. There was nothing else to it. And Bones realized he didn’t care if he ever had sex with Jim or not. He liked their relationship and they were both happy. Who’s to say in another two years they wouldn’t be?  


Happiness in a relationship wasn’t based on sex. Sex was a bonus that could be added to a relationship, or taken away from one. Nothing depended on sex in a relationship. Well, unless it was more of a fuckbuddies relationship than anything. But he and Jim liked where they were. He knew later they’d talk about it and decide on what they wanted to do, but for now, Jim thought he was ready and Bones was more than willing to help him test that.  


Thankfully in the end all that mattered was love. Amor vincit omnia, right?


	32. Thanks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of nightmares and abuse in passing. it's up before midnight, thankfully. hope you enjoy!

Somehow, neither one of them could stay in the same place for very long. One moment they were in the kitchen, the next they were on the couch. Or in separate rooms across the apartment. Eventually, it was other states or countries or continents, but for now, it was just around the place Bones had rented when Jim had moved into the grad program.  


At twenty, he was interning at labs and being accepted onto research teams, not to mention he had already been in contact with NASA about a job. Bones remembered when he was twenty. Stuck in med school and barely getting to see Jim. He guessed it was good, though, Jim having all of the opportunities he did. Bones had opportunities. They just weren’t with NASA. He was a neurosurgeon for god’s sake, why was he lamenting over that? He hated space, anyway. Interested in it, yeah, but he was scared of flying. And dying in something that flies. No way he was working for NASA if it meant the possibility of living on something that flies.  


Though, if Jim went, he supposed he could too. Plane rides were easy enough, as long he had something to distract himself with, work, games, movies, he was fine. If he thought about it, though, then he was fucked.  


He thought he could do it if Jim did it too.  


For now, though, they stuck to land and water.  


They could both work with water. No bad memories and a sea of possibilities. Maybe one day they’d live on a boat. Jim would be able to swim when he pleased, and as long as it was docked, they could leave and return at their wish. Now, though, they didn’t have enough money for a boat. Actually, Jim was pretty sure if he got in contact with his mother they could figure something out, but Leonard wasn’t so sure.  


Land was a good second option. On one hand, Jim could still swim when he wanted to and it wouldn’t matter (as long as he didn’t change, of course), they could both go where they pleased, and Leonard didn’t need to wonder if Jim was in the water or not.  


They could work with land. Leonard thought they might both be happier on water. No one to bother them, no one else to care about but themselves. Maybe it’d be good for them both.  


Jim came home around eleven and stayed up until one am doing work every day of the week and stayed up all night for no reason other than because he could on the weekends. Though, that was a new development. Maybe something was wrong.  


“Jim?” He asked. According to the clock, it was three am. Jim was sitting on the floor reading.  
“Yeah?”  
“Have the nightmares been getting worse?”  
Jim stood before answering, “How the hell did you pick up on that?”  
“Your heart’s always beating really fast when you finally get into bed. I’d think it was me, but then you wouldn’t have that look in your eyes.”  
Jim stripped his shirt off and sat down on the side of the bed, “What look?”  
“That detached, furtive one.”  
“Oh.”  
“How long?” Bones asked, voice and eyes full of concern.  
“Almost a month.”  
Bones sighed, “You know it won’t get better on its own.”  
“I do. But I’m not ready to talk about it. At least not to a stranger.”  
“Well I ain’t a psychologist.”  
“I know.”  
“If you wanna talk to me about it, though, get it off your chest and outta your mind, I’m willing to listen.”  
Jim smiled lazily, “Thanks. Just not right now.”  
“Well then come to bed. You need to sleep.”  
“I don’t like the nightmares.”  
“I know, Jim. And I can’t make them go away. But I can be here for you once you wake up. So come to bed, and sleep. Even if it’s just an hour.”  
“Okay.”  


Jim finished stripping and allowed Bones to pull him into his embrace. He fell asleep in Bones’ arms, for the first time in a month. He could feel the nightmare at the corners of his mind, waiting to pounce like a monster, lurking in the shadows. Jim wished he could will them away, that Bones could protect him from the creature that hid in the ever present umbrage.  


The prolix narrative of his mind never ceased. Instead, it wished to run its confusing tracks, one train crashing into another and chugging him along into another memory before he could register that anything had happened. Of course, then he was four years old and cowering under a table as Frank raged about Jenny leaving him with that fucking kid that he wished they’d never taken. Or he was hiding under his bed as Frank pounded up the stairs. Or he was on the floor, unable to move as Frank stood over him.  


He jolted awake with a gasp as Bones withdrew, only to come back as he settled into his surroundings.  


“C’mon, you’re here. You’re safe.”  


Jim was thankful that he had Bones, once again. How had he been so lucky to have someone like Bones? Someone who could calm him down in less than five minutes from a nightmare that had felt like an eternity. How had he been so lucky?  


It was a while before he could speak and trust his voice not to hitch or crack.  


“I’m lucky.”  
Bones raised an eyebrow in question.  
“To have you, I mean. Damn lucky.”  


Bones grinned at him before wrapping Jim in his arms once more. Jim rolled and kissed Bones on the eyelid before settling in his arms.  


“What was that?”  
“A thank you,” Jim smiled and rested his head against Bones’ chest. Their relationship wasn’t perfect. In fact, in some aspects it was horrid. Jim rarely slept because he was scared of what lurked in the darkness of his mind, and Bones worked all day. Of course, Jim did too, but that meant nothing when he was up all night, listening to Bones’ calm breathing. He was jealous of the peaceful sleep that came effortlessly to most. He hadn’t had that in a long time.  


Now, though, as he laid in Bones’ arms and thought about it, he wasn’t jealous. He wasn’t afraid. He dreaded the coming of the memories, the constant replaying, but he was not afraid. Bones could not protect him, or stop the nightmares, or even help him to get rid of them. But Bones was there. And for that, he was thankful.


	33. A Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shorter than most of the other chapters, but i feel it's good. no unnecessary dialogue or description. hope you enjoy!

In late spring, Jim and Bones headed to San Francisco for a week. Jim hadn’t seen Sam in a few years, and now that Sam was graduating, it was the perfect time. School was out for Jim and Bones had a week off from work.  


Flying was a bit of a problem because of Leonard’s aviophobia, but Jim gave him a sleeping pill and he conked out about five minutes into the flight. He woke up around the time they landed, feeling well rested and not at all anxious. Sure, he wanted to get over the fear, but he figured sleeping through the panic was a much more pleasant option.  


They grabbed their bags from baggage claim and headed out to find Pike, who had said he’d pick them up. The drive to the house was long, but they passed the time easily, talking mostly about the research Jim was doing and the work Bones was doing. When they finally arrived, it was around 5 PM and Jim and Bones were starving. Thankfully, Phil had dinner ready not ten minutes after.  


Bones could see how excited Jim was to be visiting family for the first time in a long time. He just hoped nothing went badly.

*******

Jim, Bones, Pike, and Phil were sitting towards the middle of the field of chairs, listening the dean of the school give a short speech before sitting and letting the valedictorian give theirs.  


The valedictorian, a woman by the name of Janice Rand, had been majoring in biomedical engineering at the University of Southern California. She was young, apparently twenty-two and was graduating with a doctorate. Obviously, she was smart. She would succeed in the field of work she had chosen.  


Her speech was well crafted and moving. It told a story of inspiration and success in the face of tragedy. She talked about her own experience with tragedy and how that affected her, as well as about the tragedy of a friend. Her speech lasted for a little under ten minutes, and not one minute was wasted. She was a wonderful public speaker.  


One by one, graduates were called up and handed diplomas. When Sam was called up, there was a moment of silence before the applause, as everyone realized who Samuel George Kirk was. Thankfully, he looked more like Winona. Jim knew Winona was there, he could feel her presence, but he wasn’t sure where. He thought he saw her face a few rows behind them. He knew she wouldn’t miss this. Not for the world.  


The luncheon after was wonderful, but Jim could only wonder where Winona was now. It wasn’t until she was hugging him that he registered that she had been walking up to him.  


“Hi, mom.”  
“Jim, it’s been too long,” she told him, a bright smile on her face. She had missed him.  
“I know. I meant to visit but I was swamped in work,” Jim replied, an apologetic look on his face. He had missed her too.  


Sam was being congratulated by Phil and Chris, but once he spotted Winona he came over and wrapped her in a bear hug. Jim figured it had been longer for him than anyone.  


“Mom! I knew you’d come!”  
“I wouldn’t miss this, Sammy.”  
“Well I’m glad you made it. Now we can celebrate as a family.”  


Everyone agreed, and Bones hung back by the table, aware that while may have been family to Jim, he wasn’t to the rest of them. Not yet, anyway. He almost didn’t hear when Winona called his name.  


“Leonard!”  
“Yes, ma’am?”  
“Winona’s fine. Get over here, you’re family too.”  


So he was family. He wondered if Jim had told her yet. Maybe she could sense it like Jim had sensed her presence before. Either that, or he had been family ever since he’d visited when Jim was only thirteen. It had been six years since that month. They had all changed, but they were still family. It felt good to be considered part of that.  


That night, they went out to dinner, and Sam went out with friends after. Probably to get drunk and laid, then again, with Sam you could never really tell what he was going to do. He had mentioned a job opportunity in passing during dinner, maybe they were heading to a party that would prove the opportunity a reality.  


Or maybe it wasn’t either at all. 

*******

In the middle of the night, Jim was woken up by his phone incessantly ringing to full volume. When he checked who it was, he got worried. Sam never called in the middle of the night. Not unless there was trouble.  


They hadn’t been back a week, and there was already something wrong. He pressed the ‘answer’ button.  


“Sam?”  
“Jim, I’m sorry about this, but you gotta come back.”  
“Why?”  
“Nero’s back.”  


And that was all he got before the line went dead.


	34. Revenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, 50 chapters and then it's over.... hoping i'll be able to wrap it up in 16 chapters. This one is short, more like a half chapter than a full one but i think it fits. hope you enjoy!

Happiness was something Jim had never truly had until Bones. And now, he feared he might lose it all.  


They had been happy, without problems or conflict of any kind for years, they had survived through a marriage, a kid, and a divorce, and they were together at last. And now, it could all be destroyed in a second.  


The worst part though, was that it had nothing to do with their relationship. They didn’t fight over anything, they never had. They were always able to find a suitable middle ground to their problems.  


Now, though, there was no middle ground. Jim had to leave and Bones would be alone. Unless… unless they found a way for him to stay. With where Jim was going, that would prove difficult.  


Sam had called him not yet a week ago, explaining a conflict in the colony that was about to turn into a full-fledged war. He had to fight, had to protect that family. As much as he may not have liked it, he had family in that colony, and he would fight with them, even if it meant his death.  


A man called Nero was attacking colonies around the Pacific in search for the woman who had crippled him, intending to kill her colony in vengeance. That woman was Winona Kirk.  


Nero had ended up with half his tail and an arm missing after the Battle of The Bay. Nero had been retaliating for an attack on his colony, made by Winona’s. When George was killed in cold blood for no reason other than he was a human interfering with a battle between the merfolk, Winona had struck. She was one of the stronger warriors in the colony. If up to her, Nero would not have lived. But the laws of the colony prohibited killing for vengeance. She had had no choice but to let him go. Now, though, he had prosthetics, and he was weaponized. His arm had been replaced with a bionic one, capable of shooting plasma blasts like it was Scott Summers’ eyes.  


His tail was twice as strong as it had been before, giving him the speed needed to outswim even the fastest of warriors.  


He would not lose. Not this time.


	35. Operation: Annihilate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another short chapter. also more characters yay! hope you enjoy!

Jim and Bones flew back out to San Francisco and waited for Sam to call again. Sam was supposed to tell Jim where to meet him and tell Bones where the boat was.  


The boat, in this case, was the Enterprise. It reportedly had advanced sonar and radar, advanced weapons systems, and an advanced, eco-friendly engine, and no propeller. She was magnificent.  


Five people met them at the docks. Gaila, Uhura, Scotty, Carol, and Spock. Janice was already on the boat, getting everything set up. Another woman, Christine Chapel, was in the med bay aboard the boat. Bones would be joining her there.  


Jim, Spock, Gaila, and Sam would be heading down to the colony to fight with them against the imminent threat, as well as protect Winona. Jim’ siren song would prove a powerful asset, Gaila’s ability to morph into a shark would as well. Spock could probably logic someone to death (his power was actually amplifying water currents), and Sam was near indestructible with his ability to regenerate a limb in seconds, as well as heal wounds and bones. Uhura would be setting up communication beacons in the colonies (with Jim’s help) and keeping tabs on the impending war. Chekov would navigate the ship through what was likely to become a storm, and Sulu would be driving the ship.  


Janice was in charge of a few things: merfolk relations, weapon usage, and GPS tracking of Nero (once Jim got close enough to put the tracker on him), and the people they were sending down (merfolk and the few human divers they had). Chris would be instructing them on Nero’s weaknesses, having faced him once before, and Phil would be helping in the med bay.  


They were preparing for war, and it was only a matter of time before they were all needed. Winona was in hiding fifty-two miles away from the nearest colony and under armed guard. Her job was stay hidden, unless she had an opportunity to fight. If she could fight, she would.  


Another merfolk, a woman named Dr. Elizabeth Dehner, was in charge of morphing into Winona and leading Nero into Jim’s path.  


A younger woman, also merfolk, by the name of Angela Martine would be creating a kind of bermuda triangle of water, absorbing it to create a dry patch in the ocean once Nero and Jim were within a five hundred foot vicinity of each other.  


Laura Smith, a part of the Vulcan colony, would be manipulating the metal-like substance in Nero’s arm and tail to incapacitate him so that Zahra, a mermaid from Jim’s colony, could run him through with her claws.  


They had a plan. They would not fail. Nero had to die and they were prepared to fight.


	36. Salvation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this one's up a little late (and by that i mean it's up very late), i was busy all day and my computer is a little broken, but hey, it's up, right? Hope you enjoy!

They had gone over the plan several times, ran through it in the water and on the boat. They were ready. The medbay was stocked with hopefully more supplies than they needed, Nero was right on schedule, weapons systems were online and working beautifully, and it seemed everything was working out in their favor.  


Jim and Bones both knew it wouldn’t last long. They’d lose people. They’d have to. It would be bad and it would by no means be easy, but they’d get through it.  


Just so long as Jim didn’t die.  


Bones wished he could go with Jim, fight with him so they’d at least have a chance of dying together. He wished he could be with Jim till the very end. He wished he would never have to watch Jim die.  


He knew those wishes were naive. He would not be able to fight with Jim. He would not be able to be there with Jim. They would not die together, and Bones would probably watch Jim die.  


There was no use believing otherwise.  


Jim was a good fighter, trained by the best and given tips by his brother. He would be ready. If he had asked Spock, the probability of Jim dying in this fight was around 85%. Jim had 15% chance of making it out alive. He hadn’t wanted to know the odds. It only made things worse.  


Jim could control the siren song easily, even focus it on one person. From what he knew, the rest of the team had been training, practicing, for however long they could. Their abilities were gifts in a time like this, and would probably continue to be after the fact. Shapeshifting, absorbing water, regeneration, any of the possible talents they had, they were gifts. They were useful.  


Jim was useful to the cause. He could lure Nero, hypnotize and mesmerize him to the point where he didn’t know left from right. He could kill Nero if he wanted to, make Nero kill himself. His talent was dangerous, but it was perfect. It made him a hero, rather than a villain. The colony, as far as everyone knew, had accepted it and praised it, knowing it was the key to salvation.  


They still did not trust the sea blue eyes and sun-bright scales. They did not place trust in a descendant of Calypso.  


It didn’t matter, though. Not now, not after Nero’s return. They would follow the one who could lead them to salvation, the one that had no place in the world, not on land, nor in the sea. Somewhere, beyond the sea and the land, that being had a place.  


The being was Jim. The descendant of Calypso, destined to save a people and become a hero. If such a thing as prophecies existed, Jim would have been prophesied to lead. To save. He would be accepted, not ostracized. He would be raised upon a pedestal, not sunk with shackles around his limbs.  


The merfolk of Jim’s colony had faith in him. And for that reason, Bones had faith that Jim would survive. He hoped for it, prayed for it to whatever God existed.  


Jim would survive. He had to.


	37. Strategy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's up early, isn't it? i don't know if i'll have my computer tomorrow so... still shorter, hope you enjoy! thanks for sticking with me this long... it's my first long fic and my first AU, so I hope if you have stuck with it you've enjoyed it.

Nero was almost to the colony, and the battle was being planned.  


The leader of the colony, a mermaid by the name of Helena, was in a meeting with Jim, and the leaders of the military factions of the colony.  


It was Jim, the leader of the storm warriors (Jemma), the leader of the telepathic warriors (Katherine), the leader of the shifters (Theodore), and the leader of the land shakers (Matthew). There were several strategists as well.  


They were huddled around a map of the colony, little stone pieces representing Nero and them. The telepaths would stay just outside the colony, projecting images onto some of Nero’s army and persuading others to turn sides. The land shakers were a last resort. They would destroy the colony if it looked like Nero would win.  


Everything of significance had been brought out of the colony and onto the boat, just in case the colony could not be saved.  


The storm warriors would fight on the front lines. They could change the conditions whenever they chose. The more powerful ones would hang back, be protected by the weaker ones.  


The shifters, they would be the cavalry. Whales and Sharks would fight first. Some of the shifters could change into anything, instead of just one animal. They would fight with the rest, changing shape as they saw fit.  


They had a chance of winning. They figured it was a slim one, but it was still a chance. If Nero’s army was more powerful than they were, as they were sure it would be, the colony would likely be destroyed.  


The colony covered close to eleven thousand square feet of land on the ocean floor. Every building was made of some kind of stone, lime or sand or obsidian generally. An obsidian building signaled it was important; a temple, shelter, or a government building was usually made of obsidian. Lime was less important. Theatres, schools, or homes were made of lime. Sandstone meant the building was for training talents. While important, the sandstone signaled the building could be knocked down easily. There was an abundance of these around the colony.  


The colony was laid out strategically. Normal citizens were escorted to shelters by warriors. The shelters were at the edges of the colony, providing easy escape, should one be compromised. They were evacuating everyone to the far shelters, the ones closest to the boat. From there, there would be humans to turn the merfolk who came out of the shelters to come onto the boat.  


For this battle, humans and merfolk would have to work together if the colony was to survive. It wasn’t ideal for some, but most were open to it, especially if it meant their survival. As shelters grew compromised, merfolk would go aboard the ship. Injured would head to the medbay, uninjured would either be assigned quarters or work, depending on age and capability. For most of them, they’d be learning how to walk. From what Winona had told them, walking would come quickly.  


Most everyone was sure the colony would be destroyed.  


It would be a large loss, but it would not be terrible. Most of the merfolk would live, and in time, another colony would be built.  


Even if the colony was destroyed, Nero could be defeated. They were sure he would be. The plan was good and they had a specific group of warriors who would not only find Nero, but attempt to wound him, to make him weaker.  


The colony would survive through the merfolk who had lived there. That was all that could be believed, and all that they could have faith in.  


The end was nigh, and they were prepared to fight.


	38. Fight to Survive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aayyyy battle chapter! sorry that it's a day late i needed to think about how i wanted to write it some more. hope you enjoy!

Everyone was in place. All they had left to do was wait. 

Nero and his army approached quickly, Nero at the head and the rest following. His army branched and spread around him, moving from compact to loose in a few seconds. Each warrior was at the ready.  


Nero watched as the warriors of the colony appeared, almost laughing at the obvious disadvantage they had. His army was much more powerful, much more lethal than these puny fish.  


Then they charged.  


Nero’s army was under attack, his warriors facing something unlike anything they’d been trained for. Merfolk morphing into sharks or whales or angler fish. Puffer fish, seals, you name it. The current grew stronger and pushed Nero’s army back, forcing them to move away from the colony.  


It was then that he realized his army had almost been taken out. He was unguarded, unprotected. He drew his weapon.  


Some of his army was fighting nothing at all, like there was something there he couldn’t see. He assumed the telepaths had begun their strike.  


As he cut warriors down around him, he thought he caught a glimpse of golden hair and green scales. He thought he saw Winona.  


Winona was by one of the training buildings in the colony, forcing her way through the enemies.  


The only thing was, he didn’t know it wasn’t Winona. The plan was working, and Nero had just fallen into a trap.  


She saw him and began to swim away, pausing to think about going back and fighting before swimming again.  


Nero sneered at her and followed. He would not let her get away. Not this time.  


He followed her to an empty area just outside the colony. He looked around, trying to spot someone else, but there was no one.  


Something barreled into him from behind and pain tore through the half of his tail that was left. He shouted in pain and looked around for whatever it had been but he saw nothing. From the way it looked, it had been a shark.  


Winona had moved a few yards further and suddenly there was no water around them. He coughed and coughed but he couldn’t breathe. It was no use, there was nothing for him to breathe.  


The mermaid that had been Winona was now a human woman with short blonde hair.  


It was then that he heard the voice. It was beautiful, not too quiet but not too loud, the pitch a strong soprano. He wished to find the source, but he found he couldn’t move.  


A boy with golden hair and golden scales appeared, his eyes a milky white, no pupils or irises. It was him the song poured from.  


Nero tried to crawl to the boy, to get closer to the beautiful sound, but his arm was pinned behind him and his tail felt like lead.  


He managed to look away from the boy for a second, only to see two girls, one with claws growing out of her hands, another controlling the substance of his arm and half his tail.  


He would not die. Winona would not get away. He slashed at the girl he figured was controlling the water with his sword, and caught her in the leg. She yelped in pain and the water rushed back into the area. He grinned.  


He still couldn’t move his arm or tail, but he could breathe. He would not let these kids win. It was impossible.  


The boy’s song was hard to resist. His eyes were no longer a milky white, but instead an entrancing light blue, his pupils blown, almost masking it. His face was inviting, a coy smile spread across it. He wasn’t a siren, that was for sure, the scales said that much. What was this boy? Could he be some kind of siren no one had seen before? Something new? No, he was the same as the rest.  


He wished to move towards the boy, to hear the song clearer, more precise. Wanted to remember it, keep it somehow. 

The water was gone again. 

His next breath gargled in his lungs. He had been run through by the girl’s claws. She was grinning at him as he took his last breaths.  


He grinned back and used the last of his strength to slice through one of her arms with his sword. He wasn’t expecting her to barely flinch and grow it back.  


Her grin grew wider. Black edged the corners of his vision and invaded his sight, blocking the golden scaled boy. He died listening to the song of the sun-filled boy. His last sight was Winona Kirk.


	39. Aftermath (The Beginning)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyyy it's on time! and short. it fits with the tone of the chapter, though. they should be getting longer again. i'm thinking it's almost over, though we'll see where that goes. as always, enjoy!

There had been casualties. With a battle such as the one they had endured, it was expected. The colony had not been destroyed. Instead, they were in a state of mourning. Everything held an air of recent disturbance, everything was bleak. Dank sunlight filtered through the water, lending dusky light to the colony.  


Bodies had been recovered and preserved, a memorial had been made. It was the worst loss they had had in two millennia. While it had appeared they had the upper hand, they had quickly lost soldiers. Nero’s army had not been prepared, though they had been thorough. They were trained to be killers, and they had done their job.  


Once Nero had been defeated, they had retreated. Nero’s body had been taken to the land and burned. There was no chance he was coming back.  


The funeral was nothing less than depressing. Each body was placed in the Hall of Memory, a domed building in the middle of the colony. The silent procession in changed to an echoing, haunting melody that reverberated in the water, low tones mixing with the higher ones in a song of mourning as they exited the building.  


The dark turquoise water still smelled of blood and death. There were repairs that would have to be made. Builders would be busy in the coming weeks, gathering the materials needed and fixing the damage. Soon, the colony would look as if it had never underwent a battle. For now, it would be a living memory of the loss.  


Jim and the team that had gone down would be staying to help with the recuperation of the colony, while the _Enterprise_ would be docked, the patients they had aboard would be treated well into the next week.  


Recovery was long from over, but it was beginning.


	40. Learning

About a month into the recovery, the Enterprise got an invitation. The whole crew had been invited down to the colony to be honored for their help in the battle.  


The small crew headed down in diving gear on the specified date. They were all amazed by the colony.  


Light bounced off newly built structures. creating a plethora of colors around the water. Varying shades of purple in one direction, orange in another. It was beautiful. Children swam around, laughing and playing with pieces of driftwood as fake weapons. Men and women lounged on rocks or made seaweed wreaths absentmindedly.  


From what Bones could tell, there was no class separation or any kind of obvious prejudice. It seemed like a Utopia, though he knew it was far from it.  


The colony could be harsh. It could be violent.  


Now, everyone was jovial. There was a solemn tone to their actions, though. An endless flow of people through the memorial building was enough to show them that.  


An envoy of the colony met them outside the memorial and led them to the presidential building. It was ordinary, utterly unextraordinary. A woman met them outside, introducing herself as the leader and welcoming them in.  


They were debriefed on customs and beliefs, and sent out into the world of merfolk.

\-----

Life in the colony was booming. People rushed around, busying themselves with jobs and tasks essential to the recovery of the colony. There was almost always a hunting party out. They were welcome in the colony, people greeting them when they saw them in any number of languages. Many of them spoke variations of Greek, though some spoke Hawaiian.  


Culture around the colony varied, though the main beliefs stayed the same. People and fish were living in harmony, swimming together and fitting into some kind of society.  


No matter how many people or fish Bones had seen, none of them had been Jim.  


More often than not his thoughts were on Jim. Where was he, how was he, what was he possibly doing that made it so they couldn’t see each other? Questions roiled through his brain, kicking up dust as they found no answers.  


Finally, he spotted his boyfriend.  


Jim swam up and embraced him, pressing his face into Bones’ neck. The breathing apparatus Leonard wore prevented them from kissing, but Jim didn’t seem to care. He pulled Bones along until they reached a cave, which he then entered. About halfway in, the land sloped up and the water drained away.  


Once the apparatus was off, Jim kissed him sweetly.  


“Hey,” Jim greeted him.  
“So, any reason we had to wait a month for this?”  
“Was helping rebuild. Didn’t have free time.”  
“Ah. Colony looks great.”  
“Thanks. They’ve worked really hard on it.”  


Jim was grinning at him, a spark of happiness in his eyes and it seemed to make everything okay. Bones kissed Jim, somewhat hungrily. It had been too long.  


Jim laughed against his lips and returned the kiss, winding his arms around Leonard’s neck. Everything was different now, even their relationship. Jim was more grown up somehow.  


Just as things were getting more serious, a bell tolled.  


“Ceremony time,” Jim smiled, wriggling out of Leonard’s grasp and back into the water, “You ready?”  
“I hope so.”  


He fixed his wetsuit and slid the apparatus back on.

\-----

The ceremony was magnificent. Warriors could be differentiated from the rest by patterns painted on their torsos, builders as well. Officials had plant wreaths on their heads, almost like the olive branch crowns of the Roman Empire.  


They were each standing on a kind of stage in a line, while the President gave a speech. She talked about the bravery of the warriors who fought, and the unforeseen aid of the humans. She personally thanked each of them, and handed them each a stone.  


The stones could be likened to the medals that veterans were awarded. They were in honor of the aid given.  


hen they became part of the audience, it was the turn of the soldiers. They were all given stones as well, and a few were given shells.  


The whole thing was a little mind boggling. The culture shock was immense, but they were dealing with it well, apparently.  


Everything in the merfolk society had a meaning, a purpose. Nothing went without one. Each building had carvings on the walls, depicting different scenes from their history.  


It was all interesting, battles and wars and segregations. They had such a similar story as humans, but they were so different. They had created a functioning colony that had no crime rate to speak of, little to no prejudice, and everyone had the same living conditions. People were educated and got to choose a job in the colony.  


It was amazing.  


Even more, it was the other part of Jim. The part Leonard had never thought he’d have the chance to know. Now that he had the chance, he couldn’t be happier.  


His boyfriend was only half-human, and while that part of his life was interesting in its own ways, the merfolk half was something exhilarating and wonderful in the fact that it was unknown. It was something new and it was something mesmerizing, somewhat enchanting. It was enigmatic.  


And it was Jim.


	41. Beyond the Sea (Finally): Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaah thank you to everyone who stuck with this fic! it's been a long journey. all i have to say is thakn you and i hope you enjoyed it!

_Three years later._

Jim was standing on the balcony of their apartment in San Francisco, looking out over the water. _Their home._ He and Bones had moved to San Francisco about a year and a half after the battle. With the money Winona had given him and the money Bones’ mother, Eleanora, had given to Leonard, they had bought a condo by the bay. Jim was just over twenty-one and Bones was barely twenty-seven. They had come a long way since that summer in Iowa.  


They weren’t married, not just yet, not engaged either, but it was planned. Somewhere down the line when they both were in good places emotionally and mentally, when they knew for sure that it was something they wanted to do.  


There was no doubting that they were in love. It was obvious in the way they looked at each other, fond eyes and warm smiles, in the little touches to the knee or the shoulder. They had both grown so much since the summer of 2029, and they needed to make sure their relationship could work. 

They knew it could. It would. But the added pieces to it– living together but working separately, eating dinner together every day, sleeping in the same bed– it was definitely a change from what they’d had before. A good change.  


Jim leaned against the railing, smiling softly. He had come so far in the past nine years. Nine years he’d been friends with Bones. For close to five of those he’d survived wondering which day would be his last. Now, he didn’t have to wonder. He was happy. He was safe. He no longer thought about when someone would come storming through the door, when he’d be hurt next and how badly. All he wondered was how he’d gotten so lucky.  


He knew Bones wondered the same thing. How had they both gotten as lucky as they had, how had they had the chance to meet the person they wanted to spend the rest of their natural lives with. They had both suffered, both been hurt through their years together, and finally, it was all worth it.  


Jim had Bones. He had the sea. It was more than enough. At this point he was sure that if all he had was Bones he’d be okay with that.  


He heard footsteps behind him and felt arms wrap around his waist, lips touch his jaw.  


“Hi,” Bones greeted him, “Dinner’s gonna be ready in five.”  
Jim could hear the grin in his voice, “Hey.”  
“So you just thinking? Or wondering how long until you can visit the colony again?”  
“Thinking.”  
“About what?”  
Jim turned around, his back pressed to the railing and he wrapped his arms around Bones’ neck, “Us.”  
“Good or bad?”  
Jim slid his lips against Leonard’s in a chaste kiss, smiling sweetly, “Good.”  
“Good. I love you.”  
Jim’s grin only widened, “Love you too.”  


Love. It was something he never thought he’d have. Now, he wondered how he’d ever lived without it.


End file.
